Adultery and monogamy

[an anarchist]

Adultery is fine.

Monogamy shouldn’t be the norm.

That’s my stance.

I don’t adulterize because I love my boyfriend. I am monogamous because my boyfriend has the socially acceptable view that monogamy is the correct way. I love him enough to where I settle into a monogamous and faithful relationship.

But it doesn’t mean I don’t hold the stances I stated above.

When my now exwife “cheated” on me, I took it real personally. Therapist told me that it was a “me problem” and to simply get over it because the wifey actually and literally did nothing to me. She was missing an emotional need and was trying to fill it. And I’m mad? How unthoughtful and selfish.

Next girlfriend “cheated” on me. I didn’t get mad when she came to me crying about it. I just asked “Oh, why? Is there something wrong in our relationship?”

Oh, and monogamy I believe is a religious construct. Absent of religion, monogamy can be reduced to possessiveness. You are claiming to own someone exclusively when you are monogamous. My first wife tried this logic with me but I was raised Christian so I wasn’t having it because marriage a picture of God’s relationship with us supposedly.

I have matured and have hindsight now.

Adultery is fine.

Monogamy is selfish and possessive.

debate me normies

 

[Jayhawker Soule]

Oh, and monogamy I believe is a religious construct.

It is interesting that the prohibition in Christianity seems traceable to the pastoral epistles. (See Polygamy in Christianity) The Wikipedia entry on polygamy in general offers ...

In cultures which practice polygamy, its prevalence among that population often correlates with social class and socioeconomic status.[7] [source]​

As for the issue in general, I favor focussing on honesty and equality, and letting the resulting norm be the resulting norm.

 

[ImmortalFlame]

Adultery is fine.

Monogamy shouldn’t be the norm.

That’s my stance.

I don’t adulterize because I love my boyfriend. I am monogamous because my boyfriend has the socially acceptable view that monogamy is the correct way. I love him enough to where I settle into a monogamous and faithful relationship.

But it doesn’t mean I don’t hold the stances I stated above.

When my now exwife “cheated” on me, I took it real personally. Therapist told me that it was a “me problem” and to simply get over it because the wifey actually and literally did nothing to me. She was missing an emotional need and was trying to fill it. And I’m mad? How unthoughtful and selfish.

Next girlfriend “cheated” on me. I didn’t get mad when she came to me crying about it. I just asked “Oh, why? Is there something wrong in our relationship?”

Oh, and monogamy I believe is a religious construct. Absent of religion, monogamy can be reduced to possessiveness. You are claiming to own someone exclusively when you are monogamous. My first wife tried this logic with me but I was raised Christian so I wasn’t having it because marriage a picture of God’s relationship with us supposedly.

I have matured and have hindsight now.

Adultery is fine.

Monogamy is selfish and possessive.

debate me normies

As someone whose family was destroyed by adultery... Nah, you're just wrong. Betraying someone's trust is never for reasons of the other person's failings. It's a failing of the adulterer.

Polygamy, on the other hand...

 

[Estro Felino]

Let me understand.
So you're bisexual?

 

[Daemon Sophic]

Adultery is fine.

Monogamy shouldn’t be the norm.

That’s my stance.

I don’t adulterize because I love my boyfriend. I am monogamous because my boyfriend has the socially acceptable view that monogamy is the correct way. I love him enough to where I settle into a monogamous and faithful relationship.

But it doesn’t mean I don’t hold the stances I stated above.

When my now exwife “cheated” on me, I took it real personally. Therapist told me that it was a “me problem” and to simply get over it because the wifey actually and literally did nothing to me. She was missing an emotional need and was trying to fill it. And I’m mad? How unthoughtful and selfish.

Next girlfriend “cheated” on me. I didn’t get mad when she came to me crying about it. I just asked “Oh, why? Is there something wrong in our relationship?”

Oh, and monogamy I believe is a religious construct. Absent of religion, monogamy can be reduced to possessiveness. You are claiming to own someone exclusively when you are monogamous. My first wife tried this logic with me but I was raised Christian so I wasn’t having it because marriage a picture of God’s relationship with us supposedly.

I have matured and have hindsight now.

Adultery is fine.

Monogamy is selfish and possessive.

debate me normies

As someone whose family was destroyed by adultery... Nah, you're just wrong. Betraying someone's trust is never for reasons of the other person's failings. It's a failing of the adulterer.

Polygamy, on the other hand...

