What's wrong with sex?

[Storm]

So what? All that proves is that the odds CAN be beaten and sex CAN be healthy early on.

Who's denying that? You can beat the odds in Russian Roulette, too, doesn't mean we should encourage people to play.

 

[DallasApple]

Maybe one day you'll realize that every relationship is unique...

Not only do I realize that sir..I also realize every individual is unique.What I mean is your "turn out" of your relationship is an "exceptional" scenerio.

You even said yourself "some marriages don't last as long " as your relationship.And Im telling you its not because you met at 14 and started a committed romantic and sexual relationship.That put the odds against you..NOT in your favor.The fact that you have beaten the odds is awesome..But it doesnt mean that it should be a standard recomendation.

Love

Dallas

 

[DallasApple]

You don't find it reasonable to be able to found a relationship on love and authentic compassion, and then have sex later on?

Of course I find this reasonable..But what is "later on" in your mind? You started having sex at 14.How was that "later on"?

What Im saying is you claim sex didnt need to be in the relationship to keep it going.Even though it doesnt sound like you ever experienced that.So how would you know?

Im not trying to be hurtful.But you cant make claims about something you have never experienced.Im not denying that you have love and compassion as the foundation of your relationship.But you are so eagerly willing to say your relationship is not reliant on sex..When it sounds as if your relationship always has included sex..

Here is what Im saying..Ask two people that have a healthy and active sex life inside of their relationship how important it is % wise.They will say "Oh its like 10% on the importance scale".

Then ask the same couple who have a sexual drout going on..a basically non existant sex life in the relationship how important it is % wise..They rank it at about 90% on the importance scale.

Its more "important" and neccessary for the relationship when you arent "getting any"..When you're getting it is not a big deal because its not a concern ...

Love

Dallas

 

[DallasApple]

Ah, so we just got lucky huh? Well I don't believe in luck. We took control of our destiny together, and don't you forget it.

I meant..that you BOTH got lucky to meet each other and you were so compatible and like minded.You "lucked out" that you found her..and she "lucked out" that she found you.

Im not saying that you hadnt taken any kind of control over your own actions after that..or that she didnt.

But if you take two random 14 year olds..that have a "basic" attraction to one another and say NOW take control of your destiny? Be happy..dont hurt each other..have lots of responsible sex and stay together forever??..The odds are SEVERELY stacked against them that they will be together for 5 years let alone life..

And by the way ..I met my husband when I was 14 and he was 16.That was 27 years ago and we have been married for 21 years in June.

I know about "beating the odds " sweet heart..But I certaintly wouldn't recommend it as the norm or what your aim should be.

Love

Dallas

 

[DallasApple]

Relevance? :sarcastic In case you havn't read Dallas, we ARE still together. The "what ifs?" didn't happen to us, so if we can do it, other teens can. That's all im implying.

Here again ..my "what ifs" are(examples) the MORE likely scenerios.It didnt "happen to you" makes ya'll an EXCEPTION.

Just because its "possible" (against many odds) does not mean thats what you encourage.

Your story is very romantic and sweet..Ya'll are special people.And Im very happy for ya'll..

But advising that 14 year olds should go ahead and have sex(or being against telling them to wait)..and then use your relationship as an example of "best case scenerio" is irresponsible..Because its not likely thats going to be the turn out for the majority.

Love

Dallas

 

[DallasApple]

Actually, my mom was schizophernic and in and out of institutions. My father was a hopeless, jobless drunk. Like I said, there is value in walking through life by yourself.

Im sorry to hear that..

But I need no instruction from a 19 year old on the value of walking through life "by myself".

And besides that..you're not "by yourself"..You have had a girlfriend since you were 14 remember?How are you "by yourself"?

Love

Dallas

 

[science_is_my_god]

doesn't mean we should encourage

I'm not encouraging anything; only discouraging...

Not only do I realize that sir..I also realize every individual is unique.

