Okay.
Dear Atheist,
If you don't find any worth in your frubals, then you wouldn't mind giving me all of them. No questions from me today.
Hugs and kisses,
Mystic
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Ask an Atheist, Get a Snide, Sarcastic Response
- Thread starter Kilgore Trout
- Start date
Okay.
Dear Atheist,
If you don't find any worth in your frubals, then you wouldn't mind giving me all of them. No questions from me today.
Hugs and kisses,
Mystic
Kilgore Trout
Misanthropic Humanist
Dear painted wolf,
Your aimless nonsense is matched only by your rambling incoherence! Indeed, some of us do have horns, as only atheists are hip enough to really get jazz. Also, atheists are the only ones smart enough to know that only pedophiles and sociopaths become pastors and cops. The real reason you never see children near us, is that we'd rather spend our time getting wasted and having dirty sex at orgies, than selfishly adding to the surplus population because of the narcissistic need to produce little versions of ourselves. I don't have time to answer the rest of your query, as it's time to open a fifth of Jack, and put on some Miles Davis.
Sincerely,
ATS
painted wolf
Grey Muzzle
Are you denying that this is your true form?
wa:do
wa:do
Dear Fellow Atheist,
what shall we do about Coleslaw?
On the one hand, it is clearly opposed to God. On the other hand, how can a decent Atheist tolerate such an abomination? How are we supposed to choose sides on this important issue?
what shall we do about Coleslaw?
On the one hand, it is clearly opposed to God. On the other hand, how can a decent Atheist tolerate such an abomination? How are we supposed to choose sides on this important issue?
Kilgore Trout
Misanthropic Humanist
Dear dust1n,
I'm extremely impressed with your ability to use the internet after getting a frontal lobotomy! This is nothing more than a myth, and, in fact, exactly the opposite is true: the moment a person becomes religious they get AIDS (Acquired Intellectual Deficiency Syndrome). Fortunately, we have a vaccine which defends against this type of AIDS: be rational and avoid sharing used-up religious ideologies, particularly from religious junkies.
Sincerely,
ATS
Kilgore Trout
Misanthropic Humanist
Are you denying that this is your true form?
wa:do
Dear painted wolf,
I fear your early senility has reached the tipping point! Obviously, this cartoon goat represents me in no way. For one thing, I do believe in something: working for money is for suckers. Secondly, I never stay home on Sunday, as it is the best day to burglarize the homes of all the idiots at church.
Sincerely,
ATS
Dear Atheist person,
I've recently realized that in my quest to become the spiritual giant that we all can see that I am, I've experimented with almost every belief system except Atheism.
I realize now how unfair this is. With that in mind, I've been considering becoming an atheist for awhile, but I wasn't sure how to start. So, I've been praying to God for guidance in my quest to become an atheist.
So far, He hasn't answered me. Do you think this is a good start?
Regards,
Reluctantly Still Holier than thou.
I've recently realized that in my quest to become the spiritual giant that we all can see that I am, I've experimented with almost every belief system except Atheism.
I realize now how unfair this is. With that in mind, I've been considering becoming an atheist for awhile, but I wasn't sure how to start. So, I've been praying to God for guidance in my quest to become an atheist.
So far, He hasn't answered me. Do you think this is a good start?
Regards,
Reluctantly Still Holier than thou.
Last edited:
painted wolf
Grey Muzzle
Darn... because I really love coffee... and getting a free set of horns to go with said coffee is a big plus. Atheism just lost it's shiny luster. Does Atheism offer a consolation prize?
Loltasticly yours
PW
Kilgore Trout
Misanthropic Humanist
Dear LuisDantas,
Although many queries make me vomit, yours has the distinction of making me both vomit and gouge my eyeballs out with a screwdriver at the same time! Coleslaw is disgusting, period. If you eat it, you're disgusting, period. If you eat coleslaw and believe in god, you should be taken out back and put out of your misery, period.
Sincerely,
ATS
Kilgore Trout
Misanthropic Humanist
Dear rakhel,
I can see your meds are no longer effective! Of course, everyone around you is insane, but do not panic. This situation is normal when you're institutionalized.
Sincerely,
ATS
Rakhel
Well-Known Member
I figured as much. Thank you for the kind reply.
