Do common religious beliefs contribute to marital success?

[Trailblazer]

Why do people marry a person whose beliefs are very different or even diametrically opposed to their own beliefs? The reason I am thinking about this is because I was widowed but I would like to get married again someday, so I am thinking about what kind of man I would want to marry. Another reason I am thinking about this is because an atheist posted questions about a Baha’i getting married to an atheist on a Baha’i forum since he is engaged to a Baha’i woman. This man takes issue with the Baha’i wedding ceremony wherein the only wedding vow is “Verily we will all abide by the will of God.” This atheist said that he cannot say that vow because he does not believe a single word of it and in fact, he opposes it because he said that he would never submit to any God, even if God was to suddenly appear before him!

I am not saying I think that partners have to have the same religious beliefs, or that believer should not marry a nonbeliever. I can imagine myself marrying an agnostic atheist, but I cannot imagine myself being married to a man who feels that way about God, and Baha’i beliefs about God are clearly opposite to that sentiment, since we are to submit to God under all circumstances. So, I have to wonder what the basis is for such a marriage. I think it must be romantic love, although I might be wrong, but is this a good enough reason to get married?

This might sound like a silly question but I am wondering why people get married, aside from romantic love. When people are younger, I can kind of understand marrying for that reason, but I don’t understand why older people would marry for that reason. If I ever get married again it will be for love and companionship, not romance.

So, if you are married, or if you had been married, I have some questions for you:

-- What initially attracted you to your partner and why did you get married? Was it an emotional connection or a sexual attraction or something else?

-- After that, what held the marriage together? Was it common religious beliefs or common non-belief?

-- Are common interests (aside from religious beliefs) enough to hold a marriage together?

I think we all know marriage is not easy, although it seems so easy for some people I know, but these are all Baha’is married to Baha’is or Christians married to Christians, so I imagine that is a big part of what holds those marriages together. On the other hand, I was reading further down in that thread and an atheist Baha’i man who is married to a Baha’i woman said that most of his wife’s Baha’i friends are married to atheist or agnostic men, and they live in the United States. He also said that ironically, he had found the Baha'i/Atheist marriages have all lasted longer than many of Baha'i/Baha'i marriages he has encountered.

Since they live in the United States where the majority of people are Christians, that made me wonder why a Baha’i would marry an atheist rather than a Christian, and that made me wonder how many Baha’is are married to Christians, and how many Christians are married to atheists. I do a lot of wondering.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I married a Baha’i, but that was not because I was looking for a Baha’i, as I was not even looking for a man or to get married. I met him through my sister and my mother. I can safely say that the Baha’i Faith is what held our marriage together, against all odds, but not all Baha’is stay together as we did, many get divorced. We also had some common interests, mainly the cats, and we had similar dysfunctional family backgrounds, so we had an emotional connection from the very start.

I had been thinking that if I get married again, it would have to be to a Baha’i, but my thinking has changed. For one thing, there are very few Baha’is in my age range to pick from and the chances of me finding a Baha’i man who just happens to want to get married is highly unlikely, especially since I do not go to Baha’i activities where I might meet a man. But even if I met a Baha’i man there is no guarantee we would have compatible personalities, interests and lifestyles.

I can envision myself married to a Christian man as long as he was not antagonistic towards my Baha’i beliefs, since our beliefs about God would be similar. I can also see myself married to an atheist or an agnostic man, since I respect both positions. The only problem I foresee with marrying an atheist man would be if he was an atheist who had negative ideas about God.

All that being said, if I ever marry again, I believe it will be whoever God has destined for me to marry, just like the first time, and if I never marry again, that will also be my destiny. I believe that any effort I put forth has very little to do with what will happen to me.

 

[Orbit]

Why do people marry a person whose beliefs are very different or even diametrically opposed to their own beliefs? The reason I am thinking about this is because I was widowed but I would like to get married again someday, so I am thinking about what kind of man I would want to marry. Another reason I am thinking about this is because an atheist posted questions about a Baha’i getting married to an atheist on a Baha’i forum since he is engaged to a Baha’i woman. This man takes issue with the Baha’i wedding ceremony wherein the only wedding vow is “Verily we will all abide by the will of God.” This atheist said that he cannot say that vow because he does not believe a single word of it and in fact, he opposes it because he said that he would never submit to any God, even if God was to suddenly appear before him!