And yet you think there is nothing wrong with a general message for individual people... how hypocritical...

Of course I find this reasonable..But what is "later on" in your mind? You started having sex at 14.How was that "later on"?

Sex happened chronologically after we met; I showed compassion never intending on "getting some." I'm only trying to point out the foundation of our relationship; love is the cause, sex is an effect.

What Im saying is you claim sex didnt need to be in the relationship to keep it going.

I never said that; sex CAN keep a relationship going. All I said is that our relationship wasn't founded on sex. There's a difference.

Even though it doesnt sound like you ever experienced that.So how would you know?

Quite honestly, I'm borderline asexual. I'm very shy, and I get labeled gay by my peers. I really don't like sex that much, and I wouldn't care if I "stopped getting any," and yet my girlfriend is the one that is the ravenous sex fiend. I know I would still love her, even without sex. Whether she would still love me without sex, I guess I dunno. Maybe you should ask her sometime...

Im not trying to be hurtful.But you cant make claims about something you have never experienced.Im not denying that you have love and compassion as the foundation of your relationship.But you are so eagerly willing to say your relationship is not reliant on sex..When it sounds as if your relationship always has included sex..

Oh sure, I'm the boyfriend so I'm automatically the bad guy. Trust me Dallas, if my girlfriend would let me get away with stopping at cuddles and kisses I'd be a happy man. :yes:

Then ask the same couple who have a sexual drout going on..a basically non existant sex life in the relationship how important it is % wise..They rank it at about 90% on the importance scale.

Is it or is it not then, a positive impact to have sex? You said so yourself that the more sex you have, the less important it is. I, for one, don't want sex to be important in my relationship.

But if you take two random 14 year olds..that have a "basic" attraction to one another and say NOW take control of your destiny? Be happy..dont hurt each other..have lots of responsible sex and stay together forever??..The odds are SEVERELY stacked against them that they will be together for 5 years let alone life..

No... you are wrong... ANY couple that is TRULY in love can overcome ALL obsticles together, even an issue of sex... (Btw, the only time I DO think sex is okay is when a couple DOES love each other... most teens do not know what love is, and in those cases sex IS bad...)

Here again ..my "what ifs" are(examples) the MORE likely scenerios.It didnt "happen to you" makes ya'll an EXCEPTION.

If my girlfriend and I are an exception, then the commercial also needs to make such an exception, otherwise the message is flawed...

But advising that 14 year olds should go ahead and have sex(or being against telling them to wait)..

I'm not against telling kids to wait, if you as a parent feels that they should wait. However, I feel very upset when the television takes on a parenting role. Did the TV give birth to or father your child? I think not. Has the television watch your child grow up? I think not.

and then use your relationship as an example of "best case scenerio" is irresponsible..Because its not likely thats going to be the turn out for the majority.

Don't let the fear of striking out prevent you from taking a swing at the ball...

 

[DallasApple]

And yet you think there is nothing wrong with a general message for individual people... how hypocritical...

Yes becasue the message was for PARENTS to talk to their kids about sex.And aslo the "tell us to wait" for that age group IN GENERAL is entirely apporpriate.Im not being a hypocrite.I would be a hypocrtie if I told other people they should tell their kids to wait but then told mine it was fine at any age.They did not say tell us to wait "until" (fill in the blank).It was left open and the message again was for the PARENTS to talk to them about it.It wasnt the T.V giving children advice.It was the T.V telling parents to give their kids advice.

Sex happened chronologically after we met; I showed compassion never intending on "getting some." I'm only trying to point out the foundation of our relationship; love is the cause, sex is an effect.

I completely understand.

