Women do damage Men

[Faint]

Well, a little background info won't hurt. Sheelagh, I know for a fact hasn't had a b/f in awhile. Two years ago, she lost her mother and brother withing months of each other, and I got all this and other info from Sheelagh, yep, she used to be quite open with me, before I first expressed any feelings. Anyways, of course all that has really affected her, and I am told by people who knew her from before that she had changed quite a alot, and become withdrawn.
I also know, she doesn't have a very high opinion of men either, She told me herself that she would never live with another man. So, lots of problems there, and I'm older than her as well.

Cheers

K

Hmmm...confusing. It does sound like a lot of issues might be going on. She might have put you into the "friend" category early on, and there you remained. I've heard it told that most women can tell within a few minutes of meeting you whether you'll be their friend, lover, or someone they don't care to know.

 

[lilithu]

I've heard it told that most women can tell within a few minutes of meeting you whether you'll be their friend, lover, or someone they don't care to know.

lol! And is the same not true for men?

 

[Kowalski]

lol! And is the same not true for men?

It's very true for both sexes, same for me, when I've clicked, it's rapid, once eyes lock, you can't fall off. Unless you are really stoopid. Typical scenario, I see a girl in a bar, I catch her eye, she returns look, We look away, you look again and she's looking, eyes are locked on yours. It's very very obvious when there's mutual attraction. Now it's just a matter of making an approach, or they'll make it easy by standing next to you

And I will say, Sheelagh tends to avoid eye contact, it's not as if I don't know, what I don't understand is why I persisted, maybe I thought I couldn't fail, haha, so whose the loser...Moi.

Cheers

K

 

[Mr Spinkles]

lol! And is the same not true for men?

I guess I can't speak for all men, but it's not true for me.

It's really, really difficult for me to talk about this subject. Mainly because no woman has ever rejected me...

...seriously though, I will say this: I definitely agree with lilithu and Meesheltx. It's better to get rejected than to be lead on.

Still, the way you were rejected, Kowalski, was kind of low. Ouch, man--my heart goes out to you.

That was almost as cruel as that one time on the Simpsons, when Moe goes up to a woman and says "May I have this dance?" and she goes "It's all yours" and walks away. See? It's funny when it happens to characters in a show.

 

[Kowalski]

Haha, yes, thanks Man. I think I'll have to repay Sheelagh with a little measure for measure

Cheers

K

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

Haha, yes, thanks Man. I think I'll have to repay Sheelagh with a little measure for measure

Cheers

K

Don't be in too much of a hurry.
some girls Who think they have found a friend when they really need one. but then discover he is a suitor are really put out.
They have lost what they wanted and found something they did not.

If you are Keen you have two choices. move out of her life for a few months. Or tell her you got it wrong, and lets be friends again because you miss her company.

Terry______________________
Blessed are the pure of heart, they shall behold their God.

 

[Kowalski]

Don't be in too much of a hurry.
some girls Who think they have found a friend when they really need one. but then discover he is a suitor are really put out.
They have lost what they wanted and found something they did not.

If you are Keen you have two choices. move out of her life for a few months. Or tell her you got it wrong, and lets be friends again because you miss her company.

Terry______________________
Blessed are the pure of heart, they shall behold their God.

Thanks Terry,

On second thoughts and in regard of your post, I'll be cool, and stay friendly. I'll try to avoid her as much as possible though.

Cheers

K

 

[The Black Whirlwind]

I remember in fifth grade i really liked this girl, gabriella was her name. she was the only girl that ever actually talked to me (without me saying something first, anyway). I finally got up the nerve to tell her my feelings (through a friend, i am not THAT courageous), and i was brutally rejected. I haven't liked anyone since. its been 3 years now.

 

[Pussyfoot Mouse]

/

Quite True

It's alwas mostly in the mind.
Haven't you noticwd when you are out of luck its total.
When you are going steady, they are coming out of the woodwork at you.
The harder you try the worse your luck.
If you dont care or are not in the market, they are all over you.
Don't take it personal it hapens to every one.


Terry__________________________
Blessed are those who suffer in the cause of right, the kingdom of heaven is theirs.

I hate to say it but a lot of times we just want what we can't have. You see something in someone when someone else has an interest in them. It's like the song goes....

I love her
But she loves him
And he loves somebody else
You just can't win....
Love Stinks!

 

[Faint]

/I hate to say it but a lot of times we just want what we can't have. You see something in someone when someone else has an interest in them.

I notice this more with women. Why is that? So many girls I know are terribly competitive. Is it that they can't bear the thought that another girl is more desirable, and they have to prove something by "catching" the guy? Or maybe it's that something is more appealing when it's "off limits"? I know us dudes will compete in other ways, and most of us love to have that sort of model/"trophy" girlfriend that turns the other guys' heads. But I don't tend to look at a girl twice if she's surrounded by admirers--attention doesn't make an unattractive girl desirable (but maybe that's just me). Although attention does seem to make guys more appealing to the opposite sex.

 

[Pussyfoot Mouse]

I notice this more with women. Why is that? So many girls I know are terribly competitive. Is it that they can't bear the thought that another girl is more desirable, and they have to prove something by "catching" the guy? Or maybe it's that something is more appealing when it's "off limits"? I know us dudes will compete in other ways, and most of us love to have that sort of model/"trophy" girlfriend that turns the other guys' heads. But I don't tend to look at a girl twice if she's surrounded by admirers--attention doesn't make an unattractive girl desirable (but maybe that's just me). Although attention does seem to make guys more appealing to the opposite sex.

I could quite possibly be the "Off Limits" thing, but a man with a woman on his arm seems to be a man with possiblities. Afterall, SHE wouldn't be with him if he was a loser!

