Do your beliefs make you happy?

[Trailblazer]

I was not suggesting that people should be happy because of their religious beliefs. I think that people need other things to be happy.

Your OP suggests otherwise.

"What I am asking is whether you think that your religious or non-religious beliefs about God or gods are the ‘reason’ you are happy. I highly doubt that is the reason people are happy, although they might tell themselves that. If that is the reason they were happy they would not need enjoyable foods, alcohol, sex, traveling, etc., in order to be happy, but I think most people do need those things to be happy."

This OP specifically states: does your religion make you happy? No it doesn't, you're lying if you think so; because you still need to eat, drink, and have sex to be happy.

I was not suggesting that people should be happy because of their religious beliefs. I think that people need other things to be happy.

What I was suggesting is that some people believe that ALL they need are their religious belief in order to be happy, and I said that I doubt that because I think that they also need enjoyable foods, alcohol, sex, traveling, etc., in order to be happy.

But I might be wrong because maybe some people don't need enjoyable foods, alcohol, sex, traveling, etc., in order to be happy. The only way they could know if they need those things in order to be happy would be to take away those things and see if they are still happy.

I eat enjoyable foods once in a while because I have to eat to live, but I do not drink alcohol, have sex or travel, and I am still happy some of the time, but I am not happy ONLY because of my religious beliefs and not primarily because of them. It is doing things that give me a feeling of accomplishment, loving people and animals, and being out in nature that makes me happy, not the belief that there is a loving God watching over me and I have the 'right' religion.

 

[Trailblazer]

Being a Baha'i is not enough to be happy. Are they indoctrinated or are they basing this belief on their own experience, and lack imagination that other people may be different? Something to ponder.

Thanks Duane for not being one of those Baha'is. I think we both know who the Baha'is are who believe that all we need is God and the Baha'i Faith to be happy.

Apparently, that is what Abdu'l-Baha was thinking when he said "be happy." As you know I detest that statement because it is so insensitive and heartless.

 

[Ebionite]

According to Blackstone happiness is the outcome of realizing justice.

 

[Trailblazer]

I am happy and thankful to God, because I think what I have now, is because of Him.

If that is true, why wouldn't that mean that those who are less fortunate are less fortunate because of God? Does God play favorites?

But, I don't think I am as great as Job. If things would be really bad, I would probably be ungrateful and depressed. However, I also think depression is also much about how a person choose to see everything. One of the keys to happy life is to learn to see a good side in everything.

There are many factors that can lead to depression but depression is not a choice. No mental health professional would ever say that to a client. They would help them work through what is causing the depression and prescribe medicine if necessary.

I do not choose to see life the way I see it, I just see it that way, and sometimes I get depressed over it.
I also see the good things but often that is not enough to counterbalance the bad things in my life that I cannot do anything about, at least not right now.

 

[Trailblazer]

You make a good point with contentment vs. happiness. Happiness can only come in small measure of glimpses and glances, in my mind, because of the realities of this world. However, being fully engaged and doing for others, living to improve the realities of this world definitely hold a steady level of happiness better defined as contentment. It is the tangible hope of more glimpses and glances to come.

I am content as long as the cats are healthy and I feel I am doing something for others, but I would be happy if I could get my cats groomed and if I could get a new laptop set up because this laptop could fail at any time and certain cats are in dire need of grooming. What is so frustrating is that I have the money to pay people to help me but I cannot find anyone to help me and I cannot do those two things alone. If I could they would have been done by now!

 

[Trailblazer]

We're in Ajijic, Mexico in the state of Jalisco onLake Chapala.

Thanks.

 

[Spice]

I am content as long as the cats are healthy and I feel I am doing something for others, but I would be happy if I could get my cats groomed and if I could get a new laptop set up because this laptop could fail at any time and certain cats are in dire need of grooming. What is so frustrating is that I have the money to pay people to help me but I cannot find anyone to help me and I cannot do those two things alone. If I could they would have been done by now!

I completely understand. I've been trying to get my HVAC duct inspected, repaired, or replaced as needed, for 4 years! The man that works on the unit when needed says he'll take care if it but never shows. I have 2 sons, but neither can do it. One doesn't know how, the other can no longer crawl around under a house. I'm tempted to ask my neighbor to sit in the yard and listen for me, prepared to call the fire department to pull me out, as I attempt crawling under there myself! LOL

 

[Kathryn]

OK true story time:

One time my mom was talking about me with a neighbor, who said, "Well, she's certainly up but when she's down, I bet she's way, way down," and my mom said, honestly, "I wouldn't know - I've never seen her down." But I watched my own mother and MIL both battle severe depressions and I know in my heart that they were both good women but wired together a lot differently than me.

