Why sex is so disgusting

[Sha'irullah]

And what is "love"? Can you please define your understanding of it. Otherwise it can be a vague term. The Greeks had a variety of words to encompass different expressions of love such as eros (erotic love), phileo (brotherly love) agape (self-donating love). I want us to be on the same page as to the terminology we are using.

For me it just means the rare desire to be with a person int he context of romantic union. My idea of romantic union or marriage for that matter is sexless, devoid of overly emotional attachment, and equality of any kind.

My understanding of love would be along the lines of the following Catholic mystic:

Would that be how you would view the meaning of "love"?

I would rephrase it as "all for me and only a little for you" .

Love for me is the gift of self to another. It includes the intent to will the good of another. For it to be genuine love, we must hold nothing back. Everything must be given. We must give a complete gift of ourselves to another person. If we hold "something back" then we create a distance between ourselves and the other person.

Wow you must be a sucker for any girl with a pretty smile .

Pope John Paul II stated in his apostolic letter Mulieris Dignitatem that “Man – whether man or woman – is the only being among the creatures of the visible world that God the Creator has willed for its own sake; that creature is thus a person. Being a person means striving towards self-realization, which can only be achieved through a sincere gift of self. The model for this interpretation of the person is God himself as Trinity, as a communion of Persons.”

Well I am not fond of clergy and have dealt my time with Catholics for over a year (Catholic schooling) and I am not fond of it. I dislike the overt reliance upon clergy.

Love cannot be lived by oneself or for oneself. Love connects us with others beyond ourselves and our self-centred needs.

Well then I guess I do not contain love. My ideas of something will generally differ from the masses and this is to be expected.

 

[Alceste]

I never said I wish to be feel fear, I just said I would rather be feared. The narrative mode you are expressing is wrong

You just don't seem very scary to me.

 

[Sha'irullah]

You just don't seem very scary to me.

You would be surprised. . I may not be tall of stature of but I am intimidating when need be (usually 1% of the time)

 

[Alceste]

You would be surprised. . I may not be tall of stature of but I am intimidating when need be (usually 1% of the time)

I doubt it. Dominating, aggressive people always strike me as weak, insecure and very fragile. They're very easy to manipulate and not at all scary to me.

 

[Sha'irullah]

I doubt it. Dominating, aggressive people always strike me as weak, insecure and very fragile. They're very easy to manipulate and not at all scary to me.

Really? But I am not aggressive though. I am unattached and overly eccentric.
Being insecure would imply a person who feels he/she has an error of some kind.

Having an aggressive personality to me is a sure sign of determination and will which I have neither.
Perhaps you have known to many short white males riding red convertibles . Now that is a sure sign of a weak and insecure male

 

[dawny0826]

Why do the average individual engage in and hold an interest in sex? It seems to drive the current media and common interest of so many.

I know my opinions are not held by the average person and I am not trying to espouse them on other claiming mines are correct as sexuality is a matter of personal preference.
I view sex is a highly annoying, materialistic desire that is an utter waste of time. If I want sex it can be fulfilled by simulating it with masturbation every year, or 3 years for that matter. The concept of another human being wanting to engage with fleshly contact between another is just mind boggling to me. Diseases, bacteria and STD's are spread this way so instead of taking a 85% chance hoping to avoid the 15% why have sex at all? (This was my first excuse to avoid sex actually. I used it twice and it left the female hurt somehow due to petty emotions)

Romance and marriage as well are also equally confusing. The thought of another person wanting to "be with you" is like a virus wanting to be attached to a tissue cell. It is disease like and viral in comparison the same way obsession ruled John Hinckley's life with Jodie Foster. Sleeping with another person and expecting "intimacy" are just things I find highly abnormal which would (and will) ruin someone's privacy which is for some their life.

