A poll for the women of RF

[Gentoo]

Mike and I are trying the whole poly thing, but I don't think I'm ready for him to have a girlfriend quite yet (at least one that's not already in our circle of friends). I wouldn't be upset if he called me saying that he met this awesome girl that he wanted to date a little, but I would definitely want to meet her first.

 

[MSizer]

which gender do you go for?

It's not a decision based on gender, it's a decision based on individuals. A bi simply doesn't generally take gender much into consideration when entering a relationship with a mate.

I know a girl (call her person A) who is now starting to date a man who lives as a woman (in dress) (call that person B). The B is very concerned that A is interested in the individual B, not in the exterior appearance of B. That's what it always boils down to in the end anyway for most people, the individual's character.

Even my wife said to me that she could have easily as well married a woman if that woman had my non-physical qualities.

It's not a big deal.

 

[Gharib]

It's not a decision based on gender, it's a decision based on individuals. A bi simply doesn't generally take gender much into consideration when entering a relationship with a mate.

I know a girl (call her person A) who is now starting to date a man who lives as a woman (in dress) (call that person B). The B is very concerned that A is interested in the individual B, not in the exterior appearance of B. That's what it always boils down to in the end anyway for most people, the individual's character.

Even my wife said to me that she could have easily as well married a woman if that woman had my non-physical qualities.

It's not a big deal.

i think this is way beyond me, i'll be going in a little while and i'll try to digest this by tomorrow.

i'll see if i can make sense of it then.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

I totally agree..

My personal opinion is that jealousy one of the most pointless and destructive emotions there is. So if you are secure in yourself and your relationship, why not introduce more people into it, as long as there is equilibrium within the relationship and everyone is receiving what they desire and also fulfill the requirements of others. I just don't see why we cant love than more than one person. Doesn't loving more than one person also mean being loved by more than one person?

Yes and no. Perhaps you don't mean to, but I'm sensing a smack against monogamy in your post. I could be wrong though. :flower:

I just see it that people are simply wired differently. People can truly feel love and attraction for just one person. It can and does happen, so it isn't necessarily that people enter and commit to a monogamous relationship because they want to possess the other person. They do because they merely and simply profess their love and devotion to that one person. When two people profess their love for just each other in a monogamous commitment, I can see where it would be natural to object to one's spouse suddenly offering to bring in another person in the relationship. It would appear then that the original profession of devotion was fraudulent.

But now that's my poor attempt at trying to walk in a monogamist's shoes. I could be way off here.

 

[DallasApple]

Monogamy isn't (or at least shouldn't be) about jealousy.


Because I don't want to.


Loving is one thing. Sharing my mate is quite another.

I ditto this.Just because you dont want to bring other people into your monogomous relationship doesnt mean you are insecure with your self or insecure in the relationship.

For me(and I said for me) there is something "special" about him reserving his romantic love and sexual desires for me and only me.

And as Kathryn said if Im not "enough" for him..If my love isnt enough for him..if he needs more than me to love him or more than me to express his love then I want out of the club and he can find the right 2 or 3 or how ever many women to satisfy his needs.

Love

Dallas

 

[DallasApple]

Yes and no. Perhaps you don't mean to, but I'm sensing a smack against monogamy in your post. I could be wrong though. :flower:

I just see it that people are simply wired differently. People can truly feel love and attraction for just one person. It can and does happen, so it isn't necessarily that people enter and commit to a monogamous relationship because they want to possess the other person. They do because they merely and simply profess their love and devotion to that one person. When two people profess their love for just each other in a monogamous commitment, I can see where it would be natural to object to one's spouse suddenly offering to bring in another person in the relationship. It would appear then that the original profession of devotion was fraudulent.

But now that's my poor attempt at trying to walk in a monogamist's shoes. I could be way off here.

That too! LOL!

Also in this situation Im sorry but the emotion of jealousy is a "protective" response if you are promised to each other and each other only and one day he(or she) says I think I'de like to spread myself around a little more then you will naturally feel like the person is saying I need more than you ..you arent enough.


Wanting to to be in an exclusive(one on one ) intimate realtionship is as natural as people who want to have multiple people at once.

Its really not fair to call that a destructive desire stemming from jeoulsy and insecurity..What would make you jealous or insecure if that natural need and desire was threatenend.Not the other way around ..IMHO.

