Coping with grief

[natasha levchenko]

Sooner or later people face death.families are struck by losing loved ones and devastating grief .Where can we find help to deal with grief.?
(Rather a personal question)

 

[TransmutingSoul]

Sooner or later people face death.families are struck by losing loved ones and devastating grief .Where can we find help to deal with grief.?
(Rather a personal question)

I have found faith in God gives an optimistic view that death is just a transition to our next life.

This passage from Baha'u'llah gives us hope and a new view of what is to come;

"O SON OF THE SUPREME! I have made death a messenger of joy to thee. Wherefore dost thou grieve? I made the light to shed on thee its splendor. Why dost thou veil thyself therefrom?"

Regards Tony

 

[exchemist]

Sooner or later people face death.families are struck by losing loved ones and devastating grief .Where can we find help to deal with grief.?
(Rather a personal question)

My experience is the best thing is having plenty that you have to do and forcing yourself to get on with life. The biggest danger is stalling: being unable to do anything, due to listlessness and feelings of hopelessness. Make yourself do things.

And then you just have to give it time, recognising that you will never recover 100% from the loss.

 

[Enoch07]

Sooner or later people face death.families are struck by losing loved ones and devastating grief .Where can we find help to deal with grief.?
(Rather a personal question)

A therapist or a grief counselor can help here a ton. If you can't afford to pay someone then a trusted friend or family member is my go to. Just having someone to listen to you as you talk about what's on your mind helps a ton. But even with help one thing can't be avoided, and that's time. It just takes time.

Some people heal faster than others. Personally I don't deal with grief very well. I have been in grief myself for over 6 months and it comes and goes in waves. I'll be fine for a week or so, maybe a month. And then I'll rage out for a week or two. Then I'll be sad for a week or two, and I'll come back out of it again and be fine for another few weeks until the next wave hits. Eventually I'll be fine with the situation, I'm almost there now, buts its been rough.

I am struggling to rediscover my own identity. It was so intrinsically intwined into my family that I still dont know who I am outside of the family. I have no idea what I like to do, or what to do with myself because they was my everything. But I'm searching/healing and trying to figure it out. I hope you do as well.

 

[Misunderstood]

Sooner or later people face death.families are struck by losing loved ones and devastating grief .Where can we find help to deal with grief.?
(Rather a personal question)

I am so sorry if this post is because of a loss, my heart goes out to you.

Everyone will need to face this many times in our lives, and eventually our own end. It is inevitable as everyone has died and we will have to accept it somehow as best we can.

I see you are listed as JW, many people find comfort in God and the resurrection of Jesus. That is a great hope in that we feel they have just moved on and we will see them again. I know that may help but, if it is someone you love, even if they leave you to never be seen again, but you know they are still well, it still leaves a big hole in your heart.

Having people around to talk to can help with the loneliness. Some may prefer not to talk, just have a person sit with them. That helps validate the grieving person, because you are showing that you are there for them because they are important to you. A lot of people have said that has meant the most to them during grief. Even if the person who spent the time does not find out till many years latter.

Family of course can help a lot, as they know you best, usually. Usually they are important to you and it is good to have those around you are close to and can relate to.

Walking or exercise can help clear your head and give you time alone to work through your feelings so you can move along.

I hope that helps some. Love and peace to you.

 

[natasha levchenko]

I am so sorry if this post is because of a loss, my heart goes out to you.

Everyone will need to face this many times in our lives, and eventually our own end. It is inevitable as everyone has died and we will have to accept it somehow as best we can.

I see you are listed as JW, many people find comfort in God and the resurrection of Jesus. That is a great hope in that we feel they have just moved on and we will see them again. I know that may help but, if it is someone you love, even if they leave you to never be seen again, but you know they are still well, it still leaves a big hole in your heart.

Having people around to talk to can help with the loneliness. Some may prefer not to talk, just have a person sit with them. That helps validate the grieving person, because you are showing that you are there for them because they are important to you. A lot of people have said that has meant the most to them during grief. Even if the person who spent the time does not find out till many years latter.

Family of course can help a lot, as they know you best, usually. Usually they are important to you and it is good to have those around you are close to and can relate to.

Walking or exercise can help clear your head and give you time alone to work through your feelings so you can move along.

I hope that helps some. Love and peace to you.

Thanks a lot for giving your advices. I hope they 'll work for me. ))))
We grief differently .I know people who reject friends' help at the time of grief. ((
My dad had been suffering for 5 years before he died. And I know there's
assurance that our dead loved ones are not suffering

“The dead know nothing,” says the Bible at Ecclesiastes 9:5. Their “thoughts perish.” (Psalm 146:4) Consistent with this, the Bible likens death to peaceful sleep.
I personally know that God brings comfort.
At Psalm 34:15 we read: “The eyes of Jehovah * are on the righteous, and his ears listen to their cry for help.” Expressing our feelings in prayer to God is more than good therapy.It actually helps people establish a personal relationship with our Creator, who can use his power to comfort us.)))

