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Do common religious beliefs contribute to marital success?

Apostle John

“Go ahead, look up Revelation 6”
Ezekiel 16:48-49 talks about the real sins of S&G. Your rebuttals are why I have no interest in becoming Christian again, although the progressive Christians could possibly maybe woo me back. At least they try to be Christ-like. Did you stone your child for being mouthy? Have you killed any witches lately? It's biblical.
Laws for the Jews them.
 

Riders

Well-Known Member
Why do people marry a person whose beliefs are very different or even diametrically opposed to their own beliefs? The reason I am thinking about this is because I was widowed but I would like to get married again someday, so I am thinking about what kind of man I would want to marry. Another reason I am thinking about this is because an atheist posted questions about a Baha’i getting married to an atheist on a Baha’i forum since he is engaged to a Baha’i woman. This man takes issue with the Baha’i wedding ceremony wherein the only wedding vow is “Verily we will all abide by the will of God.” This atheist said that he cannot say that vow because he does not believe a single word of it and in fact, he opposes it because he said that he would never submit to any God, even if God was to suddenly appear before him!

I am not saying I think that partners have to have the same religious beliefs, or that believer should not marry a nonbeliever. I can imagine myself marrying an agnostic atheist, but I cannot imagine myself being married to a man who feels that way about God, and Baha’i beliefs about God are clearly opposite to that sentiment, since we are to submit to God under all circumstances. So, I have to wonder what the basis is for such a marriage. I think it must be romantic love, although I might be wrong, but is this a good enough reason to get married?

This might sound like a silly question but I am wondering why people get married, aside from romantic love. When people are younger, I can kind of understand marrying for that reason, but I don’t understand why older people would marry for that reason. If I ever get married again it will be for love and companionship, not romance.

So, if you are married, or if you had been married, I have some questions for you:

-- What initially attracted you to your partner and why did you get married? Was it an emotional connection or a sexual attraction or something else?

-- After that, what held the marriage together? Was it common religious beliefs or common non-belief?

-- Are common interests (aside from religious beliefs) enough to hold a marriage together?

I think we all know marriage is not easy, although it seems so easy for some people I know, but these are all Baha’is married to Baha’is or Christians married to Christians, so I imagine that is a big part of what holds those marriages together. On the other hand, I was reading further down in that thread and an atheist Baha’i man who is married to a Baha’i woman said that most of his wife’s Baha’i friends are married to atheist or agnostic men, and they live in the United States. He also said that ironically, he had found the Baha'i/Atheist marriages have all lasted longer than many of Baha'i/Baha'i marriages he has encountered.

Since they live in the United States where the majority of people are Christians, that made me wonder why a Baha’i would marry an atheist rather than a Christian, and that made me wonder how many Baha’is are married to Christians, and how many Christians are married to atheists. I do a lot of wondering.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I married a Baha’i, but that was not because I was looking for a Baha’i, as I was not even looking for a man or to get married. I met him through my sister and my mother. I can safely say that the Baha’i Faith is what held our marriage together, against all odds, but not all Baha’is stay together as we did, many get divorced. We also had some common interests, mainly the cats, and we had similar dysfunctional family backgrounds, so we had an emotional connection from the very start.

I had been thinking that if I get married again, it would have to be to a Baha’i, but my thinking has changed. For one thing, there are very few Baha’is in my age range to pick from and the chances of me finding a Baha’i man who just happens to want to get married is highly unlikely, especially since I do not go to Baha’i activities where I might meet a man. But even if I met a Baha’i man there is no guarantee we would have compatible personalities, interests and lifestyles.

I can envision myself married to a Christian man as long as he was not antagonistic towards my Baha’i beliefs, since our beliefs about God would be similar. I can also see myself married to an atheist or an agnostic man, since I respect both positions. The only problem I foresee with marrying an atheist man would be if he was an atheist who had negative ideas about God.

All that being said, if I ever marry again, I believe it will be whoever God has destined for me to marry, just like the first time, and if I never marry again, that will also be my destiny. I believe that any effort I put forth has very little to do with what will happen to me.
 

