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Why Are Many Straight Women Attracted to Gay Men?
- Thread starter Sunstone
- Start date
Some women think they can "convert" a gay man, especially particularly attractive gay men. It's called the curse of the pink wand. When it's not that, some women feel more comfortable around gay men as friends. They know that if a gay man is paying her a compliment, it's genuine and not a come-on.
For the most part, straight women who are attracted to gay men feel they are not a threat to their safety or well-being.
And going shopping with us, you know you'll come home with theeee most faaabulous and fieeerce outfits! :biglaugh:
Alceste
Vagabond
Speaking only for myself,
1. They tend to dress well.
2. They tend to be very meticulous about their appearance and cleanliness.
3. They tend to be physically fit.
4. They're not lecherous (at least not toward women).
Of course, I'm not attracted to gay men after I realize they are gay. Anecdote time! I once had a lovely romance with a guy who attracted me in part because of his incredible fashion sense. I later discovered he had four sisters and a gay brother, and he let them dress him. I also once had a terrible crush on a work mate for a while. We became friends, and were hanging out together at a staff Christmas party when he started writhing around, looking uncomfortable, then said "I hate this shirt - cheap piece of crap. I'm used to $400 shirts" and immediately I realized he was gay. I asked him, and he said "Oh my God, how did you know?" (He was very closeted at work.)
1. They tend to dress well.
2. They tend to be very meticulous about their appearance and cleanliness.
3. They tend to be physically fit.
4. They're not lecherous (at least not toward women).
Of course, I'm not attracted to gay men after I realize they are gay. Anecdote time! I once had a lovely romance with a guy who attracted me in part because of his incredible fashion sense. I later discovered he had four sisters and a gay brother, and he let them dress him. I also once had a terrible crush on a work mate for a while. We became friends, and were hanging out together at a staff Christmas party when he started writhing around, looking uncomfortable, then said "I hate this shirt - cheap piece of crap. I'm used to $400 shirts" and immediately I realized he was gay. I asked him, and he said "Oh my God, how did you know?" (He was very closeted at work.)
Drolefille
PolyPanGeekGirl
This.
I'm including both before and after they're aware that the man is gay in the following. Also it's crucial to note that all the following is guess work at best. 
Some general points first:
1) Gay men are, well, men.
They obviously can posses attributes that attract women (even if they realize that the man is not interested - and this is actually something i'll share something about later).
2) At the same time gay men can also be a bit different than the norm, not in a necessarily exclusive sense (that they posses attributes not found in heterosexual men), but that they themselves are part of another minority of men in general that possess certain traits which are attractive to women.
3) The fact that they're not interested (in women) in itself can be attractive. In the sense of a challenge, or the sense of appreciating what you can't get.
Now to expound on those.
1- They can obviously posses all sorts of attractive physical traits, and can posses all sorts of attractive personality traits which would make them attractive both before knowledge of their sexual orientation and afterwards (knowing that you can't get something doesn't necessitate not wanting it anymore).
2 - I'm sure there are somethings common among gay men in terms of personality, appearance and habits that are less common in straights and vice versa. Again, not in an exclusive sense, just that it might be a bit more common. Their lack of interest for example will usually cause a few things. Such as an approach to women different from the common one. An approach that may come off in many cases as more genuine, sincere, unique, non-threatening etc..
They can for a specific example be more "themselves" around women as they don't have to worry about impressing them and things of the like, which can come off quite positively (especially if the woman is unaware of the sexual orientation). I think this point also has to do (among other things) with why gay men can be, let's say, more easily good friends to straight women, in some sense. That is if there's any truth to that (i have no idea whether or not there is).
3 - I don't think much expansion is needed with that one. This idea manifests itself in so many things, including sexuality and who we are attracted to.
Some general points first:
1) Gay men are, well, men.
They obviously can posses attributes that attract women (even if they realize that the man is not interested - and this is actually something i'll share something about later).
2) At the same time gay men can also be a bit different than the norm, not in a necessarily exclusive sense (that they posses attributes not found in heterosexual men), but that they themselves are part of another minority of men in general that possess certain traits which are attractive to women.
3) The fact that they're not interested (in women) in itself can be attractive. In the sense of a challenge, or the sense of appreciating what you can't get.
Now to expound on those.
1- They can obviously posses all sorts of attractive physical traits, and can posses all sorts of attractive personality traits which would make them attractive both before knowledge of their sexual orientation and afterwards (knowing that you can't get something doesn't necessitate not wanting it anymore).
2 - I'm sure there are somethings common among gay men in terms of personality, appearance and habits that are less common in straights and vice versa. Again, not in an exclusive sense, just that it might be a bit more common. Their lack of interest for example will usually cause a few things. Such as an approach to women different from the common one. An approach that may come off in many cases as more genuine, sincere, unique, non-threatening etc..