I am not saying I think that partners have to have the same religious beliefs, or that believer should not marry a nonbeliever. I can imagine myself marrying an agnostic atheist, but I cannot imagine myself being married to a man who feels that way about God, and Baha’i beliefs about God are clearly opposite to that sentiment, since we are to submit to God under all circumstances. So, I have to wonder what the basis is for such a marriage. I think it must be romantic love, although I might be wrong, but is this a good enough reason to get married?

This might sound like a silly question but I am wondering why people get married, aside from romantic love. When people are younger, I can kind of understand marrying for that reason, but I don’t understand why older people would marry for that reason. If I ever get married again it will be for love and companionship, not romance.

So, if you are married, or if you had been married, I have some questions for you:

-- What initially attracted you to your partner and why did you get married? Was it an emotional connection or a sexual attraction or something else?

-- After that, what held the marriage together? Was it common religious beliefs or common non-belief?

-- Are common interests (aside from religious beliefs) enough to hold a marriage together?

I think we all know marriage is not easy, although it seems so easy for some people I know, but these are all Baha’is married to Baha’is or Christians married to Christians, so I imagine that is a big part of what holds those marriages together. On the other hand, I was reading further down in that thread and an atheist Baha’i man who is married to a Baha’i woman said that most of his wife’s Baha’i friends are married to atheist or agnostic men, and they live in the United States. He also said that ironically, he had found the Baha'i/Atheist marriages have all lasted longer than many of Baha'i/Baha'i marriages he has encountered.

Since they live in the United States where the majority of people are Christians, that made me wonder why a Baha’i would marry an atheist rather than a Christian, and that made me wonder how many Baha’is are married to Christians, and how many Christians are married to atheists. I do a lot of wondering.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I married a Baha’i, but that was not because I was looking for a Baha’i, as I was not even looking for a man or to get married. I met him through my sister and my mother. I can safely say that the Baha’i Faith is what held our marriage together, against all odds, but not all Baha’is stay together as we did, many get divorced. We also had some common interests, mainly the cats, and we had similar dysfunctional family backgrounds, so we had an emotional connection from the very start.

I had been thinking that if I get married again, it would have to be to a Baha’i, but my thinking has changed. For one thing, there are very few Baha’is in my age range to pick from and the chances of me finding a Baha’i man who just happens to want to get married is highly unlikely, especially since I do not go to Baha’i activities where I might meet a man. But even if I met a Baha’i man there is no guarantee we would have compatible personalities, interests and lifestyles.

I can envision myself married to a Christian man as long as he was not antagonistic towards my Baha’i beliefs, since our beliefs about God would be similar. I can also see myself married to an atheist or an agnostic man, since I respect both positions. The only problem I foresee with marrying an atheist man would be if he was an atheist who had negative ideas about God.

All that being said, if I ever marry again, I believe it will be whoever God has destined for me to marry, just like the first time, and if I never marry again, that will also be my destiny. I believe that any effort I put forth has very little to do with what will happen to me.

When I was a Christian I lived with an atheist for 8 years (not married) and religion simply wasn't an issue. Now I'm married to an agnostic atheist, and I am also an agnostic atheist, and that works fine also. Religion is not the #1 thing in my life so I don't really view it as important enough to have conflict over.

 

[Trailblazer]

When I was a Christian I lived with an atheist for 8 years (not married) and religion simply wasn't an issue. Now I'm married to an agnostic atheist, and I am also an agnostic atheist, and that works fine also. Religion is not the #1 thing in my life so I don't really view it as important enough to have conflict over.

Not to be nosy, but if religion is not important, what is important?
Maybe I am just biased since it was so important to me. It was not that important when I was first married but it was very important later in the marriage.

Obviously, I can see why religion would not be important to an atheist or an agnostic.

 

[Orbit]

Not to be nosy, but if religion is not important, what is important?
Maybe I am just biased since it was so important to me. It was not that important when I was first married but it was very important later in the marriage.

Obviously, I can see why religion would not be important to an atheist or an agnostic.