Kilgore Trout
Misanthropic Humanist
Dear RSHTT,
Apparently, you're confusing hardcore drugs with belief systems! On the other hand, they both result in pretty much the same long-term damage, so the differences are negligible. LIsten, if you really want to become an atheist, don't start by praying to god. This will provide you with no answers, as you will not get a response from god on the subject. This is a mistake atheist hopefuls often make. Instead of praying to god for guidance, try praying to Satan.
Sincerely,
ATS
Kilgore Trout
Misanthropic Humanist
Dear PW,
I'd pity your ignorance if I didn't loathe humanity with every fiber of my being! Atheism offers more than a mere consolation prize. It offers you the freedom to do whatever the hell you want, whenever the hell you want, with whoever the hell you want. Oh, and there are free donuts in the staff room on Fridays.
Sincerely,
KT
Cypress
Dragon Mom
Dear Atheist,
I need an objective answer, therefore I ask you.
I feel that I am a very special person, more special than anyone around me.
Regrettably nobody takes notice of what a great and wonderful person I am - neighter my boss, nor my neighbor, not even my family & friends.
They value me, but not enough.
Also I feel that I earn far to little money in spite of wasting my precious life-time with working - while I see that those babbling nonsense & selling it a spiritual truth earn tons of money without earnest work, be it in established religions or on the ever-growing esoteric marketplace.
Do you think my feeling of being very special & underrated is enough to found a religion of my own?
Do you think I can declare myself to be the Queen of the Universe and make other people believe me, do you think I can become like she?
I need an objective answer, therefore I ask you.
I feel that I am a very special person, more special than anyone around me.
Regrettably nobody takes notice of what a great and wonderful person I am - neighter my boss, nor my neighbor, not even my family & friends.
They value me, but not enough.
Also I feel that I earn far to little money in spite of wasting my precious life-time with working - while I see that those babbling nonsense & selling it a spiritual truth earn tons of money without earnest work, be it in established religions or on the ever-growing esoteric marketplace.
Do you think my feeling of being very special & underrated is enough to found a religion of my own?
Do you think I can declare myself to be the Queen of the Universe and make other people believe me, do you think I can become like she?
painted wolf
Grey Muzzle
Ah KT,
I see you figured out your not ATS! You deserve a cookie.
Perhaps you failed to notice that the doughnuts are a potentially suitable consolation prize for not getting horns. Unfortunately, I'm not a doughnut fan.
But I could get into this snide sarcastic thing... meh
PW
Danmac
Well-Known Member
Dear ATS
Why do you have such a hatred for all the little fishes. What in the heck have they done to you. Why can't you just let them swim around without this personal vendetta. Personally I like fish. McDonald's is my favorite, but occasionally I like to go to Jim Bobs fish and chips. They have enough trouble with that dang oyl spill down nair in Golf of Mexico without having to wory about having a price tag on dem dare fishes. My guess is yyou got toasted one eve and woke up to find that your name was no longer ATS, but kill more trout. Geez. Leave the trout alone already.
Why do you have such a hatred for all the little fishes. What in the heck have they done to you. Why can't you just let them swim around without this personal vendetta. Personally I like fish. McDonald's is my favorite, but occasionally I like to go to Jim Bobs fish and chips. They have enough trouble with that dang oyl spill down nair in Golf of Mexico without having to wory about having a price tag on dem dare fishes. My guess is yyou got toasted one eve and woke up to find that your name was no longer ATS, but kill more trout. Geez. Leave the trout alone already.
Kilgore Trout
Misanthropic Humanist
Dear Cypress,
The amount of whine in your post has caused my liver to fail! Everyone wants to be special, but the fact of the matter is that there's about 10 millon people in the world that are exactly like you, only less whiny. And, if you're asking whether you can be a rich **** like Paris Hilton, I'm afraid the answer is no - you would need a heck of a lot more money.
Sincerely,
KT
Kilgore Trout
Misanthropic Humanist
Dear ATS
Is that Avatar of you or did someone take a #*!@% on my screen?
Dear Danmac,
I must admit, your attempt at humor is actually less awkward and pathetic than your religion! Your query is actually quite uplifting, as it shows religious nutjobs are capable of understanding irony, at least on a rudimentary level. I have to thank you, as this will actually settle a long-standing bet between my father and myself about whether monkeys can be trained to understand humor. Thank you.
Sincerely,
KT