Woman Can't Say No After Start Of Sex

[Mavrikmind]

I'll just put in my two cents for what it's worth. Personally no means no, whenever it's said and I personally wouldn't have a problem backing off.
Now as being wrongly accused, being arrested then being cleared. that in itself is extremely dangerous. Once a person is accused of rape, it doesn't matter if they are found innocent. They will carry that mark as long as people have memories of the situation. I've seen this happen, the person is found innocent but they are basically blacklisted in there town (especially in small towns) It's not fair but it happens. Even innocent there life is, for all intents and purposes, destroyed.

 

[Sunstone]

No means No

Unless you're speaking classical Chinese.

 

[PureX]

Hmm. I don't suppose it's possible to have different degrees of rape? I still think it's wrong, and no should always mean no, and if someone feels a situation needs to stop, it needs to stop. But somehow sex without consent first seems even worse. It's still bad, don't get me wrong.

These would be considered mitigating factors at sentancing.

 

[michel]

What the heck? So basically if they decided they didn't want to and need to get out of the situation, it's still consentual?

Grrr! Maryland's Stupid Law

Here's a little screenshot of people who have voted on a poll on that site:

My initial reaction was the same as Pardus'. I felt 'bad' at the way I immediately replied, and asked my wife (who is sitting in an armchair near me) what she thought, and felt somewhat better when she said "That's a difficult one" - I thought maybe mine was a typical man's POV, and wanted a reality check.

Reading through the thread though, I feel far happier by the time I came to a post that reflected the withdrawal of consent as "Stop". That (for some reason), I can understand much better, and I can wholy agree with; "stop" at any time means (and should be interpreted) as "stop".

 

[YmirGF]

If at ANY time I was asked to STOP, I would simply NOT be able to continue. I don't know what kind of a person COULD continue after a woman began to say STOP. I don't know about the rest of you, but immediately I would think, "Hmmm. Something must be wrong." One would think anyone with a small fraction of working brain cells would pause to see what was going on and why they were being asked to stop.

I don't really care if you have been at it for half an hour either. Stop means stop. DUH!

 

[Mathematician]

I agree with the majority here that stop means stop at any time. However, I can see why the court would take the stance it did for this individual case. If there just isn't evidence to convict the person, he should be entitled to his innocence. She already admitted to consenting for initial penetration, meaning that DNA evidence is none-important. If there were no signs of abuse, and no further evidence can be brought, I agree with the court decision. "Innocent until proven guilty."

 

[PureX]

I agree with the majority here that stop means stop at any time. However, I can see why the court would take the stance it did for this individual case. If there just isn't evidence to convict the person, he should be entitled to his innocence. She already admitted to consenting for initial penetration, meaning that DNA evidence is none-important. If there were no signs of abuse, and no further evidence can be brought, I agree with the court decision. "Innocent until proven guilty."

Good point.

 

[†Lilithâ€]

What the heck? So basically if they decided they didn't want to and need to get out of the situation, it's still consentual?

Grrr!

AUGH. See, as a feminist, this is one of the things that drives me up the wall. I, and another feminist that I know of, have both blogged about this.
I mean, what if she says "Yes" because she wasn't thinking clearly, then all of a sudden she sobered up and went, "No, I don't want to do this!"
If he kept going anyway, then it's rape. It's pretty clear-cut in my mind. But of course the law...well, nearly everything's a gray area in law. Which is sad, really.
I mean, it's pretty easy to tell the difference between "No" and Yes". Look, they even have smilies to aid us in decoding it! :no: :yes:

 

[Mathematician]

"But officer, she speaks Spanish. I couldn't understand her."

 

[yippityyak]

Wow!
A lot of arguing going on here!
I think this whole situation shows us why sex in a loving and stable relationship is the only way to go, dont you think?
Because if a woman who you have been dating for some time, and know pretty well (or who you are married to), say "No" or "Stop", you would be able to "tell" or have a good guess as to why she is saying that. If you are trying something new, it might not be good. If you are being abusive, she has that right to say no. If you are hurting her, you will know her enough to decifer that from her face.
I think this law is not good for women. Or for men. And from South Africa, we have a similiar situation (i dont know if this is the same in other countries as well) - Rape is the penetration of a female by a male without the females consent. That means a man can not be raped, and there is no law for sodomy of a man. That is only viewed as assualt. So where is the justice for men or women? There just isnt any these days.