 

[Enoch07]

We grief differently .I know people who reject friends' help at the time of grief.

Yeah I did that too. Actually in a fit of rage I rejected everyone I knew, deleted/blocked them on Facebook, deleted/blocked phone numbers, etc. With the exception of my cousin (who is more like a brother), and his wife. Who gave me a place to live while I sorted out this mess. They are patient, understanding, and have helped me along with this process immensely.

I did start attending my church again for awhile. During the darkest of those days. The fellowship helped. I am good friends with my Pastor so his advice hit hard but in a good way. Sadly I don't attend as much as I should, but I moved 2 towns away so it's hard to make the trip consistently.

I am sorry for your loss.

 

[Unveiled Artist]

Sooner or later people face death.families are struck by losing loved ones and devastating grief .Where can we find help to deal with grief.?
(Rather a personal question)

My aunt passed away this year february. She is my best friend. I talk to my aunt. Especially when it rains cause she sits by the window and watches the rain fall most the time I'd she's not on the computer. That's where she died. She fell to the floor behind her bedroom door. Mt brother found her dead

I have her urn with some of her ashes. I talk to her. I'ma find a good place at a park and poor a bit of her ashes there so I can spend outside time with her as well. I love nature and not would give us some fresh air.

I used to go out with a black shaw outside under the tree and cry and talk to her about what's happening recently in my life and our family life. Give her the update.

Other ways is to spend time with family. Christmas is coming up and that's the last time we came together as a family. Spending some grieving time with family helps. I work that day but beforehand I'ma go to her cemetery with her mother hurried there and spend some time with her there. It's a two hour trip by public transportation so I don't go often.

What else. It's very difficult. When my grandmother died about four years ago I couldn't move. I had to let it move through me. The high intensity lasted a year.

What I did was kept her picture with me. Like my aunt I wrote letters to her. I don't know where to put them. With my aunt I set them with her urn and picture. I sometimes fix my aunt's favorite food. I can't cook so I don't do it often.

Go outside a bit. Talk to your loved one. (It's not silly, believe me). Write a letter. Spend time with family. Fix them food. Spend time alone. Cry.

It's hard but thats how I handle it.

 

[Unveiled Artist]

Thanks a lot for giving your advices. I hope they 'll work for me. ))))
We grief differently .I know people who reject friends' help at the time of grief. ((
My dad had been suffering for 5 years before he died. And I know there's
assurance that our dead loved ones are not suffering

“The dead know nothing,” says the Bible at Ecclesiastes 9:5. Their “thoughts perish.” (Psalm 146:4) Consistent with this, the Bible likens death to peaceful sleep.
I personally know that God brings comfort.
At Psalm 34:15 we read: “The eyes of Jehovah * are on the righteous, and his ears listen to their cry for help.” Expressing our feelings in prayer to God is more than good therapy.It actually helps people establish a personal relationship with our Creator, who can use his power to comfort us.)))

I'm sorry for your lost. Another add on is can you write to him. Write all your memories so you can keep them with you until you feel better to think of them without feeling you are loosing them. I know everyone grieves different. I couldn't write letters until probably a month later.

 

[Brickjectivity]

Sooner or later people face death.families are struck by losing loved ones and devastating grief .Where can we find help to deal with grief.?

I found a few interesting web pages with suggestions. The first one is the best one I have seen so far.
Coping with loss: Bereavement in adult life

A similar shorter page from Harvard Medical:
Dealing with grief and bereavement—The FamilyHealth Guide - Harvard Health

Here is an unusual method that relies on mindfulness meditation. If you are not used to this you may want to get some assistance with the techniques:
6 Mindful Strategies for Recovering from Loss - Mindful

A couple of short pages with general advice:
10 strategies for coping with grief
DEALING WITH SORROW - COPING STRATEGIES

Some people have grief from losing a pet, and this page is specific to that:
Coping With the Loss of a Pet: Tips, and Strategies for Handling Grief

For helping a child cope with grief:
Help Children Cope with Death and Loss
When Families Grieve . PBS Parents | PBS

Nurses have to deal with grief from the problems of their patients:
Nurses cope with patient deaths | Nurse.com

Suggestions for employers when workers are dealing with grief:
https://thethrivingsmallbusiness.com/managing-grief-in-the-workplace/

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Sooner or later people face death.families are struck by losing loved ones and devastating grief .Where can we find help to deal with grief.?
(Rather a personal question)

Therapy, being with friends and other loved ones, art

I'm personally still really struggling with grief over my losses and trauma from 2 years ago. It feels like it will never get better.

 

[Vinayaka]

Over the years I've had it reinforced many times that everyone grieves differently. Folks here have offered many strategies. Personally, I'm a loner in it. Quiet alone time helps me reflect on how that person was, how they affected me, and more. It bugs me when others can't see how it's so personal, and try to interfere with my quiet time.