Well, I wasn't the kind of Christian who believed in evangelism and going to church three times a week. It doesn't mean my faith wasn't important to me, it just wasn't something I felt compelled to impose upon others. Some Christians make religion their whole lives, only associate with other evangelicals/fundamentalists, arrange their whole lives around church. That wasn't me.

It was important to me to try to be a good, ethical person following the example of Jesus. It actually still is. I don't see atheism as incompatible with that.

 

[Trailblazer]

Some Christians make religion their whole lives, only associate with other evangelicals/fundamentalists, arrange their whole lives around church. That wasn't me.

Some Baha'is do that too, make religion their whole lives, except they don't go to a church, they meet on Zoom or at homes. That has never been me.

 

[Trailblazer]

Maybe I should add a poll asking married people who they are married to, but I don't know how to do that.

All the married Baha'is I know who are or have been on this forum are married to Baha'is, except @Dawnofhope who is married to a Christian.

 

[Dawnofhope]

Maybe I should add a poll asking married people who they are married to, but I don't know how to do that.

All the married Baha'is I know who are or have been on this forum are married to Baha'is, except @Dawnofhope who is married to a Christian.

Hi @Trailblazer ,

For the record, I'm married to someone who is nominally Buddhist/Shinto. Within her worldview she believes in God. I don't see religion as problematic for either of us. She's comfortable attending Baha'i activities and when in Japan I'm comfortable attending Buddhist and Shinto temples and shrines.

 

[Trailblazer]

Hi @Trailblazer ,

For the record, I'm married to someone who is nominally Buddhist/Shinto. Within her worldview she believes in God. I don't see religion as problematic for either of us. She's comfortable attending Baha'i activities and when in Japan I'm comfortable attending Buddhist and Shinto temples and shrines.

Sorry I got that wrong. I thought I remembered that your wife was a Christian.
So, in your Baha'i community, are most Baha'is married to Baha'is? That is how it has been in all the Baha'i communities I have been part of.

 

[Dawnofhope]

Sorry I got that wrong. I thought I remembered that your wife was a Christian.
So, in your Baha'i community, are most Baha'is married to Baha'is? That is how it has been in all the Baha'i communities I have been part of.

I do volunteer work at a Christian Medical Centre where I'm the only member who identifies with a religion other than Christianity. I grew up Christian and identified as Christian prior to becoming a Baha'i. Maybe that's where you had the idea I might be married to a Christian.

It's hard to quantify the marital status of our Baha'i community. We seem to have a broad spectrum of married, divorced, widowed or single. Of those who are married about half are married to Baha'is, half outside the Baha'i community such as myself.

I have been married for over twenty years and have adult children. Interestingly in the lead up to our wedding we had quite a number of our friends who believed strongly we should not get married. There were three Baha'is I knew who felt I should marry a Baha'i. There were three friends of my wife who believed she should not marry someone who had strong religious beliefs. Interestingly all six people who advised us not to marry, their marriages or relationships ended within five years. I wondered if their advice was a reflection of unresolved issues within themselves rather than any incompatibility between my wife and I.

Recently an older Baha'i woman from out of town who was widowed asked me to meet the man she was dating who wasn't a Baha'i. Like you her first husband was a Baha'i. I didn't think they were compatible but remembered the experience I had with my friends in the lead up to getting married. So instead of advising her against getting married I told her what a nice guy he was and left it at that. They are now married and decided to relocate to the city where I live so are part of our community. I'm quietly relieved I didn't speak out against their union.

 

[Truthseeker]

What initially attracted you to your partner and why did you get married? Was it an emotional connection or a sexual attraction or something else?

What initially attracted me to Sara was that she was attracted to me. However, I knew she was fat, and was worried this would turn me off from her when we met for the first time. Boy was I mistaken! When I met her her weight was not what mattered. What mattered was that I felt compatible and comfortable with her. Interestingly, after we got engaged then it became romantic for me, but not before. When we went to the nearby motel in the Cleveland area where she lived however, I had trouble having sex with sex with her because she was fat. Worse, someone I considered a wonderful Baha'i on the NSA named Daniel Jordan had been killed in recent days, and I heard about this on my wedding day. I started crying as we were trying to have sex. Anyway, in the early days it was romantic for me but that wore off over time. That's romantic love for you. There were at times some trouble in our marriage. I was still immature in some ways. However today while sometimes Sara gets mad or frustrated at me we are good friends.

