Coping with grief

[Unveiled Artist]

I found a few interesting web pages with suggestions. The first one is the best one I have seen so far.
Coping with loss: Bereavement in adult life

A similar shorter page from Harvard Medical:
Dealing with grief and bereavement—The FamilyHealth Guide - Harvard Health

Here is an unusual method that relies on mindfulness meditation. If you are not used to this you may want to get some assistance with the techniques:
6 Mindful Strategies for Recovering from Loss - Mindful

A couple of short pages with general advice:
10 strategies for coping with grief
DEALING WITH SORROW - COPING STRATEGIES

Some people have grief from losing a pet, and this page is specific to that:
Coping With the Loss of a Pet: Tips, and Strategies for Handling Grief

For helping a child cope with grief:
Help Children Cope with Death and Loss
When Families Grieve . PBS Parents | PBS

Nurses have to deal with grief from the problems of their patients:
Nurses cope with patient deaths | Nurse.com

Suggestions for employers when workers are dealing with grief:
https://thethrivingsmallbusiness.com/managing-grief-in-the-workplace/

These are good resources.

 

[TheBannerofHomuraAkemi]

Sooner or later people face death.families are struck by losing loved ones and devastating grief .Where can we find help to deal with grief.?
(Rather a personal question)

A professional grief councilor could help you.

 

[Misunderstood]

Thanks a lot for giving your advices. I hope they 'll work for me. ))))
We grief differently .I know people who reject friends' help at the time of grief. ((
My dad had been suffering for 5 years before he died. And I know there's
assurance that our dead loved ones are not suffering

“The dead know nothing,” says the Bible at Ecclesiastes 9:5. Their “thoughts perish.” (Psalm 146:4) Consistent with this, the Bible likens death to peaceful sleep.
I personally know that God brings comfort.
At Psalm 34:15 we read: “The eyes of Jehovah * are on the righteous, and his ears listen to their cry for help.” Expressing our feelings in prayer to God is more than good therapy.It actually helps people establish a personal relationship with our Creator, who can use his power to comfort us.)))

Just as you said everyone grieves differently, and what works for one will not work for another. Making it even more difficult to help those in grief; our needs seem to change. There will be times we feel vulnerable and want our friends and family around to hold us up in our despair, at other times you may want to just be left alone with your thoughts and feelings, other times you may feel nothing but hate for everyone and everything. So all I can do is to try to comfort you as best I know how, and I do not know much.

I feel so helpless in being able to help, there is nothing I can do but give you words of comfort, and even those words I give I cannot be sure they are comforting or causing you even more pain, just know I do not want to cause you any pain. So if I do cause you pain please accept my sincerest apologizes.

But I wanted to say that music has helped me during some of my darkest times. I tend to like to be alone and find music that speaks to me. Even though I am a guy and am not supposed to cry, but in the situations like this there is nothing you can do, sometimes that is your only option. I will listen to a sad song by myself over and over until I break down and cry it out. That is hard for me as I find it had to do even in the hardest of times, but music can help. I have inserted a couple of songs I hope you will like.

Stay strong, and take the time to heal by your terms.

 

[natasha levchenko]

A therapist or a grief counselor can help here a ton. If you can't afford to pay someone then a trusted friend or family member is my go to. Just having someone to listen to you as you talk about what's on your mind helps a ton. But even with help one thing can't be avoided, and that's time. It just takes time.

Some people heal faster than others. Personally I don't deal with grief very well. I have been in grief myself for over 6 months and it comes and goes in waves. I'll be fine for a week or so, maybe a month. And then I'll rage out for a week or two. Then I'll be sad for a week or two, and I'll come back out of it again and be fine for another few weeks until the next wave hits. Eventually I'll be fine with the situation, I'm almost there now, buts its been rough.

I am struggling to rediscover my own identity. It was so intrinsically intwined into my family that I still dont know who I am outside of the family. I have no idea what I like to do, or what to do with myself because they was my everything. But I'm searching/healing and trying to figure it out. I hope you do as well.

I see....i wish you could get over this soon.
Do you ask God for help ?he can use his power to comfort

A therapist or a grief counselor can help here a ton. If you can't afford to pay someone then a trusted friend or family member is my go to. Just having someone to listen to you as you talk about what's on your mind helps a ton. But even with help one thing can't be avoided, and that's time. It just takes time.

Some people heal faster than others. Personally I don't deal with grief very well. I have been in grief myself for over 6 months and it comes and goes in waves. I'll be fine for a week or so, maybe a month. And then I'll rage out for a week or two. Then I'll be sad for a week or two, and I'll come back out of it again and be fine for another few weeks until the next wave hits. Eventually I'll be fine with the situation, I'm almost there now, buts its been rough.