Also, when my husband died suddenly about 3.5 years ago, I found out that the way my depression manifests is through anxiety more than anything else. I also couldn't sleep for MONTHS. I was so wired up. It was terrible. I hated it so much.

I am happy to be content - to be honest, the last few years have been tough for me, but contentment is my goal and I usually reach it, thank God. I haven't been HAPPY honestly since my husband died, but I have been content and that's enough for me. It took me a long time to get to this point.

Hope that makes sense. I feel like it does.

 

[Kathryn]

Believe me, I will let everyone know when I feel true joy again.

 

[YoursTrue]

OK true story time:

One time my mom was talking about me with a neighbor, who said, "Well, she's certainly up but when she's down, I bet she's way, way down," and my mom said, honestly, "I wouldn't know - I've never seen her down." But I watched my own mother and MIL both battle severe depressions and I know in my heart that they were both good women but wired together a lot differently than me.

Also, when my husband died suddenly about 3.5 years ago, I found out that the way my depression manifests is through anxiety more than anything else. I also couldn't sleep for MONTHS. I was so wired up. It was terrible. I hated it so much.

I am happy to be content - to be honest, the last few years have been tough for me, but contentment is my goal and I usually reach it, thank God. I haven't been HAPPY honestly since my husband died, but I have been content and that's enough for me. It took me a long time to get to this point.

Hope that makes sense. I feel like it does.

I do understand. I do believe (1) in the resurrection hope, and (2) that God will heal our problems.

 

[YoursTrue]

According to Blackstone happiness is the outcome of realizing justice.

I can understand that - but to a limited sense. The Nazi war crimes tribunal was only justice to a very limited extent. And one of the lead lawyers committed suicide. Very, very, v-e-r-y sad.

 

[Kathryn]

I do understand. I do believe (1) in the resurrection hope, and (2) that God will heal our problems.

I believe so too. I have learned so many things since my husband passed away, about myself, about faith, about joy and sorrow and everything in between.

 

[YoursTrue]

I believe so too. I have learned so many things since my husband passed away, about myself, about faith, about joy and sorrow and everything in between.

I can understand that. I am reading a book written by a psychologist about forgiveness. It's very interesting so far. Books don't usually keep my interest, but this one does. It must have been cataclysmic when your husband died. I hope everything is ok now with you insofar as your living arrangements are concerned. Sometimes there are so many things to take care of -- yes, I agree it can take time. Glad you're feeling better. I'm on a smoother road now myself but I look forward to what I consider will be true happiness in the future. "Let your kingdom come..."

 

[Bear Wild]

I was not raised in any religion and I was never even curious about Christianity until I started posting on forums about 13 years ago. I never even read one page of the Bible until then. I became a Baha'i during my first year of college when I was 17, but not because I was searching for God. I joined because I liked the message of peace on earth and world unity and I liked a lot of the metaphysical beliefs such as about the soul and the afterlife. I also joined because I believed that Baha'u'llah was a Messenger of God, and I still believe that 53 years later, which is why I never dropped out, in spite of the fact that I have certain issues with God and religion. Incidentally, I recall stories about Baha'u'llah saying that the city is a place for bodies and the country is the place for souls, and He only felt at home in the countryside. I can certainly relate to that as I could never live in a city.

I do not believe that animal spirits cease to exist at physical death, I believe they continue to exist somewhere, I just do not know where. I do not want to he in heaven without my cats but I will have to go wherever I go since that won't be my choice.

One thing about Christianity and the Baha'i Faith I do not like is their focus on humans to the exclusion of animals. I just can't do it. I love animals and I am connected to them in my heart so I am not going to consider animals less important than humans. I am not connected to many humans and I have only really been connected to one human in my life, my late husband. I was somewhat connected to my parents and my sister and brother, but we were not close.

Religious folks cannot understand why I sacrifice so much for the cats and they will never understand since their focus is on people. Now I have to go and take care of the cats, still more work to do. Your friend Trailblazer.

Well, see you are not alone.

 

[Trailblazer]

Well, see you are not alone.

That was not my plan but it is one good reason for having posted this thread.

