Are Open Marriages Immoral?

[ChristineES]

I do not see a need to get married in the first place if that is how one wants to live their life. But, whatever rock´s your boat.

That is what I was thinking, why get married? Unless you like living with one person and having sex with another or more. If you are not religious, then it really wouldn't matter anyway, would it?
I think when men had more than one wife, including in the Bible (for example, King David had 7 wives), was almost better than just having one. I think some men get bored with just one woman, sex-wise. Of course, then women would want more than one husband.

 

[Inky]

The main problem I see is finding the emotional energy (and the time) to hold up more than one romantic relationship. I could see one or both partners feeling neglected because there just isn't enough time in the day. Limiting the extramarital excursions to casual sex would fix that, but the spouses would have to have good communication and be very considerate of each other's feelings; if I were in an open marriage, I'd want to be able to veto specific prospects of my spouse's just if they didn't feel okay to me, without having to justify it further than that. It ought to be something that both people go into by their own choice without being pressured, and if it works out, I'd say that's a sign that their relationship is very healthy and stable.

 

[Isabella Lecour]

Maybe it has never occurred to anyone that if a couple decides to have an open marriage that it may be a sign that the marriage is in trouble already.

Too often people try to fix sexual problems in a marriage by trying something "new." All too often it fails because one or both partners are emotionally immature and dishonest about feelings and reactions while forgetting about the partnership aspect of marriage. That doesn't mean that it can't be done successfully. Maybe a couple decides to do this because the marriage isn't in trouble and this really is a choice they made together. Is it so hard to believe that two people can choose this without there being trouble in the marriage?

And, believe it or not, I have a bias, too. A few years ago, I decided to allow my husband (very grudgingly) to find a woman who would satisfy him in a certain way I was unable to do. It ruined our marriage completely. I didn't really want him to do this in the first place. My husbands morals certainly don't match mine.

What happened to you doesn't sound like an open marriage to me. It sounds like he got a piece, scott free. Being badgered into accepting a situation that's repugnant isn't what open marriage is about. He showed an incredible amount of lack of caring and understanding to push his wife in this direction.

That is what I was thinking, why get married?

Marriage is for establishing the home unit in anticipation for raising children. Marriage is for establishing legal rights on survivorship, health issues, money benefits and passing inheritance and property.
Ultimately marriage is a partnership, with self defining goals, encouraging in self development, and offering human companionship. That is, in an ideal world; too often marriages fall short because couples do not define goals in a marriage, nor it's purpose.

Unless you like living with one person and having sex with another or more. If you are not religious, then it really wouldn't matter anyway, would it?
I think when men had more than one wife, including in the Bible (for example, King David had 7 wives), was almost better than just having one. I think some men get bored with just one woman, sex-wise. Of course, then women would want more than one husband.

It matters very much. I have never seen marriage as a religious institution but a legal one. Your right, some men and women- really most folks do get bored with one partner. Just like, who wants to eat baloney sandwiches for the rest of their life? Not many people do. Some are just better at repressing those urges, others choose to honestly and respectful explore those urges.

 

[MoonWater]

I personally would not want to be involved in an open marriage but I don't see anything immoral about it nor do I see any reason to get in the way of anyone else who WANTED to do it. Just because I prefer a closed marriage doesn't mean an open one immoral. Same as my preferring vanilla to chocolate doesn't make chocolate immoral.

 

[Stellify]

That is what I was thinking, why get married? Unless you like living with one person and having sex with another or more. If you are not religious, then it really wouldn't matter anyway, would it?

I think we can agree that there is a difference between sex and love.
I see marriage as an expression of love and commitment to another person. There can be religious/lawful parts to it as well, of course, but I don't think they necessarily have to enter into the equation...the most important reason to me for marriage is the love and devotion two people share. This doesn't necessarily have anything to do with sex, so I guess I just don't make the connection between multiple sex-partners and marriage being pointless, as long as there is a single love-partner (if that makes any sense...I'm a bit tired). Unless, of course, sex is the most important thing in a marriage? But that would be sad...

 

[Nick Soapdish]

Are there any grounds for asserting that open marriages (marriages in which both partners willingly allow each other to have sexual partners outside the marriage) are immoral? If so, what are those grounds?

Christian theology obviously sees it as immoral. Marriage was designed by God and infidelity is definitely against God's direction.

In general, I think it is unhealthy. People can convince themselves that they can separate the emotional attachment from the sexual act, but the truth is the brain doesn't work that way.

"It's starting to smell a little like danger in here, or heavily-fried food." - The Tick

 

[Bathsheba]

In general, I think it is unhealthy. People can convince themselves that they can separate the emotional attachment from the sexual act, but the truth is the brain doesn't work that way.

I agree, I think it is probably risky behavior for many people.

Regarding the morality of the behavior, I can appreciate why people conclude that it is immoral. For me, it is enough to be concerned about people's wellfare (since I'm not informed by religion) and be resistant to the behavior on those grounds alone. Would I ever favor legislating against it, nope.

What I'm not sure about is your comment "that the brain doesn't work that way". Our brains may be more plastic than we give them credit for. Perhaps some of the thinking is more culturally mediated vs. brain soup construction.

 

[s2a]

Are there any grounds for asserting that open marriages (marriages in which both partners willingly allow each other to have sexual partners outside the marriage) are immoral? If so, what are those grounds?

I think it's "immoral" to violate a personalized pledge of sexual fealty/fidelity.

