The majority of people I have met that were spanked as children, suffer from all kinds of issues because of it. And only a few of them actually are ok. When will people stop assuming things solely based on their own experience. I was also spanked and I can honestly say, I am ****** up.
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why do people assume spanking is not harmful?
- Thread starter NocLue
- Start date
I think it has to do with conditioning over the long term. It's been around a long time, and people are just used to it. It's a tradition, in an odd sense.
I made a thread on disconnect, and this has to be one of the bigger ones. I too am dumbfounded.
But it's assault. Should be punishable by law.
I made a thread on disconnect, and this has to be one of the bigger ones. I too am dumbfounded.
But it's assault. Should be punishable by law.
Skwim
Veteran Member
I was also spanked, but no one spanking was overly harsh, and each was deserved. My parents were very judicious in their punishments. Sounds like your spankings went beyond humane corrective punishment.
In any case, I'm certain that both harmful and non-harmful spankings are carried out.
I wouldn't rely on laws the way they became. In a few years we might end up having to pay taxes for sleeping any other way than barefoot. gOVernments are becoming weirder by the millionth of a second. So do people. What we need is better education and parenting as well as child psychology, has to be mandatory in all years of highschool.
Not all governments, fortunately .. Children's World Map | SRSG on Violence Against Children
You don't get it do you? If I wasn't allowed to hit, what gave them the right to hit me? It's as hypocritical as it gets.
Draka
Wonder Woman
Aren't you assuming things based upon your experiences as well? Perhaps your "spankings" were above and beyond the average or normal.
fallingblood
Agnostic Theist
Are you not basing this partially on just your own experience?
I have known many people who were spanked, and are just fine. I myself was spanked for bad behavior. I really don't think I was harmed from it.
If you want to show that spanking is harmful, you have to have something. Those people you met, and were spanked, what other factors were existing in their household? What other factors were existing in your household. Were the spankings actually punishment, or were they simply abuse.
There are many factors at play here. To take just one, and then make an assumption based on that, simply won't do.
fallingblood
Agnostic Theist
Not really. I tell my son he can't drink alcohol, but on occasion I do. Is that hypocritical? No, it isn't. I don't let him drink as he is 3 years old, still developing, and it is illegal for him. Plus the harmful effects of drinking at such a young age could possibly have negative consequences for the rest of his life.
I, on the other hand, am of legal age (and more so. Since the brain doesn't really stop developing until around 24-25, I wasn't going to drink before that), I know what it means to responsibly drink, and the risk for serious problems is quite minimal.
It isn't being hypocritical, it is simply realizing that not everyone is the same.
I never assumed it was harmful because it harmed me. But as I said most of the people I have met, had issues because of their childhood spankings. So yeah. I don't assume. They told me. But so many people assume that it isn't harmful because they weren't affected. But this doesn't prove no one was affected. It doesn't prove that it isn't risky.
dawny0826
Mother Heathen
My parents spanked me. My husband's parents spanked him.
The benefits and/or negates of spanking are fully contingent upon the parties involved.
Spanking has never been an efficient form of punishment for my children, so it's very rare that I spank. My children have always responded better to negative and positive reenforcers that do not involve physical discipline. However, there have been situations, where a spanking was absolutely the most effective form of discipline and I offer no apologies to those within American society who harbor issues against responsible parents who choose spanking as a form of discipline.
As I said before, my husband and I were spanked as children and we're productive, happy members of society who have healthy relationship with our parents.
There's a tremendous difference between physical abuse and "spanking", by sane, loving parents.
I do subscribe to the concept of "sparing the rod...spoil the child", but, the "rod" does not necessarily have to come in the form of physical punishment. I think this should be a personal choice of parents, but acknowledge that there are people with certain temperaments that should not lay a hand on their children. You don't spank out of anger. You spank to get your child's attention. But, there has to be conversation and follow-up with your child as to why they are being punished and how the issue is to be rectified.
When my children were younger, time outs were effective. Now that they are older, restriction from computers and beloved toys works, followed by stern guidance and conversation is much more effective than a spanking would be, though, I have recently popped my eight year old to keep her attention, when she continued to repeat the same negative behavior and would not take heed to guidance.
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how is drinking any relevant to treating people with respect. Kids are people too.
They are entitled to the same respect. Especially if they are going to do things only to please you.
you mean lazy parents right? Who want everything done last year, and do not want to make any effort at all to learn how to treat people (kids are people too.) with respect. And yet at the same time demand respect. If respect is not a two way street in the exact same terms. One party is an absolute HYPOCRITE.
dawny0826
Mother Heathen
I can't relate to the type of parent that you're referencing.
I love my kids. I listen to them. I care for them. Part of responsible parenting is discipline and guidance - with greater focus on the latter.
I'm sorry that you're struggling with your upbringing and wish you well.
Skwim
Veteran Member
Well, you didn't even broach that element in your OP, so I don't feel amiss in not getting it.
Not realistically. Children are usually, or should only be, punished to teach them something. As a kid do you honestly feel you had something so vital to teach your parents that they would only get it if you punished them? Of course if they spanked you just out of orneriness that's somethings else, but as most laws stood in the past, I believe corporeal punishment of one's children was permitted, and a parental right. And that's what gave them the right to hit you.
I would fully support a ban. Although I am sure many will continue. And when I referred to me having the right to hit. I didn't mean my parents. I meant generally. If I am not allowed to hit, why should anyone be allowed to hit me. When they would go to jail without a second thought. If they did it to an adult.
sojourner
Annoyingly Progressive Since 2006
Why, in two pages, has no one pointed out that there's a HUGE difference between discipline and abuse? I was spanked. Not often. It hurt. I didn't do it again. Psychologically I'm just fine.
I know people who were physically beaten by their parents. Often. it hurt. They're messed up now.
I know people who were physically beaten by their parents. Often. it hurt. They're messed up now.
dgirl1986
Big Queer Chesticles!
I was spanked/smacked...and even belted on a few occasions. I did not suffer long term from the smack on the hand or the bum...the belting and overuse of force however...