Deidre's Journey

[Desert Snake]

Being at a crossroads reminds me vaguely of Pascal's Wager, which wasn't designed to persuade atheists to convert...rather, it was intended for lukewarm Christians to get off their fences. (I'm not lukewarm lol I'm just saying though) ^_^

There is a thread, somewhere on rf, regarding "lukewarm christians"..
And an interesting concept from the verse, being, that the lukewarm christian is worse than the either other extremes. Hence, it could be an argument for being a non christian.

 

[Deidre]

There is a thread, somewhere on rf, regarding "lukewarm christians"..
And an interesting concept from the verse, being, that the lukewarm christian is worse than the either other extremes. Hence, it could be an argument for being a non christian.

Yes, maybe if I end up claiming an atheistic position again, I'll say ''I owe it all to Pascal's Wager,'' and everyone will be left to wonder.

 

[Deidre]

@Sclavus - I deleted my reply to you but then I saw you replied in your journal. lol I guess I don't want to get into a debate so I deleted my post, but I'll reply to you tomorrow. Even though we think differently on some things, I think you are respectful and kind.


Despite abandoning theism, I still like artwork of angels. Unusual angels. Realistic angels...who look like they have a cool backstory.

If only I had wings, there are days I would choose to fly away from it all.

 

[Deidre]

Thursday, and I'm feeling good today, yet still conflicted. Maybe I'll always feel conflicted? Hmmm.

I read something really interesting, well...interesting to me considering that I'm at a crossroads with my faith, etc. The article talked about how ''when you're in doubt'' (of whatever it is you're going through) ...you should choose the path of least resistance? You should choose your own happiness, the very things that make you feel at your happiest.

I won't lie, when I came back to Christianity ...I ''felt'' happy. I felt overjoyed and willing to serve God. Even if my mind knew better than my heart, I still felt happy. I don't know if that's being intellectually dishonest though, to just keep following my emotions, and what makes me happy. If I were to return to theism, I'd be different than I was coming back to it nearly two years ago. I'd still wonder why I need something that I don't necessarily believe in, to ''make'' me happy.

What do you think of this idea that we should follow what makes us happy? Should we always take the path of least resistance?

 

[Deidre]

Dear journal ...

Friday! Made it through another week. I had a pretty good week, overall, but still feeling conflicted. Maybe I'll always be conflicted when it comes to this ''journey.'' I hope not, but maybe.

My heart still wants what it wants. It is easier though to make sense of atheism, than it is to make sense of religion. But, my heart understands faith better than my mind does. I'm not sure if this is good or bad, but it's where I'm at right now.

In other news, I didn't know about this, but google is highlighting it today.

A silent protest parade in 1917 set the stage for civil rights marches

And we still have racism today, it's just so sad to me that there is this disconnect from some humans to others.

 

[RoaringSilence]

Dear journal ...

Friday! Made it through another week. I had a pretty good week, overall, but still feeling conflicted. Maybe I'll always be conflicted when it comes to this ''journey.'' I hope not, but maybe.

My heart still wants what it wants. It is easier though to make sense of atheism, than it is to make sense of religion. But, my heart understands faith better than my mind does. I'm not sure if this is good or bad, but it's where I'm at right now.

In other news, I didn't know about this, but google is highlighting it today.

A silent protest parade in 1917 set the stage for civil rights marches

And we still have racism today, it's just so sad to me that there is this disconnect from some humans to others.

mind is a tool to manage 5 senses , its primary job is to ensure survival.. and act as a hard shield to protect any jabs to your heart.
heart is a place where you find the fruits of your EQ qualities - when you re happy the heart gives juices to you body that enrich it with life. when you brain gets the juices it strengthens shield and sometimes even picks a sword to attack others with an inflated ego.
The trick is to control the senses ..

