First let me say I admire your honesty, sincerity and demeanor in your posts. May the grace of our Lord be with you (whatever you think it may be).
You're doing a great job!
I think everyone is in agreement that grace is an unmerited gift from God, which to me means an unearned and undeserved gift. But unearned and undeserved do not mean we don't have to do what Jesus says to do.
IMHO, some people, like the evangelicals, take the definition to the extreme saying faith ALONE saves, and whatever faith they have, comes as a gift directly from God, and is not a free will decision we make to get faith. Yet, the Bible teaches that faith comes by hearing the word of God. Getting faith is a decision, a choice we make to have or not have. Many hear the word, but choose to reject it for various reasons. Faith is a choice.
Others go to the opposite extreme saying it is our good works that save. Catholics fall into this category. You will often hear them say, "Old Joe was such a good guy. He is in heaven with Jesus now." Yet, Joe wasn't a follower of Jesus Christ. He didn't do the things Jesus told him to do.
Evangelicals will say that they cannot do a single thing to save themselves, yet if you ask any of them, they will tell you that they have to accept Jesus in their heart in order to be saved. Evangelical ministers preach this from their pulpits all the time. This seems like a big contradiction to me. Isn't accepting Jesus in your heart doing something? Doesn't it require a decision, not to mention a change?
Ask any saved evangelical if they have repented. They will all tell you yes.
So how does an evangelical, on one hand, accept Jesus in their heart, repent, and at the same time claim they have done nothing to save themselves? Do you see the dilemma here?
So for me, I have to ask the most important question. WDJS (What did Jesus say)? Here are Jesus' statements on the topic of salvation.
"Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned." (Mark 16:16)
No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish (Luke 13:3,5).
"Whoever acknowledges me before others, I will also acknowledge before my Father in heaven Matthew 10:32).
"And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?" (Luke 6:46)
"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven." (Matthew 7:21)
Do we not choose to believe? Do we not make the decision to repent, to stop sinning and turn back to God? Does this not take effort on our parts? I know it did and still does for me. I have to work very hard at being good.
We heard in the news recently of the twenty-five Coptic Christians being beheaded because they refused to deny Jesus Christ. Do you think that required effort on their parts? I know if it had been me, it would have required every bit of effort I could muster.
Is it not the will of God that we believe in Jesus, that we repent, that we confess Jesus before men, that we get immersed, and that we live our lives faithfully? If we don't do the Father's will, can we expect to go to heaven?
Is not doing the Father's will WORK?
IMHO, we are saved by grace (God's part) through faith (our part).
I'm saying we are saved by God's grace, His unearned, undeserved gift AND we are saved through our faith, which simply means our faithful obedience to His commands. Obeying His commands is not earning His gift. We obey Him not to earn His grace, but because we love Him.
Remember the words of Jesus:
"If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.