Riders

Well-Known Member
When my parents got married my Dad was a primitive Baptist They believe everyone is destined to go to hell or heaven. My Mom was Southern Baptist till I was 13 when she dropped out. but she and my Dad had lots of fights over salvation. They were always bickering about it.
I am a third-party person who is liberal and I would prefer to marry a liberal or someone who is mildly conservative.
I do not want to marry a hater someone who hates glbts.

But it depends on the religion they are in. I have been watching 90 Day Fiance and there is a woman n there who already married a Muslim man fast. She's in Egypt now and he wants to wear the ageebe or covering over her head and be really conservative in her dress, They have been fighting over it. There's no freaking way O would cover my head like that. I learned my lesson with my old Pentecostal church. I would not be interested in marrying a Muslim

There's a movie called Not With Out My Daughter based on a true story about a woman who got trapped by her Muslim Husband in the middle east. It is a great movie.
 

Sgt. Pepper

All you need is love.
I'm a former Christian who practices Wicca and spiritualism, and my husband of thirty years is still a Christian. We get along just fine, as we always have, because we have mutual respect, love, and trust between us. We are soulmates and best friends. He was quite supportive of me when I decided to leave Christianity, which was not an easy decision for me, and he is still very supportive. He's always been supportive of me, and I've always supported him.
 

Trailblazer

Veteran Member
I'm a former Christian who practices Wicca and spiritualism, and my husband of thirty years is still a Christian. We get along just fine, as we always have, because we have mutual respect, love, and trust between us. We are soulmates and best friends. He was quite supportive of me when I decided to leave Christianity, which was not an easy decision for me, and he is still very supportive. He's always been supportive of me, and I've always supported him.
Thanks for sharing that. I am glad I started this thread because the consensus of opinion is that married couples don't have to share the same beliefs and shared beliefs seem to have no bearing on how well the married couple gets along and whether the marriage holds together. TBH, I don't think that is usually the case for Baha'is because many of them would not marry a non-Baha'i. Some won't admit that though.

If I had left the Baha'i Faith my late husband would have accepted that like your husband accepted you leaving Christianity, and while we were married he even suggested I drop out, when we had the conversations about whether God is loving or not. He kept saying that I have to beloeve God is loving because Baha'u'llah wrote that, but I told him I don't have to believe it, and we carried on and on.... Towards the end of his life when he was suffering he said I was right, God is not loving. Only then did he understand how I had felt.
 

Kathryn

It was on fire when I laid down on it.
I am a widow of about 2.5 years. My ONLY regret in my marriage was that I didn't maintain my Catholicism. I felt that we shared so many values and our personalities were similar and he made me laugh laugh laugh - and he was a strong Christian - surely it would work. And it DID work, in a sense, in a big sense actually - as long as I wasn't a Catholic but was still a Christian. But he'd been in the ground about 2 weeks and I headed right back for the Catholic church and have been faithful to it since then. And I find great comfort there, and I feel like I am finally back home, even though I joined two different Methodist churches while I was married, and I was "into" them both pretty deeply. I still volunteer regularly at a non-denominational ministry (It's Protestant) as well as at my own Catholic church. I dated someone recently for a few weeks and he claimed to be a Christian but even though he said that he supported my own faith journey and would not ever stand in the way of me attending Mass, for instance, his faith clearly wasn't very important to him and mine is to me, so I felt that we weren't a match. Then I dated someone else who was definitely a Christian and his faith was important to him, but he constantly was trying to convert me, and saying ridiculous things about Catholicism, so errrr, no. In other words, to me, practicing my faith and being married to someone who is supportive of my faith, and a sincere Christian, is very important to me. They don't have to be CATHOLIC but they do have to be supportive of my own faith walk and their own faith needs to be important to them. Oh and then there's the personality and wit and shared humor and you know what - it's like finding a needle in a haystack, it really is. So I'm not looking. And if someone comes along, God is going to have to make me trip over them! Meanwhile, I am happy on my own, which is a blessing. And it's a relief too. So I am no longer dating anyone and have no plans to do so. When I got home, took off my bra, put on my jammies, poured myself a glass of wine and laid down on the sofa with a cat on top of me, and watched whatever British show I wanted to watch - ahhhhhhh, nice!
 

