Coping with grief

[BilliardsBall]

Seems to me Jesus died abolishing death for ALL (Not just believers - 1 John 1:7).
After all, the ones who died before Jesus died did Not have the opportunity to believe in Jesus the one whom they had Not heard. So, we can be glad and trust in Jesus because he has the resurrection power - Revelation 1:18.
Not only to resurrect the many who died before Jesus came, but also for many who came after Jesus died.

The Bible mentions a second death and judgment for the wicked.

 

[URAVIP2ME]

The Bible mentions a second death and judgment for the wicked.

I agree the Bible does mention ' second death ' example Revelation 21:8.
Judgement for the wicked I find at Psalms 92:7 that the wicked will be destroyed forever.
This is in harmony with 2 Peter 3:9 to ' repent ' if we do Not wish to ' perish ' ( be destroyed ).
Did you notice that emptied-out biblical hell ends up vacant in ' second death ' as per Revelation 20:13-14 ______

 

[URAVIP2ME]

Yes, and it works for awhile. But I guess I am just too tough on myself. Thing is, and I only realized this in the last few days, I am not angry at my Daughter or her Mom for abandoning me, like I originally thought. I am angry at myself. I hate myself with every ounce of my being. And I don't know how to handle that. I'm not suicidal mind you, that would be merciful. No apart me enjoys watching myself live, and suffer. I can't forgive myself, I don't know how to.

No need to be sooo tough on oneself.
I wonder if knowing how God forgives can help you to know how to forgive oneself.
The God of the Bible made provision through His son for there to be forgiveness.
Through that forgiveness even enemy death will be undone.
We can choose to be repentant and open the way to have forgiveness.
When we pray to God on the basis of Christ's ransom we can have pardon and forgiveness in Jesus' name.
As a governor can pardon a person so crime charges do Not stick, Jesus can pardon a person so that sin charges do Not stick resulting in a clean conscience. A clean conscience is said to make a good pillow ( aka good sleep)
We can receive God's mercy and be forgiving of oneself when we have empathy and show love as Jesus did.
So, we can cultivate mercy because mercy helps keep us from resentment and the bitterness of hating oneself.
All the best for you Enoch07

 

[natasha levchenko]

Yeah I did that too. Actually in a fit of rage I rejected everyone I knew, deleted/blocked them on Facebook, deleted/blocked phone numbers, etc. With the exception of my cousin (who is more like a brother), and his wife. Who gave me a place to live while I sorted out this mess. They are patient, understanding, and have helped me along with this process immensely.

I did start attending my church again for awhile. During the darkest of those days. The fellowship helped. I am good friends with my Pastor so his advice hit hard but in a good way. Sadly I don't attend as much as I should, but I moved 2 towns away so it's hard to make the trip consistently.

I am sorry for your loss.

Thank you)
It Is good to be good friends with elders or pastors. They support us in times of need. The Bible calls them"gifts in men"

Yeah I did that too. Actually in a fit of rage I rejected everyone I knew, deleted/blocked them on Facebook, deleted/blocked phone numbers, etc. With the exception of my cousin (who is more like a brother), and his wife. Who gave me a place to live while I sorted out this mess. They are patient, understanding, and have helped me along with this process immensely.

I did start attending my church again for awhile. During the darkest of those days. The fellowship helped. I am good friends with my Pastor so his advice hit hard but in a good way. Sadly I don't attend as much as I should, but I moved 2 towns away so it's hard to make the trip consistently.

I am sorry for your loss.

Yes, and it works for awhile. But I guess I am just too tough on myself. Thing is, and I only realized this in the last few days, I am not angry at my Daughter or her Mom for abandoning me, like I originally thought. I am angry at myself. I hate myself with every ounce of my being. And I don't know how to handle that. I'm not suicidal mind you, that would be merciful. No apart me enjoys watching myself live, and suffer. I can't forgive myself, I don't know how to.

