Dear Revoltingest

[Draka]

Dear Revoltingest,

My range is gas and the oven has lighting issues that I fear could be potentially dangerous. I rent with appliances and notified my landlord of the issue almost 3 months ago. I've spoken with him several times about it and I keep being told he'll have it fixed within a few days. I even held on to the rent this month for 3 weeks as a reminder to him about the issue but he didn't seem to care. Short of calling the city about it what do you recommend I do? I know nothing about fixing ranges so fixing it myself is unwise.

Frustrated When I Bake

 

[Revoltingest]

Dear Revoltingest,
My range is gas and the oven has lighting issues that I fear could be potentially dangerous. I rent with appliances and notified my landlord of the issue almost 3 months ago. I've spoken with him several times about it and I keep being told he'll have it fixed within a few days. I even held on to the rent this month for 3 weeks as a reminder to him about the issue but he didn't seem to care. Short of calling the city about it what do you recommend I do? I know nothing about fixing ranges so fixing it myself is unwise.
Frustrated When I Bake

Dear reader,
Thank you for your query about landlord & appliance repair issues...both are topics near & dear to my heart. The landlord is a father figure to us all.
But sometimes they let slip important tasks when overwhelmed by the cacophony of silly whining demands of tenants. And, of course, there are some
who should never enter this field, since they are ill suited to the task. I recommend:
Clearly explain your safety fear to him one more time, with the caveat that if it isn't fixed within 3 days, you'll contact your local authorities.
At this point, start sniffling & letting your voice crack. Explain that you know another landlord (yours truly), & understand the difficulty of managing
the complexities of his profession. You care. You sympathize. But the safety of you & your little ones must trump all other concerns. Now, let loose the
waterworks until he makes multiple promises to satisfy your appliance needs. After he agrees to your terms, offer him up some bacon to be cooked
on your newly repaired range.
This approach will accomplish several things for you:
1) Put him on notice that fixing it after the authorities become involved will cost more time & money.
2) Put the fear of God...or worse, yet, a crying female tenant....in him. Almost all landlords find this quite uncomfortable.
3) He knows that you understand, & that you're on his side too.
4) You've established the problem & the schedule for the fix.
5) Bacon. No landlord can resist.

 

[Wirey]

Dear Revoltingest,

What do I buy the Scotsman who has nothing for International Tartan Day?

 

[Revoltingest]

Dear Revoltingest,
What do I buy the Scotsman who has nothing for International Tartan Day?

Dear reader,
Thank you for your generous inquiry about gift giving for the most difficult recipient of all...the Scot. Consider the world's most famous Scot,
who stars on The Simpsons. No, no....not Groundskeeper Willie, but rather Charles Montgomery Burns. Tis a little known fact that he hails
from Scotland, land of the most penny pinching cheapskating Scrooges on the planet. No Scot can resist the humble wallet with velcro closure,
for it costs little, & it cries when it's opened. Such a wonderful gift is made even more personal if you can find one in the recipient's family tartan.
For more info on tartan lore, see www.ancientmanuscript.com

 

[Wirey]

For more info on tartan lore, see www.ancientmanuscript.com

Please tell me that's not real.

 

[Revoltingest]

Please tell me that's not real.

Dear reader,
If not real, then it should be. Oh, how I fondly recall those days of The Tartan Wars.
They bring to mind the old saying, "The fighting is so vicious when the stakes are so low.".

Btw, she of flobby boobs was last seen over at The View message board. Yours truly was
invited to participate, but feared being pecked to death by all those harrowing hens.

 

[Wirey]

Dear reader,
If not real, then it should be. Oh, how I fondly recall those days of The Tartan Wars.
They bring to mind the old saying, "The fighting is so vicious when the stakes are so low.".

Btw, she of flobby boobs was last seen over at The View message board. Yours truly was
invited to participate, but feared being pecked to death by all those harrowing hens.

Flobby boobs, I had forgotten that. Man, that woman was crazier than me, and I ain't right.

 

[Iti oj]

Dear revoltingest.

I can't explain glacial motion o why los angels does not fall into the ocean I can't unwind the layers of history. Can you help?

 

[Revoltingest]

Flobby boobs, I had forgotten that. Man, that woman was crazier than me, and I ain't right.

