You're looking even more handsome than usual today, Tiger. 
:run:
:run:
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Cleaning the shirt and laughing hysterically!?!
Lies.
But I forgive easily, in fact I already have.
"There was just something on your shirt."
Sounds like an excuse after an inappropriate boob touch or something.
Perv.
Oh, sweet prince, it pains my heart to know that I have caused you a moment's displeasure.
Surely thy strong and steadfast heart can spare a bit of kindness cast in the direction of a mere girl of frivolous ...yada, yada, yada.
''
I feel the love!
My Esteemed Badran,
Thank you for your kindness in inquiring after my rest. Indeed, I enjoyed the most refreshing nap and dreamed pleasantly, largely thanks, I believe, to your presence in my dreams.
Haha, thank you!
Unfortunately I had to go out in it for work.
So I ate spicy Thai food for lunch to try to warm me. It didn't help of course, but it tasted good.
Omg it was 4 degrees F or -16 degrees C here today.
I looked it up, and literally almost all of Alaska (in winter) was warmer than my area today, and so were many parts of Antarctica except for the central part. At least Siberia was a lot colder. Agh.
I looked at Egypt and it was nicer.
:sorry1: I feel so bad now for upsetting you. And it's ruined my incantation. I was only trying to insure your future for you. Like, get you a wife and all. I meant well. Really, I did.*
*tee hee.
Derpa! Derpa! BONGA! <------------------------- That's the "she's gonna be asexual" part of the incantation. Just so you know your fate is rushing up on you like a pig to kitchen slops!
Whoppa! Whoppa! Whoppa! Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! <------------ what you hear is a magical incantation that I'm working on. When perfected, it will cause you to marry an asexual woman of dubious character. Just thinkin' of yer future happiness!
Firp!
And then finally I'll start a paypal account and create several avenues of fundraising via text messages spread through a hashtag campaign on Twitter, start a rockin' Facebook fan page about how awesome I am helping you. And then I'll raise a butt-ton of money. All because of you.
I'll pay you $50. That should last you a while. And then please don't ever speak to me again. Just keep the picture and look at it every day and be thankful for my presence in that brief moment in your life.
We can't spend TOO much time together, you know, since we're not THAT close and frankly I am so busy with stuff around here....but anyway...I'll talk about how you need help. Then I'll do a lot of editing and splicing of all kinds of pictures and war footage and kids looking sad and hungry. I'll create a fake enemy for people in the U.S. to hate and get all angry about. And then I'll say "Help Badran and stop this bad guy who's making him all sad and Arab!" There's still more...
Okay, I got this all worked out.
I need stock footage of Arab people...doesn't matter what part of the world since y'all are the same to me....looking really sad. Preferably looking like you haven't taken a bath in 2 months. My voiceover of a viral documentary will point out my friendship with you since you're Arab just like all those Arabs in the stock footage. And then we'll have a few scenes of you and I standing together smiling and looking like we're friends. There's more...
I need you to be the poster child for how great I am for bringing awareness of Egyptian Arabs. So hopefully your picture will be seen around the world so I can get credit for saying stuff about you.
Well, don't hold your breath. You'll pass out and hit your head.
I need sleep, some breakfast, and then to take a shower first. It'll be a while, given that I'm trying to work my heroism into my busy schedule. So, just hang tight. I'll get there!
Oh, you won't mind if I take a selfie of us when I save you and put it up on Instagram, right?
Okay. Just checking.
Wait...you weren't thinking I'd come and help you NOW, were you? I need to get some sleep. -
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