Danmac
Well-Known Member
Opinion has no relevance, only truth.
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Ask an Atheist, Get a Snide, Sarcastic Response
- Thread starter Kilgore Trout
- Start date
Opinion has no relevance, only truth.
Caladan
Agnostic Pantheist
Dear Atheist,
As we all know in the 21st century, science is infallible. but several new theories have been brought to my attention, in which people may be sent to two troubling places, one is a hot place and the other is a place where they'll spend an eternity playing the harp, can you give me some insight into this frigheting emerging theory, and shed your absolute truth on this?
sincerely yours,
Follower of the 19th century prophet Darwin, finder of the golden plates- 'Origin of Species'
As we all know in the 21st century, science is infallible. but several new theories have been brought to my attention, in which people may be sent to two troubling places, one is a hot place and the other is a place where they'll spend an eternity playing the harp, can you give me some insight into this frigheting emerging theory, and shed your absolute truth on this?
sincerely yours,
Follower of the 19th century prophet Darwin, finder of the golden plates- 'Origin of Species'
Danmac
Well-Known Member
Are you silly. we are evolving and this will one day be the planet of the apes once again. I saw the movie if you don't believe me.
Caladan
Agnostic Pantheist
LOL it is the planet of the apes already. the Humanzees have been reigning supreme here!
Kilgore Trout
Misanthropic Humanist
Dear TOR,
Your query has caused me to repeatedly slam my hand in my car door until nothing but a mangled mass of flesh and bone remained! Like many other religious fairy tales, I love the idea of Judgment Day. To see all these religious hypocrites get what's coming to them would be a dream come true. However, like all other fairy tales, it's not going to happen, and we'll have to be satisfied with seeing the religious waste their short, pathetic lives only to permanently die like the rest of us. Hey, anything that keeps the boring people away from my parties and orgies makes me happy!
Sincerely,
ATS
AzraelsTear
Member
is it true that stalin was atheist?
Kilgore Trout
Misanthropic Humanist
Dear Follower,
Your query is the written equivalent of a cat scratching a blackboard with its claws! The idea that science is infallible is ludicrous. We were promised flying cars, trips to the moon, and house-cleaning robots decades ago, and science still hasn't delivered. As for this theory of where people will spend eternity, who wouldn't want to go to a hot place? When people go on vacation, where do they usually go? Someplace hot! And considering the fact that the harp has got to be the most annoying musical instrument ever conceived, anyone who wants to spend eternity playing one is welcome to it, but I don't want to be anywhere near that racket. I'll be on the beach sipping a mojito.
Sincerely,
ATS
Kilgore Trout
Misanthropic Humanist
Dear tarasan,
You truly are proof that natural selection no longer affects human beings! Blonde people are not inferior because hair grows into their brains. They are inferior simply because their brains have atrophied to the size of a large walnut, which makes them do and say so many of the adorably stupid things which makes blondes so fun to laugh at. Of course, this has popularly been misinterpreted that blondes have more fun, when, in fact, the rest of us have more fun ridiculing them.
Sincerely,
ATS
Kilgore Trout
Misanthropic Humanist
Dear MSizer,
I fear one of your ferrets crawled into your ear when you were sleeping and got permanently lodged in your brain! It is true that republicans are among the happiest people in the US, but not because they are self-serving; it's because they are ignorant. And, as we all know, ignorance is bliss. I would love to be able to enjoy the levels of happiness these rubes do by being devoid of knowledge. Unfortunately, like all atheists, I have acquired far too much knowledge to ever be ignorant enough to be as happy as these morons. This is why I drink myself into a stupor every day. Not only do I achieve temporary happiness through being wasted, but I might also kill enough brain cells to eventually reach the mental level of your average republican.
Sincerely,
ATS
Kilgore Trout
Misanthropic Humanist
Dear Quagmire,
Your cluelessness would be adorably sad if it didn't make me want to vomit blood all over myself! First, I don't get off my butt for anything, unless it involves alcohol or a stripper. Secondly, you can't force people to get help. You can only convince them to get help through reasoned debate and a sincere appeal to truth and honesty. And, if that fails, get 'em drunk and laid, and they'll quickly see the error of their proselytizing ways.
Sincerely,
ATS
Kilgore Trout
Misanthropic Humanist
Dear AzraelsTear,
This is an outstanding question for someone in a vegetative coma! Whether Stalin was an atheist or not is irrelevant, since when someone is a murdering psychopath, who gives two craps about their purported philosophies on life? Sometimes people are just murderous lunatics. Sometimes they're atheists - sometimes they're theists - and sometimes they're simply annoyed atheist advice columnists who find themselves interacting with brain dead douches over and over.
Sincerely,
ATS
dogsgod
Well-Known Member
Make it $100 plus plane fare, food, and accommodations for five.
Kilgore Trout
Misanthropic Humanist
Dear Buttercup,
I offer my sympathy in regards to your recent massive brain damage! I'm sorry that I will not be able to accept your offer. First, I am unfamiliar with the pedophilia-themed chants of the various god-cults. And, secondly, you must be lying, as there really can't be people lame enough to actually have karaoke parties.
Sincerely,
ATS
Kilgore Trout
Misanthropic Humanist
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