linwood
Well-Known Member
This thread has nothing to do with smugness just snide sarcasm.
You`re off topic.
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Ask an Atheist, Get a Snide, Sarcastic Response
- Thread starter Kilgore Trout
- Start date
This thread has nothing to do with smugness just snide sarcasm.
You`re off topic.
Oh, this is too rich.
OK.....I'll play. I'm sorry I was too easy on you. Go ahead and keep the crotchless panties, my dear.
I'll be heading over to your place later on. :devil:
Somebody get me an insulin shot since I think I'm overdosing on too much sweetness in my blood.
Kilgore Trout
Misanthropic Humanist
Dear Evelyonian,
I realize that people from Texas tend to be slow, but you make George Bush look like Stephen Hawking! The answer to your question is very simple. We're already in hell. If you look around and don't feel the infinite torture of living in such a pointless and depressing world of pain and emptiness, then you're either retarded, or a spawn of satan yourself. Trust me, it can't possibly get worse than responding to these soul-destroying queries day after day.
Sincerely,
ATS
Kilgore Trout
Misanthropic Humanist
Dear B-Cup,
Your query makes me want to go bungee jump off a cliff, over a huge pile of rusted, jagged scrap metal, covered in burning oil - with no bungee cord! Regardless of where I travel - whether it's hell, Paris, Timbuktu, or the whorehouse down the street, I always carry the same three things: 1) several fifths of Jack Daniel's, 2) several ampoules of antibiotics, and 3) a sturdy, hard-cover bible. The Jack Daniel's is to try to fill the constant emptiness and dull the constant pain; the antibiotics are to treat the myriad STD's I inevitably pick-up at orgies; and the bible is to bludgeon any religious nut-jobs who try to proseltyze at me.
Sincerely,
ATS
JustWondering2
Just the facts Ma'am
ATS,
You crack me up man, you should really be in comedy! :bow:
You crack me up man, you should really be in comedy! :bow:
silhouette
Member
How should the pope react to the current child abuse scandal?
Kilgore Trout
Misanthropic Humanist
Dear Black_Shuck,
There is no god, but if there were, you can be sure that he'd hate you! What would I do if god gave me a hug and a kiss? Probably what I do when anyone gives me a hug and kiss - get an erection and copulate with them for hours after doing lines off their butt. As far as your title goes, it definitely grabs attention, if the type of attention you want is people thinking your a sick ****.
Sincerely,
ATS
Kilgore Trout
Misanthropic Humanist
Dear dust1n,
Your query's idiocy is only matched by its moronity, which could only be matched by the inbred offspring of two George W. Bush clones! This is obviously a trick question. It's axiomatic that in a universe of unlimited alcohol, an unjust could not exist. The presence of an unjust god would result in a universe which contained no alcohol. This being the case, I'll go with the universe where there is no god, and there is unlimited (or plenty of) alcohol. Essentially, the universe as it exists now.
Sincerely,
ATS
Kilgore Trout
Misanthropic Humanist
Dear silhouette,
I'll hurry up and answer your query as it appears your in the final stages of Alzheimer's! The pope should respond as the responsible leader of any pedophilia-based organization should - cover it up and lie his butt off. What if the head of NAMBLA sold out his fellow boy-lovers at the drop of a hat? What kind of example would that set? To be the leader of a group of middle-aged perverts, you have to be willing to do whatever it takes to protect your fellow sickos. It's really the only way to display the kind of integrity which justifies your position.
Sincerely,
ATS
Kilgore Trout
Misanthropic Humanist
Dear UltraViolet,
The trust you're showing by putting yourself out there with this query is quite touching, and at the same time makes me want to projectile vomit! Other than your annoying habit of torching my retinas with your purple writing, you're exactly the type of chick I end up in the sack with almost every night - cute, flirty, nice, and a little on the crazy side. Don't get me wrong, to be a hot piece of tail, a chick has to be a little bit crazy. If I wanted to hook up with someone purely rational, logical, and sane, I'd just stick to ***** myself after plying myself with liquor all night long. Come to think of it, I end up doing that plenty of the time also.
Sincerely,
ATS
Kilgore Trout
Misanthropic Humanist
If a train left station A travelling at 80 miles an hour, travelling due east, and another train left station B travelling at 79 miles an hour travelling due west, how long before anyone notices someone has poisoned the drivers?
Dear monta,
I see several months of intensive electro-shock therapy hasn't improved your condition! It doesn't matter how fast the train is moving. Once somebody saw you on the train, and realized there was an escapee from the looney bin on board, they would quickly put two and two together. Your shifty eyes, intermittent cackle, and the fact that you had your arms wrapped around a giant container labeled "arsenic," would probably be a dead giveaway as well.
Sincerely,
ATS
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dust1n
Zindīq
LOL. Good point.
Dear Atheist,
My wife of 12 years seems distant. She is going out late at nights. She doesn't return my calls. We haven't had sex in such a long time. Do you think she has become atheist and is that reason enough to get an anullment. I have my eye on this new young thing.
My wife of 12 years seems distant. She is going out late at nights. She doesn't return my calls. We haven't had sex in such a long time. Do you think she has become atheist and is that reason enough to get an anullment. I have my eye on this new young thing.
JustWondering2
Just the facts Ma'am
Dear ATS,
What do you think of the rectum as a hole?
What do you think of the rectum as a hole?
Kilgore Trout
Misanthropic Humanist
Dear Atheist,
Do you celebrate Christmas, and if so, do you include a Christmas tree?
Love,
Anne (who loves Christmas trees)
Dear Anne,
Your love of Christmas trees is very endearing, but points towards an unhealthy obsession with phallic objects! Of course, I celebrate Christmas. The unbridled consumerism; the hedonistic gluttony and consumption of alcohol; the ceaseless arguing and aggression; the inevitable post-Christmas depression - Christmas was made for atheists. In fact, I didn't even know Christmas was supposed to be a religious holiday until I heard Bill O'Reilly yapping about it a couple of years ago. If this is the way that Christians celebrate the birth of their god, it could very well be a religion I could get behind! And yes, I do include a Christmas tree. Where else would I hang all my Christmas tree lights?
Sincerely,
ATS