Ask an Atheist, Get a Snide, Sarcastic Response

[Danmac]

Dear Danmac,
I must admit, your attempt at humor is actually less awkward and pathetic than your religion!

I must admit. Your inability to discern between humor and reality tells me why you are an atheist.

Your query is actually quite uplifting, as it shows religious nutjobs are capable of understanding irony, at least on a rudimentary level.

It should be uplifting. It was a compliment.

I have to thank you, as this will actually settle a long-standing bet between my father and myself about whether monkeys can be trained to understand humor. Thank you.
Sincerely,
KT

You should have been wiser than to bet with your father. He already knew from experience that monkeys can be trained to understand humor.

 

[Mr Spinkles]

Does an angel get its wings every time I run down an atheist with my car?

 

[Danmac]

Does an angel get its wings every time I run down an atheist with my car?

You have to have ten atheists for a set of wings. One atheist gets ya a kite.

 

[Cypress]

You have to have ten atheists for a set of wings. One atheist gets ya a kite.

How many kittens do I get for one priest?

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Dear Atheist,

I left a set of paddles at your place. When can I get them back?

You can still keep my underwear, btw.

Love,
Mystic

 

[Kilgore Trout]

I must admit. Your inability to discern between humor and reality tells me why you are an atheist.

It should be uplifting. It was a compliment.

You should have been wiser than to bet with your father. He already knew from experience that monkeys can be trained to understand humor.

Retraction: In the last column, the snide, sarcastic atheist incorrectly stated that Danmac's attempts at humor were less awkward and pathetic than his religion. As hard as it is to believe, this turns out to actually not be the case. We apologize to the readers for this mistake, and thank you for your continued readership.

The Editor

 

[Kilgore Trout]

Does an angel get its wings every time I run down an atheist with my car?

Dear Mr Spinkles,
I didn't realize they allowed people with advanced dementia to operate automobiles! The answers to your query, in fact, is yes. That is, if by "angel," you mean a huge, burly inmate in a federal penitentiary, and by "its wings," you mean your cornhole. Of course, access to this information would no doubt encourage many, many Christian men to furiously start running down atheists, so try to keep it under wraps.
Sincerely,
KT

 

[The Neo Nerd]

Dearest Mr Atheist.

Is that a goatee on your face or is that merely ash from the baby that you set on fire by accidently over cooking?

-Q

 

[Danmac]

Retraction: In the last column, the snide, sarcastic atheist incorrectly stated that Danmac's attempts at humor were less awkward and pathetic than his religion.

Dear Editor
We are pleased to see that you came to your senses, and realized that your query was nothing more than a heaping pile of cow dung. If I may let me offer this advice. In the future keep in mind that accuracy will lend to your credibility. We understand that your pot shots are nothing more than ill attempts to "appear" knowledgeable. We appreciate your humility as I am sure that it took a lot to admit your cowdungishness. We will overlook it this time, but in the future remember the little that your father taught you. On the other hand you may want to forget everything and start from scratch.

As hard as it is to believe, this turns out to actually not be the case. We apologize to the readers for this mistake, and thank you for your continued readership.

The Editor

It's not hard at all to believe. Again, we realize that your queries still have training wheels. We will work with you in the future and try to bring you up to speed. I apologize that we cannot make any promises at this time, as your resources appear to be wanting. You just keep trying and remember what papa said. "Monkeys can be trained therefore you have hope."

 

[Kilgore Trout]

Dear Editor
We are pleased to see that you came to your senses, and realized that your query was nothing more than a heaping pile of cow dung. If I may let me offer this advice. In the future keep in mind that accuracy will lend to your credibility. We understand that your pot shots are nothing more than ill attempts to "appear" knowledgeable. We appreciate your humility as I am sure that it took a lot to admit your cowdungishness. We will overlook it this time, but in the future remember the little that your father taught you. On the other hand you may want to forget everything and start from scratch.

It's not hard at all to believe. Again, we realize that your queries still have training wheels. We will work with you in the future and try to bring you up to speed. I apologize that we cannot make any promises at this time, as your resources appear to be wanting. You just keep trying and remember what papa said. "Monkeys can be trained therefore you have hope."

Okay, I'm going to break character here, this one time, to plead with you to stop painfully embarrassing yourself - for your own sake. You're just too easy of a target, and it won't be humorous if I continue humiliating you, it will just be mean.

 

[The Neo Nerd]

Ohh be nice.

Dan is showing his humorous side for once.

I like it.

 

[Danmac]

Ohh be nice.

Dan is showing his humorous side for once.

I like it.

Thank you. Frubals

 

[Danmac]

Okay, I'm going to break character here, this one time, to plead with you to stop painfully embarrassing yourself - for your own sake. You're just too easy of a target, and it won't be humorous if I continue humiliating you, it will just be mean.

Don't hurt me now. Please be gentle.

 

[Wilso]

Dearest Mr Atheist.

Is that a goatee on your face or is that merely ash from the baby that you set on fire by accidently over cooking?

-Q

And you wonder why so many people are turning away from religion.

Let's be absolutely clear. Religion is the source of intolerance. Not Atheism.

 

[The Neo Nerd]

And you wonder why so many people are turning away from religion.

Let's be absolutely clear. Religion is the source of intolerance. Not Atheism.

Hahaha.

Hi Wilso,

I am an athiest.

I was just making fun of one of the more outlandish claims made by religious folks about atheists.

=Q

 

[Quagmire]

And you wonder why so many people are turning away from religion.

Let's be absolutely clear. Religion is the source of intolerance. Not Atheism.

Yeah, you sound like a real tolerant guy.

 

[Wilso]

And you sound like an ignorant **********.
Atheists are responsible for snide and sarcastic responses?
Thanks for proving my point you pathetic lowlife loser.

 

[Quagmire]

And you sound like an ignorant **********.
Atheists are responsible for snide and sarcastic responses?
Thanks for proving my point you pathetic lowlife loser.

LOL! It took you 10 days to come up with that comeback?

yeah, I'm a loser.

And if this is about what I think it's about: no, I still won't go to the prom with you. Get over it and move on.

 

[Quagmire]

Your turn.

 

[Quagmire]

Hello?