 

[Kowalski]

I remember in fifth grade i really liked this girl, gabriella was her name. she was the only girl that ever actually talked to me (without me saying something first, anyway). I finally got up the nerve to tell her my feelings (through a friend, i am not THAT courageous), and i was brutally rejected. I haven't liked anyone since. its been 3 years now.

I'm sorry about that man, but don't let that put you off, it's swings and roundabouts out there...you have to take risks.

Hi Faint,

For sure, I would stay well clear of girls who are the center of attention, waste of time. Many years ago, I had this g/f,What I mean was she was really something, but you know what, I got fed up with all these friends I never knew I had hanging around me, wonder why huh lol, wasn't worth it.

Cheers

K

 

[The Black Whirlwind]

yeah, i know. but i just can't like anyone. there is no one at my school that i actually like. oh well.

 

[Kowalski]

yeah, i know. but i just can't like anyone. there is no one at my school that i actually like. oh well.

Well, you'll just have to see it through until you leave and move on. It's a big world, and opportunity will come, you know, like I've gone through fat times and lean times, it's just the way it is. Hang on there.

Cheers

K

 

[Faint]

I could quite possibly be the "Off Limits" thing, but a man with a woman on his arm seems to be a man with possiblities. Afterall, SHE wouldn't be with him if he was a loser!

That's the assumption anyway. I've known plenty of girls who hooked up with losers, but maybe they saw something in the guy that others couldn't see, or maybe the girls were losers themselves (not that I'm implying anything by the way). Perhaps some other guys here will know what I'm talking about--seeing the girl you want dating someone who is obviously beneath her when meanwhile you know you would give her worlds.

Many years ago, I had this g/f,What I mean was she was really something, but you know what, I got fed up with all these friends I never knew I had hanging around me, wonder why huh lol, wasn't worth it.

Haha--yeah, you get invites to random parties from random people, and, "Oh, hey, you should bring what's-her-name". I don't like guys like that.

yeah, i know. but i just can't like anyone. there is no one at my school that i actually like. oh well.

Jedi, in all my travels, one thing I've learned is there are amazing girls everywhere, although, maybe I'll steer clear of your school just to be safe. Come out to Orange County sometime, hang-out on the beach. Plenty of young women to make you forget any others...

 

[Pussyfoot Mouse]

You're absolutely right Faint! That is the assumption. Unfortunatley, sometimes people just don't give others a chance to show them what they truely are. It's really quite a shame actually. There are so many men and women out there that have so much to give, and it's too bad they aren't given the opportunity to show their true colours!

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

On the subject of women.........
I remember a saying going round in the 50's..
one chap to another...When I see a girl I come right out and ask for... "it"
Second Chap....Don't you get an awful lot of... Slaps?
First Chap.....Yes...... but I get an awful lot of... "it"

Nothing to do with the thread .......but True.



Terry__________________________
Amen! Truly I say to you: Gather in my name. I am with you.

 

[Kowalski]

funny you should relate that, as part of an experiment on an American University campus. The psychologist I mentioned, Micheal Cunningham, had a test group of students go arond asking girls if they would like to go back to their rooms with them and have sex. Every single girl approached thus, rejected the offer out of hand. ' The brutality of the rejections was amazing', he reported.

Cheers

K

 

[Cynic]

Micheal Cunningham, a Psychologist has reported that rejection by a woman causes men severe psychological damage. In, fact, it has been postulated that rejection is an hidden epidemic, causing affected men to turn to drink, drugs and even suicide.

The reason I mention this, and I'm sure most guys will have experienced this kind of pain, is that I was rejected yet again by the girl I have been chasing for awhile, this happened today. So yes, I felt a lot of pain, and if she knew or could feel that pain, perhaps she ( Sheelagh) would be more understanding ? or maybe not.

Some of the short term effects of rejection include, anxiety, heightened Blood pressure, muscle tension. Rejection can also cause Depressive stress, causing low blood pressure and a desire to sleep for long periods, sometimes forever.

However, it is also thought that men should lower their expectations and standards, therfor making rejection less damaging to mental health.

Of course, Women should be more understanding and kinder to men, as a generalisation, individual situations obviously vary depending on circumstances.

What has come over is that very clearly, women can be quite brutal in the way they reject men, and it is desirable that men find better ways of dealing with the fickleness of the mating game. For instance, when I asked Sheelagh want she was doing tonight, she said' Im busy'. So, I say, 'busy doing what ?' ' Talking to myself' she says, well that's pretty brutal to me.

So, do you agree, rejection is damaging for men ?

Cheers

K

Fear of rejection seems common. I'm sure that some people are more sensitive to rejection, and that they have been conditioned this way due to events that may have been traumatic.

Any psychological repercussions seem like something due to the perceptual values placed on the situation, or what I mean is the way the situation is looked upon. After information is processed by the perceptual organs and centers of the brain, the information is then processed by the emotional and cognitive centers of the brain. Fear is instinctive and also based on things such as memories. A fear can be overidden through fear extinction. For example, by creating memories that tells you that rejection is no longer such a big deal. Dating gurus have been rejected hundreds of times, but that doesn't bother them. It's not a big deal.

http://people.howstuffworks.com/fear.htm

If rejection is the cause of depressive states or suicide, than I would assume it is also due to the way they are looking at the situation, and the person's inability to effectively cope with the situation.

Anyhoo, I've experienced rejection, and it's not a big deal. People get rejected. I'm sure it is something that many will continue to experience throughout life.

 

[Kowalski]

By the way, one study has said that all destructive behaviour in men has it origins in sexual rejection: Fot instance as related, physiological and psychological damge is initated-all ending in evasive behaviours.

K