Why do people end friendships because of who you voted for?

[9-10ths_Penguin]

I've never lost a friendship over political differences. Then again, I've never developed meaningful relationships with people who take things like politics seriously enough to get upset over.

I've become distanced from one friend who was kind of a jerk at my wedding in person. I'd probably become similarly distanced from a friend who used their vote in a way that could have prevented my marriage.

If doing something directly would end a friendship, then I don't see why doing it indirectly through an elected representative shouldn't end the friendship, too.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

Voting is very much an identity these days. How you vote labels you as part of a group: conservative vs. liberal. Democrat vs. republican. Environmentalist vs. businessman. If you have friends who don't vote the same, they are suddenly part of the other tribe.

Personally, I don't let dissenting voices get in the way of my friendships unless they descend into outright hatred. I have a couple of conservative Christian camping buddies who have totally different worldviews from me, but that doesn't stop us from getting together and enjoying our friendship.

I don't let different worldviews get in the way of being an acquaintance with someone - it's a good thing to hear opposing views that challenge our preconceptions.

But I have a higher bar for "friend" status. If someone hurts other people, or is part of a movement that hurts other people, I'm going to have a hard time overlooking that.

... and I have a pretty wide view when it comes to what entails hurting people. For instance, if a person tithed to a church that helped to fund lobbying to criminalize homosexuality somewhere in the world, that would be enough for me to not be able to give them the respect or trust needed for real friendship, generally.

 

[LuisDantas]

These days people expect and fear too much from politicians, and often enough what they expect and fear relates strongly to fairly intense hopes about their futures.

To an extent it is a reflection of the radicalization of the public positions and confrontations of the politicians themselves.

 

[Sultan Of Swing]

Ending a friendship over political differences is absurd to me. I have friends from all political stripes and we have fun talking about our different views. It's just never been a major issue to me to even contemplate ending a friendship over.

 

[Kirran]

Ending a friendship over political differences is absurd to me. I have friends from all political stripes and we have fun talking about our different views. It's just never been a major issue to me to even contemplate ending a friendship over.

What if a friend of yours came out in favour of stripping certain ethnicities of the right to vote?

 

[Revoltingest]

My friends are many (surprising, I know), & include Dems, Pubs, commies, socialists, Libs, indies the uninterested.
I never let politics or religion get in the way of friendship.
(Although....there are some who don't reciprocate.
Oddly, this only happens on the internet.)

 

[Kilgore Trout]

I've become distanced from one friend who was kind of a jerk at my wedding in person. I'd probably become similarly distanced from a friend who used their vote in a way that could have prevented my marriage.

If doing something directly would end a friendship, then I don't see why doing it indirectly through an elected representative shouldn't end the friendship, too.

The things that someone could directly do to me, which would end our friendship, are not the kinds of things that have anything to do with elected representatives.

 

[Sultan Of Swing]

What if a friend of yours came out in favour of stripping certain ethnicities of the right to vote?

It wouldn't affect our friendship, unless his political belief couldn't be separated from his personal attitude and he became personally nasty and unfriendly, then that's completely different. Otherwise I don't see why a political belief would affect a friendship. I already have a friend who is pretty much a neo-Nazi, white nationalism and all.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

The things that someone could directly do to me, which would end our friendship, are not the kinds of things that have anything to do with elected representatives.

The difference between you and many other people, then, is that you're less vulnerable to changes in law and policy than they are.

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

I find it unlikely to get along with people, to the extent of friendship, that have a different ethos to your own.
We all choose friends with like minds, rather than opposites.
of course this rarely extends very far in the direction of friends of friends.

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

It wouldn't affect our friendship, unless his political belief couldn't be separated from his personal attitude and he became personally nasty and unfriendly, then that's completely different. Otherwise I don't see why a political belief would affect a friendship. I already have a friend who is pretty much a neo-Nazi, white nationalism and all.

