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What's the worst song ever?

Renji

Renji

Well-Known Member
I felt sorry that I posted a Rebecca Black 's "hit". Now this thread is a living nightmare because of the responses for the Friday song. :p
 
Kathryn

Kathryn

It was on fire when I laid down on it.
Kathryn

Kathryn

It was on fire when I laid down on it.
OK - this thread was inspired by Dave Barry. As most people do, I have always had a running list in my head of songs I hate. A few years ago, Dave Barry (the hilarious columnist) asked readers to send in the songs they hate the most and he would publish the "winners" (and I use that term loosely) in a few months. He was so flooded with responses that not only did he write a column, he wrote a BOOK - which is one of the most hilarious books I've ever read. By the way, Dave and the author Stephen King are in a little band together, and probably make some pretty terrible music themselves!

Anyway - here's a link to the columm:
WORST SONGS

WORST SONGS

DAVE BARRY I hope you haven't had anything to eat recently, because, as promised last week, today I am presenting the winners of the Bad Song Survey. In analyzing these results, I had to make a few adjustments. For example, the Bob Dylan song ``Lay Lady Lay'' would have easily won as Worst Overall Song, with 17,006 votes, except that I had to disallow 17,004 votes on the grounds that they were cast by my Research Department, Judi Smith, who tabulated the votes, and who HATES ``Lay Lady Lay.''

To win, a song had to be known well enough that a lot of people could hate it. This is a shame in a way, because some obscure songs that people voted for are wonderfully hideous. One reader sent a tape of a song called ``Hooty Sapperticker'' by a group called ``Barbara and the Boys.'' This could be the worst song I've ever heard. It consists almost entirely of The Boys singing ``Hooty! Hooty! Hooty!'' and then Barbara saying: ``Howdy Hooty Sapperticker!''

Several readers sent in an amazing CD from Rhino Records called``Golden Throats,'' which consists of popular actors attempting to sing popular music, including William Shatner attempting ``Lucy In The SkyWith Diamonds,'' Leonard Nimoy attempting ``Proud Mary,'' Mae West attempting ``Twist and Shout,'' Eddie Albert attempting ``Blowin' in theWind,'' and -- this is my favorite -- Jack `` Soul'' Webb attempting ``Trya Little Tenderness.'' You need this CD.

But now for our survey results. Without question, the voters' choice for Worst Song -- in both the Worst Overall AND Worst Lyrics category --is ... (drum roll ...) ``MacArthur Park,'' as sung by Richard Harris, and later remade, for no comprehensible reason, by Donna Summer. It's hard to argue with this selection. My 12-year-old son, Rob, was going through a pile of ballots, and he asked me how ``MacArthur Park''goes, so I sang it, giving it my best shot, and Rob laughed so hard that when I got to the part about leaving the cake out in the rain, and it took so long to bake it, and I'll never have that recipe again, Rob was on the floor. He didn't BELIEVE those lyrics were real. He was SURE his wacky old humor-columnist dad was making them up.

The clear runner-up, again in both categories, is ``Yummy Yummy Yummy (I Got Love In My Tummy),'' performed by Ohio Express. (A voter sent me an even WORSE version of this, performed by actress Julie London, who at one time -- and don't tell me this is mere coincidence -- was married to Jack Webb.)

Coming in a strong third is ``(You're) Having My Baby'' by Paul Anka. This song is deeply hated. As one voter put it: ``It has no redeeming value whatsoever -- except my friend Brian yelled out during the birth scene in the sequel to `The Fly' in full song, `Having my maggot!'''

Honorable mention goes to Bobby Goldsboro, who got many votes for various songs, especially ``Honey.'' One voter wrote: ``Why does everybody hate Bobby Goldsboro's `Honey'? I hate it too, but I want toknow WHY.''

Why? Consider this verse: ``She wrecked the car and she was sad; And so afraid that I'd be mad, but what the heck; Tho' I pretended hard to be; Guess you could say she saw through me; And hugged my neck.'' As one reader observed: ``Bobby never caught on that he could have bored a hole in himself and let the sap out.''

A recent song that has aroused great hostility is ``Achy BreakyHeart,'' by Billy Ray Cyrus. According to voter Mark Freeman, the song sounds like this: ``You can tell my lips, or you can tell my hips, that you're going to dump me if you can; But don't tell my liver, it never would forgive her, it might blow up and circumcize this man!''

Many voters feel a special Lifetime Bad Achievement Award should go to Mac Davis, who wrote ``In the Ghetto,'' ``Watching Scotty Grow,'' AND``Baby Don't Get Hooked On Me,'' which contains one of the worst linesin musical history: ``You're a hot-blooded woman-child; And it's warm where you're touching me.'' That might be as bad as the part in``Careless Whisper'' where George Michael sings: ``I'm never gonna dance again; Guilty feet have got no rhythm.''