I am struggling to rediscover my own identity. It was so intrinsically intwined into my family that I still dont know who I am outside of the family. I have no idea what I like to do, or what to do with myself because they was my everything. But I'm searching/healing and trying to figure it out. I hope you do as well.

I see...you are having a difficult time. Wish you could get over this soon.do you ask God for help?he uses his power to comfort us.
2.Cor4 saysGod)who comforts us in all our trials so that we may be able to comfort others in any sort of trial with the comfort that we receive from God.
I know,it really works for me)))

 

[sealchan]

Sooner or later people face death.families are struck by losing loved ones and devastating grief .Where can we find help to deal with grief.?
(Rather a personal question)

My method has been to preserve what was most important in yourself that came from that individual or to change something in your life in honor of that individual. The idea is that your grief is your inner sense of the loss of some resource or other inside of you and working to make whatsoever that other person gave to you with their presence and life your own responsibility both honors their memory and gives you a living connection to them going forward. That way the loss you feel can be directed into the work (of self-improvement dedicated in their name) you do because of their lost presence.

That way you give them a bit of immortality...in this world. And you benefit with your own deeper experience of truth and meaning...a wisdom you can pass on in turn.

 

[Thief]

Sooner or later people face death.families are struck by losing loved ones and devastating grief .Where can we find help to deal with grief.?
(Rather a personal question)

for decades I have meditated to the hour of parting
whether I go first
or my beloved

and there is no relief

but I have made resolve and pronounced as such......
I shall have my beloved at my side

and if she is not at hand ......I shall ask the lending of a sword and go seeking of her

and she had better not be harmed.....

 

[BilliardsBall]

Sooner or later people face death.families are struck by losing loved ones and devastating grief .Where can we find help to deal with grief.?
(Rather a personal question)

"Jesus wept." Jesus Christ also died to abolish death, for believers. I'm glad I trust Him.

 

[Brickjectivity]

My aunt passed away this year february. She is my best friend. I talk to my aunt. Especially when it rains cause she sits by the window and watches the rain fall most the time I'd she's not on the computer. That's where she died. She fell to the floor behind her bedroom door. Mt brother found her dead

I have her urn with some of her ashes. I talk to her. I'ma find a good place at a park and poor a bit of her ashes there so I can spend outside time with her as well. I love nature and not would give us some fresh air.

I used to go out with a black shaw outside under the tree and cry and talk to her about what's happening recently in my life and our family life. Give her the update.

Other ways is to spend time with family. Christmas is coming up and that's the last time we came together as a family. Spending some grieving time with family helps. I work that day but beforehand I'ma go to her cemetery with her mother hurried there and spend some time with her there. It's a two hour trip by public transportation so I don't go often.

What else. It's very difficult. When my grandmother died about four years ago I couldn't move. I had to let it move through me. The high intensity lasted a year.

What I did was kept her picture with me. Like my aunt I wrote letters to her. I don't know where to put them. With my aunt I set them with her urn and picture. I sometimes fix my aunt's favorite food. I can't cook so I don't do it often.

Go outside a bit. Talk to your loved one. (It's not silly, believe me). Write a letter. Spend time with family. Fix them food. Spend time alone. Cry.

It's hard but thats how I handle it.

Very practical advice with none of the "Its your own fault for not believing hard enough." I feel like some of the advice in the thread has been about ignoring the pain and believing in the afterlife, but you know what that person is no longer with us, bottom line. I have an aunt who didn't weep after the loss of her husband, choosing instead to be happy and think about him in heaven. Great she believes that he is happy, but it seems like she has not grieved. I dont know if its good or bad. I just hope grieving people dont feel guilty about grief. Its just how you feel. Its not a weakness.

 

[Kenny]

Thanks a lot for giving your advices. I hope they 'll work for me. ))))
We grief differently .I know people who reject friends' help at the time of grief. ((
My dad had been suffering for 5 years before he died. And I know there's
assurance that our dead loved ones are not suffering

“The dead know nothing,” says the Bible at Ecclesiastes 9:5. Their “thoughts perish.” (Psalm 146:4) Consistent with this, the Bible likens death to peaceful sleep.
I personally know that God brings comfort.
At Psalm 34:15 we read: “The eyes of Jehovah * are on the righteous, and his ears listen to their cry for help.” Expressing our feelings in prayer to God is more than good therapy.It actually helps people establish a personal relationship with our Creator, who can use his power to comfort us.)))