By nature and description, "open marriages" do not establish nor demand sexual fealty/fidelity as a "ground rule" of a "faithful" commitment of marriage.

From a personalized perspective, I have no "moral" objections to mutually consensual "open marriages", per se. If reasonable folks desire multiple spouses, or multiple sexual partners in contractually acceptable situations of presumptive monogamy, that's fine with me...though not my cup o' tea.

Dealing with the demands and expectations of any one woman is more than any accomplished/endowed man might ever hope to satisfy of fulfill.

It was tough enough having two girlfriends--at the same tim--in my college days. I would not wish such ensuing woes upon the most virile man alive today. Unless you are a sociopath, and pleasing others is of no concern whatsoever to you, then sanity's sake alone argues against any sort of "open marriage".

"Immoral"?
No.

"Ill-advised"?
You betcha.

 

[cardero]

Are Open Marriages Immoral?
No, they are honest and express the Truth that no one can tell another what to do with their life.

 

[Aasimar]

Are Open Marriages Immoral?
No, they are honest and express the Truth that no one can tell another what to do with their life.

/agree

 

[Inky]

Unless you are a sociopath, and pleasing others is of no concern whatsoever to you, then sanity's sake alone argues against any sort of "open marriage".

Actually, I know two couples who have had open marriages for many years and are doing wonderfully.

 

[Ringer]

Are Open Marriages Immoral?
No, they are honest and express the Truth that no one can tell another what to do with their life.

Sounds very similar to the reason that the church of Corinth probably used back in the day. They prided themselves with their Greek thinking of absolute freedom including their sexuality. I might not be able to tell you what you should do with your life but you'll be answering to somebody someday and will be held accountable for it. There is nothing "honest" about an open marriage.

 

[MoonWater]

There is nothing "honest" about an open marriage.

How so?

 

[Sunstone]

There is nothing "honest" about an open marriage.

Could you elaborate on this statement? Are open marriages dishonest? If so, why?

 

[Stellify]

There is nothing "honest" about an open marriage.

You're entitled to your own opinion, of course...but I think that in some cases an open marriage is more honest than a "closed" one. The way my friends who are in an open marriage do it, the two people are honest with each other and themselves that they do in fact desire extra-marital sexual relations. They are honest about who they have these relations with. If one partner isn't comfortable with a certain relationship, then they're honest about that. They base their entire relationship off of honesty and are extremely happy.
I would think that there would be "nothing honest" about denying/repressing the fact that one wants other sexual partners outside of a marriage and not being honest with your partner about how you feel, whether you act on those urges or not.

 

[Ringer]

Could you elaborate on this statement? Are open marriages dishonest? If so, why?

I believe the term marriage applies to something more than just an institution for sexual gratifcation. It was designed to be between a man and woman to join both their spiritual and physical natures. The only thing honest about it is realizing that your sexual desires outweigh the sanctity and real purpose that marriage can bring to your life.

 

[UnTheist]

I believe the term marriage applies to something more than just an institution for sexual gratifcation. It was designed to be between a man and woman to join both their spiritual and physical natures. The only thing honest about it is realizing that your sexual desires outweigh the sanctity and real purpose that marriage can bring to your life.

The 'real purpose' is whatever you want it to be.

 

[Fat Old Sun]

I have been in open relationships, but not an open marriage. I am in a monogamous marriage. My wife says she has no desire to be with another man. If you get a few martinis in her though, she will start to check out other women. She jokes about kissing other girls, but hasn't acted on it. This doesn't bother me because I trust her completely and she is honest with me about everything.

To be in an open marriage or relationship, one has to do the same things that a couple in a traditional marriage do, and sometimes to even greater lengths. Honesty is paramount. There must be complete honesty at every step, especially when beginning this arrangement. Boundaries must be set and respected. This requires brutal honesty. Both people must be clear about what they are and are not comfortable with. If at any point in the relationship someone's feelings change, this needs to be communicated immediately. The utmost respect for your partner's feelings and boundaries is required at all times for this to work.

Open marriages are not and cannot be immoral. Human behavior is what is or is not immoral. For some people it is not the physical contact that constitutes cheating, but the deception that often comes with it. There can be cheating in an open relationship just as there can be in a monogamous one. Where the question of morality comes into play in both cases, is when one person is placing his own desires above not only those of the other person, but above the welfare of the relationship itself.

 

[Willamena]

I believe the term marriage applies to something more than just an institution for sexual gratifcation. It was designed to be between a man and woman to join both their spiritual and physical natures. The only thing honest about it is realizing that your sexual desires outweigh the sanctity and real purpose that marriage can bring to your life.

Why is a joining between a man and a woman any more supportive of spiritual nature than a joining between a man and a woman and another man and another woman?

 

[Stellify]

I believe the term marriage applies to something more than just an institution for sexual gratifcation. It was designed to be between a man and woman to join both their spiritual and physical natures. The only thing honest about it is realizing that your sexual desires outweigh the sanctity and real purpose that marriage can bring to your life.

I guess I just don't see marriage's "real purpose" as having anything to do with the joining of two people's physical natures (I wouldn't marry someone for the sex...I don't think)...I think that the spiritual/emotional side is what matters. Sex can be linked to that, true..but it doesn't have to be.
Therefore, I don't see that sexual desires necessarily outweigh the "sanctity and real purpose" of a marriage.
This is assuming that the two people involved have talked about and honestly agree to an open relationship, of course. If one partner wants monogamy, then that should be respected without hesitation.