Clean Jokes.

[DawudTalut]

A person went to buy a talking parrot at auction. Prices continued to get increased. Eventually he was successful and bought it.

On his way home, he asked the parrot, are you a wise talking parrot or just say few memorized words?

Parrot: What do you think, who was increasing price at auction against you?

 

[DawudTalut]

 

[DawudTalut]

A: My friend has lot of properties; brave like lion, healthy like elephant, clever like fox, quick like a bird.
B: If we want to see him, from where we can buy ticket?


Father: Have your final exams finished.
Son: Yes, result has come too.
F: You did not inform me!
S: Because we do not have to buy new book this year!


Reporter to investigating Police Officer: Did you get any clue about perpetrators?
Police officer: Yes we know all; some unknown men came in unknown vehicle, and escaped to unknown destination.

 

[DawudTalut]

A musician went to jungle to prove his music can impress animals too. As he began to play, an elephant, a zebra, a bear, and others gathered and they were quite impressed.

Then a tiger came, and tried to attack the musician, the elephant came forward and saved the man. Elephant to tiger: Why did you attack him?
Tiger: What did you say, speak loud.

 

[DawudTalut]

Not All, Some.

 

[DawudTalut]

There was a contest for fastest cat. All cats were healthy and quick.
Race began, competition was good. They were trying best to reach the end line.
In the end, a very weak cat won the race.
Everyone was surprised.
Investigation revealed it was actually a tiger on slim diet.


A= Use ice in a sentence.
B= I cannot. I use ice in sherbet.


Car-mechanic 1 to 2= Do you like car seat cover made of cloth or leather.
Car-mechanic 2= I like cars with cloth covers because hands are easily cleaned with them.


Chalking Notes
Learn driving by letter correspondence.
For sale: Paper flowers made of plastic.

 

[DawudTalut]

Good wishes to all passengers.

http://www.chron.com/cars/article/A...ccessory-ideas-into-6599063.php#photo-8897961

 

[DawudTalut]

A person bought a dictionary. He mistook it as a novel.
Then he reported:
I could not understand the story but each word was well defined.


Doctor's TV was not working. He called the repair-person who fixed the TV. He asked a great amount as fee.
Doctor: You surpassed us, we do not ask such high fee.
Repair-person: We give guarantee too.

 

[DawudTalut]

Peace be on all.
Comments and Complaints by fruits:
Banana
Everyone, even those without teeth, eats me. I am happy to give energy to people. I am glad I am spared by knives.

Apple
My colour is so nice. I am send to hospitals so that patients eat me
Doctors suggest my eating a lot. It gives me headache. I am round, children think I am a ball but there parents tell them "eat it, eat it". I am oppressed.

Date Palm
We are so small. We live on heights, afraid of human. But they reach on heights too. We give them nourishment.

------

Guest: When I eat, why your cat stare at me?
Child in home: It recognize its plate.

-----

People at home trained their parrot to oversee matters. One day coal man brought coal sacks. The parrot told him to put 10 bags of coal at a certain place....The man brought 9 bags. And began praising the parrot that it was an intelligent bird who could speak to people.
Parrot: Thank you, but I can count too. Please bring the 10 th bag too.

------

 

[DawudTalut]

Using a translate website and making random translations, see what we get in original language.

English
He goes to market.

Albanian
Ai shkon në treg.

Azerbaijani
Bu bazarda gedir.


Estonian
See läheb turule.


Latin
Sequitur in foro.

Nepali
यो बजार मा जान्छ।

Serbian
Иде на тржишту.

Tajik
Рафта дар бозор.


Urdu
مارکیٹ پر جاؤ.


English
Go to the market.

 

[DawudTalut]

Peace be on all.
Editor of a magazine wrote: Please send good essay, if it is accepted, a gift will be sent.
A person wrote: Please send the gift first, if it is good, essay will be sent.

 

[DawudTalut]

They knocked on his door and asked for a donation for the local swimming pool.

He donated them a glass of water.



A: It takes my grandfather five hours in his car to make a complete trip around his farm.
B: Yes, once we had such slow car too.

 

[Revoltingest]

What's black & white & black & white & black & white & black & white & black & white?

Spoiler: Answer

A penguin rolling down a hill !

 

[DawudTalut]

 

[DawudTalut]

A: Can you speak Chinese?
B: Yes, if it is spoken in French.


A: Tell me a story with lesson.
B: Yesterday, I went to uncle's house but he was sleeping. Today uncle came to see us but I was sleeping. Moral: As you sow, shall you reap.



Useful

http://www.boredpanda.com/useful-creative-inventions/

 

[DawudTalut]

Old times VS modern days......

 

[DawudTalut]

Idea

 

[DawudTalut]

Do you want to hear a Sodium joke?
Na

How about a Potassium joke?
K

http://en.rocketnews24.com/2015/10/...emoves-kernels-from-your-corn-cob-in-seconds/

 

[DawudTalut]

Bladeless Fan

 

[Revoltingest]

Sister Mary Ann was out making her rounds caring for homebound patients when she ran out of gas.
Fortune smiled upon her....a Citgo was nearby. She walked there to borrow a gas can and buy some gas.
The attendant said the only gas can he had was already loaned out, but she could wait for its return.
Sister Mary Ann was in a hurry, so she walked back to her car to look for something she could fill with gas.
Lo! There was a bedpan. She took it back to the station, filled it, & then carried the bedpan full of gas
back to her car. As she poured it into her tank, 2 Baptists watched from across the street.
One turned to the other, saying "If'n it starts, I'm turning Catholic".