Speaking of bad lyrics, many voters also cited Paul McCartney, who,ever since his body was taken over by a pod person, has been writing things like: ``Someone's knockin' at the door; Somebody's ringin' thebell; (repeat); Do me a favor, open the door, and let him in.''

There were strong votes for various tragedy songs, especially ``Teen Angel'' (``I'll never kiss your lips again; They buried you today.'') and ``Timothy,'' a song about -- really -- three trapped miners, two ofwhom wind up EATING the third.

Other tremendously unpopular songs, for their lyrics or overall badness, are: ``Muskrat Love,'' ``Sugar Sugar,'' ``I'm Too Sexy,''``Surfin' Bird,'' ``I've Never Been To Me,'' ``In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida,''``Afternoon Delight,'' ``Feelings,'' ``You Light Up My Life'' and ``In the Year 2525'' (VIOLENT hatred for this song).

In closing, let me say that you voters have performed a major public service, and that just because your song didn't make the list, that doesn't mean it isn't awful (unless you were one of the badly misguided people who voted for ``The Tupperware Song''). Let me also say that I am very relieved to learn that there are people besides me who hate ``Stairway to Heaven.'' Thank you.

P.S. Also ``I Shot the Sheriff.''

Copyright 1993 the Miami Herald
 
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Kathryn

Kathryn

It was on fire when I laid down on it.


Back in 1992, Dave Barry, in one of his syndicated newspaper columns, wondered why radio doesn't play more "good songs," and mentioned some of the songs he doesn't like, saying (among other things) that he wouldn't mind if radio stopped playing ballads by Neil Diamond. This column generated a heated response, with some readers defending Neil Diamond and some agreeing with Dave. Some readers also wrote to voice their opinions on artists and songs THEY didn't like. Realizing he'd struck a nerve, Dave announced the "Bad Song Survey," asking readers to write in and tell him which songs they really, REALLY hate. The response to this survey was so overwhelming, Dave compiled the top vote-getters as the achingly-funny "Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs". I haven't laughed so hard while reading a book in a VERY long time! In most cases, the comments by Dave, and numerous survey voters, are right on target.

In addition to the expected, much-maligned vote-getters like "MacArthur Park," "Muskrat Love," "Feelings" and "I Write The Songs," this book takes on a diverse group of songs which includes "American Pie," "I'm Too Sexy," "In The Year 2525," "Achy, Breaky Heart," "I've Never Been To Me," "The Candy Man," "Dreams of The Everyday Housewife" (This song was a big vote-getter in a section called "Songs Women Really Hate"), and many more.
No artist is impervious to this book's sword, not even Elvis ("Do The Clam") or The Beatles (the four-hour, er, minute "na-na-na-na" section of "Hey Jude".) Since so many songs are mentioned in this book, it's almost inevitable that a song or two which you happen to like, will be included here. For example, I like America's "A Horse With No Name," but even I have to admit that the lyrics quoted by Dave are pretty lame (I'd have included "Ventura Highway" instead, since it features the TRULY lame line about "Alligator lizards in the air".) I agree with other reviewers who have said that this book is too short. Many songs that richly deserve to be included here (Cher's "Half-Breed" immediately comes to mind), are absent. Perhaps Dave could give us a sequel (or two.)
Amazon.com: Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs (9780740706004): Dave Barry: Books#_
 
Kathryn

Kathryn

It was on fire when I laid down on it.
This book is so funny that I've had to buy it about four times. This is because whenever I let anyone "borrow" it, they basically refuse to give it back. Of course this manifests itself something like this...

"Oh...I'm not quite done reading it...but...yeah, I'll get it back to you soon..."

A year later...

"What - I never gave that book back to you? Why - I believe I DID."

Two weeks later, overheard in conversation with a co worker...

"Have you ever read Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs? Yeah...it's one of my favorite books! A friend gave it to me and I keep it in my bathroom so I can start every morning off with a laugh!"
 
dawny0826

dawny0826

Mother Heathen
I can't stand John Cougar Mellancamp.

The little ditty about Jack and Diane near kills me. And his voice is a headache in motion. This is one of those songs that make me cringe.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcJz-x6idd8

Primus is another one. Whenever I hear the stupid stuff below, I want to flee. It's just stupid and that voice is so annoying.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYDfwUJzYQg&ob=av2e

Finally, I sincerely find the Beatles and Metallica to be overrated. I can tolerate small doses but "I want to Hold Your Hand" and "Enter Sandman" aren't great.
 
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