After that, what held the marriage together? Was it common religious beliefs or common non-belief?

It did help that we were both Baha'is. It was especially important to her. She insisted to our future matchmaker that she had to marry a Baha'i.

Are common interests (aside from religious beliefs) enough to hold a marriage together?

There has not that much common interests other than the same religion. i liked sports. She didn't. I was interested in science, she wasn't. We did both like Star Trek, I think for her probably because of the rosy future for mankind and characters in Star Trek, and me for that as well as it being science fiction. We both liked Carl Sagan, which is interesting because Carl Sagan was a cosmological scientist, which would be more up my alley. Anyway, there was not a great deal there in common interests.

 

[Trailblazer]

I do volunteer work at a Christian Medical Centre where I'm the only member who identifies with a religion other than Christianity. I grew up Christian and identified as Christian prior to becoming a Baha'i. Maybe that's where you had the idea I might be married to a Christian.

It's hard to quantify the marital status of our Baha'i community. We seem to have a broad spectrum of married, divorced, widowed or single. Of those who are married about half are married to Baha'is, half outside the Baha'i community such as myself.

I have been married for over twenty years and have adult children. Interestingly in the lead up to our wedding we had quite a number of our friends who believed strongly we should not get married. There were three Baha'is I knew who felt I should marry a Baha'i. There were three friends of my wife who believed she should not marry someone who had strong religious beliefs. Interestingly all six people who advised us not to marry, their marriages or relationships ended within five years. I wondered if their advice was a reflection of unresolved issues within themselves rather than any incompatibility between my wife and I.

Recently an older Baha'i woman from out of town who was widowed asked me to meet the man she was dating who wasn't a Baha'i. Like you her first husband was a Baha'i. I didn't think they were compatible but remembered the experience I had with my friends in the lead up to getting married. So instead of advising her against getting married I told her what a nice guy he was and left it at that. They are now married and decided to relocate to the city where I live so are part of our community. I'm quietly relieved I didn't speak out against their union.

Everyone on my nuclear family were Baha'is. My brother was the first to become a Baha'i, 1n 1968. My father had died in 1964, so he never heard of the Faith. My sister and I became Baha'is in 1970, and my mother became a Baha'i in 1975, when she was 60 years old.

My sister married an Ecuadorian who she met when she was in Ecuador finishing her graduate studies. As I recall he was not a Baha'i but he became a Baha'i after they got married and then dropped out later. My sister got divorced over disputes they had since he wanted children and she didn't. After that my sister married an Italian an who was a Baha'i and they had one child. His whole family were Catholics, just as her Ecuadorian husband's family.

My brother was married to a Baha'i for 27 years and she died of cancer in the early 2000s. As I recall, he started looking for another wife right away but he did not find one for about five years. He met his second wife who was also a Baha'i on the Two Doves dating site and they got married shortly thereafter and are still married.

I met my late husband through my mother and sister, as I said in the OP, since he was in the same Baha'i community. I don't know about my mother and sister would think since they are now deceased, but after my late husband passed on my brother wanted me to get married and it was a given for him I would have to marry a Baha'i. The problem is that is easier said than done, since there is no way for me to met a Baha'i man even if there were any who were looking to get married. I am a member of Baha'i Mingle and Two Doves but I never get any responses on there. I messaged one nice Baha'i man close to my age who lives in Auckland, NZ but he was not up for moving to the U.S.

It is good to hear stories of Baha'is who have married non-Baha'is and that it has worked out well, because that gives me hope. In a way, I'd rather marry a non-Baha'i, since I am not a really active Baha'i, as long as he was amenable to my beliefs. It is not that I would turn down a Baha'i suitor, but I just don't that is likely to happen. I heard on a Baha'i forum that even younger women in their 20s and 30s cannot find a Baha'i man to marry, so they have remained single. How much less of a chance do I have of finding a Baha'i man at my age? Of course, all things are possible with God, so if it is my fate it could happen.

 

[Jainarayan]

Not to be nosy, but if religion is not important, what is important?

ooh! ooh! I’d like to answer!