Just my opinion!

 

[Kungfuzed]

"But officer, she speaks Spanish. I couldn't understand her."

Isn't "no" in Spanish "no"? :no:

 

[Kungfuzed]

I thought the reason women can't say no during sex is because they're too busy saying YES! YES! YES!

 

[wicca_woman]

Tell me, how many women are going to report such an event?

Almost none, i would say 1 in a trillion or more.

If you understood what it is to be raped, you would understand the point i am making.

I know what it is to be raped...I was only 17 yo and scared to death !! now almost 20 yrs later , if I say stop and they don't then we'll be fightin' in that bed not ******' !! Of course before I was raped I had a stepdad sneaking into my bedroom at night ( for 11 years he done this) I was 5 yo when he started...

 

[dawny0826]

I don't know...

This is a tricky one for me.

I totally believe that no means no but things get interesting when you're in the middle of a sexual act and then change your mind.

I think circumstances would have to be examined really closely with situations like this. How on earth can you prove where the line was crossed if sex was initially consentual?

Methinks this one confuses me...

 

[Sunstone]

Fortunately for me, my Acme Latex Love Doll has never changed her mind in the midst of a romantic moment, except for that one time when she deflated. But I attribute her usual enthusiasim to the fact that I always court her with flowers and wine before sex: I feel it helps immeasurably to keep her interested.

 

[fullyveiled muslimah]

A woman should be more careful than to place herself ina situation like that. If she was all for it and right in the middle of it, then says no, this is opening the door for her feelings and pride to be hurt, as well as feeling taken advantage of. This is why having a meaningful relationship is what is needed rather than casual sex. She's taking her chances with a guy who doesn't know her well enough to care about whether she's enjoying herself.

Women have responsability to protect themselves and can't rely on these strange men to care about what they want. They need to quite getting into bed with these guys then saying omg no no no, and then say it's rape. Once a guy gets close to orgasm, or getting into sex it's hard for them to stop. That really goes for anybody. Women have a responsibility to keep they panties up, just like men have the same responsibility to control themselves. I was raped before so i know the senstivity of the issue. However, I didn't consent at any time before or after.

In this situation it's more than teasing a guy. She's gone ahead and gotten into it. Even with teasing a woman should be careful, because she don't really know these guys to know what they are capable of under different circumstances.

 

[jacquie4000]

I agree with everyone that no is no if ask to stop one should stop. In the same respect I think the person should not have started sex in the first place. You should already know and love and trust one another before committing to sexual relations so these types of situations do not occur. But if it was a rare circumstance of a one night stand I feel you should be in the right mind to know if you want sex or not and not change your mind in the middle of the act. I feel it is a hard subject. You would have to know all the surrounding circumstances to be able to make a judgement.

 

[Fluffy]

Once a guy gets close to orgasm, or getting into sex it's hard for them to stop.

Just out of interest, does any guy actually find this?

Imagine yourself in a situation and your partner tells you to stop. Surely you would? Why would you want to carry on? Apart from anything else it would be a total mood killer.

If a man is unable to stop then rather than treating the case as a crime, should the man be forced to go to counselling instead? Losing a bit of time is a small price to pay in order to gain the self control necessary not to rape somebody.

Other than that I completely agree with you about the woman being more responsible with her life decisions.

 

[Guitar's Cry]

Just out of interest, does any guy actually find this?

Imagine yourself in a situation and your partner tells you to stop. Surely you would? Why would you want to carry on? Apart from anything else it would be a total mood killer.

I agree. Guys really aren't just mindless sex machines. Maybe some are, but I doubt that the majority wouldn't be able to control themselves. Hearing a woman say "stop," or "no" would seriously kill the mood.

 

[Gentoo]

I agree. Guys really aren't just mindless sex machines. Maybe some are, but I doubt that the majority wouldn't be able to control themselves. Hearing a woman say "stop," or "no" would seriously kill the mood.

That's it? It would just 'kill the mood'? It wouldn't make you feel bad? Or re-think your approach? Or re-think yourself in general? Just kills 'the mood'. I thought you said that guys aren't just mindless sex machines?