Why should i not think that people (including you) are of yourse also likely to be offended by the TONE of a persons argument if they dont agree?
See ... it is all a two sided coin.
But i do not have a problem with you beeing offended (or not offended). What interests me is if it actually was an offense EVEN from the standing point of someone who does not have your opinion.
So we agree on this point then - that we are less likely to be offended by a person or group, even if they are "brutally honest," or sarcastic, or even possibly condescending - if we agree with them on the subject matter.
Yes, it's a common flaw in humans - to be self centered and see things only from our own perspective. It takes a lot of self discipline and self LESS ness to be able to put ourselves in another person's shoes and honestly try to see the same situation through THEIR eyes. But it's only from that perspective that we can begin to work together to make constructive changes and promote mutual respect.
I can accept that (and thank you for not trying to win me over).
Yet when all is subjective then why discuss it at all. As i stated my interest is in the rather objective question. We would never have all people agree on something as volatile as "style".
Yep, I waste a lot of time on this site. But hey, it's cheap entertainment.
You see.... i think it is NOT subjective.
My reasoning for it is rather logical and reasonable. It MAY be not conclusive and therefore WRONG, but it is not based on subjectivity.
You think I'm wrong and I think you're wrong. I think this is called an impasse.
Then I must have misunderstood your following statement taken from a post a few pages back:
Ahh, my bad (though my quote WAS taken "out of context," as so many people on this thread say that Dawkins are as well
). I was using the example of a ****** woman at work - whose co workers are always making excuses for when it comes to her ****** behavior, when the underlying problem is - she's just a *****. I related that to Dawkins. I could be wrong, but I think one of his basic character traits is arrogance, and I think it comes across in most of his articles and debates. That particular trait is a turn off to me whether it's coming from him or from the Pope.
And indeed i do tell the truth when i am asked for my honest opinion. Everybody around me knows that you shouldnt ever ask me about my honest opinion if you don't want it.
That's fine to a point. But I think most people have enough common sense to know the importance of "brutal truth" being balanced with kindness and, at times, diplomacy.
As i already stated.... if my kid came along with an F i wouldnt sit there and say "fine" just because it might feel insulted if i said "thats crap".
But would you sneer at him? Would you belittle him? Would you tell him "Wow, you're a simpleton." Or would you balance your strong opinion of his grade with an attempt to be constructive?
Sometimes truth that is handed out too brutally destroys any possibility of improving the situation. Is the goal to simply BE TRUTHFUL or is it to be truthful AND constructive?
Truth at another person's expense is often a very selfish form of honesty.
Well if we really want to devle into that then an apropriate statement would be:
"Honey, that garment makes you look ugly, old and fat. I would rather wear the other one that we bought 2 weeks ago." (constructive criticizm you know
)
Or (to give you a statement that I get from my wife)...
"You have really gotten fat and look old, go and burn some fat."
Thats what i get to hear after a week of vacation with long nights and much pizza. And you know what... she is damn right about it and i love her for that.
Well, I'm glad you too have each other.
I am a firm supporter of truth in ANY relationship, especially marriage. However, when my husband says something along the lines of, "Man, I've gained so much weight. I feel like a pig." I don't pipe up and say, "Damn straight! You DO look like a pig!" And I wouldn't point it out to him unsolicited either. Do I really think he doesn't NOTICE that he's gained weight? Of course he does. If he asks me, I say something along the lines of, "Well, it's a struggle to keep our weight down now that we're middle aged. Let's start walking together again in the mornings."
But that's just a difference in marital styles. There's that style word again.
If you prefer a liar or someone like a politician ... well thats not something that would make ME happy. Never knowing the truth while someone smiles into your face is not my favorite way of living in trust with someone.
I don't prefer liars and I intensely dislike most politicians, regardless of party affiliation (likewise most preachers for that matter). But as I just stated, there's a big difference between lying and gently telling someone the truth.
Just because something's the truth, doesn't mean it must be said, either. Sometimes stating the obvious is superfluous and cruel.
Me to bank customer: "Wow, are you really this stupid? I guess you are. Not only that, looking at your bank statement, I'd say you have a gambling problem, as well as some possible substance abuse issues. And your family is obviously dysfunctional. Why can't you get your wife off QVC?"
Manager to me: "You're fired."
My point is, sometimes the brutal truth isn't appropriate.
Ok, i think i finally get the message.
I care for truth even if it doesn't sound as pleasing as I might want it to be.
You seem to care for comforting words and mild criticizm no matter how bad the situation actually is.
Well thats two different approaches and if yours makes you happy, then have a go at it. I have my problems with it.
Nope, you're wrong. I hope I've made my position clear on that. But I'm a problem solver by nature - not a prophet or a pundit. I see a problem, I want to get in and fix it. In order to fix a problem, of course we must determine what the truth is - but we don't have to annihilate people with it.
But then - some people just enjoy making others squirm, or getting a rise out of people. Sometimes they even call that "giving them something to think about."
Some people make a pretty good living at this sort of thing.
I think Dawkins is honest. He is not someone who smears honey around your mouth in order to lure you into something. He is "brutally" honest. You might find that insulting, I would agree that sometimes it is not the most effective way. But it is a truth (unless prooven otherwise).
You think it's truth, and God knows Dawkins may think it's truth. But I'm not convinced, and his delivery makes me uninclined to listen to his protestations and proclamations of what he believes to be true.
And I'm done beating this particular dead horse. Dawkins has never been all that interesting to me, and now I am thoroughly sick and tired of giving him room in my head!