*Welcome to my yearly Oscar Wilde tribute thread bump*
[This poem is dedicated to the memory of the great Oscar Wilde on this, his 153rd birthday. Also decided to post this in the joke forum rather than the poetry section because I think Oscar would have wanted it that way]
Happy Birthday Oscar!
"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
---Oscar Wilde
Where Homophobia Comes From
by Oscar Milde (my nom de plume for the day)
(alternatively titled; "One of the voices in my head thinks he's Dr. Seuss")
"Being gay is Ok, hey, it's just how I am
You could say it's the way that God made me", said Sam
"No, no, no, no!" said intolerant Joe,
Who came from the land of the homophobe Schmoes,
"Being gay's not Ok, I don't care what you say!
If you're gay then God hates you!
The Bible says so"!
"Your Bible said Sam, "Tells us quite a bit more
Much of which you and your brethren ignore
Like it says not to judge, or accuse, or berate
And to turn away anger with love, not with hate
And to live and let live
And to be and let be
And yet here you are pointing your finger at me".
"My finger"! Joe shouted, "Belongs to the Lord!
And you and your kind are a thing He abhors!
For the Bible says same sex affairs are unclean!
--it's there in 1Kings(ButNoQueens):17
"And that any such sinner is destined for hell!
--see Due(-thisButNotThat-)teronomy: 12
And there's more I could quote you!
There's more I could say!
But I think that I've shown; being gay's not OK"!
"Excuse me", said Sam,"but I can't help but note
That these verses you verse,
And these quotes that you quote
Are all from the OT
And as I understand
All those laws became void when your God walked the land,
"But just to be fair, I say lets have a look
At some other restricts named there in your book";
Sam held up his Bible to Joe with a smile
Who mumbled and grumbled, "How dare he defile..."
While Sam shuffled through these most sacred of writings
Til he found the right portions and started reciting;
"It says if your nieghbor eats green eggs and ham
You should shun him and run him away from your land
And it says if your sons or your daughters talk back
You should 'stone them with stones til thier bones start to crack'
"And it says to stay home, and you never must stray
From sundown on Friday til dusk the next day,
And the hair on your head should be long and not trimmed
And the same can be said for the hair on your chin
"And it goes on and on without barely a pause
And I see no conditions, and narry a clause,
It seems most of your laws lost thier umph 'long the way
Except for the one that says, "Thou shalt not be gay".
Joe shook his head, "No you've got it all wrong,
The people of that time and place are all gone,
Back when they were writen those laws were just fine
But they're not realistic in this place and time,
But one thing's the same now as in that generation;
You and your kind are an A-BOM-IN-ATION!
"And just why is that, for you've never said why
All these laws in you scripture no longer apply,
But this one prohibition's restrictions still stand
What is it that makes it so special"?, said Sam,
"For it seems clear to me that you Shmoes pick and choose
All those parts of your book that support your own views
But the rest is discarded and shuffled aside
So again, Joe, I'll ask you to please explain why"?
Joe stood and stared for he cared not a bit
For the questions Sam posed in regards to his....views,
For he had no reply for these unpleasant facts
And he therefore decided to try a new tact;
"Oh now look, Sam", he said," I know you're not to blame
For the Devil himself is the source of your shame
You don't choose what you feel,
You don't choose what you are,
But to flaunt it in public is going too far!
Then Joe's face became tired, and haggard, and worn
As if from the weight of some secret, long bourne
And he gazed far away with a glaced, gloomy glance
As he seemed to go into some kind of a trance...
Then he said, "One should hide it inside of themselves
And never confide it to anyone else,
"One should do what's expected, and normal, and right
And fight off those feelings that come in the night,
"And pray, night and day for a way to conceal it
And watch all you do lest your actions reveal it,
"For I know if I put on a show and deny
Then God will still welcome my soul when I die
And then I...