@ImmortalFlame is exactly right. Get your words straight @an anarchist . Polygamy is fine. Adultery is one of the worst crimes one can commit against another human being.
Out of the Christian “10 Commandments”, I believe that Adultery is the only one that cannot be forgiven.

 

[an anarchist]

Let me understand.
So you're bisexual?

Indeed

 

[an anarchist]

Betraying someone's trust is never for reasons of the other person's failings. It's a failing of the adulterer.

It is a two way street imo. And at the end of the day, if you aren’t getting your emotional needs fulfilled in a closed monogamous relationship, you are doing yourself and your mental health a disservice by maintaining loyalty and/or the relationship.

You gotta take care of yourself at the end of the day. So even if it is the “failings” of the adulterer, why be mad? Because they took care of their needs?

 

[an anarchist]

Adultery is one of the worst crimes one can commit against another human being.

Why tho? You give no elaboration other than pointing to the Ten Commandments, which I find absolutely reinforces the OP.

Out of the Christian “10 Commandments”, I believe that Adultery is the only one that cannot be forgiven.

absent of religion, why is adultery bad? Why is it bad to take care of yourself? Why must your mental health suffer because religion has permeated societal norms?

 

[an anarchist]

Adultery is one of the worst crimes one can commit against another human being.

I believe you are absolutely blowing adultery out of proportion. I used to hold your stance. I literally tried to delete people who screwed my wife; now my medical record is very colorful.

Your attitude is dangerous. Edit: imo

 

[Stevicus]

Adultery is fine.

Monogamy shouldn’t be the norm.

That’s my stance.

I don’t adulterize because I love my boyfriend. I am monogamous because my boyfriend has the socially acceptable view that monogamy is the correct way. I love him enough to where I settle into a monogamous and faithful relationship.

But it doesn’t mean I don’t hold the stances I stated above.

When my now exwife “cheated” on me, I took it real personally. Therapist told me that it was a “me problem” and to simply get over it because the wifey actually and literally did nothing to me. She was missing an emotional need and was trying to fill it. And I’m mad? How unthoughtful and selfish.

Next girlfriend “cheated” on me. I didn’t get mad when she came to me crying about it. I just asked “Oh, why? Is there something wrong in our relationship?”

Oh, and monogamy I believe is a religious construct. Absent of religion, monogamy can be reduced to possessiveness. You are claiming to own someone exclusively when you are monogamous. My first wife tried this logic with me but I was raised Christian so I wasn’t having it because marriage a picture of God’s relationship with us supposedly.

I have matured and have hindsight now.

Adultery is fine.

Monogamy is selfish and possessive.

debate me normies

My view is that whatever people want to do is whatever they want to do. As long as it doesn't hurt anyone or otherwise violate other people's rights (and as long as there's no deception or fraud), then it doesn't bother me if people choose monogamy, polygamy, Bacchanalian rituals - or whatever they might want to do. Likewise for people who choose to remain single. That also seems to take some flak like the "childless cat ladies" or the "confirmed bachelors." They might feel a certain pressure to conform to something religion or society might want of them.

 

[an anarchist]

As long as it doesn't hurt anyone

I have come to understand that there is a lot of nuance to infidelity.

People being hurt or offended by infidelity is a result of societal norms. The cheater is literally doing nothing to the “victim”.

What is the cheater doing that hurts the other person? Literally nothing. It is the other persons own attitudes that causes them pain.

 

[an anarchist]

Out of the Christian “10 Commandments”, I believe that Adultery is the only one that cannot be forgiven.

I believe you are absolutely blowing adultery out of proportion. I used to hold your stance. I literally tried to delete people who screwed my wife; now my medical record is very colorful.

Your attitude is dangerous. Edit: imo

Wait, out of ALL the the commandments, adultery is the worst?@Daemon Sophic even worse than murder?

 

[an anarchist]

Betraying someone's trust

It is the fault of the trust giver for expecting and upholding oppressive societal norms. The norm of monogamy is wrongfully possessive, so if someone goes against it, more power to them. No one should be a possession.

 

[Estro Felino]

I believe that it depends on the person's character.
Some people have a vision of love that is devoid of possession and that is totally fine.

 

[an anarchist]

I believe that it depends on the person's character.
Some people have a vision of love that is devoid of possession and that is totally fine.

I’m willingly exclusive with my boyfriend, though he wouldn’t have it any other way. And I don’t feel the need for more people in my life romantically. I am satisfied with my boyfriend, so I play by his rules.