Nope... I could not do that.
I would not be nasty about it but the relationship would never have got as far as friendship.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

It wouldn't affect our friendship, unless his political belief couldn't be separated from his personal attitude and he became personally nasty and unfriendly, then that's completely different. Otherwise I don't see why a political belief would affect a friendship. I already have a friend who is pretty much a neo-Nazi, white nationalism and all.

So he can be nasty and unfriendly to other people and that doesn't affect your friendship?

 

[Kilgore Trout]

The difference between you and many other people, then, is that you're less vulnerable to changes in law and policy than they are.

Perhaps. Regardless, I've never gelled with the types of people who tend to get highly emotional or agitated over things like politics.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

Perhaps. Regardless, I've never gelled with the types of people who tend to get highly emotional or agitated over things like politics.

I've met many people who get emotional over things like getting laid off, being denied a marriage, being separated from their family, having a kid sent off to fight a war, etc... all things that can happen because of "politics". None of these people "gel" with you?

 

[jonathan180iq]

Its so weird to me that people would break up friendships or relationships just because that person voted for someone that they don't agree with politically. I honestly think people who would break up friendships over something like that are idiots--do you expect all of your friends to have the same opinions and values as you? How is it productive or sensible to create more division and strife?

To me it seems like political values should have nearly nothing to do with friendship--part of friendship is acknowledging and recognizing differences of opinions and trying to have an open mind/ consider new view points beyond your narrow tunnel vision.

I've seen this a lot lately from people who believe that their political opinions are so valid and righteous that anyone who disagrees with them is either a "cuck" or racist, Islamophobic, trans-phobic, misogynistic, etc and that alone makes them no longer worthy or friendship despite all their other qualities. I just don't get this, can someone explain it to me?

Most adults are really just large babies...

 

[Kilgore Trout]

I've met many people who get emotional over things like getting laid off, being denied a marriage, being separated from their family, having a kid sent off to fight a war, etc... all things that can happen because of "politics". None of these people "gel" with you?

I certainly don't gel with people who confuse rhetoric and semantical gymnastics with rational argumentation. Then again, if you haven't picked this up by now, I don't expect you will.

 

[David1967]

It's a secret ballot. They're may be a traitor among them!

*evil laughter*

At work, I can be both a good democrat or good republican depending on the customer. My free time is a different story.

 

[columbus]

At work, I can be both a good democrat or good republican depending on the customer. My free time is a different story.

As another self employed small business owner I understand that perfectly.
In a town this small I am actually dangerously free in real life. You can bet that there are a lot of people around here who would never do business with that queer downtown.
Tom

 

[Akivah]

Its so weird to me that people would break up friendships or relationships just because that person voted for someone that they don't agree with politically. I honestly think people who would break up friendships over something like that are idiots--do you expect all of your friends to have the same opinions and values as you? How is it productive or sensible to create more division and strife?

To me it seems like political values should have nearly nothing to do with friendship--part of friendship is acknowledging and recognizing differences of opinions and trying to have an open mind/ consider new view points beyond your narrow tunnel vision.

I've seen this a lot lately from people who believe that their political opinions are so valid and righteous that anyone who disagrees with them is either a "cuck" or racist, Islamophobic, trans-phobic, misogynistic, etc and that alone makes them no longer worthy or friendship despite all their other qualities. I just don't get this, can someone explain it to me?

This happened in my own family. My Aunt is a college professor and a proud liberal. When her husband of over 30 years said that he was going to vote for Trump she stopped talking to him, forced him to go to mental counseling, and barred him from talking to their kids and grand kids.

She thinks that she has a monopoly on truth. She is completely unable to abide an opinion that disagrees with her. This seems to be a trend on college campuses nowadays: Free Speech is out and totalitarianism is in.

 

[David1967]

As another self employed small business owner I understand that perfectly.
In a town this small I am actually dangerously free in real life. You can bet that there are a lot of people around here who would never do business with that queer downtown.
Tom

Hey, I'm not queer, a little odd sometimes maybe but.......Oh ,you weren't talking about me were you. But seriously, what type of business are you in Tom. I sell guitars and other instruments.