I am Sorry ....to hear that
Why do you blame yourself?did they die in a car accident?

 

[natasha levchenko]

My aunt passed away this year february. She is my best friend. I talk to my aunt. Especially when it rains cause she sits by the window and watches the rain fall most the time I'd she's not on the computer. That's where she died. She fell to the floor behind her bedroom door. Mt brother found her dead

I have her urn with some of her ashes. I talk to her. I'ma find a good place at a park and poor a bit of her ashes there so I can spend outside time with her as well. I love nature and not would give us some fresh air.

I used to go out with a black shaw outside under the tree and cry and talk to her about what's happening recently in my life and our family life. Give her the update.

Other ways is to spend time with family. Christmas is coming up and that's the last time we came together as a family. Spending some grieving time with family helps. I work that day but beforehand I'ma go to her cemetery with her mother hurried there and spend some time with her there. It's a two hour trip by public transportation so I don't go often.

What else. It's very difficult. When my grandmother died about four years ago I couldn't move. I had to let it move through me. The high intensity lasted a year.

What I did was kept her picture with me. Like my aunt I wrote letters to her. I don't know where to put them. With my aunt I set them with her urn and picture. I sometimes fix my aunt's favorite food. I can't cook so I don't do it often.

Go outside a bit. Talk to your loved one. (It's not silly, believe me). Write a letter. Spend time with family. Fix them food. Spend time alone. Cry.

It's hard but thats how I handle it.

I understand your feelings. When my dad passed away It was really hard to get over.i wanted his pic to be with me all the time

 

[natasha levchenko]

I found a few interesting web pages with suggestions. The first one is the best one I have seen so far.
Coping with loss: Bereavement in adult life

A similar shorter page from Harvard Medical:
Dealing with grief and bereavement—The FamilyHealth Guide - Harvard Health

Here is an unusual method that relies on mindfulness meditation. If you are not used to this you may want to get some assistance with the techniques:
6 Mindful Strategies for Recovering from Loss - Mindful

A couple of short pages with general advice:
10 strategies for coping with grief
DEALING WITH SORROW - COPING STRATEGIES

Some people have grief from losing a pet, and this page is specific to that:
Coping With the Loss of a Pet: Tips, and Strategies for Handling Grief

For helping a child cope with grief:
Help Children Cope with Death and Loss
When Families Grieve . PBS Parents | PBS

Nurses have to deal with grief from the problems of their patients:
Nurses cope with patient deaths | Nurse.com

Suggestions for employers when workers are dealing with grief:
https://thethrivingsmallbusiness.com/managing-grief-in-the-workplace/

Thanks

 

[natasha levchenko]

I meant to ask you...was he one of Jehovah’s Witnesses?

No,he wasn't. Unfortunately

 

[natasha levchenko]

My first wife died at age 35 from cancer. It was a horrible death. We had two daughters, 6 and 9.

I lost my faith, rejected Christianity, and walked in the wilderness for many, years, doing harm to others.

Finally, the rage spent, the tears shed, the guilt blossoming into full maturity, I stumbled back to the foot of the cross, with nothing of myself left to try and sustain me.

I finally had peace.

I was no longer the teacher and preacher in the church I once had been, who folded like a house of cards when my faith was severely tested.

Now I am a simple follower of The Way, and am quite happy with that.

You know who the prince of this world is. You know what he has brought about, and what we must endure because of it. I once arrogantly believed that because I was an active worker for God, I would be spared.

You must cry, with God. You must be angry, with God if need be, but with him also present with you. He understands, He hurts with you.

All He asks is that you hold on to His personal promise to you, that all will be well.

I assure you from the bottom of my heart, you do not want to turn away from him. you will assuredly bitterly regret it.

Peace to you. All things are unfolding as they should, and all will be well.

Yhank you)
When we lose our loved ones we may blame our Creator for not making a miracle and think he is indifferent. I think this is the reason why people turn away from God

My first wife died at age 35 from cancer. It was a horrible death. We had two daughters, 6 and 9.

