when i was a believer i thought my life would be over...tells you how fearful i was :sad:
Sadly that appears to be quite common.
actually that is what this thread is for...long winded explanations...
so feel free to let your hair down....
Okay, my hair is down. Literally too.
"God" is everything and beyond it all at the same time (panentheism). We are all aspects of God, we just don't know it. The All-in-One isn't a cosmic sugar daddy or angry sky man on a cloud. It is neither personal (sending prophets and interested in humanity, etc), nor impersonal (as a force like electricity); my idea of God is transpersonal, possibly Deistic - but it is sapient (it is aware of its own awareness).
It is beyond form, gender, colour, and creed. I refer to It as "He" usually because:
1) Custom and habit and influence from others
2) "She" can often seem as though one is trying to "rebel"
3) "It" usually makes It sounds like an object
4) I don't like the gender-neutral inventer pronouns like "Ey".
It does not reward, does not punish, does not hate. When something bad happens, it's not punishment. When there's an earthquake, that's not God - that's seismology.
To explain the next bit, I'll have to make it clear I believe in reincarnation/rebirth, and a "way out" of it (moksha). I don't believe in any form of creation: we aren't some special design. Just one species who got lucky with our ability to use our cognitive skills (which allows us, imo, to escape death and rebirth). It's why I say I go by atheistic evolution, as opposed to theistic evolution (since that usually implies God had something to do with it). As opposed to being a creation, we're an emanation of God, like raindrops to the ocean, or sparks of a flame. I don't think that we "cease to exist" upon joining with God or anything though, we keep our own "Base Consciousness" (long story, but in brief, a sort of "recollection of all events in all our lives that we have had).
We are all inherently good, because we're all part of the Whole; wickedness is not explained by evil but by selfishness and secular things: upbringing, mental illnesses, criminology, etc. I don't believe in any kind of "evil" as a nature or mindset or anything, but I know some things can be pretty damn evil things to do, like the babysitters who beat my brother-in-law's ex-girlfriend's toddler to death and mocked the child as he asked to go home to his mum, and then laughed about it as they were sentences. Scum.
Whoo.. anyway. Positive thoughts. That always hurts to discuss.
If there wasn't an afterlife, that wouldn't affect me, I'd just drop such a view.
As to how I came to this view of "God", well, that's private.
Hope that makes it clear. For the benefit of everyone: I'm not hoping to debate or argue my view, though. Was just answering a question.