They can for a specific example be more "themselves" around women as they don't have to worry about impressing them and things of the like, which can come off quite positively (especially if the woman is unaware of the sexual orientation). I think this point also has to do (among other things) with why gay men can be, let's say, more easily good friends to straight women, in some sense. That is if there's any truth to that (i have no idea whether or not there is).
3 - I don't think much expansion is needed with that one. This idea manifests itself in so many things, including sexuality and who we are attracted to.
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Caladan
Agnostic Pantheist
From what I see that's a myth. It goes in line with the thought that supposedly gay men are better dresser, are cleaner, and take better care of themselves.
Personally, I don't know women who are attracted to gay men, or rather are inclined to be attracted to gay men rather than to straight men.
Furthermore I've known gay men who dispelled the myth that gay men are more organized, cleaner, or better dressers.
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I haven't noticed gays guys I know dressing better or being better organised than the straight guys I know. In fact these days most straight guys seem to make much more effort than they used to to be fashionable (in the cities at least).
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I suppose there are circunstances under which some women appreciate the possibility of being a bit more open about their feelings without running the risk of being misunderstood and pressured into "admitting" an attraction.
Or, which ends up being pretty much the same thing, some platonic attractions can be very powerful indeed. There is more to pleasure with other people than just physical interaction. Sometimes knowing that there will be no such interaction is a plus.
Or, which ends up being pretty much the same thing, some platonic attractions can be very powerful indeed. There is more to pleasure with other people than just physical interaction. Sometimes knowing that there will be no such interaction is a plus.
Terrywoodenpic
Oldest Heretic
In my younger days some women did prefer the Effete sort of man some of whom might well have been gay ( one never knew it was illegal, so men did not come out)
many women On the "Butch" side of gay did come out... indeed flaunted it.
To day I notice many gay women are not in the least "Butch" In fact they are often highly attractive to straight men, although the situation would no doubt be hopeless.
Perhaps Both women and men can appreciate the Attractive side of Gays of the opposite sex, but with out any fear of entanglement.
I have also noticed that today Gay men no longer follow any stereotype.
many women On the "Butch" side of gay did come out... indeed flaunted it.
To day I notice many gay women are not in the least "Butch" In fact they are often highly attractive to straight men, although the situation would no doubt be hopeless.
Perhaps Both women and men can appreciate the Attractive side of Gays of the opposite sex, but with out any fear of entanglement.
I have also noticed that today Gay men no longer follow any stereotype.
dawny0826
Mother Heathen
I'm not attracted to gay men, sexually, but I find myself drawn to a lot of gay men. It's not anything purposeful. I love makeup artistry and keep up on the work of a lot of professional and amateur makeup artists, around the world and there just happens to be a lot of lovely, gay men who are involved in the industry.
I love the energy of anyone who expresses themselves with color...joyfully.
There's this one gay guy, in particular on youtube that I adore. I think he's beautiful. I respect him for being himself and expressing himself in the way he wants to and for being so loving and full of life all the while. I love people like this and naturally navigate towards them.
I tell FH all the time that I need a gay friend like that fellow in my life - because there isn't anyone who loves makeup in my life as much as I do.
Sexuality and gender is a non-issue. I don't really focus on such things when looking and speaking to people, but, to answer the question...sometimes, I do take notice of huggable gay guys,,,particularly those who enjoy color and vibrancy. And I can absolutely understand why men find these guys to be sexually attractive.
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Alceste
Vagabond
It's not a myth. It's generally true, at least in Canada. That is not to say that it is universally true. Maybe middle eastern gay men are not as fancy.
Caladan
Agnostic Pantheist
I wouldn't know much about 'middle eastern gay men'. My experience relies on society in Israel, the UK, France, etc. and from South African, Australian, Argentinian members of the gay community.It's not a myth. It's generally true, at least in Canada. That is not to say that it is universally true. Maybe middle eastern gay men are not as fancy.
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Alceste
Vagabond
Meh. I'm pretty well traveled myself, but I wouldn't claim to be an expert on "the gay community" in every country I've visited or lived in. I know a lot of gay men and women, though, and those I know would likely not disagree with my perceptions.
Not sure about sexual attraction, but attracted as in "this is the sort of person I like to hang out with" does make sense. They tend to have vibrant personalities, relate well to female interests, aren't competing for the same sexual interests but are still available to compare notes, and just tend to feel safe and comfy. As for that last bit, I tend to get along better with guys; I have a bias towards them, even. But the problem with guy friends is that sooner or later one or the other will be attracted, and then that's just awkward. Gay guy friend? Pefect solution!