How do you sexual and romantic people manage these 'impulses'? I am just at loss as to how people manage this

I'm of the opinion that you would benefit from discussing your thoughts with a licensed health professional. Not to insinuate that there's anything wrong with feeling and beliveving as you do, but, you can't understand the chunk of society that enjoys romantic connection and intimacy, be it sexual or otherwise - without understanding WHY you are disconnected from these desires.

Forgive me, if you already have that figured out.

There isn't anything unhealthy about intimate connection. There are unhealthy people who have sex, engage in intimacy and are romantically involved. But, the desire to engage in these activities usually isn't unhealthy.

You can't understand other people unless you understand yourself. Acknowledging your lack of desire is one thing and acknowleding that you're different from others is part of that, but, you may benefit from understanding WHY you think differently than other people and to have a professional explain to you WHY humans do desire connection with others in intimate ways.

I adore my husband and I desire him. Explaining my reasons why to you is moot.

 

[Alceste]

Really? But I am not aggressive though. I am unattached and overly eccentric.
Being insecure would imply a person who feels he/she has an error of some kind.

Having an aggressive personality to me is a sure sign of determination and will which I have neither.
Perhaps you have known to many short white males riding red convertibles . Now that is a sure sign of a weak and insecure male

How do you figure you aren't aggressive when your ideal relationship is to degrade, dominate and belittle another person, specifically through the use of fear?

 

[Vouthon]

For me it just means the rare desire to be with a person int he context of romantic union. My idea of romantic union or marriage for that matter is sexless, devoid of overly emotional attachment, and equality of any kind.

But my view of love is also sexless. I am not sexually attracted to women or men. The only difference between us is that I am still capable of emotional relationships with others, friendships, whereas you seem unable to

I would rephrase it as "all for me and only a little for you"

If you can give a "little", does that not demonstrate some kind of weak compassion and affection on you're part? That "little" that you suggest above is therefore more significant than you might think. It would also demonstrate that you are not completely self-centred. You may wish (for some bizarre reason) to dominate others, yet you care for them in some lesser manner, without any obvious affection?

Wow you must be a sucker for any girl with a pretty smile .

I highly doubt it. I've turned down every single woman who flirted with me or tried to have a sexual relationship with me. I'm not attracted to the opposite gender, or my own. I am speaking only of family relationships, friendships and common compassion for other human beings in general.

Well I am not fond of clergy and have dealt my time with Catholics for over a year (Catholic schooling) and I am not fond of it. I dislike the overt reliance upon clergy.

I am not trying to make you like clergy. I am merely quoting from a source that exemplifies my view of love, which is informed by my faith tradition. Why were you at a Catholic school? Were you raised Catholic?

Well then I guess I do not contain love. My ideas of something will generally differ from the masses and this is to be expected.

If you are incapable of feeling empathy for other human beings and caring for them beyond trying to dominate them through fear, then I would suggest that you do not "differ" from the masses. It would be more serious than that and I would strongly encourage you to seek psychiatric therapy. If you are suffering from a disorder, you will never be able to understand how the average person thinks. You would need to somehow "fix" the problem within yourself first.

 

[idav]

Why do the average individual engage in and hold an interest in sex? It seems to drive the current media and common interest of so many.

I know my opinions are not held by the average person and I am not trying to espouse them on other claiming mines are correct as sexuality is a matter of personal preference.
I view sex is a highly annoying, materialistic desire that is an utter waste of time. If I want sex it can be fulfilled by simulating it with masturbation every year, or 3 years for that matter. The concept of another human being wanting to engage with fleshly contact between another is just mind boggling to me. Diseases, bacteria and STD's are spread this way so instead of taking a 85% chance hoping to avoid the 15% why have sex at all? (This was my first excuse to avoid sex actually. I used it twice and it left the female hurt somehow due to petty emotions)

Romance and marriage as well are also equally confusing. The thought of another person wanting to "be with you" is like a virus wanting to be attached to a tissue cell. It is disease like and viral in comparison the same way obsession ruled John Hinckley's life with Jodie Foster. Sleeping with another person and expecting "intimacy" are just things I find highly abnormal which would (and will) ruin someone's privacy which is for some their life.