Riders

Well-Known Member
I am a widow of about 2.5 years. My ONLY regret in my marriage was that I didn't maintain my Catholicism. I felt that we shared so many values and our personalities were similar and he made me laugh laugh laugh - and he was a strong Christian - surely it would work. And it DID work, in a sense, in a big sense actually - as long as I wasn't a Catholic but was still a Christian. But he'd been in the ground about 2 weeks and I headed right back for the Catholic church and have been faithful to it since then. And I find great comfort there, and I feel like I am finally back home, even though I joined two different Methodist churches while I was married, and I was "into" them both pretty deeply. I still volunteer regularly at a non-denominational ministry (It's Protestant) as well as at my own Catholic church. I dated someone recently for a few weeks and he claimed to be a Christian but even though he said that he supported my own faith journey and would not ever stand in the way of me attending Mass, for instance, his faith clearly wasn't very important to him and mine is to me, so I felt that we weren't a match. Then I dated someone else who was definitely a Christian and his faith was important to him, but he constantly was trying to convert me, and saying ridiculous things about Catholicism, so errrr, no. In other words, to me, practicing my faith and being married to someone who is supportive of my faith, and a sincere Christian, is very important to me. They don't have to be CATHOLIC but they do have to be supportive of my own faith walk and their own faith needs to be important to them. Oh and then there's the personality and wit and shared humor and you know what - it's like finding a needle in a haystack, it really is. Ye So I'm not looking. And if someone comes along, God is going to have to make me trip over them! Meanwhile, I am happy on my own, which is a blessing. And it's a relief too. So I am no longer dating anyone and have no plans to do so. When I got home, took off my bra, put on my jammies, poured myself a glass of wine and laid down on the sofa with a cat on top of me, and watched whatever British show I wanted to watch - ahhhhhhh, nice!
 

Riders

Well-Known Member
Yes I miss church I am working on my mobility issues but when I get out I will go to church to find socialization and friendships. I also belong to overeaters anonymous and will attend our meetings out here. Since I am mentally ill there is also a mental health organization for those of us who suffer from bipolar depression and schizophrenia and they meet in person and on the Internet through Zoom. I go to the Zoom meetings for support and there are 2 or 3 single guys there though right I am not interested in them. But perhaps in the future, I could meet someone who knows.
 

Trailblazer

Veteran Member
They don't have to be CATHOLIC but they do have to be supportive of my own faith walk and their own faith needs to be important to them. Oh and then there's the personality and wit and shared humor and you know what - it's like finding a needle in a haystack, it really is. So I'm not looking. And if someone comes along, God is going to have to make me trip over them! Meanwhile, I am happy on my own, which is a blessing. And it's a relief too. So I am no longer dating anyone and have no plans to do so. When I got home, took off my bra, put on my jammies, poured myself a glass of wine and laid down on the sofa with a cat on top of me, and watched whatever British show I wanted to watch - ahhhhhhh, nice!
As you might recall I am also widowed. Whoever I meet if I ever meet anyone doesn't have to be a Baha'i but they have to be supportive of my own faith walk and their own faith needs to be important to them. If I ever marry again I am more likely to marry a Christian than a Baha'i, given how few Baha'is there are, but I leave that up to the will of God.

What you described is almost exactly where I am at after 8 months of dinking around on dating sites, except that I have not gone on any dates!
The dating site experience has been a blessing because I came to realize exactly who's out there that I DON'T want, and so far I have not found anyone I DO want. Finding a man I do want who also wants me is like looking for a needle in haystack so I am not looking anymore. If he comes along it will be my fate, the will of God, whether it is on a dating site or elsewhere. Meanwhile it is just me and the 8 cats. Before I drift off to sleep 3 of the girls are on the sofa on top of me where I sleep and watch whatever I want to on TV.
 

Kathryn

It was on fire when I laid down on it.
As you might recall I am also widowed. Whoever I meet if I ever meet anyone doesn't have to be a Baha'i but they have to be supportive of my own faith walk and their own faith needs to be important to them. If I ever marry again I am more likely to marry a Christian than a Baha'i, given how few Baha'is there are, but I leave that up to the will of God.