Senses are like 7 horses running 24x 7 .. and the heart is a tiny selfish with a cute face that keeps chanting me me memememmemememe ...mimmimimi .. and gets inside the shell and surreneders to the brain when it senses fear,

to capture 7 horses by a tiney scared selfish is hard. so the heart with never capture the brain.. only your OBSERVER can understand all and control senses to properly proptect the mimi selfish heart.
straighten your observer to train you horses to what they should eat ..do or think.. disconnect the link of direct connect of teh selfish with brain. coz of heart says i want lolypop.. brains ego will get you a lolypop even if it has to snatch it from a baby..

only if the heart conveys to observer and horse follow observer ..the right call can be made.

you can read this is bhagwat geeta when krishna explains to arjun.

* i ve begun to ignore my english ow a days ..i will correct and edit this soon .

 

[Deidre]

mind is a tool to manage 5 senses , its primary job is to ensure survival.. and act as a hard shield to protect any jabs to your heart.
heart is a place where you find the fruits of your EQ qualities - when you re happy the heart gives juices to you body that enrich it with life. when you brain gets the juices it strengthens shield and sometimes even picks a sword to attack others with an inflated ego.
The trick is to control the senses ..

Senses are like 7 horses running 24x 7 .. and the heart is a tiny selfish with a cute face that keeps chanting me me memememmemememe ...mimmimimi .. and gets inside the shell and surreneders to the brain when it senses fear,

to capture 7 horses by a tiney scared selfish is hard. so the heart with never capture the brain.. only your OBSERVER can understand all and control senses to properly proptect the mimi selfish heart.
straighten your observer to train you horses to what they should eat ..do or think.. disconnect the link of direct connect of teh selfish with brain. coz of heart says i want lolypop.. brains ego will get you a lolypop even if it has to snatch it from a baby..

only if the heart conveys to observer and horse follow observer ..the right call can be made.

you can read this is bhagwat geeta when krishna explains to arjun.

* i ve begun to ignore my english ow a days ..i will correct and edit this soon .

This is good advice, but easier said than done, right? lol Right now, I'm just going through these feelings, and will not worry too much. I think worrying over all of this doesn't make much sense.

Thank you for your insight, @RoaringSilence

 

[Deidre]

Dear journal,

Today is Saturday, and I've gone back to a few atheist forums that I was active in about three years ago. I have missed some of the people there, and it helps to be around like minded people. I don't have a desire to return to any Christian sites, because the judgement is just way too harsh, and I don't need that right now. I posted a thread on this forum called ''spiritual atheism'' and the replies were helpful, made me realize I'm not alone in how I've been feeling, and that atheism doesn't have to be this empty place where you can't reach out into the universe and question your surroundings. Or question faith, even.

 

[Deidre]

Dear journal,

It's Sunday, and I thought about church for the first time in a long while. Even upon returning to faith, I've only gone back to church services a handful of times. (that's over a nearly two years span of time) But, I thought about church today and even listening to a sermon on the internet. But, then I decided against it, or the day just got busy, and I didn't bother. But, there are these heart string pulls every now and then, where I want to return to the familiar. I think this could be why we read about so many women who stay with abusers, in marriages. They take beatings for a lifetime, but never leave, or they try to leave...and then...return, to the familiar. Leaving the familiar is hard, so hard. I'm not saying religion is anywhere equal to being beaten by a lover for a lifetime, but just the mindset of returning to the familiar, that is the same way of thinking, or so it seems.

It is likely because the familiar, even if it's not healthy for us, brings us some sense of comfort. Just searching my soul for answers still, and finding that there's a lot I've kept inside.

I miss you grandma, and wish you were here to talk all this out with, although you'd tell me to go back to Jesus. You never liked me being an atheist.

My grandmother can't hear me or read this, but it is comforting to write something for her.

 

[Sundance]

So, I'm not great with keeping up with journals but this one, I would really like to keep it going as to keep up with my experiences now. I think after leaving faith five years ago, and eventually identifying as an atheist, I didn't realize how empty I would feel after being tested with something like my grandmother's death. Fast forward to now, and after returning to faith a little over a year ago, I realize that much of my belief system is really little more than a security blanket and wishful thinking.