Oh sure, I'm the boyfriend so I'm automatically the bad guy. Trust me Dallas, if my girlfriend would let me get away with stopping at cuddles and kisses I'd be a happy man. :yes:

No the boyfriend is not automatically the "bad guy".You seemed to be the one that had a big probelm with the idea of waiting..and "jokingly" referred to your self as a stud.I assumed sex was on some level an important factor in your relationship.Im perfectly aware that some women place a higher importance on it or have a higher sex drive than their mate.I know several women that wished that their husbands wanted sex more.But in GENERAL especially at your age..boys/men have a higher drive than girls/women.Boys(young men) your age are "typically" in their sexual peak years.And teenage girls are TYPICALLY less interested in sex.Women in general hit their sexual prime in their 30's.So again you and your grilfreind are "exceptions" to the "general" rule.

No... you are wrong... ANY couple that is TRULY in love can overcome ALL obsticles together, even an issue of sex... (Btw, the only time I DO think sex is okay is when a couple DOES love each other... most teens do not know what love is, and in those cases sex IS bad...)

Most teenagers are ill equipped emotionally and too immature to "overcome ALL obstacles" in serious romantic relationships long term.And they shouldn't be expected to.And you are right.Most teens do not know what real love is.They mistake infatuation for love.Even adults make this mistake.Infatuation doesnt last.And you end up completely puzzled as to what in the world you ever saw in the person that made you think you loved them.

If my girlfriend and I are an exception, then the commercial also needs to make such an exception, otherwise the message is flawed...

Im sorry this is rediculous.Again these were very young teens and preteens.(at least they gave that impression)..Why the need to talk about extreme exceptions?Its like telling parents that their childs education is important..and to keep your kids in school.But then having to name an "exception" of a succesful high school drop out in order not to offend someone or consider the message "flawed".

I'm not against telling kids to wait, if you as a parent feels that they should wait. However, I feel very upset when the television takes on a parenting role. Did the TV give birth to or father your child? I think not. Has the television watch your child grow up? I think not.

The message WAS for PARENTS to TALK to their kids about sex.The T.V was not talking to the kids..the commercial was AIMED at parents.The only instructions given were to parents.Believe it or not..some parents have their heads buried in the sand and wouldnt fathom thier little 11 or 12 year old is getting curious about sex.My mother had no idea what I was up to untill I ended up pregnant at 14.I had never even been on a "date".

Don't let the fear of striking out prevent you from taking a swing at the ball...

Its not about fear.Its about being prepared to play ball.

Love

Dallas

 

[science_is_my_god]

It wasnt the T.V giving children advice.It was the T.V telling parents to give their kids advice.

So, with complete honesty, you mean to tell me that this is not the same as the TV telling parents how to parent?

No the boyfriend is not automatically the "bad guy".You seemed to be the one that had a big probelm with the idea of waiting..

No. Me, personally, I want to wait until I'm like 25. But not because I think that is a "positive" step in our relationship, it's simply because I, myself, Aaron Casey Chiafos, is not ready for sex. Does that mean that John Smith isn't ready at 16? Does that mean Jane Doe isn't ready? I think not.

I assumed sex was on some level an important factor in your relationship.

Gee, thanks for making assumptions, Dallas. Maybe if you learned to look at every side of the coin, you could understand my perspective.

Im perfectly aware that some women place a higher importance on it or have a higher sex drive than their mate.I know several women that wished that their husbands wanted sex more.But in GENERAL especially at your age..boys/men have a higher drive than girls/women.Boys(young men) your age are "typically" in their sexual peak years.And teenage girls are TYPICALLY less interested in sex.Women in general hit their sexual prime in their 30's.So again you and your grilfreind are "exceptions" to the "general" rule.

One of the many reasons I hate the human race. Sociologically, I should be a mean, controlling boyfriend that hounds my girl for sex, whilst my girlfriend should be the innocent one. Oh, how unfair this world is.

Most teenagers are ill equipped emotionally and too immature to "overcome ALL obstacles" in serious romantic relationships long term.And they shouldn't be expected to.And you are right.Most teens do not know what real love is.They mistake infatuation for love.

Hmph, sucks to be them.