What’s important … Our respective religions are important to each of us but it’s not the basis for our relationship. respect for each other’s beliefs is. I’m Hindu, my husband is Spanish Roman Catholic. We have pictures and statues of saints, gods and goddesses, Jesuses (Jesi? Jesae? ), Marys, angels, bodhisattvas, buddhas, all over the place. It’s as ecumenical as ecumenical can get.

If he wants to go to church, I’ll take him (he doesn’t drive), and stay with him. He’s welcome to come into the shrine room when I’m doing puja to the gods. We talk about religion (mostly with me “mainsplaining” history and philosophy because I’m a geek and pedantic) but those conversations never become debates or anything more than conversation.

 

[Sand Dancer]

Initially we were great friends, but started dating and it escalated. We knew we could be ourselves with each other, since we weren't trying to impress the other, since we were just friends first.

There are different types of love, and if both parties have all of them, I think a marriage is a winner. Initially, I don't think my marriage had all of them, but it had a majority, and the rest came into play later on.

When we married (1990), I was a Christian but hubby was not. He became one three years after we married. I left Christianity almost 8 years ago, and he followed suit six months later. I have been looking for and trying different religions. He is happy being agnostic. He knows about most of the religions that I tried, and for some reason, he expressed displeasure in paganism. I don't know why but I suspect it was just because it was the first one I tried after Christianity, and at that time he was still Christian and very worried about my departure.

If you have mutual respect and affection for each other, IMO, it's the most important thing in a marriage. I think religious compatibility is most important if you decide to have kids. No one wants to fight about what religious the children will be raised in. Otherwise, I think most differences can be overcome, but probably not all, depending on the religion. Mutual interests are a plus I think.

 

[Trailblazer]

What initially attracted me to Sara was that she was attracted to me. However, I knew she was fat, and was worried this would turn me off from her when we met for the first time. Boy was I mistaken! When I met her her weight was not what mattered. What mattered was that I felt compatible and comfortable with her. Interestingly, after we got engaged then it became romantic for me, but not before. When we went to the nearby motel in the Cleveland area where she lived however, I had trouble having sex with sex with her because she was fat. Worse, someone I considered a wonderful Baha'i on the NSA named Daniel Jordan had been killed in recent days, and I heard about this on my wedding day. I started crying as we were trying to have sex. Anyway, in the early days it was romantic for me but that wore off over time. That's romantic love for you. There were at times some trouble in our marriage. I was still immature in some ways. However today while sometimes Sara gets mad or frustrated at me we are good friends.

I have heard part of that story but not all of it. I never heard about the motel and you having trouble having sex. Hey, we might as well entertain the RF folks since it looks like it is just going to be us Baha'is on this thread. Did I ever tell you about the first night of our honeymoon in a small town east of San Diego? It was this very quaint motel I had selected just for the occasion and I was so excited, but he did not know what to do or how to do it. Why did I just assume he would know, because he was a man? As you know, we only knew each other for three weeks before we got married and we were both virgins, me 32, he 42. On top of everything, and maybe contributing to the problem, he got an abscessed tooth the wedding day and it was not pulled out till later, so he was in excruciating pain on the wedding night.

After the first night it only went from bad to worse because I was so angry at him. 32 years I had waited for this? So up the coast of California and Oregon we drove, stopping at motels along the way, and still nothing. I can remember calling my brother from a phone booth at the motel and him telling me I should have the marriage annulled. We finally ended up in Washington where my mother and brother lived and I was still mad about the no sex. Honestly, I cannot remember when or where we finally consummated the marriage, it is all a fog now, but I do remember driving back down to California where I lived and where we were going to live together and seeing a sex therapist for a while. We finally worked it out and sex was fine for the first 15 years, until it was no more because of conflicts in the marriage and later my lack of interest.

It did help that we were both Baha'is. It was especially important to her. She insisted to our future matchmaker that she had to marry a Baha'i.

See, this is what I mean. Would you marry a non-Baha'i? No, you wouldn't. Okay, maybe I should consider myself lucky that I had the 37 years with a Baha'i man, and not expect another one, but you know my marriage was no picnic, even though he was a Baha'i. You also know a Baha'i man in your community who married twice, both times to Baha'i women.

