Good day to you all and peace be with you. I am new to this forum stuff and new to computers. Please be patient with me.
There are many enlightened minds here, religious and athiests.I feel a little inadequate to speak here for my beliefs are simple. Quite frankly my dears none of us will know the truth 'til our time comes to leave this place. If I may say this without offending, it is all conjecture, but these ideas are the essence of our individual existance.
What I find most pleasing about being here with you all is there is no hatred. All I feel in this forum is peace, acceptance, and understanding. Would that this peace could extend beyond this forum. To be able to discuss ones feelings without fear of being pushed out or shunned is truly the beginning of co-existance in this world. I commend you all for your patience with each other. Now if you will forgive me for babbling on,:jiggy: I would like to share one of my experiences with you and await your replies.
In my youth I followed the wrong path. As a catholic I will say that I danced with the devil, drank with the devil and slept with the devil. At the same time though, I believed in God and spoke with Him often, offering thanks even in the midsts of my darkness. About 17 yrs. ago I was out walking and looked across the park at the church. The center doors were wide open and for some reason I was drawn to them. I had not been in church in about 15 years at that time. When they changed the Mass from Latin to English I felt uncomfortable. Heaven forbid I should finally understand what was being said.
As I entered I noticed there was not another soul in the church but me. I looked to the front and noticed the confessional booth. I don't know why but suddenly I was heading toward it. I opened the door and entered. I expected to be in a small enclosure w/a screen in front of me that would open, but it was not exactly that way. I said hello and a voice came from the back and said "Come in". I walked to the back of this small room and there was the priest sitting in front of a small table and he told me to sit down. At this point I wanted to run. What was I doing in here? I don't want to confess, not after 15 yrs! Let me out! To late though I was now committed. I told the priest that I hadn't been to confession in a long time and I might not remember my Act of Contrition, which is what we say after confessing our sins. He told me not to worry for if I faltered he would help me. So I began telling him my sins. After each one he said "How many times?" I tried to give a proper total but it became increasingly difficult, and I began to perspire profusely. Again and again he said "How many times?' Finally I blurted out "I don't know Father, a lot, a lot, a lot of times!" Then the dawn came, as the saying goes. For the first time in my life I realized how many times I had slapped God in the face, so to speak. How many times did I say I loved Him but had gone my own way in the world. I was a very humbling experience. I told him I was finished and he asked me to begin my Act of Contrition. I began...Oh my God I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, for Thou art good and deserving of all my love...it was here that I began to sob more deeply than I ever had. I finished and the priest told me to bow my head for the absolution. He began speaking in Latin and then it happened. As I sat with head bowed and
eyes closed, I could
see and feel the brightest, warmest overwhelming triangular shaped light descending over me. It enveloped me body, mind and soul. It was white, warm, unconditional love. Suddenly I heard in my mind (not in my ears) these words, " I have been waiting for you, I love you and I forgive you." As the imprint of these words in my mind stopped, the experience stopped also. I looked at the priest and wanted to say, "Father did you see that?" , but I didn't because I knew it was just for me.
I want you to think of the most powerful love you have ever felt. The kind that you can feel in the center of your chest just at the thought of the person you love. My dears that is nothing, nothing compared with the love of God. His love enters your soul completely. God's essence is love, that is what His existance is, pure love.
Now I know that some of you may say, "Well Martha you had unburdened your soul after fifteen years and perhaps your sence of relief gave you this experience. No, beloved of God, that is not it. I had been to confession before and after this incident but never have I felt anything like this. It was the most awesome love I had ever felt in my life. I think at this point I should say...
For those who believe, no explanation is necessary, for those who don't believe no explanation is sufficient. I still want to hear your thoughts pro or con. As for me, I had faith before this but now I seem to have been given the knowledge of His existance and I will never deny Him.
Finally I will end this sharing with you and await your thoughts. I remain,
Joyfully in God,
Martha