It is for the people who are told by EVERYONE in their life, by the ENTIRETY of society, that their lack of capability to healthily practice monogamy makes them WORSE than murderers, that I speak. Why is it a wonder why people hide that they cheat when people view cheaters as worse than murderers?

 

[JustGeorge]

Adultery is fine.

Monogamy shouldn’t be the norm.

That’s my stance.

I don’t adulterize because I love my boyfriend. I am monogamous because my boyfriend has the socially acceptable view that monogamy is the correct way. I love him enough to where I settle into a monogamous and faithful relationship.

But it doesn’t mean I don’t hold the stances I stated above.

When my now exwife “cheated” on me, I took it real personally. Therapist told me that it was a “me problem” and to simply get over it because the wifey actually and literally did nothing to me. She was missing an emotional need and was trying to fill it. And I’m mad? How unthoughtful and selfish.

Next girlfriend “cheated” on me. I didn’t get mad when she came to me crying about it. I just asked “Oh, why? Is there something wrong in our relationship?”

Oh, and monogamy I believe is a religious construct. Absent of religion, monogamy can be reduced to possessiveness. You are claiming to own someone exclusively when you are monogamous. My first wife tried this logic with me but I was raised Christian so I wasn’t having it because marriage a picture of God’s relationship with us supposedly.

I have matured and have hindsight now.

Adultery is fine.

Monogamy is selfish and possessive.

debate me normies

I dislike 'adultery'. Adultery is going behind someone's back, sneaking around.

If someone wants to engage in a polyamorous relationship, that's different. There's honesty. Those involved are being open about what they're doing.
I think every person needs different things, and every relationship is unique. Some people would be overwhelmed with polyamory. Others would feel restricted in monogamy. And then there's different levels... are the extra relationships just sexual, or emotional? Are all of the people involved 'together', or does everyone have partners on the side?

For myself, I couldn't handle a polyamorous relationship. The idea of taking care of multiple men is too much. I'm not sure I could give them equal attention. And then if my spouse had multiple girlfriends, I would feel resentful, because I'd feel I'd have to take care of them. I'm not bisexual(nor is my husband), so we couldn't necessarily share a mate. I would fear the 'other woman' getting pregnant, and then having to take care of that kid, too.

Not to mention the jealousy factor... I would be lying if I said I wouldn't be jealous to know my husband was screwing around with someone else. And his jealousy is off the charts at this point. Some people just have the wired into them. Other people do not.

I think its best when people stick what's natural for them.

 

[an anarchist]

Adultery is going behind someone's back, sneaking around

There is much nuance to this. I don’t deny what you are saying, but I do not believe it is as cut and dry as what you are saying.

Not to mention the jealousy factor

I completely sympathize. I was a very jealous young man. It took years of therapy personally to overcome the jealousy and all the baggage that came with it, but I’m all the better for it. I am able to be nice and cordial with the exwife now when I feel like chatting.

I think it’s best when people stick what's natural for them.

I do wonder how natural monogamy is and how much monogamy is a result of environmental factors (society, religion, etc.)

 

[an anarchist]

Some people just have the wired into them. Other people do not.

I personally do not think that society as a whole should reinforce and justify the jealousy that is accepted in relationships.

 

[an anarchist]

There is much nuance to this. I don’t deny what you are saying, but I do not believe it is as cut and dry as what you are saying.

Allow me to elaborate by presenting a scenario.

A wife loves her husband more than anything and anyone. The wife cheats on the husband.

See how it is nuanced? The wife cheating does not mean that the love is not true.

 

[JustGeorge]

I personally do not think that society as a whole should reinforce and justify the jealousy that is accepted in relationships.

It may not always. I don't think 'open relationships' are as uncommon as they once were.

I think there's levels of it, too.

If I ran up and kissed some guy, I would understand that my husband would be jealous. I wouldn't consider his jealousy to be at a problematic level; he didn't sign up for that when we married.

I don't understand when he's jealous because I am giving (non sexual/romantic) attention to other people. That's a problem.

I do wonder how natural monogamy is and how much monogamy is a result of environmental factors (society, religion, etc.)

I do, too. I guess it would be hard to tell; its hard to remove cultural influence from a person.

That being said, there is monogamy in nature. Cats will pass each other around, but cichlids(a type of fish) will pick a mate, stay with the mate, and tend to die shortly after the mate does.