Cohabitation before Marriage | Good or Bad

[Draka]

I disagree with cohabitation before marriage because it's against moral values,

Whose? And why should they matter to someone else?

against the sanctity of marriage,

What makes it sacred aside from those within a particular marriage holding it to be so?

and a disrespect in the sight of God since God is the one who established marriage.

1. People of many different cultures and religions were getting married long before the Abrahamic religions came about. If your god established marriage, then it did so as another god and directed it to be as another religion holds it to be.

2. Do you also declare people of any other religion getting married (or those of no religion) a disrespect to your god? Should marriage be confined to Abrahamics only? And then what of everyone else? Since they are already in bad graces with your god for not believing in or following him, then whether or not they cohabitate without being married should make no difference, right? Since them getting married would be wrong anyway?

 

[blackout]

How does the law decide/constitute "cohabitation".
(Beyond two people living at one address)

Let's assume there are no children conceived.

 

[tumbleweed41]

I disagree with cohabitation before marriage because it's against moral values, against the sanctity of marriage, and a disrespect in the sight of God since God is the one who established marriage.

Not against my moral values.

And people were getting married long before either Judaism or Christianity came about.

 

[Sunstone]

...God is the one who established marriage.

I think marriage has evolutionary origins in the behavior of pair bonding.

 

[dawny0826]

I think that cohabitation is practical and always have. My husband and I are divorcing and we didn't cohabitate prior to marriage. This had no impact whatsoever on the demise of our relationship. We weren't meant for each other, and if we lived together before we were married, which would have had many benefits for both of us, for many practical reasons, I may not have married so young.

 

[Draka]

How does the law decide/constitute "cohabitation".
(Beyond two people living at one address)

Let's assume there are no children conceived.

I thought I already covered that. With or without children the rest of what I said applies. With children, it is just more obviously a set relationship. I am wondering what your issue is with it though.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I strongly disagree with the article mentioning that economic reasons are why cohabiting couples feel "locked-in" as there are several psychological aspects that better explain it, such as attempts to justify our efforts. It also does depend on individual psychology, as many people who cohabit do not wish to be married, for whatever reason. And considering marriage has a rather high failure rate itself, pointing the finger at cohabitations is the pot calling the kettle black.
I've been cohabiting with my girlfriend for just over four years now, and we both realize that signing a piece of paper to legally wed us is not necessary and will not deepen our commitment or love for each other, and that we really do not need the government to announce that we are committed to each other.
And considering that I have had a few failed living arrangements with room-mates, I would not want to marry someone I haven't lived with. I thought I could live with these people, but I have found you really can't know someone until you live with them.

I disagree with cohabitation before marriage because it's against moral values, against the sanctity of marriage, and a disrespect in the sight of God since God is the one who established marriage.

Marriage ceremonies have existed long before the ancient Jews abandoned their fertility gods and began to worship Jehovah. No matter what label society gives it, it is society that establishes marriage, and it's many and varied forms that have been seen throughout our species existence.

How on earth does the govt. know what kinds of relationships those living at the same address have with one another? How presumptuous!

I personally would be MAJORLY ****** off if the govt. just 'poof' pronounced me married/commonlaw. WTF is that?!

WE don't even get to sign on to our own legal agreements?

The so-called "common-law" marriages vary from state to state. Some states do recognize them based on a couple having lived together for so many years, sharing financial/economic responsibilities, and are viewed by others to be married, and some states (such as Indiana) do not recognize them.

 

[blackout]

The so-called "common-law" marriages vary from state to state. Some states do recognize them based on a couple having lived together for so many years, sharing financial/economic responsibilities, and are viewed by others to be married, and some states (such as Indiana) do not recognize them.

But what about housemates that live together for many years,
sharing rent, utilities, even groceries?

What if there IS no sexual commitment there?
Maybe 'friends with benefits'?
Both singles, dating... or not...
or
Maybe there is no sexual relationship there at all?
Just housemates, plain and simple.

Just because you live at the same address and share bills
for a prolonged period of time
the govt. 'proclaims' you married?
(to the effect that you will have to divorce so they don't?)
What if you're dating other people?
What if you want to move out at some point?
What if you do actually want to marry someone at some point?
You then have to get divorced?
From your housemate??? wow.
That is WACK!
When you were never in, wanting to be in,
or intending to be in a committed relationship?

Nobody here finds this outrageous beyond belief but me?

Unless I am somehow missing something.

This is why I am asking.

 

[Penumbra]

But what about housemates that live together for many years,
sharing rent, utilities, even groceries?