How do you sexual and romantic people manage these 'impulses'? I am just at loss as to how people manage this

All various types of love are a complex combination of basic wants needs and desires. One of our basic needs is love and affection. A baby can die at early stages without it. Some may be able to control emotions in general which in turn leads to controlling love. Most people can't do it and blindly fall head over heals.

Romantic love can be balanced so that it isn't dirty or parasitic. Just as with a friendship it is a team thing you value the person for who they are but with romantic you would allow that one person close enough that you feel comfortable showing and receiving affection with them(especially for those that aren't normally touchy feely).

 

[Sha'irullah]

How do you figure you aren't aggressive when your ideal relationship is to degrade, dominate and belittle another person, specifically through the use of fear?

Well primarily because I have no intentions of acting on it and view it as a choice of options. I personally would not wish to be united with anybody on a romantic level but if that desire ever did occur what I just described is as functional as it will become.
I am a nice person I can assure you and I am better suited as a teddy bear

 

[Sha'irullah]

But my view of love is also sexless. I am not sexually attracted to women or men. The only difference between us is that I am still capable of emotional relationships with others, friendships, whereas you seem unable to

I am not incapable of having relationships it is just that my ability to maintain one is poor and my interest in it is not that great.

If you can give a "little", does that not demonstrate some kind of weak compassion and affection on you're part? That "little" that you suggest above is therefore more significant than you might think. It would also demonstrate that you are not completely self-centred. You may wish (for some bizarre reason) to dominate others, yet you care for them in some lesser manner, without any obvious affection?

I never said I was emotionless, never made such a claim. I clearly stated before I can an affectionate and loving person but not within the common opinion.
I also know I am not self centered I just place my priorities first. Anything that comes into my life and ruins that is expunged. This does not mean someone can't enter my life though, they must just fit a certain dynamic. Usually this leaves all friends I have to nerdy Asians .

I am not trying to make you like clergy. I am merely quoting from a source that exemplifies my view of love, which is informed by my faith tradition. Why were you at a Catholic school? Were you raised Catholic?

I was not raised Catholic, I was in a Catholic school because it had a higher curriculum. Nothing religious.

If you are incapable of feeling empathy for other human beings and caring for them beyond trying to dominate them through fear, then I would suggest that you do not "differ" from the masses. It would be more serious than that and I would strongly encourage you to seek psychiatric therapy. If you are suffering from a disorder, you will never be able to understand how the average person thinks. You would need to somehow "fix" the problem within yourself first.

I never said I could not feel empathy for other beings although that may be true to some extent. I also do not enjoy using fear whatsoever, I have only been using it as a better relationship dynamic. Doing anything to another person whether it be fear or love is the same as having a relationship. I just do not wish to be bothered. Fear is the better choice out of the 2.
The likeliness of me suffering from a disordered is fairly high and I am aware of this but I would never seek psychiatric help. I have far better things to do.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

My suggestion is to search for a sub woman in the BDSM community who does not wish to have any romantic relationships with you. You can be clear about what your expectations are, and she can be clear with you about what constitutes her "red flag", so that you may dominate her without crossing the line into abuse and everything is consensual. The two of you can play video games together, and you can command her to your hearts content. Provided the two of you work out a contract to establish what are the rules, punishments, rewards, and boundaries when you spend time together.

 

[Vouthon]

I am not incapable of having relationships it is just that my ability to maintain one is poor and my interest in it is not that great.

Ah, that is far more understandable. I'm sure many people are in your boat in that one. Also some people are simply introverts, prefer solitary pursuits and recharge emotionally by being on their own rather than with other people. There is nothing wrong with that IMHO although human beings are social beings by nature, which means that even introverts need some human contact unless they choose to be hermits (which I also don't have a problem with since its established in my faith tradition).