For what it's worth, a week today we buried my dear sister, at her wishes (for burial). I'm over it already. Acceptance of 'anybody, any place, any time' has helped me a lot. Not the same for some others.

Best wishes.

 

[Muffled]

Sooner or later people face death.families are struck by losing loved ones and devastating grief .Where can we find help to deal with grief.?
(Rather a personal question)

I believe my wife just died. so from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord.

 

[Muffled]

I have found faith in God gives an optimistic view that death is just a transition to our next life.

This passage from Baha'u'llah gives us hope and a new view of what is to come;

"O SON OF THE SUPREME! I have made death a messenger of joy to thee. Wherefore dost thou grieve? I made the light to shed on thee its splendor. Why dost thou veil thyself therefrom?"

Regards Tony

I believe philosophy lacks something: This is better:
Ps 30:5 For His anger is but for a moment, and His favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.

 

[Muffled]

Thanks a lot for giving your advices. I hope they 'll work for me. ))))
We grief differently .I know people who reject friends' help at the time of grief. ((
My dad had been suffering for 5 years before he died. And I know there's
assurance that our dead loved ones are not suffering

“The dead know nothing,” says the Bible at Ecclesiastes 9:5. Their “thoughts perish.” (Psalm 146:4) Consistent with this, the Bible likens death to peaceful sleep.
I personally know that God brings comfort.
At Psalm 34:15 we read: “The eyes of Jehovah * are on the righteous, and his ears listen to their cry for help.” Expressing our feelings in prayer to God is more than good therapy.It actually helps people establish a personal relationship with our Creator, who can use his power to comfort us.)))

I believe I can understand why a person would want to avoid people. They want to comfort but in doing so remind me that my loved one is dead. Right now that is very painful. When the pain subsides it will be different and I will need people.

 

[BSM1]

My experience is the best thing is having plenty that you have to do and forcing yourself to get on with life. The biggest danger is stalling: being unable to do anything, due to listlessness and feelings of hopelessness. Make yourself do things.

And then you just have to give it time, recognising that you will never recover 100% from the loss.

This ties into my "feed the pig" story. My dad died back when I was a boy in the early '60s. Back then in the rural areas it was common for the bodies to brought to the homes for viewing. At any given time for those couple of days there must have been 75-80 people in the house. We were raising a pig at the time, but with all those people milling about no one remembered to feed the pig but me. I learned at an early age that no matter what happens, someone has to feed the pig; if not then both you and the pig will die.

 

[ajay0]

Sooner or later people face death.families are struck by losing loved ones and devastating grief .Where can we find help to deal with grief.?
(Rather a personal question)

By keeping in mind the impermanence of all compounded phenomena.

Reminding yourself that death is the only certainty in life, for everyone, also helps a lot in building perspective.

 

[exchemist]

By keeping in mind the impermanence of all compounded phenomena.

Reminding yourself that death is the only certainty in life, for everyone, also helps a lot in building perspective.

Yes I think that is right. I spent some time, during the years when my wife had cancer and then again when she and my mother died, reflecting that death is just part of the cycle of life and that we ought to accept it as our forbears did, whose lives were so much more precarious than ours. Being with my wife when she drew her last breath is an experience I am grateful, in retrospect, to have endured. I was surprised, during this period, to find that the ancient rituals, prayers and music of the Sung Mass were very calming, conveying as they did a sense of continuity with all those people who have gone before us and met their end, some better than others, just as we all will. Singing Gregorian chant that is a thousand years old brings this home quite powerfully. It makes one feel smaller, but also more "normal" somehow.

I think too that one then takes more pleasure in new life - in small children just at the start of their own journey.

 

[1213]

Sooner or later people face death.families are struck by losing loved ones and devastating grief .Where can we find help to deal with grief.?
(Rather a personal question)

Perhaps in that death is won and death of the body is not the end?

 

[KT Shamim]

Sooner or later people face death.families are struck by losing loved ones and devastating grief .Where can we find help to deal with grief.?
(Rather a personal question)

Firstly, sorry for the loss of your dad. I can not imagine how he would have bravely dealt with those five years and how your family heroically did the same. God bless you for it.

Of course there is a grief involved in death. It is natural. However, it is also natural for the grief itself to die away as time progresses. The patient ones accept the latter sooner. God really is the only option to depend on is it not? May God bless you with patience at this time of loss.

Here is the Islamic funeral prayer:

O Allah! Forgive our living ones and our deceased ones
and those of us who are present and those who are absent,
and our young ones and our old ones and our males and our females.

O Allah! Those of us whom You grant life, keep them firm on Islam, and
those of us whom You cause to die, cause them to die in the faith.

Deprive us not, O Allah, of the benefits relating to the deceased and
subject us not to trial after him.

(Tirmidhi Kitabul Jana’iz Bab ma yaqulu fi Salatal mayyat and Abu Da’ud Kitabul Jana’iz wa Kitabud Du'a Lil Tibrani Vol. 3S p 1351)