Chastity or Promiscuity? Which is best and why?

[Polymath257]

OK so what is different between you and her other partner(s)? With all due respect, and please do not take anything i say with ill intent but, it seems like you are both/all being used for 2 different reasons. If you are in fact her partner then, why need someone else for sex? Are you not enough?

Well, her other partner is a long distance one. They have known each other for about 10 years longer than she has known me and have had a relationship for that long.

She has an emotional bond with her other partner as well as an emotional bond with me. She wants to live with me and share our lives, but does not want to live with her other partner. They would clash if they lived together.

Different people offer different things. I no more expect to fulfill all of her needs than she expects to fulfill all of mine. We are people who enjoy each other's company, are committed to being there for the other person, and *like* the fact that we can love someone else without fear of losing each other.

 

[nPeace]

OK so what is different between you and her other partner(s)? With all due respect, and please do not take anything i say with ill intent but, it seems like you are both/all being used for 2 different reasons. If you are in fact her partner then, why need someone else for sex? Are you not enough?

Yup. @Polymath257. That's it.
I might also add. Do you know what marriage is?
What is your view.... Is marriage determined by personal opinion, or is there a fixed view of what marriage is?

 

[Polymath257]

OK so you have your own definition and that's fine but, its not known definition of marriage but, whatever works for you.

Hmmm....we have a marriage license and the government seems to think we are married. We tell everyone we are married and do things together that married people do. That seems to be the common definition.

 

[Polymath257]

Yup. @Polymath257. That's it.
I might also add. Do you know what marriage is?
hat is your view.... Is marriage determined by personal opinion, or is there a fixed view of what marriage is?

Marriage is an agreement between people, a type of commitment to support each other emotionally, to plan the future together, and to share life's moments. In addition, you can let the government know and get an actual license that says you are married.

 

[Vinayaka]

Well, her other partner is a long distance one. They have known each other for about 10 years longer than she has known me and have had a relationship for that long.

She has an emotional bond with her other partner as well as an emotional bond with me. She wants to live with me and share our lives, but does not want to live with her other partner. They would clash if they lived together.

Different people offer different things. I no more expect to fulfill all of her needs than she expects to fulfill all of mine. We are people who enjoy each other's company, are committed to being there for the other person, and *like* the fact that we can love someone else without fear of losing each other.

Thank goodness for a society that's open.

 

[Earthtank]

Well, her other partner is a long distance one.

More than 1 partner = not a marriage

They have known each other for about 10 years longer than she has known me and have had a relationship for that long.

So, what does that have to do with anything? Seems like you are just trying to justify the long term fling (not marriage) that you 2 have going on.

She has an emotional bond with her other partner as well as an emotional bond with me

This is where 1 of the many contradictions lie. You can't be committed to one person and try to call it a marriage then also be committed to someone else

. She wants to live with me and share our lives, but does not want to live with her other partner. They would clash if they lived together.

Another contradiction. All you are doing is proving what i said " you are not married". Sorry to sound harsh but, its the reality of the situation. This is nothing more than a fling trying to disguise itself as a marriage. Live your life how you want but, honesty when talking and trying to make a point is extremely important

 

[nPeace]

Marriage is an agreement between people, a type of commitment to support each other emotionally, to plan the future together, and to share life's moments. In addition, you can let the government know and get an actual license that says you are married.

Where did you get your definition from? Was it a book? Did you make it up? Are you following a standard view?

 

[Earthtank]

Hmmm....we have a marriage license and the government seems to think we are married. We tell everyone we are married and do things together that married people do. That seems to be the common definition.

So if you did not have that paper then what? You can have the government issue any paper you want and tell people whatever you want, even believe whatever you want but, that does not change the reality of the situation.

 

[Earthtank]

Did you make it up?

Yup

 

[nPeace]

Yup

I like to "hear it from the horse's mouth", so I'll wait for an answer.

 

[Polymath257]

More than 1 partner = not a marriage

I disagree. Maybe that is how you want to run *your* marriage, but it isn't how I (or my wife) want to run mine.

So, what does that have to do with anything? Seems like you are just trying to justify the long term fling (not marriage) that you 2 have going on.

You can belittle it all you want, but it *is* a marriage and we *are* committed to each other. I'm sorry you cannot see that.

This is where 1 of the many contradictions lie. You can't be committed to one person and try to call it a marriage then also be committed to someone else

Can you be committed to more than one child? Of course you can. You can also love and be committed to more than one partner.

Another contradiction. All you are doing is proving what i said " you are not married". Sorry to sound harsh but, its the reality of the situation. This is nothing more than a fling trying to disguise itself as a marriage. Live your life how you want but, honesty when talking and trying to make a point is extremely important

Sorry, but I simply disagree. What I have *is* a marriage. Maybe you don't like the fact that it is a marriage, but it works for me and my wife. And, truthfully, anything more than that is unnecessary. Your pre-conceptions of what a marriage is and is not is part of the problems we have in this society. We need to encourage more love and less hate. And to deny someone is married simply because it isn't what *you* want is a brand of hatred.

 

[Polymath257]

Where did you get your definition from? Was it a book? Did you make it up? Are you following a standard view?

Like I said, the government has issued a marriage license. So we are married, by definition.

