Why don't you dig down into the resources that are available, then go back to that congregation and try to get a group of people together to study and discuss these things? You might be able to transform it, or at least be able to get a little support while you go your own way. Why surrender? Sounds like they need you, and so do the like-minded people who can't find a fulfilling church or fellowship in that area. Every good church was built by people who didn't like what they found, and rolled up their sleeves. It's a pain in the ***, and sometimes you have to walk away or limit your involvement, but maybe you have more allies than you realize. Maybe you should start your own UCC church! Almost every UU church in the East split off from a Congregational church...don't see any reason why it can't go the other way...
By the way, your experience where a minister challenged the "whatever we want" idea, is an example of how professional ministers bring important ideas that laypeople may not be as ready to deliver. An educated laity is important to having a healthy congregation, but in a time when most people have to work their tails off just to pay the mortgage, who has the time to get that education and experience? (But that's the other thread...)
Can I vent just a wee bit?
I did as you suggested. I was involved in that congregation, heavily involved and invested for seven years. I led groups, participated in groups, chaired committees, served on committees, taught youth and adult classes, and a whole lot of roll up the sleeves grunt work.
The church was going through many significant changes during those years, lots of growing pains. When they called the current minister, there was a huge sigh of relief and a "we're lucky to get them, and we just need to be supportive" attitude.
The congregation handed over very much of it's power and identity to the minister, who is very talented, but even so, not a healthy situation.
I contacted UCC, trying to find out how to get a congregation started. It is more than I am able to take on, alone, right now. But I haven't tabled the idea forever.
I continued my own spirituality group for a couple years, but ran out of money, steam, etc.
I do think they need people like me, but the minister is not so happy with people who say "I think we need to take a look at this" and people want to keep the minister happy...so mostly, they deal with the status quo and say "it's not so bad".
For lots of reasons, I won't go into detail here.
I am really sad that I couldn't find a way to make it work, but I was burned out on trying to keep the faith amid the cheers of "go minister go!". I do not hate the minister, but I hate the way the church has rolled over and played "fix us", rather than allowed itself to be inspired, challenged, etc.
I hear I'm not the only one who feels this way, that there are similar grumblings from many who chose to remain as well...but no one wants to say anything...or confront anyone, because..well, that's not UU, and they see what happens when someone does bring an issue up or dares to suggest that maybe the church needs to be not so much about that minister.
I thought maybe it was just me, that something bent my nose out of joint and I needed some time away to get my perspective back, but from what I hear from those still involved and those who have left since I did...it's the same story over and over again.
I guess I need to figure out if I am UU...I mean, there is always the possibility of starting a new UU "home" church in the area...or study group. or whatever.
My options in that congregation are limited as I've been labeled a "problem" person, and if I come back, I will be closely watched and my doings monitored. They say it's very important during this "transition" period that we don't let troublemakers upset the forward thrust of the community. It appears that anyone who doesn't say "Hey, that's GREAT!" is a troublemaker.
Sometimes an educated laity brings more with them than inspiration.