Why monogamy?

[lewisnotmiller]

I think it's good advice that you just can't take.

It's like rain....

 

[TagliatelliMonster]

Am I right when I say that religion has a big part in normalizing monogamy and demonizing other kinds of relationships?

I don't think so. Most (sub)cultures I know of that think polygamy is totally acceptable, are in fact religious cultures. Mormones, certain branches of Islam,...

So, religion, and unjust possessiveness. These reasons I believe are why monogamy is the norm.

The reason why I think it's the norm is because of humanity's social evolution.
I also think that, biologically / historically, we are monogamous, but NOT "till death do us part". Only during the time we actually have a relationship.
Back in the days, men didn't tend to stick around. In fact, men used to move on when children started being big enough to take of themselves. Usually around the age of 4-5.

And we see today in human relations psychology that that number corresponds to a "dificult" time in relationships. After 4 to 6 years, couples tend to grow apart. This is when many divorces and break-ups happen.

It makes sense to me.

The monogamy part has imo to do with the fact that men stick around to take care of the infants, to make sure the children are safe and sound.
Because the man invests quite a few years of his life into this, the man naturally wants to make sure that those kids are actually HIS and not some other bed partner. This is less of a concern for the woman. I think that's in part where the "posessive" nature of the man comes from when it comes to "his" woman.

I remember my then wife saying that she felt that monogamous relationships where restrictive and didn't make sense. I just figured she was a whore, but I understand her words and actions from back then a lot better now as the years have passed.

Is monogamy natural? I suppose that's the debate point of the thread.

If you are monogamous, what are your reasons for being so? Are you simply are in a monogamous relationship, or would you not be in a different kind of relationship, such as an open one (e.g. swinger).

I have no need for multiple wives.
I think mostly my thoughts on that have been shaped by the culture I grew up in.
I don't have an actual rational argument "for" or "against" it.

I think it's just how society / culture / societal expectations ended up being. Much of our social structure, even all the way into fiscality, has been build around that idea.

I feel comfortable with it. One wife nagging me is enough.

I joke, but it's true in a way. I'm happy and feel fullfilled with my loving tight family.
I don't judge people who want to do it "differently". It's just not for me.

Could I have girlfriends on the side? Meaning, could I handle such emotionally etc? Sure. I could. I just don't have the interest. I also know it would hurt my partner so even only out of respect for her is a good enough reason for me not to engage in it - eventhough I'm not interested to begin with.

But I am no longer opposed to being in an open relationship or something of the sort. I see no good reason why monogamy is so highly praised and open relationships/ polygamy is frowned upon.

*personally* I'm opposed. No "rational" objective reason. Just personal preference.
I judge not those who think differently.

 

[Little Dragon]

Why is monogamy praised and polygamy or open relationships frowned upon?

Am I right when I say that religion has a big part in normalizing monogamy and demonizing other kinds of relationships?

I know, in Christian church I was taught that monogamy was the way because a marriage was a picture of our loyal and singular relationship with God.

Then in my first marriage, I know that I had immense feelings of jealousy and anger when my then wife suggested an open relationship instead of our monogamous one.

So, religion, and unjust possessiveness. These reasons I believe are why monogamy is the norm.

I remember my then wife saying that she felt that monogamous relationships where restrictive and didn't make sense. I just figured she was a whore, but I understand her words and actions from back then a lot better now as the years have passed.

Is monogamy natural? I suppose that's the debate point of the thread.

If you are monogamous, what are your reasons for being so? Are you simply are in a monogamous relationship, or would you not be in a different kind of relationship, such as an open one (e.g. swinger).

I'm currently in a monogamous relationship with my boyfriend. I know that's what he would prefer and I would never suggest to him we change it, for even suggesting that to him I'm sure would bring up feelings of insecurities in our relationship.

But I am no longer opposed to being in an open relationship or something of the sort. I see no good reason why monogamy is so highly praised and open relationships/ polygamy is frowned upon.

Each to their own. As for the natural question. I believe monogamy is natural and also polygamous and open relationships etc are equally natural. I suspect that what works for some is unsuitable for others, as it should be. Of course cultural norms are everything and what goes against them, can be cause for much anguish for some. Personally, I can't bear the idea of an open relationship, not my cup of tea, not that monogamy is a bed of roses. I wouldn't necessarily recommend it. As long as a relationship is free of abuse and manipulation, no coercion etc. I am happy.