Cheating on someone you're in a dating relationship with?

[-Peacemaker-]

Wow, he sucks then. If I lived by that rule I'd either be dead right now or still suffering all forms of cruel abuse from my first husband. Oh wait, he did eventually cheat on me so I guess I'd be lucky enough to have an out on that one. My second husband, however, didn't cheat, he was just extremely jealous and controlling and emotionally and verbally abusive. But I guess that's okay right? Because there was no infidelity. I should still be married to him and being treated like crap and made to cry on a daily basis. I shouldn't be with the man I'm with now. I shouldn't have a wonderful family and two adorable kids. I shouldn't have any of that because I should still be married to an *******.

Jesus let's people separate but not divorce. According to him at least, you don't have to live with an abusive husband but you can't marry someone else. You have to hope and pray the guy repents.

 

[Penumbra]

Could somebody explain to me how someone who doesn't consider it a moral issue to have sex before marriage faces some huge moral dillema when he wants to "cheat" with someone he's not in the sacred dating relationship with? When did dating become bound by a sacred covenant as if it's a marriage?

Cheating on someone is to completely ignore their trust, and to show that their feelings mean little to you. On the other hand, people choosing to have sex without a legal document or a ritual doesn't cause either of them harm.

Actually it has everything to do with it. The root of everything where talking about is mankind's attempt to do things that have moral value, including having meaningful relationships, in the absence of God. I'm saying it's impossible to do and that in God's absence brokeness in relationships becomes so normal that we don't even notice it.

It's perhaps understandable that those who have been unable to achieve something (like live a life of value and enjoy meaningful relationships without a god concept in mind) would like to believe that everyone has run into the same issues or problems that they have, but it's inaccurate. It's not worthwhile to assume that everyone has had the same experiences as you, since you have your specific culture, your own understanding of god, and your own life circumstances.

 

[Draka]

Jesus let's people separate but not divorce. According to him at least, you don't have to live with an abusive husband but you can't marry someone else. You have to hope and pray the guy repents.

So, in other words, if your husband beats the holy living crap out of you you can move out, but you can't move on. You are doomed to be alone and without a family and children all because the guy is a freakin douche. You have to suffer and be lonely and unhappy the rest of your life because you are a victim of an evil monster. Yeah, real nice "savior" and god you have there that would condemn an abuse victim to be miserable for the rest of their lives. Is it any wonder there are so many people who find Christianity disturbing and not worth their time?

And honestly, THIS is where you want us to pull our morals from? Really? Scary.

 

[Father Heathen]

Jesus let's people separate but not divorce. According to him at least, you don't have to live with an abusive husband but you can't marry someone else. You have to hope and pray the guy repents.

How disgusting and immoral. :no:

 

[-Peacemaker-]

So, in other words, if your husband beats the holy living crap out of you you can move out, but you can't move on. You are doomed to be alone and without a family and children all because the guy is a freakin douche. You have to suffer and be lonely and unhappy the rest of your life because you are a victim of an evil monster. Yeah, real nice "savior" and god you have there that would condemn an abuse victim to be miserable for the rest of their lives. Is it any wonder there are so many people who find Christianity disturbing and not worth their time?

And honestly, THIS is where you want us to pull our morals from? Really? Scary.

No you aren't commend to a miserable life. You're simply in a state where the power of God will have to be enough to sustain you through the time of trial. Being sustained by the grace and power of God is a strange concept to those who haven't experience or don't even consider it real. If you've been a Christian long enough it's something that becomes a way of life for a season or two. It's in these times of trials and deliverance however that give people the opportunity to experience miracles to wonderful for words

 

[Draka]

How disgusting and immoral. :no:

My thoughts exactly.

 

[Draka]

No you aren't commend to a miserable life. You're simply in a state where the power of God will have to be enough to sustain you through the time of trial. Being sustained by the grace and power of God is a strange concept to those who haven't experience. If you've been a Christian long enough it's something that becomes a way of life for a season or two. It's in these times of trials and deliverance however that give people the opportunity to experience miracles to wonderful for words

Bullhockey! This little rule of divorce only if infidelity flat out causes a victim to be either alone and miserable or a "sinner". It flat out says as much as "yeah, I know your constantly bruised and sore and yelled at and treated extremely cruelly on a daily basis. I know you'd rather die than live like this, but you either put up and shut up or you can walk out...but remember...you can never move on from your spouse. You can never fall in love with anyone else. You can't remarry. You can't have children. You can't lead a normal and healthy happy life. If you do I'll have to punish you. I know it isn't fair because you aren't the one doing anything wrong, it's the douche you are married to, but you married them...so that's the breaks...tough ****."

This, along with many other rules in the bible, is flat out immoral to anyone who has a heart.

 

[blackout]

Obviously I understand that there's a promise that's been made between people dating. What I don't get is how, without a pledge before God, it becomes much different that promising to take the garbage out on thursday.

Cheap trashy date. Just take her out to the curb.
Then leave her there.
Let some other guy dump her in the morning.