 

[Trailblazer]

OK true story time:

One time my mom was talking about me with a neighbor, who said, "Well, she's certainly up but when she's down, I bet she's way, way down," and my mom said, honestly, "I wouldn't know - I've never seen her down." But I watched my own mother and MIL both battle severe depressions and I know in my heart that they were both good women but wired together a lot differently than me.

Also, when my husband died suddenly about 3.5 years ago, I found out that the way my depression manifests is through anxiety more than anything else. I also couldn't sleep for MONTHS. I was so wired up. It was terrible. I hated it so much.

I am happy to be content - to be honest, the last few years have been tough for me, but contentment is my goal and I usually reach it, thank God. I haven't been HAPPY honestly since my husband died, but I have been content and that's enough for me. It took me a long time to get to this point.

Hope that makes sense. I feel like it does.

In July 2022, on his 80th birthday, my husband died, not suddenly as in the case of a heart attack or a car accident, but it was only three months from diagnosis of the cancer to his death, much more quickly than is usual with this kind of cancer. It was a huge shock, mainly because I never thought he would die before me, although that would have probably happened eventually since he was 10 years older than me. But I refused to think about it and I never did, even after his diagnosis! I tried to save him and found treatments for him but he did not want to live so he starved himself to death.

I had never lived alone in my life before I was married except for one year, since I lived with my sister or my mother, so I was completely disoriented but I cannot say I was really very sad because things had not been happy in our lives for about 20 years prior to his demise. We were not at odds, we were just no longer close physically so we lived as roommates. What kept us together was our love for the cats and our strong faith in God and we shared the same religion and had bot been Baha'is since early adulthood.

The last time I can remember really being happy was when we were first married in 1985. Although the honeymoon was a disaster, we settled in after that and we were happy for about 15 years. I was also in my second grad school during thaht time so I was very happy about that. What caused the rift between is is when I finished the grad school and wanted to start my own business which I could not do unless he got a higher-paying job, which he refused to do. I forgot most of everything that happened after that, we just drifted apart. However, he was always there for me when I needed him, like a best friend.

I was never depressed since he passed on but I have always been an anxious person. However, my anxiety is less now than it was before, since all I have is myself and the cats and the rental houses and tenants to be anxious. I don't have to be anxious about his health anymore, which was bad long before the cancer diagnosis since he refused to eat or take care of himself. He really wanted to die and he got his wish. I know he is not really dead except his body since I know he is now in the spiritual world.

 

[Trailblazer]

OK true story time, before I forget what I want to say....

If I am unhappy I know one reason, it is because I hate myself. People think I can just stop hating myself but it doesn't work that way. I have been in some kind of mental health counseling off and on since the early 1980s, but I never realized how much I hate myself until my husband passed in 2022. I probably did not realize how I felt about myself because I was so busy and I always had something I was doing in order to feel better about myself, and I took care of my husband for most the years we were married. Now all I have are the cats. I am diligent about their health but I cannot even seem to be able to do what I need to for their grooming in spite of how had I try. I feel guilty about that even though I know it is not my fault. Many things I cannot do are because of my anxiety. I worry if I did them I could cause a bigger problem than I presently have so I hold back.

Another insight I now have is the reason I don't believe God is loving is because I don't love myself. I do not want to love myself because I consider that narcissistic, I just want to like myself because it is not healthy to hate oneself. I do believe that God loves me in spite of how I feel about myself, but that does not help very much because my hate for myself keeps other people at a distance, since I imagine they would not like me if they really knew me. Mostly this is about my house and yard, of which I am ashamed, even though I know it is not my fault! I know that my house and yard are not who I am as a person, but other people might think that and I cannot take feeling any worse about myself then I do now.

The thing is that I don't think I have a bad character or bad actions, I think my character and actions are good, but there is a sense that I am bad, and I am sure that comes from childhood, since my mother was very critical. So whenever I cannot do things I think I should be able to do I beat up on myself. I also am very sensitive to certain criticisms like about my house and yard. If people criticize my character that doesn't bother me because I don't think my character is bad. There are things I would like to improve upon, two in particular, but i am aware of those and they never cause hurt to other people since I am aware of them.

Thanks for listening, whoever is listening. I am going to use what I wrote for my counseling appointment next week.

 

[Kathryn]

I can understand that. I am reading a book written by a psychologist about forgiveness. It's very interesting so far. Books don't usually keep my interest, but this one does. It must have been cataclysmic when your husband died. I hope everything is ok now with you insofar as your living arrangements are concerned. Sometimes there are so many things to take care of -- yes, I agree it can take time. Glad you're feeling better. I'm on a smoother road now myself but I look forward to what I consider will be true happiness in the future. "Let your kingdom come..."