Im sorry this is rediculous.Again these were very young teens and preteens.(at least they gave that impression)..Why the need to talk about extreme exceptions?Its like telling parents that their childs education is important..and to keep your kids in school.But then having to name an "exception" of a succesful high school drop out in order not to offend someone or consider the message "flawed".

Now, while I am not encouraging this in any way, and I would never actually blatently state this to my future children, it is a LIE to tell your kids they can't be successful in life if they drop out, while there is even ONE successful high school drop out in the world. Am I wrong?

The message WAS for PARENTS to TALK to their kids about sex.The T.V was not talking to the kids..the commercial was AIMED at parents.The only instructions given were to parents.Believe it or not..some parents have their heads buried in the sand and wouldnt fathom thier little 11 or 12 year old is getting curious about sex.My mother had no idea what I was up to untill I ended up pregnant at 14.I had never even been on a "date".

First of all, I am very sorry to hear your circumstances regarding early pregnancy. It must have been very difficult. I do, however, see why this topic gets taken so personally by you. With much warrented respect, I do want to point one little fact out though. You seem to take the easy way out, and pass the buck. Is it really your mother's fault this happened to you? Is it anyone's fault? I think not. Look at yourself, Dallas, have you ever wondered why you are so mature now? It's because you had to become mature and be strong. The worst brings out our best. That's life. It's like my pastor always used to say "Everything in this world is really a blessing in disguise, we just may not see it as such."

Its not about fear.Its about being prepared to play ball.

And yet even the world's most prepared baseball teams still lose time and again to good old fashioned ingenuity.

 

[Kathryn]

Our society views sex quite differently from some societies. I watched a documentary on an African tribe that believed it was necessary for all the young people within the tribe to have sex with each other to see who they were most compatable with. Their society did not allow marriage until they had tried out several partners. Their society also supported any pregnancies because the community raised the children. In many ways I think we are poorer for the loss of community that allowed child raising to be entirely the responsibility of one set of parents who in many cases are too young to do so effectively. In our society as it stands, I agree that we need to educate our children about the dangers and responsibilities of sexual activity and not leave their education up to their peers. We are sticking our heads in the sand if we think they won't experiment so it is wiser to educate them early so they can at least make informed decisions (well most of the time lol). At least they'll have the info!

Ahhh, the myth of the noble savage...now if only the REST of that African tribe's lifestyle was so "healthy" - I might be more envious.

 

[cardero]

What's wrong with sex?
It's messy and it takes too long.

 

[DallasApple]

[/quote]

So, with complete honesty, you mean to tell me that this is not the same as the TV telling parents how to parent?

Um...I think that was my point.You were implying it was th T.V trying to take the PLACE of parents by telling KIDS what to do.But just to clarify..Its the not the T.V TELLING anyone what to do.Its a suggestion.Its a public service announcement.Like saying "drink responsibly".Suggesting to talk to your kids about sex is telling anyone "how to parent".In fact ..its a no brainer ...We have all heard the analogy of parents talking to their kids about the "birds and the bee's".Some parents need to be "reminded" and some parents don't realize their kids may still be "babies" to them..But they need them to be available to them to discuss this part of life.

No. Me, personally, I want to wait until I'm like 25. But not because I think that is a "positive" step in our relationship, it's simply because I, myself, Aaron Casey Chiafos, is not ready for sex. Does that mean that John Smith isn't ready at 16? Does that mean Jane Doe isn't ready? I think not.

The commercial..and no one here has ever suggested there is a set age that is right for everyone.

Gee, thanks for making assumptions, Dallas. Maybe if you learned to look at every side of the coin, you could understand my perspective.

I have no idea what you are talking about.I have listened carefully to everything you have said.I drew some conclusions based on that.If Im wrong all you have to do is say so.After you clarified I conceded.

Hmph, sucks to be them.

I wouldnt say it "sucks' persoanlly ..It is what is is .

One of the many reasons I hate the human race. Sociologically, I should be a mean, controlling boyfriend that hounds my girl for sex, whilst my girlfriend should be the innocent one. Oh, how unfair this world is.