...I mean you"! Joe said, suddenly frantic
His eyes wide with fright and his voice full of panic
"Of course I mean you, and not me"! stuttered Joe,
"For it's you who's been caught by this curse from below
I'm so eager to help you through preaching and praying,
For a moment I didn't know what I was saying"!
Sam stood and stared, then he started to smile
For he'd had some suspicians of Joe all the while
And now they'd been answered quite actually
So he tilted his head and said, "Yes Joe, I see".
"What do you see"?! Why I merely misspoke"!.
You thought I meant myself? Come now, surely you joke!
You suspect that I'm gay!? I must say, how absurd
I'm as straight as an arrow!
Why...
...what have you heard"?
Sam merely grinned, his resentment now gone
Now that Joe had confirmed what he'd known all along
He said, "Don't worry Joe, I wont blow your charade
Or threaten this make-believe life that you've made"
"For now I can see why it is you object,
Though I wont try to say that I didn't suspect,
"That it isn't my ways you object to", said Sam
It's the fact that I'm free to be just who I am.
While you and all like you are in your own hell
As you hide behind walls of 'Don't ask and don't tell,
"Like I say Joe, don't worry, it's not my concern
And I don't care just how many cheeks I must turn
If it means that I get to live happy and free
I'll say live and let live,
And be and let be"
Joe bowed his head with a tear in his eye
For he felt quite ashamed, though he wasn't sure why
For the words that he heard were still fresh in his ears
And he couldn't ignore them in spite of his tears.
He just looked on in longing as Sam walked away,
And he said to himself, "Being gay is OK?
Well it may be for you, Sam, but not for myself
...Nor, for that matter, is anything else"
As for Sam he turned back for a moment or so,
His eyes full of sorrow and pity for Joe,
For this poor wretched creature who's life was a sham,
And said, "Thank God I'm free to be just who I am".
Epilogue
Being gay is OK we have choices you see,
And no one can say what another should be,
If you are who you are for the whole world to know
Than you'll always have you, and wherever you go
You'll be welcome and wanted by all open minds,
Oh, but so sad for Joe, and for all of his kind.
--Quagmire
Happy Birthday Oscar!
"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
---Oscar Wilde
Where Homophobia Comes From
by Oscar Milde (my nom de plume for the day)
(alternatively titled; "One of the voices in my head thinks he's Dr. Seuss")
"Being gay is Ok, hey, it's just how I am
You could say it's the way that God made me", said Sam
"No, no, no, no!" said intolerant Joe,
Who came from the land of the homophobe Schmoes,
"Being gay's not Ok, I don't care what you say!
If you're gay then God hates you!
The Bible says so"!
"Your Bible said Sam, "Tells us quite a bit more
Much of which you and your brethren ignore
Like it says not to judge, or accuse, or berate
And to turn away anger with love, not with hate
And to live and let live
And to be and let be
And yet here you are pointing your finger at me".
"My finger"! Joe shouted, "Belongs to the Lord!
And you and your kind are a thing He abhors!
For the Bible says same sex affairs are unclean!
--it's there in 1Kings(ButNoQueens):17
"And that any such sinner is destined for hell!
--see Due(-thisButNotThat-)teronomy: 12
And there's more I could quote you!
There's more I could say!
But I think that I've shown; being gay's not OK"!
"Excuse me", said Sam,"but I can't help but note
That these verses you verse,
And these quotes that you quote
Are all from the OT
And as I understand
All those laws became void when your God walked the land,
"But just to be fair, I say lets have a look
At some other restricts named there in your book";
Sam held up his Bible to Joe with a smile
Who mumbled and grumbled, "How dare he defile..."
While Sam shuffled through these most sacred of writings
Til he found the right portions and started reciting;
"It says if your nieghbor eats green eggs and ham
You should shun him and run him away from your land
And it says if your sons or your daughters talk back
You should 'stone them with stones til thier bones start to crack'
"And it says to stay home, and you never must stray
From sundown on Friday til dusk the next day,
And the hair on your head should be long and not trimmed
And the same can be said for the hair on your chin
"And it goes on and on without barely a pause
And I see no conditions, and narry a clause,
It seems most of your laws lost thier umph 'long the way
Except for the one that says, "Thou shalt not be gay".