 

[Polymath257]

So if you did not have that paper then what? You can have the government issue any paper you want and tell people whatever you want, even believe whatever you want but, that does not change the reality of the situation.

Correct, mostly. it can change the accessibility of healthcare, tax benefits, etc.

But, initially, we were not going to involve the government. We are committed to each other and that is enough for us. As you said, getting the government involved doesn't change the situation. It does, however, make us married, by definition.

 

[Earthtank]

Can you be committed to more than one child?

Logical fallacy here. I am not married to my children nor is that relationship anywhere near resembling a marriage, as its clearly known and defined.

Maybe you don't like the fact that it is a marriage, but it works for me and my wife.

On the contrary, I honestly do not care and i have said it multiple times, live your life how you want and whatever works for you but, that does not mean nor make what you are describing as a marriage, that's all.

Your pre-conceptions of what a marriage is and is not is part of the problems we have in this society.

Not my "pre-conceptions", we all use words that we need to agree upon in order to communicate. The moment everyone has his or her own personal definitions is what causes "the problems we have in this society"

We need to encourage more love and less hate

And a mutual understanding for words and the language we use.

nd to deny someone is married simply because it isn't what *you* want is a brand of hatred.

Brand is whatever you like but, i have not uttered a single word of hate and have been as respectful as possible. It seems you are irritated by facing reality.

 

[Earthtank]

So we are married, by definition.

By law, not by definition.

 

[Mock Turtle]

All depends upon what value one places on such things. Seeing sexual issues as being a priority in one's life perhaps?

From what I understand, early sexual experiences are not in general beneficial, mostly applying to females unfortunately, as in early pregnancies, STDs, loss of education, etc., but not so sure about those older, where apparently they will be mature enough to decide such matters. Chastity, or virginity, seems to be overrated, in that many would not be regarded as virgins although never having had sex, and some will seemingly still be virgins after having had sex - the sexual bits of females related to virginity being quite varied apparently. (Haven't inspected that many )

So, as others have said, a middle road, since being chaste is not that big a deal if no guilt is attached to sex - which is what should happen - but the extremes, of being too promiscuous, often just leaves one empty probably, as it does for so many activities when they become routines. I've never understood for example those males claiming to have slept with hundreds or thousands of females. Perhaps a touch of abuse involved? As in, I will take advantage of my celebrity or wealth status.

What about males too? Is masturbation then being promiscuous, with oneself? And what about all the other sexual activities that might leave one a technical virgin but might entail just as much risk for some issues?

Against the chastity view - what are the prospects of one meeting the right person (as envisaged), rather than gaining experience with others to recognise who is actually the right person?

All theory, since I've never been married or had any long-term partners.

 

[SkepticThinker]

More than 1 partner = not a marriage


So, what does that have to do with anything? Seems like you are just trying to justify the long term fling (not marriage) that you 2 have going on.


This is where 1 of the many contradictions lie. You can't be committed to one person and try to call it a marriage then also be committed to someone else

Except that polyandry and polygamy are types of marriages involving more than two people.
So yes, there are other types of marriages that consist of more than two people.

Another contradiction. All you are doing is proving what i said " you are not married". Sorry to sound harsh but, its the reality of the situation. This is nothing more than a fling trying to disguise itself as a marriage. Live your life how you want but, honesty when talking and trying to make a point is extremely important

If they have a marriage licence, they are married.

 

[SkepticThinker]

What's so great about chastity?

 

[Polymath257]

Logical fallacy here. I am not married to my children nor is that relationship anywhere near resembling a marriage, as its clearly known and defined.

OK, you can love and be committed to more than one romantic partner. And you can even be married to one of them. In this society, you cannot be married to more than one, unfortunately.

On the contrary, I honestly do not care and i have said it multiple times, live your life how you want and whatever works for you but, that does not mean nor make what you are describing as a marriage, that's all.

My marriage license and my relationship with my wife say otherwise.

Not my "pre-conceptions", we all use words that we need to agree upon in order to communicate. The moment everyone has his or her own personal definitions is what causes "the problems we have in this society"

And part of that definition is that having a signed marriage license makes you married. Period.

And a mutual understanding for words and the language we use.

Brand is whatever you like but, i have not uttered a single word of hate and have been as respectful as possible. It seems you are irritated by facing reality.

No, I am irritated by what I see as an unreasonable adherence to an outdated definition of marriage. Initially marriage was an economic or political agreement with no romantic aspect involved at all. Later, during the middle ages, romance started being something people wanted in a relationship (although not necessarily in a marriage). Now, the romantic aspect is central. Definitions change over time.

Once again, you may not like the form of my marriage, but to deny it *is* a marriage seems to be unreasonable and disrespectful.

 

[Polymath257]

By law, not by definition.

In this case, the law *is* the definition.

 

[nPeace]

Like I said, the government has issued a marriage license. So we are married, by definition.

That' does not answer the question.
You said...
Marriage is an agreement between people, a type of commitment to support each other emotionally, to plan the future together, and to share life's moments. In addition, you can let the government know and get an actual license that says you are married.
In addition is what you are mentioning that you said, but I asked you about your description of what marriage is. So @Earthtank is right then... you made it up?