Just the additional knowledge that we will see our loved ones again is also a strength. Cherish the good thoughts of the past and look forward to the grand reunion that is to come.

 

[Hockeycowboy]

My dad had been suffering for 5 years before he died.

I meant to ask you...was he one of Jehovah’s Witnesses?

 

[URAVIP2ME]

Perhaps in that death is won and death of the body is not the end?

Your ^ above ^ reply reminds me of the words found at 1 Corinthians 15:55 which corresponds to Isaiah 25:8 that death is Not the victor because as 1 Corinthians 15:24-26 lets us know our last enemy ' death ' will be destroyed.
So, thanks to the Resurrection Hope during Jesus' 1,000-year reign over Earth enemy death will be gone forever.

 

[URAVIP2ME]

"Jesus wept." Jesus Christ also died to abolish death, for believers. I'm glad I trust Him.

Seems to me Jesus died abolishing death for ALL (Not just believers - 1 John 1:7).
After all, the ones who died before Jesus died did Not have the opportunity to believe in Jesus the one whom they had Not heard. So, we can be glad and trust in Jesus because he has the resurrection power - Revelation 1:18.
Not only to resurrect the many who died before Jesus came, but also for many who came after Jesus died.

 

[URAVIP2ME]

Very practical advice with none of the "Its your own fault for not believing hard enough." I feel like some of the advice in the thread has been about ignoring the pain and believing in the afterlife, but you know what that person is no longer with us, bottom line. I have an aunt who didn't weep after the loss of her husband, choosing instead to be happy and think about him in heaven. Great she believes that he is happy, but it seems like she has not grieved. I dont know if its good or bad. I just hope grieving people dont feel guilty about grief. Its just how you feel. Its not a weakness.

As far as pain, weeping and grieving in my experience has been widely different.
My beloved father died when I was young, thankfully he suspected something was wrong, and he took me aside and said if something should happen I would have nothing to worry about if I loved God.
I knew to love God was to keep his commands, and I liked what Jesus said to the repentant sinner that he would be in paradise. So, although my father's sudden death was traumatic, I was at peace and knowing it was Not his fault.
Unlike the thief who was being put to death for being criminal, my father was no criminal, so the thought there was hope for that repentant thief meant hope for my wonderful father and seeing him again.

Through the years I have reacted differently when different ones have died.
The loss of some leaves a vacant hole that now can't be filled, while others I feel fond memories til Resurrection Day.

 

[URAVIP2ME]

My experience is the best thing is having plenty that you have to do and forcing yourself to get on with life. The biggest danger is stalling: being unable to do anything, due to listlessness and feelings of hopelessness. Make yourself do things.
And then you just have to give it time, recognising that you will never recover 100% from the loss.

Good advice about having plenty to do because one can Not focus on oneself and another at the same time.
So, by focusing outward especially toward others is mentally healthy.

I think you are right that at least at this point in time that recovery is never 100% but I find because of the Resurrection Hope as outlined in the Bible that at Resurrection Day (meaning Jesus' millennium-long day of governing over Earth) then we can re-united with loved ones - 100%

 

[Segev Moran]

Sooner or later people face death.families are struck by losing loved ones and devastating grief .Where can we find help to deal with grief.?
(Rather a personal question)

Each person handles grief in its own way.
Some occupy themselves so their mind is not thinking about it, some prefer being left alone.
Some prefer surrounding themselves with friends and family, some rather stay in bed and cry.
This is a very subjective matter and there is no wrong and right way (except from abusive behaviors like drinking, drugs and violence for example).

At the end of it, each one should do what helps himself ease the sadness.

A good thing to do is not to "sink" into the past. remembering is great, but thinking about what could have been or things that one wanted to do and didn't will usually not help.

I suggest talking to close people. sharing the sadness helps "spreading the load" with others and is usually helpful.
Sharing memories with loved ones is at times very comforting.

If one feels lost, a conversation with a therapist can help "releasing" the load. it is always useful to speak out your heart especially to someone you have no attachments.

Grief is part of life we deal with it from young age (too young at times) and it is never getting any easier. it is however passing eventually (or at least becomes less hurting).

So IMO friends, family, people you can talk to are always a good place to start.

 

[Twilight Hue]

Sooner or later people face death.families are struck by losing loved ones and devastating grief .Where can we find help to deal with grief.?
(Rather a personal question)

It helps greatly obviously from other family members, keeping in mind that there are as well many other people under the same circumstances of which by seeking them out and meeting them, can provide a great source of comfort and holistic well-being.