I lost my faith, rejected Christianity, and walked in the wilderness for many, years, doing harm to others.

Finally, the rage spent, the tears shed, the guilt blossoming into full maturity, I stumbled back to the foot of the cross, with nothing of myself left to try and sustain me.

I finally had peace.

I was no longer the teacher and preacher in the church I once had been, who folded like a house of cards when my faith was severely tested.

Now I am a simple follower of The Way, and am quite happy with that.

You know who the prince of this world is. You know what he has brought about, and what we must endure because of it. I once arrogantly believed that because I was an active worker for God, I would be spared.

You must cry, with God. You must be angry, with God if need be, but with him also present with you. He understands, He hurts with you.

All He asks is that you hold on to His personal promise to you, that all will be well.

I assure you from the bottom of my heart, you do not want to turn away from him. you will assuredly bitterly regret it.

Peace to you. All things are unfolding as they should, and all will be well.

Thank you)

 

[Dave Watchman]

Sooner or later people face death.families are struck by losing loved ones and devastating grief .Where can we find help to deal with grief.?

I'm sorry for your loss.

That's all i wanted to hear when my mom died. Some people wanted to talk a speech about knowing how i would feel. Or they would say "I know how you feel. The best thing anyone told me was:

"I'm sorry for your loss.

And then just be quiet. MY grief was not their grief. My mom died suddenly when i was 45. And no matter what is said, there's nothing like waking up the next morning and not having a mom anymore. What an empty dawn to face.

I think it must be different for everyone. Some people must be closer to their father, some closer to their mother. My mom was cool, she was funny. Five years latter and i'm just feeling a little better than i did after the first year.

But let us not grieve as others do who have no hope.

"But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep.​

 

[natasha levchenko]

I'm sorry for your loss.

That's all i wanted to hear when my mom died. Some people wanted to talk a speech about knowing how i would feel. Or they would say "I know how you feel. The best thing anyone told me was:

"I'm sorry for your loss.

And then just be quiet. MY grief was not their grief. My mom died suddenly when i was 45. And no matter what is said, there's nothing like waking up the next morning and not having a mom anymore. What an empty dawn to face.

I think it must be different for everyone. Some people must be closer to their father, some closer to their mother. My mom was cool, she was funny. Five years latter and i'm just feeling a little better than i did after the first year.

But let us not grieve as others do who have no hope.

"But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep.​

That's true.
A better future to look forward to

Imagine a time in the future when those in the grave will be brought back to life here on earth! The Bible repeatedly speaks of such a time. Describing what conditions on earth will then be like, the Bible states that God “will wipe out every tear from [our] eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore.”—Revelation 21:3, 4.

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

In the UK the NHS runs a counselling service I found that very helpful when my wife died.

Mostly grief is helped by talking to some one who will just listen, and help lead your thoughts. Sympathy and being talked to is not much help at all.
Grief is a form of Post traumatic stress disorder.

Faith can help some but not others. Preaching makes things worse. some priests are good listeners.

 

[BilliardsBall]

I agree the Bible does mention ' second death ' example Revelation 21:8.
Judgement for the wicked I find at Psalms 92:7 that the wicked will be destroyed forever.
This is in harmony with 2 Peter 3:9 to ' repent ' if we do Not wish to ' perish ' ( be destroyed ).
Did you notice that emptied-out biblical hell ends up vacant in ' second death ' as per Revelation 20:13-14 ______

Again, the word for "eon" is used both for believers and unbelievers. If unbelievers are annihilated/end, so do believers, and Jesus didn't offer eternal life.

 

[natasha levchenko]

Preaching makes things worse.

What do you mean?

 

[URAVIP2ME]

.............., and Jesus didn't offer eternal life.

