Could forgive your lover?

[ADigitalArtist]

I don't think I could give an accurate answer becaise, from what I've observed, lots of people don't know until it happens. And all its circumstances. I want to think I would say no and end the relationship but after being together for decades, that's not something done lightly. I'm a strong, independent woman, but my relationship to my husband is incredibly valuable to me. If he cheated, was remorseful and wanted to get help to try and make am mends, I might forgive him because his value to me is larger than the hurt he gave me. If there was no remorse, and no signs of change, I'm not sure I could go on. Certainly couldn't trust again.
So I don't think it's black and white.

 

[Unveiled Artist]

Are you lesbian !?

Yes.

 

[Kirran]

You know, men view sex as just sex, but for women, sex is love.

Woah! Not all men view sex like that.

 

[Deidre]

I could forgive, but the relationship would be over. Forgiveness doesn't mean we have to keep the people who hurt us in our lives. Someone can cheat on you too without sex being involved. People sometimes have 'emotional affairs' with people they meet online for example, and betray their partners, and that would be cheating to me. I don't want to be with someone who can't be trusted. But, I'd forgive them, we are all human and make mistakes, but that has always been a deal breaker for me, cheating.

 

[Godobeyer]

I could forgive, but the relationship would be over. Forgiveness doesn't mean we have to keep the people who hurt us in our lives.

I meant by forgive, is continous with him

 

[Deidre]

For me it all depends on the person. If he cheats, I want to find out the cause. If it was the lack of communication or something I did wrong, I will try to fix this and forgive him. But if he did that out of love for another woman.....You know, men view sex as just sex, but for women, sex is love. So I would find out the cause first.

No one is forced to cheat. Even if you weren't the best partner, the guy could tell you that he doesn't want to be with you anymore. No excuse to cheat. That's just my opinion. Sex isn't just sex for some men though. My fiance doesn't treat sex with me as just sex, at least I don't think he does. lol

 

[Deidre]

I meant by forgive, is continous with him

You mean would I stay? Staying with a cheater doesn't have anything to do with forgiveness, though. You can forgive someone and leave them.

 

[Godobeyer]

You mean would I stay? Staying with a cheater doesn't have anything to do with forgiveness, though. You can forgive someone and leave them.

So its not complet forgiveness

 

[Kirran]

Or you can stay with someone and not forgive them!

 

[Ana.J]

Woah! Not all men view sex like that.

I hope not

 

[Ana.J]

No one is forced to cheat. Even if you weren't the best partner, the guy could tell you that he doesn't want to be with you anymore. No excuse to cheat. That's just my opinion. Sex isn't just sex for some men though. My fiance doesn't treat sex with me as just sex, at least I don't think he does. lol

Yes, I agree, but what if they live together for 10 years and have kids and other responsibilities? I just thought that every case is unique. And I did not mean that all mean treat sex as just sex. He may love one woman and have sex with another one for whatever reason. I am not trying to defend cheating. I'm just saying that it might be just a mistake and sometimes it is better to forgive and save the family and the relationship that you have been building for decades.

 

[MD]

As soon as you forgive someone who cheated on you, they will look at you with no respect. They will see you as weak and will lose any attraction they have left for you. They will most likely cheat on you again. Thus it is best to cut your losses and move on. Their punishment will be a lifetime reminder of this loss. Without this reminder, they will not learn and grow to become more mindful in future relationships.

Eventually you must forgive them for your own sake, but never forget and never bring them back into your lives. If you had built up a life together then it is gone and unfortunately have to accept the frailty of human nature.

This is one reason why marriage is crumbling. We're living longer and longer, in an extremely liberal society. The old rules don't apply anymore.

 

[Acim]

From spiritual perspective, coveting is plausibly cheating (betrayal). I'm thinking overwhelming majority can forgive/overlook that, and think it easy or normal to do so.

 

[Godobeyer]

Or you can stay with someone and not forgive them!

Good point !!

Edited to add:
Don't tell me to revenge ?

 

[Kirran]

Good point !!

Edited to add:
Don't tell me to revenge ?

Nope.

You can refuse to forgive somebody, and then break up with them.
You can forgive somebody, but still break up with them.
You can refuse to forgive somebody, but not break up with them.
You can forgive somebody, and not break up with them.

 

[Deidre]

As soon as you forgive someone who cheated on you, they will look at you with no respect. They will see you as weak and will lose any attraction they have left for you. They will most likely cheat on you again. Thus it is best to cut your losses and move on. Their punishment will be a lifetime reminder of this loss. Without this reminder, they will not learn and grow to become more mindful in future relationships.

Eventually you must forgive them for your own sake, but never forget and never bring them back into your lives. If you had built up a life together then it is gone and unfortunately have to accept the frailty of human nature.

This is one reason why marriage is crumbling. We're living longer and longer, in an extremely liberal society. The old rules don't apply anymore.

Boom! This.

The cheater ruins the marriage and the family unit. And it's never a 'mistake.' Most cheaters are just upset that they get caught, and feign remorse.

 

[Deidre]

Why do you feel that forgiveness means that you need to stay in a bad marriage?

So its not complet forgiveness

 

[Perditus]

First, he made a joke in public at my expense. Everything I felt for him died in that moment.

Then he cheated on me. I moved out two weeks later and never looked back.

I don't forgive and I definitely don't forget.

 

[Perditus]

Monogomy is overrated. I belong to no one individual, and I enjoy my freedoms, even when I am in love or exploring a relationship.

I agree. I don't think humans are intended to be monogamous, which is why I refused to marry.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I don't think humans are intended to be monogamous

We're actually not. We're technically at a half-way point, biologically, between monogamous and polygamous. Basically, we're at a point where someone people will just prefer one or the other, but the norm has been some sort of polygamy, and while strict or serial monogamy can work for some but it certainly isn't for everyone.