I never said I was emotionless, never made such a claim. I clearly stated before I can an affectionate and loving person but not within the common opinion.

OK, I've got you on this point now :flirt: I now tend to think that you exaggerate things for shock value. Since I am easily shocked, and generally strait-laced, I took you for your word and I think this may have caused not an insignificant amount of misunderstanding between us. Your recent post here has been the most revealing for me, and I'm actually "getting" you now, to an extent, whereas at first I just wasn't on any level.

I also know I am not self centered I just place my priorities first.

That's not my life philosophy, however I can again understand it and while I don't agree its the best way to be, I am not greatly troubled by it either. Many people put their own priorities first. So that's ok by me, as long as you don't harm anyone else or infringe on their pursuit of happiness, I have no problem with you putting your own priorities first. Again you sound perfectly normal above.

Anything that comes into my life and ruins that is expunged. This does not mean someone can't enter my life though, they must just fit a certain dynamic. Usually this leaves all friends I have to nerdy Asians

You have good humour. Knowing how to make people smile is a personal, communication skill of great value.

I was not raised Catholic, I was in a Catholic school because it had a higher curriculum. Nothing religious.

Ah right

I never said I could not feel empathy for other beings

Yipee! :foryou: That fills me with hope....

although that may be true to some extent

And this restores my cynicism...

I also do not enjoy using fear whatsoever

Bless you, you reassure me now.

I have only been using it as a better relationship dynamic.

Well, I would suggest you find a new one. Do it through your natural witty capacity for humour that you've exhibited often on this forum.

Doing anything to another person whether it be fear or love is the same as having a relationship. I just do not wish to be bothered. Fear is the better choice out of the 2.

It isn't (and yes, I'll be that certain and frank) but that's beside the point. Human beings are social beings. You are in relation to the world around you whether you like it or not. The computer you are using right now was built by other people. You entered into a contractual relationship with a shop and company to acquire it. You enter relationships, contractually, with people every day in shopping malls to feed yourself. You cannot escape relationship, nor do you even if you want to convince yourself otherwise.

You should accept the reality of these relationships, build on them and take it to further intimacy.

The likeliness of me suffering from a disordered is fairly high and I am aware of this but I would never seek psychiatric help. I have far better things to do.

TBH you seem very normal at times but then this is compromised by very bizarre statements and preferences.

 

[Sha'irullah]

Ah, that is far more understandable. I'm sure many people are in your boat in that one. Also some people are simply introverts, prefer solitary pursuits and recharge emotionally by being on their own rather than with other people. There is nothing wrong with that IMHO although human beings are social beings by nature, which means that even introverts need some human contact unless they choose to be hermits (which I also don't have a problem with since its established in my faith tradition).

I actually am a bit of a hermit . But this primarily stems from the fact that my local neighborhood consist of older people and is more social which annoys me.

OK, I've got you on this point now :flirt: I now tend to think that you exaggerate things for shock value. Since I am easily shocked, and generally strait-laced, I took you for your word and I think this may have caused not an insignificant amount of misunderstanding between us. Your recent post here has been the most revealing for me, and I'm actually "getting" you now, to an extent, whereas at first I just wasn't on any level.

But I do exaggerate subjects hence the title of this thread.

That's not my life philosophy, however I can again understand it and while I don't agree its the best way to be, I am not greatly troubled by it either. Many people put their own priorities first. So that's ok by me, as long as you don't harm anyone else or infringe on their pursuit of happiness, I have no problem with you putting your own priorities first. Again you sound perfectly normal above.

I do not like nor enjoy infringing on anybody as I give them the same peace as I would expect myself to have. I believe I mentioned this before and I refer to this as my form of philanthropic love. I love mankind so much that I have no desire to bother or demand anything of them in any shape or form. I feel more happy not getting involved in the matters of others. This is why it is hard to insult me actually :yes:

And this restores my cynicism...