Dear reader,
I found our friend Ancient to be quite sane. But some people are their own worst enemy in how they comport themselves. Tis wise to
vigorously pursue one's interests in debates, but wiser still to remain above the fray. Always be aware of the effect which one has
upon others, & know when one is being played like a fiddle for mere amusement. I am tempted to say that the female of the species'
hormones & brain structure doom them to passion & woe in discussion forums, but then I recall menfolk who suffer the same fate.
Take care valued reader, that your brain continues to function at slightly above average utility.

 

[Revoltingest]

Dear revoltingest.
I can't explain glacial motion o why los angels does not fall into the ocean I can't unwind the layers of history. Can you help?

Dear reader,
Thank you for your post.
However, it makes no sense whatsoever, so I cannot help.
Perhaps you're too sober at the moment. Please address that.

 

[Iti oj]

Dear revoltingest.
Im a peaceful and noble person yet i have not won a noble peace prize how can i fix this problem

 

[Revoltingest]

Dear revoltingest.
Im a peaceful and noble person yet i have not won a noble peace prize how can i fix this problem

Dear reader,
Thank you for your inquiry. Recognition by one's peers is so very important to us, isn't it? I still anxiously await my Pulitzer for this column.
But enuf about me. Here are some tips for winning one of the lesser Nobel Prizes (eg, peace, econmoics):
- Write a shallow & poorly reasoned book predicting impending disaster which you alone can prevent. It's also important to have nice hair.
- Wage a war of terror on some group which will endlessly trumpet its own victimization. Then say "Oopsies! I changed my mind.".
- Become a NYT columnist, rail against an economic class hated by most, advocate subsidies to the 99%, & make vague predictions which
can be rationalized as accurate at some point in time.
I caution you against getting your hopes up to high...while these techniques are successful, you will face much competition.

 

[painted wolf]

Dear reader,
Thank you for your inquiry, but I lack enuf information to guide your question.
Have you a perplexing personal matter to resolve or perhaps a friend needing advice?

Dear Revoltingest,

Ok... here's a puzzler.

Is it bad form to take a good job knowing you plan on (or hope to) leave it in a year or less. I'm afraid I'm still trapped in the pre-millennial mindset that when you apply for a job you intend to work there for the foreseeable future. My last real job I was at for almost a decade. And I kind of feel guilty about taking a good job knowing I'd just be making them look again in a year or two.

I should say that I have no such compulsion about a less than ideal job; say flipping burgers in the local insta-burger or stocking shelves at the Mall-wort.

- Old fashioned work ethic

 

[Revoltingest]

Dear Revoltingest,
Ok... here's a puzzler.
Is it bad form to take a good job knowing you plan on (or hope to) leave it in a year or less. I'm afraid I'm still trapped in the pre-millennial mindset that when you apply for a job you intend to work there for the foreseeable future. My last real job I was at for almost a decade. And I kind of feel guilty about taking a good job knowing I'd just be making them look again in a year or two.
I should say that I have no such compulsion about a less than ideal job; say flipping burgers in the local insta-burger or stocking shelves at the Mall-wort.
- Old fashioned work ethic

Dear reader,
Thank you for considering the ethical question of difficulties imposed upon the prospective employer. In all honest & voluntary transactions, each party has implicit & explicit expectation of the other. Ideally, both would enter into the agreement with all their cards on the table. If the employer intended that you stay for a longer period, & would suffer high transition costs were you to leave early, then to hide this from them would betray the agreement. But you talk of only the possibility that you might leave early. Generally, an employer (such as yours truly) presumes that plans will change, & it is acceptable, albeit regrettable, that you might leave early. What matters to you is that you satisfy your personal sense of ethics, & you alone must weigh the likelihood of your leaving early, & decide to what extent you will disclose it to the employer. Personally, I have obtained some work & also lost some work by exercising full disclosure with clients. The concept of karma, even if I don't believe in it, has served me well. I discern that you benefit from it also. I've no doubt that you will make a fair & wise decision, whichever it is.

