I often live in moments where I don't understand whats going on, especially when something traumatic has just happened, and believing in god always keeps my head up ^ So Im always looking up^ Naturally, always asking why this is happening ^ but after many years of dealing with my spiritual learning curve, I've learned that 'God' ( subjective opinion ) takes his time with answers/truth where I/We want answers right the Hell NOW. God ( or whatevers up there ) takes his time. I've learned to be patient as a result. I may not understand something now, and I may be suffering too, but I have the trust and faith that truth/answers will come in time because so far this God has always come through at one point or another.
Even If I say 'F' god, because in the moment im ticked, especially when irony is as clear as day, I know in time I'll fall back on my faith/trust and I'll clearly see the overall picture. Do I like this? Naw, it makes me HATE god, especially when Im only here for 50-100 years but theres nothing I can do about it.
A year ago me and my BF Saved this puppy from a shelter. Within a weeks time after giving this puppy all my love, it caught Parva. I didn't know wtf parva was or that it could kill puppies, so I didn't bring the dog into the vet right away because I didn't think diareah was a big deal. Anyhow, it died in my arms and it struck me pretty hard. Prior to its death, I Sat for hours in a bathtub with a dying dog awaiting for the vet to give me the ok to bring the dog in (was sunday, vets were closed).I was angry that this happened, and learned that whatever the reason that event was deemed relevant to my spiritual life in gods eyes, that in time God would answer in some way, shape, or form, aslong as I kept looking up ^. The next day I went home, and to my surprise my mother had brought a puppy over my house because she had just adopted one too. In short, I felt healed as I began to love this puppy belonging to my mom. Ironic? Story of my life. But the irony only happens for aslong as I keep looking up. Was this gods answer? IDFK, but I felt better xP The most ironic thing was that my mother had NO idea of the dying parva puppy I had just witnessed die. Go figure ^ The long term result of this incident is I find myself a bit stronger when processing death, and strength, they say, is the only answer you need.
Edit* The reason I threw in *whatevers up there* in my first paragraph is because the Irony I find in life I believe is responsible from something, whether it be the christian God, Islamic, spirits, whatever, as im wise enough to think outside of the box to know Christianity is not just the only answer.. So I don't want to deter anyone from having faith in whatever God/religion they follow, but rather look up ^ and find the Irony and make of it what you will. Falling back on my christian roots has become safe for me, it works for me, and I also am wise enough to understand that it won't work for others out there.