What you described is almost exactly where I am at after 8 months of dinking around on dating sites, except that I have not gone on any dates!
The dating site experience has been a blessing because I came to realize exactly who's out there that I DON'T want, and so far I have not found anyone I DO want. Finding a man I do want who also wants me is like looking for a needle in haystack so I am not looking anymore. If he comes along it will be my fate, the will of God, whether it is on a dating site or elsewhere. Meanwhile it is just me and the 8 cats. Before I drift off to sleep 3 of the girls are on the sofa on top of me where I sleep and watch whatever I want to on TV.
I do recall that you are also widowed. I agree with your whole post. My issue though is that so far, whoever I've met whose faith walk is important to them keeps trying to get me to go to their church, which I won't do, not because I am overly religious but because I want to go to MY church, and I don't want to go to two services! LOL So it's just hard. I think I'd probably rather be alone. Besides that, I don't find middle aged men attractive and I doubt they would find me attractive so there's that! LOL Oh well, their loss. I'm a good catch but I'm also very happy doing my own thing.
 

Kathryn

It was on fire when I laid down on it.
Hey, by the way, Trailblazer. I am Catholic in a sea of Baptists so I know how you feel! For me, a man needs to preferably be a Catholic, be middle aged or so but still handsome, SINGLE, self sufficient, not pitiful by himself, smarter and funnier than me - and personally so far I don't see anyone who fits that description! Oh well, no worries.

The guy I was dating whose faith wasn't that important to him actually said to me "When you are feeling less independent..." Excuse me, WHAT? When will that be? Talk about a fundamental difference!
 

Trailblazer

Veteran Member
I do recall that you are also widowed. I agree with your whole post. My issue though is that so far, whoever I've met whose faith walk is important to them keeps trying to get me to go to their church, which I won't do, not because I am overly religious but because I want to go to MY church, and I don't want to go to two services! LOL So it's just hard. I think I'd probably rather be alone. Besides that, I don't find middle aged men attractive and I doubt they would find me attractive so there's that! LOL Oh well, their loss. I'm a good catch but I'm also very happy doing my own thing.
Yes, I am also widowed, but only for about 9 months. My issue is that so far, many/most of the men I've met on dating sites are con men, and the real men I like live too far away. All the others who live closer just want to get me into bed, which I won't do, not only because I am not interested but also because it is against Baha'i laws to have sex out of wedlock. I only wish they were trying to get me into their church since that would at least mean that God means something to them.

There is one absolutely disgusting man who has been avidly pursuing me in e-mails and mail, and he told me I have to adopt out all my cats so we can be together because he doesn't think a couple can have sex if they have pets! Sure, the 70% of people in the United States who have pets don't have sex. :rolleyes: He is completely illogical and deluded. Did you hear what I said? DISGUSTING. He is so offensive just thinking about him makes me ill. He has his own version of God and what love is, which has nothing to do with any religion. He just made it up in his head.

I know I'd rather be alone than with him. I told him that if he was the last man on earth and I was still a virgin I would not have sex with him, lol.
The problem is that all these men wanting nothing but sex has left a bad taste in my mouth so it makes me want to give up altogether.

I am in the same boat with you but I am older so it is harder for me. I find some men aged 60-70 attractive but I don't find older men attractive, nor do I want to marry an older man and be widowed again. I look 10 years younger than my age and I am as healthy as I was 20 years ago mentally and physically, and I have a lot of financial assets so I consider myself a good catch, even for a man who is younger than me, but if they don't want me they don't want me. I am not chasing after any more men on dating sites or anywhere else. If I never remarry I will try to be happy doing my own thing. I really don't need a man for anything, certainly not for sex or money. The only reason I would remarry would be for companionship and because I need help around this house and help with the cats!
 

Kathryn

It was on fire when I laid down on it.
Yes, I am also widowed, but only for about 9 months. My issue is that so far, many/most of the men I've met on dating sites are con men, and the real men I like live too far away. All the others who live closer just want to get me into bed, which I won't do, not only because I am not interested but also because it is against Baha'i laws to have sex out of wedlock. I only wish they were trying to get me into their church since that would at least mean that God means something to them.