 

[DreadFish]

Dear Revoltingest,

thank you for clearing up my confusion by answering my previous question. I also have another question:

I have been visiting a new country and doing what I can to meet a few ladies. My problem is, I dont know how to talk to them or to convey what I want, when I try to talk to them, we have such a hard time communicating, its as if they speak another language! I need to learn the moves, could you help me?

signed,
Having female problems

 

[Revoltingest]

Dear Revoltingest,
thank you for clearing up my confusion by answering my previous question. I also have another question:
I have been visiting a new country and doing what I can to meet a few ladies. My problem is, I dont know how to talk to them or to convey what I want, when I try to talk to them, we have such a hard time communicating, its as if they speak another language! I need to learn the moves, could you help me?
signed,
Having female problems

Dear reader,
Thank you for the positive feedback, & for introducing another romantic quandry.
Could it be as simple as your not speaking the ladies' native language? This is no mere flippant question, my point being that
language has great subtlety, & if you communicate in using a language in which one isn't fluent, there could be misunderstandings.
Perhaps some training in the local dialect of dating is the solution. But if fluency is not the problem, then I suggest bringing along an
experienced wing man, who may later critique your approach. Alas, my style is spontaneous talk & acts in preference to planned lines
& "moves", so I have none to offer. Best wishes in your getting some.

 

[ForeverFaithful]

Dear Revoltingest,

I find myself surrounded by rabid liberals, help!

-TokenConservative

 

[Revoltingest]

Dear Revoltingest,
I find myself surrounded by rabid liberals, help!
-ForeverFaithful

Dear reader,
Thank you for expressing your concern & consternation. People of all political stripes will be rabid at times. So this is a difficulty
familiar to us all. Fortunately, I've found a perspective which preserves my equanimity & mental health when confronted with
the fulminating fundie, cranky conservative, loopy libertarian, lunk-headed lefty, & others. I try to continually remind myself.....
- None of us has all the answers or exclusive access to "the truth".
- Others may say something novel, interesting, & perhaps even Weltanshauung altering.
- I want my foe to become my friend.
- Disagreement doesn't require that we be disagreeable.
- Conversation is better than arguing.
- But if one wants to win an argument, the key is to be find: camaraderie, common premises, agreement where possible, & acceptance
of differences. To win respect is a necessary condition to win an argument & gain the much coveted prize of acknowledgment.
- Every conflict is an opportunity to impart your perspective, & change the mind of another.
- On the rare occasion where I really want to dig my claws into some cretin's throat, I find that the cruelest method is honesty without insult.
Certainly, I fail at times, & will call someone a "poopy head", but my observance of these goals helps me stay the course I want.

 

[Kathryn]

Dear Revoltingest,

I am continually stressed out by the fact that every sign and package I see has all these weird words in some sort of foreign language slathered all over.

This odd language seems to have something in common with the menu items at The Jalepeno Tree and Taqueria el Lugar (not really sure how to say either of those restaurant names - and not really sure what I'm eating when I go there, but it tastes good).

Though I consider myself well read, I now find myself resorting to looking at pictures on signage (and menus) for clues. This is distressing and is shaking my self image.

To add insult to injury, this is what I found on the shelves of a local store recently:

Thank goodness I could see the bread (I'm assuming it's bread) thru the packaging...no, wait, there in the smallest print on the packaging, it says "multi grain sliced bread." Whew, I thought for a minute there that I was going to be completely ignored in my own country...

My question is this - just how many different languages do you think I need to learn in order to shop without impediment in Texas in the near future?

And an aside question - do you think that when they named this bread "Bimbo," they were being facetious...or sending subliminal messages?

Sincerely,

Kathryn - no relation to Catherine of Aragon or any other Spanish royalty

 

[Revoltingest]

Dear Revoltingest,
:
:
My question is this - just how many different languages do you think I need to learn in order to shop without impediment in Texas in the near future?
And an aside question - do you think that when they named this bread "Bimbo," they were being facetious...or sending subliminal messages?
Sincerely,
Kathryn - no relation to Catherine of Aragon or any other Spanish royalty

Dear reader,
Thank you for asking about the relationships between food & language.
#1) You need only know English. Everyone else should eventually learn it, but until then you have the joy of being
continually surprised by strange, frightening, enticing & perplexing foreign foods. Relish in exotic relish & have
fun with Asian fungi....adventure awaits the adventuresome!
#2) "Bimbo Bread" is the brand name which replaced the manufacturer's unfortunate original name, "Loose Lady Loaf".
Who says focus groups are useless?