Love

Dallas

 

[DallasApple]

Oh and I cant answer that poll either.

Because I wouldnt "rather " any of the options.

I would "rather" him not want any other woman in the first place.

But I suppose If Im forced to choose I would rather him "cheat" by that I mean a brief "slip" that he decided he didnt want go any further with and return to me than come home and tell me he wanted a whole other permenent committed relationship (a second wife) .

If he told me he would be unhappy unless he could have a whole new wife but wanted to "keep me " too I would not be able to live with that.I would never feel the same way about us again.

Love

Dallas

 

[katiafish]

Yes and no. Perhaps you don't mean to, but I'm sensing a smack against monogamy in your post. I could be wrong though. :flower:

I just see it that people are simply wired differently. People can truly feel love and attraction for just one person. It can and does happen, so it isn't necessarily that people enter and commit to a monogamous relationship because they want to possess the other person. They do because they merely and simply profess their love and devotion to that one person. When two people profess their love for just each other in a monogamous commitment, I can see where it would be natural to object to one's spouse suddenly offering to bring in another person in the relationship. It would appear then that the original profession of devotion was fraudulent.

But now that's my poor attempt at trying to walk in a monogamist's shoes. I could be way off here.

Hmm I didn't intend it like that.. I blame it on the "me being a foreigner" thing again :flirt:
I was talking from personal perspective and experience and not suggesting that I am speaking the absolute truth. i have personally been hurt by jealousy and that is what makes me come to the conclusion that that particular emotion can be extremely destructive. However, I am happy to accept that there are degrees of that emotion and perhaps it is the fanatical extent that is the most destructive.

Just to mention here also that I am currently in a monogamous relationship, and even though I might have no problem with sharing my husband, I realize that he might and most probably will mind sharing me.

 

[DallasApple]

Hmm I didn't intend it like that.. I blame it on the "me being a foreigner" thing again :flirt:
I was talking from personal perspective and experience and not suggesting that I am speaking the absolute truth. i have personally been hurt by jealousy and that is what makes me come to the conclusion that that particular emotion can be extremely destructive. However, I am happy to accept that there are degrees of that emotion and perhaps it is the fanatical extent that is the most destructive.

Just to mention here also that I am currently in a monogamous relationship, and even though I might have no problem with sharing my husband, I realize that he might and most probably will mind sharing me.

I understand and I agree..

Being obsessivley and irationally jealous is very destructive.

But I dont consider wanting to be the one and only in someones life in principle to indicate its derived form jealousy or insecurity in ones slef or the relationship.OR that ONLY wanting one and only one person in your life..is a problem.

IOW I dont want anyone else but one either..Wanting him to feel that same way as I do is completeley natural.


Oh my gosh..now Im gonna sing!

"I wanna be loved by you ,by you

And noboby else but you!

I wanna be loved by you

Alone....boo booo bee do! :flirt:

Love

Dallas

 

[Autodidact]

i appologise for not having any options for the bisexual or homosexual members, it's not that i've had any of that sort of experience, i don't know why a woman would not want her female partner to have another one besides her. that to me seems like a strange question to ask, even though i've already written it.

Well it's not my preference; we prefer and have an exclusive relationship. However, if you advocate polygamy, then I think you should be able to understand why someone might prefer a more open relationship. My main point is that I prefer honesty and equality, not to mention kindness, so I'm open to discussing any structure that is based on those values.

 

[Autodidact]

Oh and I cant answer that poll either.

Because I wouldnt "rather " any of the options.

I would "rather" him not want any other woman in the first place.

But I suppose If Im forced to choose I would rather him "cheat" by that I mean a brief "slip" that he decided he didnt want go any further with and return to me than come home and tell me he wanted a whole other permenent committed relationship (a second wife) .

If he told me he would be unhappy unless he could have a whole new wife but wanted to "keep me " too I would not be able to live with that.I would never feel the same way about us again.

Love

Dallas

Yes, this is where I'm at, in part. I think monogamy is way sexy. Think about it: there's a certain side of her, certain parts of her body, certain things, that only I see, and only I get to do. Face it, that's sexy.

However, unlike eselam, I believe our relationship should be equal, so I'm more than willing to impose the same limit on me. It would be degrading to say, "I should be able to have other partners, but not you."