I'm tired of my mind logically identifying as an atheist but my heart afraid to leave the pseudo-comforts of faith. I convinced myself that I had a spiritual experience in order to feel that comfort, again.

Time to get real and if I'm going to identify as an atheist, then I'll have to find ways to cope with the stresses of everyday life as one.

Back on the path to self discovery.

Painful moments can, indeed, be a conduit to self-discovery. Deidre, I know you'll find that path in life you're meant to walk. Whether as an Atheist, or a Christian, or someone else. Don't let your heart be troubled by the conflict.

You're not alone in what you feel. I struggle with the back-and-forth of religion, myself, my mind vs my heart. In everything, be strong.

 

[DavidFirth]

@Sclavus - I deleted my reply to you but then I saw you replied in your journal. lol I guess I don't want to get into a debate so I deleted my post, but I'll reply to you tomorrow. Even though we think differently on some things, I think you are respectful and kind.


Despite abandoning theism, I still like artwork of angels. Unusual angels. Realistic angels...who look like they have a cool backstory.

If only I had wings, there are days I would choose to fly away from it all.

It looks as though you've found a Christian you can "connect" with. Maybe that's what you've needed to find here. Anyway, God bless you and good luck.

 

[Deidre]

Painful moments can, indeed, be a conduit to self-discovery. Deidre, I know you'll find that path in life you're meant to walk. Whether as an Atheist, or a Christian, or someone else. Don't let your heart be troubled by the conflict.

You're right, I will. It's funny you say that about pain, that is too true. Pain is our best teacher, sometimes. I wish that weren't the case, though.

You're not alone in what you feel. I struggle with the back-and-forth of religion, myself, my mind vs my heart. In everything, be strong.

I'm trying to remember, were you Catholic at one time? Thank you for your kindest of words, as always.

It looks as though you've found a Christian you can "connect" with. Maybe that's what you've needed to find here. Anyway, God bless you and good luck.

Yea, Sclavus seems to understand. Thank you, David, hope you had a great weekend.

 

[DavidFirth]

You're right, I will. It's funny you say that about pain, that is too true. Pain is our best teacher, sometimes. I wish that weren't the case, though.

I'm trying to remember, were you Catholic at one time? Thank you for your kindest of words, as always.

Yea, Sclavus seems to understand. Thank you, David, hope you had a great weekend.

Same to you, ma'am, I'm much obliged.

 

[Sundance]

You're right, I will. It's funny you say that about pain, that is too true. Pain is our best teacher, sometimes. I wish that weren't the case, though.

I'm trying to remember, were you Catholic at one time? Thank you for your kindest of words, as always.

Hahaha! No, but I was interested in it at one point.

And no problem with the kind words, Deidre! That's the only way I try to be.

*hugs*

 

[Deidre]

Every time I hear this song, I forget about all the stress, and just smile.

 

[Deidre]

Same to you, ma'am, I'm much obliged.

Did you go to church today?

Hahaha! No, but I was interested in it at one point.

And no problem with the kind words, Deidre! That's the only way I try to be.

*hugs*

Aw, well that's the best way to be. Are you following any faith beliefs now?

 

[Sundance]

Aw, well that's the best way to be. Are you following any faith beliefs now?

Me, I'm leaning towards something Earth-centered. I'm not sure. Though, I definitely know that I'm a Polytheist, Pantheist, and Animism.

 

[Deidre]

Me, I'm leaning towards something Earth-centered. I'm not sure. Though, I definitely know that I'm a Polytheist, Pantheist, and Animism.

A polytheist? That's interesting! Who are these ''gods?''

 

[DavidFirth]

Did you go to church today?

No, I worked all night last night so I slept through it. I did attend Wednesday night, though.

 

[Deidre]

No, I worked all night last night so I slept through it. I did attend Wednesday night, though.

Okay. I just wondered. Are you a fundamentalist, would you say?