Joe shook his head, "No you've got it all wrong,
The people of that time and place are all gone,
Back when they were writen those laws were just fine
But they're not realistic in this place and time,
But one thing's the same now as in that generation;
You and your kind are an A-BOM-IN-ATION!
"And just why is that, for you've never said why
All these laws in you scripture no longer apply,
But this one prohibition's restrictions still stand
What is it that makes it so special"?, said Sam,
"For it seems clear to me that you Shmoes pick and choose
All those parts of your book that support your own views
But the rest is discarded and shuffled aside
So again, Joe, I'll ask you to please explain why"?
Joe stood and stared for he cared not a bit
For the questions Sam posed in regards to his....views,
For he had no reply for these unpleasant facts
And he therefore decided to try a new tact;
"Oh now look, Sam", he said," I know you're not to blame
For the Devil himself is the source of your shame
You don't choose what you feel,
You don't choose what you are,
But to flaunt it in public is going too far!
Then Joe's face became tired, and haggard, and worn
As if from the weight of some secret, long bourne
And he gazed far away with a glaced, gloomy glance
As he seemed to go into some kind of a trance...
Then he said, "One should hide it inside of themselves
And never confide it to anyone else,
"One should do what's expected, and normal, and right
And fight off those feelings that come in the night,
"And pray, night and day for a way to conceal it
And watch all you do lest your actions reveal it,
"For I know if I put on a show and deny
Then God will still welcome my soul when I die
And then I...
...I mean you"! Joe said, suddenly frantic
His eyes wide with fright and his voice full of panic
"Of course I mean you, and not me"! stuttered Joe,
"For it's you who's been caught by this curse from below
I'm so eager to help you through preaching and praying,
For a moment I didn't know what I was saying"!
Sam stood and stared, then he started to smile
For he'd had some suspicians of Joe all the while
And now they'd been answered quite actually
So he tilted his head and said, "Yes Joe, I see".
"What do you see"?! Why I merely misspoke"!.
You thought I meant myself? Come now, surely you joke!
You suspect that I'm gay!? I must say, how absurd
I'm as straight as an arrow!
Why...
...what have you heard"?
Sam merely grinned, his resentment now gone
Now that Joe had confirmed what he'd known all along
He said, "Don't worry Joe, I wont blow your charade
Or threaten this make-believe life that you've made"
"For now I can see why it is you object,
Though I wont try to say that I didn't suspect,
"That it isn't my ways you object to", said Sam
It's the fact that I'm free to be just who I am.
While you and all like you are in your own hell
As you hide behind walls of 'Don't ask and don't tell,
"Like I say Joe, don't worry, it's not my concern
And I don't care just how many cheeks I must turn
If it means that I get to live happy and free
I'll say live and let live,
And be and let be"
Joe bowed his head with a tear in his eye
For he felt quite ashamed, though he wasn't sure why
For the words that he heard were still fresh in his ears
And he couldn't ignore them in spite of his tears.
He just looked on in longing as Sam walked away,
And he said to himself, "Being gay is OK?
Well it may be for you, Sam, but not for myself
...Nor, for that matter, is anything else"
As for Sam he turned back for a moment or so,
His eyes full of sorrow and pity for Joe,
For this poor wretched creature who's life was a sham,
And said, "Thank God I'm free to be just who I am".
Epilogue
Being gay is OK we have choices you see,
And no one can say what another should be,
If you are who you are for the whole world to know
Than you'll always have you, and wherever you go
You'll be welcome and wanted by all open minds,
Oh, but so sad for Joe, and for all of his kind.
--Quagmire
Last edited:
Thanks for posting that!
