It is incomprehesible how such men in a trusted godly position would do that. But there was no need for you to go from the frying pan into the fire, here is a better solution that will bring peace to your heart. The following is part of an articol that I wrote in my book "The Way God Told It"
HEALING OF THE MIND
In the course of our lives, we have all suffered, in various degrees, wrongs such as injustice, bullying, psychological abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse. Depending on the severity of these wrongs and how we have dealt with them at that time is what decides how adversely these wrongs will affect our unfolding life. At times total strangers have been unkind to us. At times our co-workers, or our employers have treated us with unjust contempt. But many of these wrongs were perpetrated by those we loved and are, or have been, members of our family, or a trusted person to which our wellbeing had been entrusted, such as a teacher, priest, or foster parent, amongst others.
Some of these wrongs stay in our sub-conscious minds, incubating in the most secret chamber of our heart. Maybe it is because, at the time that these offences occurred, we were little, we were defenceless, we did not know what was being done to us, we did not have the courage for an open confrontation with the offender, or we lacked the opportunity to express our embarrassment, anger, and pain perhaps we did not know who to turn to, or we kept our silence for fear of that person.
These events that have scarred our souls and our youth have, as it were, a sting in their tails, because if those things are not brought out in the open and dealt with by our own wills, in our own time, they will eventually surface of their own accord, affecting our mental stability. It is difficult to talk about any kind of abuse, but especially sexual abuse because it brings shame and guilt, even if the victims have been totally horrified, passive, and foreign to these events. It is even worst if the little victim has promised, under duress, to keep it a secret. Our present happy family life can be wrecked by things that took place twenty, thirty or fifty years ago. These memories often are painful enough to lead us into depression, thereby shattering our confidence to the point that we may even think that life is not worth living any more. Those victims suffering from tormenting memories need to know that they can be healed by the grace of Christ if they consciously choose to act according to His grace.
Also the sinful man whose past offences have finally come to life in his conscience, and are now constantly tormenting him of the wrongs that he did, can also find peace in the grace of Christ. If he is truly repentant he can take steps to be forgiven. In fact, all those who put their trust in the teaching and grace of the Lord Jesus Christ need not despair, for whatever sin they may have committed can be healed by the merciful grace of Christ.
Firstly for those who regard themselves as the victims, to receive the grace and peace of Christ is very simple, immediate and palpable. For Jesus said that in order to receive from God we must give to men. Mark 11:25-26 has no ambiguity, for we read: “And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone; so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your transgressions. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your transgressions.” In Matthew 6:12 we read: “…and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” (Read also Matthew 18:21-35.) Furthermore in Luke 11:4 we read: “And forgive us our sins. For we ourselves also forgive everyone who is indebted to us.” Jesus’ words are clear, for He is plainly saying that as we ourself forgiven, we are also forgiven, making the act of forgiveness an exacting two-edged sword.
We define forgiveness as something we do to let the offender off from the consequences of the offence he has committed. For many people that definition can prove to be an insurmountable stumbling block as they reason to themselves, “I will never forgive him that! It was cruel, mean and she never said sorry, but even if they said sorry I cannot forgive what they did to me, not ever.” That thinking is the most common human response, for our heart harbours justifiable anger or revenge. What they are not realising is that their justifiable anger is preventing them from receiving the grace and peace that would be due to them if they just gracefully forgave that undeserving person. By maintaining the rage against the offender, unknowingly they punish themselves. Without a doubt they should meditate on what Jesus said and that is, “By the extent that we forgive, we will be forgiven in return.” We should also be aware that we are dealing with an inflexible spiritual power, put in place by our Lord, through which we can receive forgiveness and peace from God. For in the end, even the victims need to be forgiven by Him, because we all have sinned against the holiness of God. We should further consider that the offence that we have suffered has been hurting us for a long time through our memories, so in effect that person is hurting us still today. By letting that grudge go we will be releasing ourselves from its hurtful and tormenting power.
Unfortunately, very often, unbelievers and uninstructed believers alike, try to put the hurtful memory out of their mind by sheer will power, or are helped by drugs to do so, only to find that these memories will return at some later date stronger then before. Alcohol, recreational drugs or prescription drugs can only help our mind to push that hurt or guilt below the surface of its consciousness. It should be obvious then that our harmful memories cannot be cancelled from our minds, yet most of us neglect the forgiving power of our will, which can render these unsettling memories harmless by purposely flooding them with the Grace of God.
Those people who have faith in Jesus should also trust God to be the righteous judge. Therefore, if you have faith in God, let God be your avenger, by forgiving from your heart the offences and the offenders. If you will unreservedly do that, you will certainly receive the peace and grace to live a happy and fulfilling life in Christ. The alternative is not worth even contemplating..