There has not that much common interests other than the same religion. i liked sports. She didn't. I was interested in science, she wasn't. We did both like Star Trek, I think for her probably because of the rosy future for mankind and characters in Star Trek, and me for that as well as it being science fiction. We both liked Carl Sagan, which is interesting because Carl Sagan was a cosmological scientist, which would be more up my alley. Anyway, there was not a great deal there in common interests.

So the upshot of all this is that it is the Baha'i Faith that was your original basis for marriage and it is what has held your marriage together. It is your common interest. You might do a few other things together, like watch TV and go out to eat, but it is mostly Baha'i activities that both of you engage in.

Like I told you elsewhere if I do not marry a Baha'i man I will probably never engage in Baha'i activities, whether I remain single or marry a non-Baha'i man. Only if I marry a Baha'i man will I ever be active in the Faith.... hear that God?

 

[Trailblazer]

Mutual interests are a plus I think.

If I ever marry again the man will have to like cats and he will have to at least be friendly towards my religion, not antagonistic. I don't have any other requirements except that our personalities and lifestyles are compatible. More than anything else we would have to like each other and that could grow into love.

To be honest, I have had enough of religion for a lifetime so I am ready to jump ship on this whole religion thing and start having a good time. As such I would welcome a change, like an agnostic husband. When I went to drop off my tax information my CPA asked me what I am ever going to do with all this money and I told him I don't know, but as long as I am single I probably won't do anything since I don't like doing things alone, like traveling. Then he and I got in a long talk about marriage and I came to discover he was widowed 15 years ago after five years of marriage and he is still single. He explained why and he showed me a picture of his cat on his cell. I plan to show him my cat photos when I go to pick up my taxes. I really like him for his personality and kindness. Although he is 10 years younger than me that would be a plus for me because I'll never marry a man who is 10 years older again. He is a Christian but I am not sure what kind, but he knows I am a Baha'i and knows what it is. Probably this is just another one of my fantasies, but that is what has been keeping me alive since I lost my husband.

 

[Trailblazer]

ooh! ooh! I’d like to answer!

What’s important … Our respective religions are important to each of us but it’s not the basis for our relationship. respect for each other’s beliefs is. I’m Hindu, my husband is Spanish Roman Catholic. We have pictures and statues of saints, gods and goddesses, Jesuses (Jesi? Jesae? ), Marys, angels, bodhisattvas, buddhas, all over the place. It’s as ecumenical as ecumenical can get.

If he wants to go to church, I’ll take him (he doesn’t drive), and stay with him. He’s welcome to come into the shrine room when I’m doing puja to the gods. We talk about religion (mostly with me “mainsplaining” history and philosophy because I’m a geek and pedantic) but those conversations never become debates or anything more than conversation.

That sounds great, like a match made in heaven!

 

[We Never Know]

What initially attracted me to Sara was that she was attracted to me. However, I knew she was fat, and was worried this would turn me off from her when we met for the first time. Boy was I mistaken! When I met her her weight was not what mattered. What mattered was that I felt compatible and comfortable with her. Interestingly, after we got engaged then it became romantic for me, but not before. When we went to the nearby motel in the Cleveland area where she lived however, I had trouble having sex with sex with her because she was fat. Worse, someone I considered a wonderful Baha'i on the NSA named Daniel Jordan had been killed in recent days, and I heard about this on my wedding day. I started crying as we were trying to have sex. Anyway, in the early days it was romantic for me but that wore off over time. That's romantic love for you. There were at times some trouble in our marriage. I was still immature in some ways. However today while sometimes Sara gets mad or frustrated at me we are good friends.

It did help that we were both Baha'is. It was especially important to her. She insisted to our future matchmaker that she had to marry a Baha'i.

There has not that much common interests other than the same religion. i liked sports. She didn't. I was interested in science, she wasn't. We did both like Star Trek, I think for her probably because of the rosy future for mankind and characters in Star Trek, and me for that as well as it being science fiction. We both liked Carl Sagan, which is interesting because Carl Sagan was a cosmological scientist, which would be more up my alley. Anyway, there was not a great deal there in common interests.

May I ask why you several times refer to her as "fat".
If you were still with her would you refer to her as fat?
I prefer to refer to people as overweight.