I'm a stinker aren't I

It isn't (and yes, I'll be that certain and frank) but that's beside the point. Human beings are social beings. You are in relation to the world around you whether you like it or not. The computer you are using right now was built by other people. You entered into a contractual relationship with a shop and company to acquire it. You enter relationships, contractually, with people every day in shopping malls to feed yourself. You cannot escape relationship, nor do you even if you want to convince yourself otherwise.

You should accept the reality of these relationships, build on them and take it to further intimacy.

Your are acting as if I am in denial of these things. We are not talking about social interactions but about romantic or sexual relationships.

 

[StarryNightshade]

To be fair, sex in and of itself is pretty gross. However, when done right and when one is in a right mood, it can be very physically, mentally and spiritually fulfilling.

Personally, I'm not that into physical sex myself (outside of foreplay and intense cuddling ), but it is nice to do on occasion. Despite how inherently gross it can be.

 

[badger]

Once a person gets to my age, a nice cup of tea is infinitely preferable!

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Why do the average individual engage in and hold an interest in sex? It seems to drive the current media and common interest of so many.

I know my opinions are not held by the average person and I am not trying to espouse them on other claiming mines are correct as sexuality is a matter of personal preference.
I view sex is a highly annoying, materialistic desire that is an utter waste of time. If I want sex it can be fulfilled by simulating it with masturbation every year, or 3 years for that matter. The concept of another human being wanting to engage with fleshly contact between another is just mind boggling to me. Diseases, bacteria and STD's are spread this way so instead of taking a 85% chance hoping to avoid the 15% why have sex at all? (This was my first excuse to avoid sex actually. I used it twice and it left the female hurt somehow due to petty emotions)

Romance and marriage as well are also equally confusing. The thought of another person wanting to "be with you" is like a virus wanting to be attached to a tissue cell. It is disease like and viral in comparison the same way obsession ruled John Hinckley's life with Jodie Foster. Sleeping with another person and expecting "intimacy" are just things I find highly abnormal which would (and will) ruin someone's privacy which is for some their life.

How do you sexual and romantic people manage these 'impulses'? I am just at loss as to how people manage this

First I tend to kinda get to know a potential sex partner first. Do they inject drugs with needles? Do they tend to not use protection or do they consistently use it?
As for sexually transmitted infections, condoms work wonderfully at preventing the spread of anything transmitted through bodily fluids. Herpes and warts transmit through skin contact, which means condoms will not help with.
And then masturbation is nothing like sex. It is a quasi-sex at best. Also the health benefits of sex are numerous, and including that it counts as exercise, boosts self-esteem, releases a myriad of happy-feel-good neurochemicals, and it even helps you live longer.
How do I manage those impulses? I indulge in them with great satisfaction, but I also indulge in them with caution. It's smart to look before you leap into a lake, and you should definitely look before you leap into bed with someone, and always be smart and safe about it.

 

[Titanic]

I have to say it again, SEX is like the greatest thing in the world. Just go ask Wilt Chamberlian or however you spell his name.

 

[Maija]

I need cuddles! Pweeeeeeeez

No sex but cuddles please?
I must admit the first post seemed to hint at anxiety and phobia, fears of intimacy.

This is interesting..

 

[Sha'irullah]

No sex but cuddles please?
I must admit the first post seemed to hint at anxiety and phobia, fears of intimacy.

This is interesting..

I view sex is a highly annoying, materialistic desire that is an utter waste of time. If I want sex it can be fulfilled by simulating it with masturbation every year, or 3 years for that matter. The concept of another human being wanting to engage with fleshly contact between another is just mind boggling to me. Diseases, bacteria and STD's are spread this way so instead of taking a 85% chance hoping to avoid the 15% why have sex at all? (This was my first excuse to avoid sex actually. I used it twice and it left the female hurt somehow due to petty emotions)

Erotophobia and Genophobia are not evident at all within me. This would imply a fear of sex and considering how much of it I put up with one could not say this.

But as I said earlier, I just have no usage for it.