Clean Jokes.

[DawudTalut]

Peace be on you.

A person wrote a story and took it to editor of a magazine.
Person: I have written this story and I have many more in my shelf. Please accept it.
Editor: (after reading): Please save this one in the shelf too.



An expert of ancient pottery was going village to village to find something antique. At a small shop, he saw a cat is licking milk from a little ancient cup. He thought if he directly asked about the cup, shopkeeper may ask lot of money. So he asked the shopkeeper to sell the cat to him in 1000 $. Shopkeeper sold it..... Then the expert said to shopkeeper to give that pot too as cat was 'used to it'.

The village-shopkeeper smiled, refused and then said, " Since morning I have sold a dozen cats because of this pot."

 

[Brickjectivity]

Question: Why did the chicken cross Pennsylvania Avenue?

Answer: To get to another site.

 

[Brickjectivity]

Question: Why did the Elephant mutilate the road?

Answer: Because it was the road to change.

 

[Brickjectivity]

Question: When does a duck sound like a bugle horn?

Answer: When it runs for election.

 

[Brickjectivity]

Question: What do elephants always forget?

Answer: The future.

 

[Brickjectivity]

Question: What do you get when you marry a Republican to a Democrat?

Answer: Loose change.

 

[DawudTalut]

Peace be on you.
= A man came back to veterinary doctor [who had given him medicine powder to drop in cow’s mouth by using a little wooden tube], his eyes were being red, and he was sneezing.
Doctor: What happened, did you follow my instructions?
Man: Yes I did but the cow blew first !



= Doctor to a man: It seems that your regular visits and my prescriptions are giving you benefit.
Patient: Yes, but less than the benefit you are getting from me.



= Someone asked a hockey player: How is your brother doing in college?
He is half back.
No, I mean how he is doing in studies.
He is full-back.



= Wife: Why is baby crying?
Husband: He is not sleeping.
W: Sing lullaby.
H: I did, but neighbours shouted that baby crying was better.

 

[YmirGF]

Question: How many Taliban "freedom-fighters" does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer: None. They prefer to live in the dark.

 

[Brickjectivity]

When your computer breaks down, call the company that made it. They will explain that something is wrong with the software running on top of the hardware.

When something is wrong with the software, call the company that wrote the software. They will explain that something is wrong between the chair and the desk that the computer is sitting upon.

 

[Brickjectivity]

A man's grandson assumed that his grand-dad knew how to ride horses. He logically concluded that is what people must have done for transportation back in the 80's when there weren't any self-driving-cars.

 

[Brickjectivity]

Question: Why don't self-driving cars pump their own fuel?

Answer: Because they aren't old enough to use credit cards.

 

[DawudTalut]

Boy: Mother, what kind of oil is in bottle?
Mother:It is not oil, it is gum.
Boy: Oh, that is why i cannot take of my cap.


A: Can you do any unique thing?
B: Yes, No one else can read my handwriting but me.


Teacher to student: Have you read geography lesson?
Student: No madam, yesterday I heard a politician saying soon they would change the world map.


Father: I do not remember your ever did anything good which could raise my head.
Son: Did not I placed two pillows under your head just last week?


A Poet: My poems can burn all world.
Shivering neigbour: Please send some poetry to us too we are low on fuel to warn the house.


A man was buying new ticket at each station. Some one said why he was doing so?
He said: Doctor has told me not to make a long trip.

 

[DawudTalut]

Peace be on you.
A father brought his little boy to hospital, doctor placed the strethoscope at boys’s chest and asked him to count 1 to 10 [doctor wanted to hear sound for congestion]….Little boy became nervous:
Boy: Father you said we are going to hospital, but it is some kind of school and the man even do not know counting and he is asking me to count!



Gardener: Boy! come down from Mango tree, or I shall complain to your father.
Boy: Do not worry, he is on the next tree.



What is common between electric-light and knowledge-light?
They both depend on power-plant.



A person Sat in a wrong flight. After a while, he asked the person next to him, where he was going. He said: “North Pole”.
The person murmured: What a great advancement of science!.. I am going to South Pole.



An old man waived to the bus to stop, he was holding a baby.
The bus stopped, driver asked him where he wanted to go?
Old man said: No where, just beep the horn, my grandson will be happy.



Soldier asked for 7 days leave,.
Officer said, ok but only if he will bring two tanks of enemy.
Soldier went and by evening he brought five tanks.
Officer was happy, he granted the soldier leave for 10 days.
When the soldier came back, officer called him and asked him how did he do act of such bravery.
Soldier said: Sir, not so difficult. When enemy soldiers need leave, at there side, they ask us, and we loan them our tanks too for few days.

 

[DawudTalut]

Peace be on you.
A: Difference between a fly and a mosquito?
B: They are related to 'health care'; one 'examines' other 'injects'.


A: What is two minus two?
B: I have not understood the question!
A: Again, if you have two breads, and you eat both, what are you left with?
B: Curry only.


Teacher: To failed student: Please bring your father with you tomorrow, I have to talk to him.
Student: Sir, he is a Lawyer, he does not talk without fee.

 

[DawudTalut]

Office Incharge: You have joined the office since three days and you have already broken three chairs.
New employee: Did not you mention in advertisement that you needed a strong person.

------------------------------------

Large Factory owner came to inspect store room. He saw a young man was not working, sitting under a tree and singing....Angry Owner asked him what did he do?

Young man: Sir I am a helper / peon.

Owner: How much salary do you get?

Yong man: 1000 $

Owner : Take this 1000 $ and never come to my factory again.

Latter the owner went inside the office and asked the manager: That lazy man! Since how long he was working in our factory?

Manager: Sir, he was not our employee. He had brought a letter from another office and he was waiting for an answer which was being typed.

 

[Draupadi]

A man died and went to heaven. There he saw another man sitting at a desk, in front of a wall covered with clocks. The dead man asked the one at the desk, "What are those?" The man replied, "Those are clocks whose hands rotate as the person to whom it belongs to lies." The first man asked curiously, "Where is George Bush's clock?" The man at the desk replied, "Oh, his clock is being used at the head office as a ceiling fan!"

 

[Smart_Guy]

Patient: doc, every time I drink tea, my right eye hurts!

Doctor: try drinking the tea AFTER you remove the tea spoon.

 

[Brickjectivity]

There is something I wanted very badly that I kept praying for but never got. I begged, and I pleaded and tried to make deals, but nothing worked. After all of this I was very upset and threatened to crush 10,000 angels whom I had just caught dancing on the head of a pin (if I did not get what I had prayed for). God was not impressed by my threat, so that day I found out God doesn't deal with terrorists.

 

[Draupadi]

Can you explain the dancing angels on the pin? My mind is messed up with Muslim Atheism's theories and maybe that's why I didn't find it funny .

 

[columbus]

Can you explain the dancing angels on the pin? My mind is messed up with Muslim Atheism's theories and maybe that's why I didn't find it funny .

It's hard to explain if you aren't familiar with ancient Christian culture. It is sort of like a joke about the goofy concepts Christians have gotten into big disputes over that were not really important. There are lots of them. Arguing about " how many angels can dance on the head of a pin" is the epitome of a useless theological conflict.

Tom