It's odd isn't it, that one often only realises how our own particular families differ from others when we compare our experiences. My mother, and father to a lesser degree, were encouraging and supportive, showed as much love as one might have wanted, but my mother was not that physically affectionate with us - no cuddles and kisses as I recall, apart from when she left for work on night-shift. I suspect this came from her own extensive sexual abuse by her father but people in those days didn't tend to be so affectionate with children anyway. I never felt unloved by my mother, that is certain.
As I recall, my mother was sexually abused as a child, my brother told me that, but I do not remember the details... I also vaguely recall some sexual impropriety on the part of some college students who lived upstairs when I was about 10 years old, but it was no big deal. Maybe it had an impact, I do not know, as I did have some attitudes and behaviors that might indicate that later in life.
I do not remember being physically close to my mother at all, but I was close to my father at times. But neither one of them ever talked to us about what we would do when we grew up and we did not learn how to do the things many kids learn, how to cook or clean or take care of the yard, home repairs, etc. So, we were pretty unprepared for adult life. My dad was a college professor, English lit, and my mother had some college education, and both were above average intelligence. I guess it was just a given we would go to college, although nobody ever talked about it... Then when I graduated from high school I moved across the country with my sister to go to college, and after that I moved around to about six different states because of colleges I was in.
Maybe some of it is as you said, parents in those days, in the 50s and 60s did not tend to be that affectionate. My dad was of English/Welsh heritage and I have heard that is one reason for being less warm... My mother was Greek and they tend to be more like Italians, warmer, my mother just had issues.
Our summer holidays - usually two weeks away in a caravan close to the sea - were really memorable and I'm sure we all enjoyed these. The photos of that time tend to show us all happy apart from me sulking occasionally.
Both my mother and father rarely drank, apart from festive occasions. Given that her father was a complete drunkard it seems that is to be expected.
I can recall some times when we went to the lake in the summer, my dad would get really drunk with the guy who ran the landing, a year round resident on the lake who was his buddy. My mom and his wife were chatting about it, but it is all a vague memory now. I just remember my mom being pretty upset. My sister and I were pretty much off to ourselves at the lake, except an occasional card game with the family at night. To this day, I really like the woods and lakes, we live on a large lot that is like a forest overlooking a lake. I think people tend to try to recreate their good times from childhood.
The last bit happens all too frequently sadly. I once witnessed a group of teenagers discussing some sexual moment with one of the girls there at the time and where this apparently then led to another girl being actually sexually assaulted. No one appeared to bat an eyelid. I was several years younger than this lot and with my older brother. And your experiences with the gang seem to mirror mine although I only had a relatively short time in their company. I have detailed in my journal some of these experiences - and where subsequently one of the older boys who I considered a friend went on to sexually abuse me. For which I was not eternally grateful! I went to the same secondary school as my older brothers - which was useful for one swimming gala when the three of us were on the same relay team (Nelson House, so anticipating some future sailing perhaps
), but not winning of course - and since both were reasonably popular, I didn’t get too much stick. I missed the inaugural celebrations on the first day - a head down the toilet whilst being flushed - by being rather quicker than those trying to catch me, but my brother nearly breaking my back later was hardly worth it. I only survived by fainting. I was sat cross-legged on the floor at home when he suddenly came up behind me and pressed down hard on my head with all his might. Eventually, I could feel my spine bending, bowing backwards, and he might have broken my back if I had not passed out at this point. When I awoke he was gone. Failing to get me, it seems some boys had apparently got hold of my brother, and set him up in some roof beams in the playground, his hands tied behind him - much like being crucified. It was not as if I had any idea that this would happen. When I mentioned this incident to my brother later in life, he didn’t remember it, but this is not surprising since we often do bury some of the things we are more ashamed of doing. No doubt many siblings have similar incidents where one sibling could be injured, but to do so deliberately I would feel is not that common, especially when the outcome is known - in my case a possible broken back and life in a wheelchair or worse.
Sorry to hear you had to go through all of that. I do not think the gangs back in my day were as rough as the ones nowadays... It was a motorcycle gang and I just remembers how they tried to protect us because we were young teenagers... Back in those years I was on recreational drugs a lot so my memory is foggy. Luckily I never got addicted to any drugs though, it was just a phase. Once I went off to college and became a Baha’i, I completely lost interest.
Much the same here, since although there was never that much friction between us, we were never that close, and when my mother left her house to me, both stopped talking to me. I was rather worse off than either of them - something no doubt that my mother recognised.
So your mother left her house to you... My mother was a renter, lived in a condo for the last 10 years of her life, but she saved all her money and left my brother and I a lot of money. He was able to buy a house outright and I was able to move from a smaller house t a larger one. I was always a saver too, and invested a lot of money, so we have more money than we will ever need, a lot invested in stocks and three houses, two of which are paid for and the last one will be paid off next fall. Most of my life I had to worry about having enough money, so that is one reason I saved all my money, the other reason is that I do not really want anything money can buy. We have two very old cars and one never goes anywhere since I rarely drive anymore but rather ride my bike to work. We live a very simple life that revolves around our cats and outdoor animals, most people would consider our life boring, but I do not need excitement. I have always liked learning and I do that on forums mostly. I also always liked writing, as you can see.
I used to like to travel, but with 11 cats, some of which are old and ill and need constant care, that is really not possible. I have come to accept what is and not want what I cannot have... I live one day at a time.
I don't mind either but often females are easier to talk to.
That might be because of male gangs and also because you had a mother who was encouraging and supportive, showing you as much love as you wanted. I cannot say the same about my mother, but she did what she could, and I got over being angry at her many decades ago. She did the best she could with what she had. I also think that she taught us to have morals even though we were not raised in any religion. I can thank her for that.