 

[Autodidact]

Somehow I don't think this discussion is going the way eselam anticipated. We women don't conform to his expectations.

 

[MSizer]

Somehow I don't think this discussion is going the way eselam anticipated. We women don't conform to his expectations.

chuckle. Yes, the world is going to hell in a handbasket. What would you know autodidact, you're gay, so you're not really a woman are you?



(in fairness, I'm not suggesting that eeslam necessarily thinks that way)

 

[DallasApple]

Yes, this is where I'm at, in part. I think monogamy is way sexy. Think about it: there's a certain side of her, certain parts of her body, certain things, that only I see, and only I get to do. Face it, that's sexy.

However, unlike eselam, I believe our relationship should be equal, so I'm more than willing to impose the same limit on me. It would be degrading to say, "I should be able to have other partners, but not you."

Yes its SEXY! I like the fact that only my h has ever brought me to O.And he likes it too it makes him feel special.He is the only one that has ever seen me in that "state"...(since we have had other partners at least that has been only he and I as well as certain other "elements" that its only been us).

But I also do agree..If your going to have it poly..Its completely hypocritical to say "no only I can have others..you only get me because "God said".

That is UNLESS the other person is fine with that..But having it as a rule that YOU remain "faithful' to me becaue Im the "man" and I can have other women who also remain faithful to me is so obviously chaevenistic its not even funny.

If the man cant handle the thought of her being with other men he shouldnt expect her to be o.k with it either.And I think blaming it on "God said" is a crock.

Love

Dallas

 

[blackout]

My husband says he would get a girlfriend if he had any free time
and could afford it. I WISH.

So you honestly think we could just up and buy two houses
when we can't even afford the one we're in?
I want a wife/lover of my own to come and share life with me.
I'm so freikin lonely and overburdened.

 

[Autodidact]

chuckle. Yes, the world is going to hell in a handbasket. What would you know autodidact, you're gay, so you're not really a woman are you?

NO, but my girlfriend is.

 

[MSizer]

My husband says he would get a girlfriend if he had any free time
and could afford it. I WISH.

So you honestly think we could just up and buy two houses
when we can't even afford the one we're in?
I want a wife/lover of my own to come and share life with me.
I'm so freikin lonely and overburdened.

That's sad. 8^( I'm guessing you probably already know this, but just in case maybe you hadn't looked into it, I'm pretty sure a quick search online would find you some locals in similar situations. Not trying to sound condescending, just thought it was worth mentionning in case you weren't aware. Maybe "meeting, ahem, for coffee" once in a while is better than not?

 

[DallasApple]

My husband says he would get a girlfriend if he had any free time
and could afford it. I WISH.

So you honestly think we could just up and buy two houses
when we can't even afford the one we're in?
I want a wife/lover of my own to come and share life with me.
I'm so freikin lonely and overburdened.

Im not trying to be mean but I dont think your husband could handle a "girilfriend" even if he had the money and time.I dont think she would be any happier emotionally than you.

Maybe he should get a grip on your needs and care more about you beign lonely and overburdened first before he blames "no money or time" for not havign a "girlfriend".

My husband can and has been a jerk to me at times but I dont like the way your husbands seems to treat you .At all.I dont think he pays enough attention to you..The real you. :no:

Love

Dallas

 

[blackout]

Im not trying to be mean but I dont think your husband could handle a "girilfriend" even if he had the money and time.I dont think she would be any happier emotionally than you.

Maybe he should get a grip on your needs and care more about you beign lonely and overburdened first before he blames "no money or time" for not havign a "girlfriend".

My husband can and has been a jerk to me at times but I dont like the way your husbands seems to treat you .At all.I dont think he pays enough attention to you..The real you. :no:

Love

Dallas

I'm the one who told him I wished he'd get a girlfriend.
It was a selfish request really.

It really doesn't matter anymore anyway.

Everything will be very different inside of a year's time.
*says no more.....*

 

[DallasApple]

I'm the one who told him I wished he'd get a girlfriend.
It was a selfish request really.

It really doesn't matter anymore anyway.

Everything will be very different inside of a year's time.
*says no more.....*

Maybe you wouldnt wish he got a girlfreind he was treating you better!Paying nicer attention to you!

Love


Dallas