Thank you! My living conditions are fine, but I appreciate your concern, I really do. One thing I have learned is that it's OK to grieve, and if Jesus could grieve, and His mother could grieve, then we can too. It's been a hard journey for me and it's not over yet but things are falling into place thankfully. It was absolutely shocking to me when my husband died, absolutely shocking but one thing that has helped me is my belief that God doesn't care about numbers and time. It doesn't matter to Him one way or the other, and a person's worth isn't measured by his bank account, his credit score, or his time on the job, or on this earth for that matter. That was a hard lesson to learn but I feel like I have learned it.

 

[Trailblazer]

I completely understand. I've been trying to get my HVAC duct inspected, repaired, or replaced as needed, for 4 years! The man that works on the unit when needed says he'll take care if it but never shows. I have 2 sons, but neither can do it. One doesn't know how, the other can no longer crawl around under a house. I'm tempted to ask my neighbor to sit in the yard and listen for me, prepared to call the fire department to pull me out, as I attempt crawling under there myself! LOL

Speaking of HVAC, I have the HVAC company sending the lead technician over next Friday for my bi-annual inspection and service. That is very timely because my electric bill just shot up again so I need to know how to conserve heat.

I have had no problems with HVAC people or anyone else tat has come to my house to repair things, I only had a problem with one computer technician who came a couple of weeks ago to set up a new laptop I bought since he declined to set up my new laptop because of the cat urine odor on he computer room.

I had already been planning to order this product called Pooph because the smell was bothering me, but it was not the cat urine that bothered me. Some of the smell was not from the cat urine as he thought, it was from rodents that got into my closet in the computer room and left presents, but I sprayed in there and I don't smell the smell anymore. I also sprayed litter boxes and carpets and I don't smell anything now.

As it turned out that computer tech did me a favor because I don't plan to keep the laptop I purchased, I plan to buy a better one. I found another company I plan to call to install it but I am not in a big hurry now since this laptop is still working, knock on wood. The company I plan to call has a lot of other benefits for a small monthly fee so now I will be able to get tech support whenever I need it.

 

[Kathryn]

OK true story time, before I forget what I want to say....

If I am unhappy I know one reason, it is because I hate myself. People think I can just stop hating myself but it doesn't work that way. I have been in some kind of mental health counseling off and on since the early 1980s, but I never realized how much I hate myself until my husband passed in 2022. I probably did not realize how I felt about myself because I was so busy and I always had something I was doing in order to feel better about myself, and I took care of my husband for most the years we were married. Now all I have are the cats. I am diligent about their health but I cannot even seem to be able to do what I need to for their grooming in spite of how had I try. I feel guilty about that even though I know it is not my fault. Many things I cannot do are because of my anxiety. I worry if I did them I could cause a bigger problem than I presently have so I hold back.

Another insight I now have is the reason I don't believe God is loving is because I don't love myself. I do not want to love myself because I consider that narcissistic, I just want to like myself because it is not healthy to hate oneself. I do believe that God loves me in spite of how I feel about myself, but that does not help very much because my hate for myself keeps other people at a distance, since I imagine they would not like me if they really knew me. Mostly this is about my house and yard, of which I am ashamed, even though I know it is not my fault! I know that my house and yard are not who I am as a person, but other people might think that and I cannot take feeling any worse about myself then I do now.

The thing is that I don't think I have a bad character or bad actions, I think my character and actions are good, but there is a sense that I am bad, and I am sure that comes from childhood, since my mother was very critical. So whenever I cannot do things I think I should be able to do I beat up on myself. I also am very sensitive to certain criticisms like about my house and yard. If people criticize my character that doesn't bother me because I don't think my character is bad. There are things I would like to improve upon, two in particular, but i am aware of those and they never cause hurt to other people since I am aware of them.

Thanks for listening, whoever is listening. I am going to use what I wrote for my counseling appointment next week.

I know stopping hating yourself just doesn't work that way, I think my mom hated herself and she was a gorgeous, talented woman. See, it would bother me more about my character than my house because I consider my character to be WHO I AM. My mom was very critical of me too, by the way, and it took years of counseling to get beyond that, and like I said, I am generally a very upbeat, positive person with a lot of energy to do the right thing. Still - years.