These were the pre-internet in the pocket days I speak of.
I don't know what its like now. In my late 30s, I haven't found any place I 'fit', and I doubt I will. I have, however, become quite comfortable with being the oddball in the corner.
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- Thread starter JustGeorge
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I don't know what its like now. In my late 30s, I haven't found any place I 'fit', and I doubt I will. I have, however, become quite comfortable with being the oddball in the corner.
This is interesting to me. Can you give me some examples of strangers you've initiated conversations with out of the blue?I don't choose people. I don't have a separate subgroup of people that I choose to associate with. I don't consider any of the attributes you list in your first paragraph. Everyone is different, rich, poor, tidy, slobs, privileged, or unprivileged. I strike up conversations with random people and talk to them as if I know them. Some people will gravitate to me, others will be repelled. People tend to choose me (or not) rather than the other way around, and I'm okay with that. Everyone I've met creates their own version of me. But as I see it, you're all "my people."
From my perspective, they are me.
I really admire this and aspire to do similar. Often times I feel awkward trying to talk to strangers, because most people are looking the other way or mind their own business and I don't want to bother them. I feel like I could pretty much talk to anybody. I've even held a conversation (the best I could) with a mentally handicapped person who I could hardly understand and I was fine with it (because I didn't have much on the agenda at the time).
You say that some people are repelled when you initiate. Can you give examples of those times? How did that make you feel?
How do you decide when to start a conversation with a stranger and when not to? Do you ever find that you accidentally interrupt somebody or perhaps made them angry just because you tried talking to them?
Have you ever ran into a situation where, you started a conversation, the person responded, and you didn't know how to carry the conversation from there?
The most I can get out is "Hello" and sometimes "How are you". I think I could probably bring up the weather. Other than that I'm not very witty.
In grocery checkout lines or if I'm in a restaurant waiting on a table, I'll just strike up discussion with the person waiting ahead of me or behind me. Most times I just blurt out a random observation (usually making a joke about it, because I often find humor in most situations) and the person either engages me in conversation or doesn't.
There are just those people that don't want a conversation or don't appreciate my humor. They'll either just give a polite acknowledgement that they heard me or just ignore me.
I'm unaffected by their rejection. Their rejection is about them, not about me.
If someone is obviously occupied, I don't interrupt. But as I suggested above, there are some that just don't want to be bothered. I don't recall making anyone angry by striking up a conversation.
Sure. It happens. In such a case, either the conversation ends, or I start talking about something else.
My conversations rarely start out with either of those. I'm not into ice breakers. It's usually just a random observation. Sometimes it's not even directed at anyone. I just engage whoever reacts.
Thanks for the info! I suppose I will just try to blurt out observations sometimes and see how it goes, or try to be more observant of something that stands out about another person or a situation and talk to a stranger around. A lot of people gonna think I'm weird but ah well, a small price to pay for being more care free I suppose.
PoetPhilosopher
Veteran Member
I'd say this is good sentiments to keep in mind as well when trying it:
Though it might sometimes be good to be more social, I also feel there's a certain peace and freedom that comes with the realization and acceptance that not everyone wants to talk.
You're welcome.
I said this earlier in the thread: People will create their own version of me in their individual reality. I'm sure in quite a few of those realities, I'm weird.
That's true, and that's something I'd have to keep in mind so it stings less when it's not reciprocated. And to keep at it regardless is something I should probably do (unless everyone starts thinking I'm weird then there might be some merit).
I can say that, at least in my own location, I don't think I've ever come across somebody who starts conversations with strangers or blurts out observations. That or I just haven't noticed them.
Yes. A very small price.
In my reality, you're weird.
In my reality, I hold weirdos in high esteem.
Spend more time in the rough areas of Waterloo.
I say that as both a joke and a serious suggestion. In my experience, folks who have more pressing troubles than how they're being perceived are more likely to say random(but relevant) things. I find it catches on. When the gal next to someone complains about her butt sticking to the park bench on a hot day, the person next to her is also more likely to air grievances about smelly shoes. When one person is more comfortable, its more likely that people around will become so, too.
Another thing to consider is if you’ll ever see those people again.
If you don’t know them or will never see them again, what does it matter what they think of you?
Shadow Wolf
Certified People sTabber & Business Owner
LARPers and Juggalos are the only groups I've found where I really fit in and feel I belong.These were the pre-internet in the pocket days I speak of.
In my late 30s, I haven't found any place I 'fit', and I doubt I will. I have, however, become quite comfortable with being the oddball in the corner.
Well, I hope this isn't derailing the thread if I go into some detail about this. I won't get carried away with it.
Today at the gym I tried to initiate this. I tried making eye contact with some people before trying to say 'hi', but I was going to look away after 2 seconds so it isn't staring. So a couple times I'd try to look in their eyes, but two seconds had passed so I looked away JUST AS they looked. Then I just kinda stopped. Haha. I did make a small conversation with a guy named Zack. It didn't go anywhere and I was very awkward, didn't know what to say, and then I felt awkward around him and tried to avoid him the rest of the time.
For the most part I just don't have much to say so I find it hard to come up with what to say.
I'll keep at it though!
No need to force it. You made great strides today. You got far enough in the conversation that you learned his name.
Viker
Your beloved eccentric Auntie Cristal
Most of the people in my sphere are close enough to being like me. There's the few odd numbers. I think it comes down to 'birds to a feather'.
This is exactly how a lot of people talk to strangers here as well. This culture is hyper-extroverted, so it usually goes well.
I've made friends on public transport by commenting on random observations too, while looking at someone and gauging their response to me. That has sometimes led to conversations lasting for the full duration of a commute (which has usually ranged from half an hour to two hours).
I would have liked that during my 15 hour bus ride... Not a soul talked to me(and I was too anxious to strike up conversation myself).
There was an Amish teen that wouldn't stop staring at me, though. Unashamedly. I put up with it for the most part, but then I tried to take a nap, I opened my eyes to him leaning over my seat, staring at me. No smile, no acknowledgment... just staring. I asked if I could help him, no response(not sure if he spoke English, I didn't hear him use it at all). I wonder if, with the hair and clothes, he thought I was from some other planet...
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Some are.
Many aren't.