Funny fact..... When I was younger and single... One rule I lived by was I would never sleep with a woman that weighed more than me. Now when I was in high school I weighed 131bs. As I aged I put on weight which opened more options.

Funny enough though, my highest weight was 244lbs, now I average around 200lbs.. still I have never slept with a woman that weighed more than me.

 

[Dawnofhope]

Everyone on my nuclear family were Baha'is. My brother was the first to become a Baha'i, 1n 1968. My father had died in 1964, so he never heard of the Faith. My sister and I became Baha'is in 1970, and my mother became a Baha'i in 1975, when she was 60 years old.

My sister married an Ecuadorian who she met when she was in Ecuador finishing her graduate studies. As I recall he was not a Baha'i but he became a Baha'i after they got married and then dropped out later. My sister got divorced over disputes they had since he wanted children and she didn't. After that my sister married an Italian an who was a Baha'i and they had one child. His whole family were Catholics, just as her Ecuadorian husband's family.

My brother was married to a Baha'i for 27 years and she died of cancer in the early 2000s. As I recall, he started looking for another wife right away but he did not find one for about five years. He met his second wife who was also a Baha'i on the Two Doves dating site and they got married shortly thereafter and are still married.

I met my late husband through my mother and sister, as I said in the OP, since he was in the same Baha'i community. I don't know about my mother and sister would think since they are now deceased, but after my late husband passed on my brother wanted me to get married and it was a given for him I would have to marry a Baha'i. The problem is that is easier said than done, since there is no way for me to met a Baha'i man even if there were any who were looking to get married. I am a member of Baha'i Mingle and Two Doves but I never get any responses on there. I messaged one nice Baha'i man close to my age who lives in Auckland, NZ but he was not up for moving to the U.S.

It is good to hear stories of Baha'is who have married non-Baha'is and that it has worked out well, because that gives me hope. In a way, I'd rather marry a non-Baha'i, since I am not a really active Baha'i, as long as he was amenable to my beliefs. It is not that I would turn down a Baha'i suitor, but I just don't that is likely to happen. I heard on a Baha'i forum that even younger women in their 20s and 30s cannot find a Baha'i man to marry, so they have remained single. How much less of a chance do I have of finding a Baha'i man at my age? Of course, all things are possible with God, so if it is my fate it could happen.

It's really nice you have other family members who have become Baha'is. In New Zealand people generally don't care too much for religion as its been so divisive. It's resulted in a live and let live attitude which I really like. So for most members of my family it hasn't been a big deal. I come from a somewhat dysfunctional family so there have always been more important challenges than dealing with what religion someone happens to be.

When I became a Baha'i I naively presumed I would marry someone within the Baha'i community but as my community has always been quite small there wasn't anyone compatible. I tried an online Baha'i singles forum but that didn't go anywhere.

I dated a few older woman including a Baha'i who was recently divorced, had 3 children and quite a bit older. I decided I'd be better finding someone a little younger who hadn't been married and wanted to have children. I ended up with someone who had been a friend over the last few years.

If I was ever single again (widowed or divorced) I doubt if I would be bothered trying to remarry. We're all different. Some people I know have had a lot of marriages.

 

[Trailblazer]

If I was ever single again (widowed or divorced) I doubt if I would be bothered trying to remarry.

A lot of people tell me that, including my counselor who is about three years younger than me and has been married for decades. She said if her husband dies she will be happy to live alone with her cat. The difference between her and me is that she has a lot of girlfriends that she hangs out with. Another difference is that she has children and I don't. My mother was widowed at age 52 and she never remarried but she had three kids.

 

[Dawnofhope]

A lot of people tell me that, including my counselor who is about three years younger than me and has been married for decades. She said if her husband dies she will be happy to live alone with her cat. The difference between her and me is that she has a lot of girlfriends that she hangs out with. Another difference is that she has children and I don't. My mother was widowed at age 52 and she never remarried but she had three kids.

Yeah, most people I know meet a lot of their social needs outside of marriage. That could be through friends, children or extended family. But its nice coming home and having someone else there. I lived alone for a few years before marrying and its a very different way of being. I don't mind it but its very different from a family environment.