I tend to think loved ones are never really gone in a permanent sense. Just "fell apart" for a while.

Best wishes.

 

[Enoch07]

I see...you are having a difficult time. Wish you could get over this soon.do you ask God for help?

Yes, and it works for awhile. But I guess I am just too tough on myself. Thing is, and I only realized this in the last few days, I am not angry at my Daughter or her Mom for abandoning me, like I originally thought. I am angry at myself. I hate myself with every ounce of my being. And I don't know how to handle that. I'm not suicidal mind you, that would be merciful. No apart me enjoys watching myself live, and suffer. I can't forgive myself, I don't know how to.

 

[Hockeycowboy]

As far as pain, weeping and grieving in my experience has been widely different.
My beloved father died when I was young, thankfully he suspected something was wrong, and he took me aside and said if something should happen I would have nothing to worry about if I loved God.
I knew to love God was to keep his commands, and I liked what Jesus said to the repentant sinner that he would be in paradise. So, although my father's sudden death was traumatic, I was at peace and knowing it was Not his fault.
Unlike the thief who was being put to death for being criminal, my father was no criminal, so the thought there was hope for that repentant thief meant hope for my wonderful father and seeing him again.

Through the years I have reacted differently when different ones have died.
The loss of some leaves a vacant hole that now can't be filled, while others I feel fond memories til Resurrection Day.

Wow! Thank you for sharing that, my brother! I'm glad you had a great relationship with your Dad!

The Resurrection is going to be a marvelous time! We all have people we long to see again. My Dad, too. He didn't serve Jehovah, but he certainly loved nature, Jehovah's creation! When he comes back and sees how Isaiah 11:6-9 is fulfilled, he will absolutely love it!

I think all those resurrected, will be deeply affected by their new experiences! (At least for a while.)

 

[shmogie]

Thanks a lot for giving your advices. I hope they 'll work for me. ))))
We grief differently .I know people who reject friends' help at the time of grief. ((
My dad had been suffering for 5 years before he died. And I know there's
assurance that our dead loved ones are not suffering

“The dead know nothing,” says the Bible at Ecclesiastes 9:5. Their “thoughts perish.” (Psalm 146:4) Consistent with this, the Bible likens death to peaceful sleep.
I personally know that God brings comfort.
At Psalm 34:15 we read: “The eyes of Jehovah * are on the righteous, and his ears listen to their cry for help.” Expressing our feelings in prayer to God is more than good therapy.It actually helps people establish a personal relationship with our Creator, who can use his power to comfort us.)))

My first wife died at age 35 from cancer. It was a horrible death. We had two daughters, 6 and 9.

I lost my faith, rejected Christianity, and walked in the wilderness for many, years, doing harm to others.

Finally, the rage spent, the tears shed, the guilt blossoming into full maturity, I stumbled back to the foot of the cross, with nothing of myself left to try and sustain me.

I finally had peace.

I was no longer the teacher and preacher in the church I once had been, who folded like a house of cards when my faith was severely tested.

Now I am a simple follower of The Way, and am quite happy with that.

You know who the prince of this world is. You know what he has brought about, and what we must endure because of it. I once arrogantly believed that because I was an active worker for God, I would be spared.

You must cry, with God. You must be angry, with God if need be, but with him also present with you. He understands, He hurts with you.

All He asks is that you hold on to His personal promise to you, that all will be well.

I assure you from the bottom of my heart, you do not want to turn away from him. you will assuredly bitterly regret it.

Peace to you. All things are unfolding as they should, and all will be well.

 

[shmogie]

Yes, and it works for awhile. But I guess I am just too tough on myself. Thing is, and I only realized this in the last few days, I am not angry at my Daughter or her Mom for abandoning me, like I originally thought. I am angry at myself. I hate myself with every ounce of my being. And I don't know how to handle that. I'm not suicidal mind you, that would be merciful. No apart me enjoys watching myself live, and suffer. I can't forgive myself, I don't know how to.

You don't have to forgive yourself, if God happily forgives you, is your forgiveness superior to His ?

If God values you so highly, that he would make the massive sacrifice to save YOU, YOU. why demean it by questioning it, when God values you so very highly

Look at what God did for you at the cross. Look at the love He has for you. Look at how valuable you are to Him.

Terrible things happen to us all in this world, I know from bitter experience.

A sword must be heated to being red hot, and hammered over and over before it becomes strong steel.

Hand it all over to God, let Him deal with it. Pray and be at peace with Him, you will be surprised at the result.