 

[Father Heathen]

No you aren't commend to a miserable life. You're simply in a state where the power of God will have to be enough to sustain you through the time of trial. Being sustained by the grace and power of God is a strange concept to those who haven't experience or don't even consider it real. If you've been a Christian long enough it's something that becomes a way of life for a season or two. It's in these times of trials and deliverance however that give people the opportunity to experience miracles to wonderful for words

A sensible person would rely upon the power of logic instead and leave an unhappy and unhealthy situation.

 

[blackout]

No you aren't commend to a miserable life. You're simply in a state where the power of God will have to be enough to sustain you through the time of trial. Being sustained by the grace and power of God is a strange concept to those who haven't experience or don't even consider it real. If you've been a Christian long enough it's something that becomes a way of life for a season or two. It's in these times of trials and deliverance however that give people the opportunity to experience miracles to wonderful for words

It's not necessary to be "sustained" through a **** relationship.
Trials and deliverance, are a lousy way to live.

Far better to learn from your mistakes
and find a well suited partner
who TRULY IS too wonderful for words,
than waste the years of your life
waiting for your louse... erm... (spouse)
to suddenly and miraculously become prince charming.
ie... (become) someone else (entirely)

But for some, suffering is a virtue.
On the up side,
death will probably come sooner.

 

[Many Sages One Truth]

Jesus let's people separate but not divorce. According to him at least, you don't have to live with an abusive husband but you can't marry someone else. You have to hope and pray the guy repents.

Yeah right, keep telling yourself that. You think a woman would want to live with an abusive husband, even if he did repent? Here's a good argument right here not to marry, if you marry an abusive nut, you're stuck.

 

[Draka]

Yeah right, keep telling yourself that. You think a woman would want to live with an abusive husband, even if he did repent? Here's a good argument right here not to marry, if you marry an abusive nut, you're stuck.

Not to mention the whole concept of trust in the relationship is already broken. Even if a guy were to "repent" it's not like she'll ever really fully trust him again. Trust is like a mirror. Once it's broken you can glue it back together, but it will never truly reflect the way it once did. You'll always see the cracks. Always be reminded how it was broken in the first place. Always be leery that it will break again. Always worry about getting cut. Sometimes it's just better to replace it. You know?

 

[blackout]

Yeah right, keep telling yourself that. You think a woman would want to live with an abusive husband, even if he did repent? Here's a good argument right here not to marry, if you marry an abusive nut, you're stuck.

And yet ANOTHER reason, not ... to marry.
(and a RELIGIOUS one this time. :yes



It really is far too easy.

 

[averageJOE]

Obviously I understand that there's a promise that's been made between people dating. What I don't get is how, without a pledge before God, it becomes much different that promising to take the garbage out on thursday.

In case you didn't know people do get legally married with absolutely no pledge before any god.

 

[Many Sages One Truth]

This is why marriage disgusts me, and in my opinion, is a relic with no place in modern society. Marriage is from a patriarchal society, and those who support traditional marriage "values" tend to be patriarchal.

 

[-Peacemaker-]

Not to mention the whole concept of trust in the relationship is already broken. Even if a guy were to "repent" it's not like she'll ever really fully trust him again. Trust is like a mirror. Once it's broken you can glue it back together, but it will never truly reflect the way it once did. You'll always see the cracks. Always be reminded how it was broken in the first place. Always be leery that it will break again. Always worry about getting cut. Sometimes it's just better to replace it. You know?

I've seen and heard of all kinds of marriages put back together after alcoholism or some other form of abusiveness hurt a family. It can be done but it's important not to confuse lack of trust with unforgiveness.

 

[averageJOE]

It's funny how Jesus says all these things are sins as well. He allows divorce ONLY in the case of infidelity.

Total garbage.

Jesus let's people separate but not divorce. According to him at least, you don't have to live with an abusive husband but you can't marry someone else. You have to hope and pray the guy repents.

More garbage. Your religion says to remain a victim. What good does repenting do anyways? All that means is to ask god for forgiveness when instead they should be seeking forgiveness from their abused spouce.

 

[Draka]

I've seen and heard of all kinds of marriages put back together after alcoholism or some other form of abusiveness hurt a family. It can be done but it's important not to confuse lack of trust with unforgiveness.

So what, are you saying that an abuse victim should just wait around for years on end just on the slim chance that their abuser "repents"? That, if that should ever happen, they should just forgive them and continue with the relationship even though they don't trust them anymore?

How can anyone have a real relationship when there is no trust involved? Where there is no trust, there is no real relationship. Married or not.

Also, what matters to you most? That a couple pledge before your god in a particular rite, or that they are legally married regardless of their religious affiliation?

 

[-Peacemaker-]

So what, are you saying that an abuse victim should just wait around for years on end just on the slim chance that their abuser "repents"? That, if that should ever happen, they should just forgive them and continue with the relationship even though they don't trust them anymore?

How can anyone have a real relationship when there is no trust involved? Where there is no trust, there is no real relationship. Married or not.

Also, what matters to you most? That a couple pledge before your god in a particular rite, or that they are legally married regardless of their religious affiliation?

I'm saying that trust isn't necessarily something that once broken it must stay broken forever and ever.

 

[Draka]

I'm saying that trust isn't necessarily something that once broken it must stay broken forever and ever.

How hopeful of you. Now, care to answer any of the rest of my post?