There is one absolutely disgusting man who has been avidly pursuing me in e-mails and mail, and he told me I have to adopt out all my cats so we can be together because he doesn't think a couple can have sex if they have pets! Sure, the 70% of people in the United States who have pets don't have sex. :rolleyes: He is completely illogical and deluded. Did you hear what I said? DISGUSTING. He is so offensive just thinking about him makes me ill. He has his own version of God and what love is, which has nothing to do with any religion. He just made it up in his head.

I know I'd rather be alone than with him. I told him that if he was the last man on earth and I was still a virgin I would not have sex with him, lol.
The problem is that all these men wanting nothing but sex has left a bad taste in my mouth so it makes me want to give up altogether.

I am in the same boat with you but I am older so it is harder for me. I find some men aged 60-70 attractive but I don't find older men attractive, nor do I want to marry an older man and be widowed again. I look 10 years younger than my age and I am as healthy as I was 20 years ago mentally and physically, and I have a lot of financial assets so I consider myself a good catch, even for a man who is younger than me, but if they don't want me they don't want me. I am not chasing after any more men on dating sites or anywhere else. If I never remarry I will try to be happy doing my own thing. I really don't need a man for anything, certainly not for sex or money. The only reason I would remarry would be for companionship and because I need help around this house and help with the cats!
Well. amen to every bit of this!
 

Trailblazer

Veteran Member
Hey, by the way, Trailblazer. I am Catholic in a sea of Baptists so I know how you feel! For me, a man needs to preferably be a Catholic, be middle aged or so but still handsome, SINGLE, self sufficient, not pitiful by himself, smarter and funnier than me - and personally so far I don't see anyone who fits that description! Oh well, no worries.

The guy I was dating whose faith wasn't that important to him actually said to me "When you are feeling less independent..." Excuse me, WHAT? When will that be? Talk about a fundamental difference!
Oh Texas. A Catholic in a sea of Baptists... Up here it's about 50-50 Protestant/Catholic with a few Buddhists thrown in for good measure. This one Buddhist man wanted to have sex with me, fat chance! He wasn't even good looking. Then there was a Jewish man who wanted to live with me out of wedlock. He was 10 years younger than me which was an asset but he comes from a completely different culture so I don't think it could ever work. It's slim pickings for Baha'i who follows the Baha'i laws of no sex out of welock, but I would never compromise my values for any man. Truth be told, I would rather cuddle with a cat than a man!
 

Truthseeker

Non-debating member when I can help myself
As you might recall, Lewis was also an LPN, but that did not help him in knowing what to do and how to do it, not at first, but it came in handy later since he was very familiar with the female anatomy. Nuff said.
I missed this alert somehow. I only saw this because of the like above by someone I am following. I forgot all about Lewis being a LPN.
 

lewisnotmiller

Grand Hat
Staff member
Premium Member
Practising homosexuals will not go to heaven even if they are lucky enough to get married in some church. Historically, it is written in the Bible about Sodom and Gomorrah even if you or anyone else go around falsely preaching it never happened. Homosexuals, wanting to be part of the church, should be aware of the verses in the Bible against homosexual practice and not want to undermine God’s Word. There is no evidence today what causes homosexuality so no knowledge today. I obey all of the Bible.

All??

That seems unlikely.
 

ChristineM

"Be strong", I whispered to my coffee.
Premium Member
What initially attracted you to your partner and why did you get married? Was it an emotional connection or a sexual attraction or something else?

We were students together and just clicked. Not really emotional or sexual (he was bloody useless in the sack, as was i). I think it was the ability to see humour in anything, a humour that i appreciated. Also we thought the same way about art, we'd sit together for hours discussing Botticelli or Donatello. After uni we began a business together and married soon after.

After that, what held the marriage together? Was it common religious beliefs or common non-belief?

Working together, it was natural and comfortable being together. Though after 10 years it was a little fraught, my biological clock was ticking by and no children. Then he proved he would do anything for me and brought us closer than ever. I think without that gesture we would have gone our separate ways long ago.


Are common interests (aside from religious beliefs) enough to hold a marriage together?

It worked for us, can't speak for anyone else.
 
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