Yep..I could never figure out why a guy is at his peak at 17-say to maybe 30..and the woman isnt even getting started untill 30...except you asked me not to make assumptions.I never equated high sex drive or peak sex drive to "mean and controlling" or the "bad guy"..Or someone who is less interested in sex..or doesnt put a HIGH priority on it to the "innocent" one.Why you think of it that way I do not know.But I never equated them that way.

Now, while I am not encouraging this in any way, and I would never actually blatently state this to my future children, it is a LIE to tell your kids they can't be successful in life if they drop out, while there is even ONE successful high school drop out in the world. Am I wrong?

What we try to get across is what your BEST CHANCES for success are.The fact that you will have LESS options available to you is NOT a lie.That is not the same thing as telling them they "can't" be succesful in life if they drop out.Success will MOST LIKELY be "more difficult" than if they do finish because "less" doors will be open to them including going on to get a higher educaton.That is not "lying".

First of all, I am very sorry to hear your circumstances regarding early pregnancy. It must have been very difficult. I do, however, see why this topic gets taken so personally by you. With much warrented respect, I do want to point one little fact out though. You seem to take the easy way out, and pass the buck. Is it really your mother's fault this happened to you? Is it anyone's fault? I think not. Look at yourself, Dallas, have you ever wondered why you are so mature now? It's because you had to become mature and be strong. The worst brings out our best. That's life. It's like my pastor always used to say "Everything in this world is really a blessing in disguise, we just may not see it as such."

This topic is "personal" to many ..including those with there own past early experiences..and ANYONE with children.And how do you know the "blessing" in disguise is not that I can use my personal history to SUPPORT the idea of telling parents to get involved and talk to their kids about sex?Myabe your the one that doesnt "see the blessing"? Its my blessing after all..Why assume Im the one that cant see it versus you a rank stranger who hasnt lived my life?

You seem to take the easy way out, and pass the buck. Is it really your mother's fault this happened to you? Is it anyone's fault?

Excuse me I didnt "pass the buck"..I paid many consequences.But yes it was my mothers responsiblity as I was a CHILD to talk to me and know what was going on in my life.If anything..my mother 'passed the buck" to me and left me hanging.

And yet even the world's most prepared baseball teams still lose time and again to good old fashioned ingenuity.

I never said preparedness was a gurantee.Did I?..But I for one wouldnt bet a lot of money on a baseball team that was composed of nothing but young inexperienced rookies that had never been coached.That were playing ball with the big time players who had been around a long time and had many trophies under their belts who had proven themsevles time and again to be champions.

 

[Charity]

What's wrong with sex?
It's messy and it takes too long.

It's like ice cream melting on a hot day, it's messy , but still satisfying...
There is nothing wrong with sex if it is done responsibly and often....:foot:

 

[michel]

What's wrong with sex?
It's messy and it takes too long.

That's for us wrinklies...............

There's nothing wrong with sex; what can be wrong is our motives for having sex.

 

[Charity]

That's for us wrinklies...............

There's nothing wrong with sex; what can be wrong is our motives for having sex.

You mean the motive for having wild, wonderful, sweaty sex just to satisfy our lustful desire?.....

 

[michel]

Lust ?? lust??? ..........oh yes, I remember - nah, far too tiring..................

 

[Charity]

Lust ?? lust??? ..........oh yes, I remember - nah, far too tiring..................

Now come on, it's just like riding a bicycle, once you learn how you never forget...Lust only adds to the excitement.....and after all the older the violin the sweeter the music......

 

[michel]

Now come on, it's just like riding a bicycle, once you learn how you never forget...Lust only adds to the excitement.....and after all the older the violin the sweeter the music......

Not when yoor bow is frayed...................

 

[Charity]

Not when yoor bow is frayed...................

:biglaugh:....point well taken......

 

[p_shift90]

Nothing.