What if there IS no sexual commitment there?
Maybe 'friends with benefits'?
Both singles, dating... or not...
or
Maybe there is no sexual relationship there at all?
Just housemates, plain and simple.

Just because you live at the same address and share bills
for a prolonged period of time
the govt. 'proclaims' you married?
(to the effect that you will have to divorce so they don't?)
What if you're dating other people?
What if you want to move out at some point?
What if you do actually want to marry someone at some point?
You then have to get divorced?
That is WACK!
When you were never in, wanting to be in,
or intending to be in a committed relationship?

Nobody here finds this outrageous beyond belief but me?

Unless I am somehow missing something.

This is why I am asking.

Generally, the desire and willingness to be identified as married is one of the requirements, at least according to available info. They usually need to have identified their relationship as a marriage, in public.
Common-law marriage in the United States - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

My state doesn't create common law marriages so I don't have to worry about suddenly being understood as married.

 

[blackout]

What if you have a border living at your house?
Paying room and board for 10 years.

Stranger things have happened.

 

[Penumbra]

What if you have a border living at your house?
Paying room and board for 10 years.

Stranger things have happened.

See above.

 

[blackout]

Ah. Ok, thanks Penumbra.

I should have thought to Wiki it myself.
Either I misunderstood what was said in this thread,
or I just read too much into it.

I thought the govt. just declared the common law marriage automatically
due to certain circumstances.
But apparently you have to petition for it.

(it's not an issue in my state anyway.)

 

[Draka]

If you don't hold each other as spouses, live as spouses, don't share a marital bed, don't present yourself as a couple and make joint decisions as a couple, then why would you be presumed to be a couple? As I said before, it's not like mere roommates are up and declared married. The state recognizes a couple as married and having marital rights IF the couple presents themselves as a married couple and meets certain requirements. Marriage license not required.

 

[MoonWater]

I disagree with cohabitation before marriage because it's against moral values, against the sanctity of marriage, and a disrespect in the sight of God since God is the one who established marriage.

What moral values is it against exactly? How does it go against the sanctity of marriage or show disrespect to god?

 

[Songbird]

I think that cohabitation is practical and always have. My husband and I are divorcing and we didn't cohabitate prior to marriage. This had no impact whatsoever on the demise of our relationship. We weren't meant for each other, and if we lived together before we were married, which would have had many benefits for both of us, for many practical reasons, I may not have married so young.

I'm in the same boat, dawny.

 

[nnmartin]

surely not cohabiting before marriage is wrong - how would you know if you could live together etc..?

 

[URAVIP2ME]

surely not cohabiting before marriage is wrong - how would you know if you could live together etc..?

According to Hebrews 13 v 4 God will judge fornicators and adulterers.

Pre-martial sex is wrong according to Scripture. -1st Corinthians 6 vs 9,10

I know of one person that told me her marriage would work because they lived together first. She is now on her second marriage.
Living together first is No guarantee of success.

 

[nnmartin]

nor is not living together.

how about if a couple live together but do not fornicate - is that acceptable?

 

[dawny0826]

According to Hebrews 13 v 4 God will judge fornicators and adulterers.

Pre-martial sex is wrong according to Scripture. -1st Corinthians 6 vs 9,10

I know of one person that told me her marriage would work because they lived together first. She is now on her second marriage.
Living together first is No guarantee of success.

Living together after marriage is no guarantee of success, either...even for the God-fearing, Christian couple. Men and women of God cheat and lie like the rest of man kind, which is why I find these types of arguments ridiculous and think it best for individuals to seek God for guidance as to what they should do in their relationships.

Truthfully, I always resented that my ex had no trouble sleeping with me before marriage, but wouldn't live with me, as it wasn't the "Christian" thing to do and he feared what his parents would think of us.

From my perspective, I loved him or thought I loved him. When we made the decision to spend our lives together and I gave myself to him intimately, I had already bound myself to him before God silently through my own prayer.

The ceremony and legal follow through was just that, follow through to something we'd already done on our own in the presence of God.

He ultimately did me a disservice through his cowardice. He pretended to be someone that he wasn't and I should have followed my gut early on.

 

[URAVIP2ME]

We all know living together after marriage is No guarantee.
We are also living in the 'last days of badness on earth' where the words of 2nd Timothy 3 vs 1-5, 13 describes the selfish distorted form of love fake Christians have.

Genuine Christians are guided by the godly love defined at 1st Cor. 13 vs 4-6.

According to Hebrews 13 v 4 your ex was wrong to fornicate with anyone.
[That would include whether living together or not ]