I wonder what Jesus offered at John 17:3 __________________________________________________

 

[Enoch07]

I am Sorry ....to hear that
Why do you blame yourself?did they die in a car accident?

No they are still alive. It's a long dramatic story, so I won't get into it. Im ok today. When I posted that I was having a really hard day. After a few days to decompress I am in a much better mood.

 

[Looncall]

That's true.
A better future to look forward to

Imagine a time in the future when those in the grave will be brought back to life here on earth! The Bible repeatedly speaks of such a time. Describing what conditions on earth will then be like, the Bible states that God “will wipe out every tear from [our] eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore.”—Revelation 21:3, 4.

Nifty scam. However, it does help some people, so is not that bad.

I watched both my parents die, one from a stroke, the other from heart failure. I found that the religious people around me were busy virtue signalling and showed little compassion for my parents' suffering. I was the one who held my mother, not the bible thumping relative who was there.

I will be going presently and am glad to be free of religious terrors.

 

[BilliardsBall]

I wonder what Jesus offered at John 17:3 __________________________________________________

So, you are saying the Bible has internal contradictions? Because the same word is used for eternal for believers and unbelievers in the after life, and Jesus died to bring life to ALL persons, not life to some, death to others.

 

[Muffled]

Seems to me Jesus died abolishing death for ALL (Not just believers - 1 John 1:7).
After all, the ones who died before Jesus died did Not have the opportunity to believe in Jesus the one whom they had Not heard. So, we can be glad and trust in Jesus because he has the resurrection power - Revelation 1:18.
Not only to resurrect the many who died before Jesus came, but also for many who came after Jesus died.

I don't know where you are getting that from. The verse talks specifically about those walking in the light and does not mention resurrection. I suppose you could be taking about I Cor 15:51 but the we is Paul who is a believer and those he is writing to who are also believers.

I believe there are two possibilities. 1. Walking with God is the same as walking in the light. 2. People are re-incarnated giving them an opportunity to believe in Jesus.

Of course I believe the Rapture is an open invitation but Jesus said: Mat 22:11 “But when the king came in to look at the guests, he saw there a man who had no wedding garment. 12 And he said to him, ‘Friend, how did you get in here without a wedding garment?’ And he was speechless. 13 Then the king said to the attendants, ‘Bind him hand and foot and cast him into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’ 14 For many are called, but few are chosen.”

 

[Frank Van Den Bossche]

Sooner or later people face death.families are struck by losing loved ones and devastating grief .Where can we find help to deal with grief.?
(Rather a personal question)

In 10 years i have lost three family members, mother, sister and spouse. my mother had a degenerative, irreversible condition, my sister had cancer, and my spouse who had also health problems. The best way for me to deal with the grief was to understand that we are born to die, and it can happen anytime. Mortality is part of our human condition, so is getting old and getting sick, there's nothing we can do about it. I grieved and time healed everything, you learn to accept they are gone and they won't come back, you learn to live with their absence, after a while you remember the happy times. Grief also changes those who mourn, we become more aware of our own mortality....give it time.

 

[URAVIP2ME]

So, you are saying the Bible has internal contradictions? Because the same word is used for eternal for believers and unbelievers in the after life, and Jesus died to bring life to ALL persons, not life to some, death to others.

I am speaking from the Bible's point of view because as Matthew 20:28 says Jesus' ransom saves "MANY", Not all.
I understand Psalms 92:7 to say the 'wicked will be destroyed forever', Not saved forever.
The executional words from Jesus' mouth will rid the Earth of the wicked - Isaiah 11:3-4; Revelation 19:14-16.

Also, I find the Bible teaches resurrection, and Not some after life theory.
After life suggest that a person is more alive after death than before death.
Whereas the Bible teaches unconscious sleep in death - John 11:11-14; Psalms 115:17; Psalms 146:4; Ecclesiastes 9:5.
That is in harmony with Acts of the Apostles 24:15 that there ' is going to be ' a resurrection... ( future tense ).