Enlightenment?

[saralynn]

Well, today I shall not be flippant. My problem with Ms Irritating may be resolved. I woke up this morning feeling PAINFULLY lonely. I knew right away that I was experiencing what this woman feels almost every day. My heart has melted. It is all so obvious that it is embarrassing.

BTW, sorry for being silly in my previous posts. It is a disease that I have that I inherited from my mother. She used to whisper jokes to me at funerals.

 

[Rival]

What's wrong with hopes and dreams. Your evil without them.

What?

 

[miodrag]

Now I just want a conviction because my brain is jumbled by a whole bunch of mutually exclusive convictions.

I would usually tell people to try some spiritual process, and if after 2-5 years they do not develop a God consciousness, then something is wrong either with them, or with the process. But you tried so many things already...? Spirituality is our dimension. It is not something out there for us to seek or conquer. It is about self-realization, so it should be natural and self-evident. You should find some process and follow it sincerely, and after 5 years you may still not have the conviction you desire, but neither you will need one.
You will know Spirit or God as well as you know your self. This may sound too ambitious for a common believer, but without this "conviction" one will forever remain an aspirant and never will become an adept. If you feel that something is out there for you to realize, that means you might have a "call", a need to become an adept, someone who is not satisfied with just going to Church and listening from authorities about their realizations, but wanting to become an authority yourself. That means to have a genuine spiritual experience, so you do not have to ask others anymore "what do you mean by that?" Well, that takes some dedication. Adepts can be found in all religions, and dedication makes the difference between them and wannabes or "believers". In a way, choosing which confession to follow may not be that important, at the beginning at least. First you should just have a clue about personal and impersonal religions, and try to make your first steps in discovering your sensibility.

You implied that you believe in demons? If I did, I'd be convinced that one has taken possession of me.

I mentioned that by the way only. "Demons" are like in another dimension and there is no need to worry, if you are an average decent human being. Just don't do anything foolish, to "open the portal" or something

Your comment about me possibly needing guidance is right on target.

Then I will go one step further and say that trying different processes may be only a spiritual tourism that will give you nothing but impressions. To start a serious spiritual journey, sometimes it takes to meet someone special. Seek until you find. Not just any guide, there are many teachers that can help you. But in one you may recognize what you appreciate, or what you want to become. Then just by serving him, you will gain the same "convictions" he has, whether he is willing to share them or not.

I am acting exactly like the woman who irritates me!

We are replying to your posts out of our free will. If you are irritating, we are at your service, by our own choice.

 

[saralynn]

I would usually tell people to try some spiritual process, and if after 2-5 years they do not develop a God consciousness, then something is wrong either with them, or with the process. But you tried so many things already...? Spirituality is our dimension. It is not something out there for us to seek or conquer. It is about self-realization, so it should be natural and self-evident. You should find some process and follow it sincerely, and after 5 years you may still not have the conviction you desire, but neither you will need one.
You will know Spirit or God as well as you know your self. This may sound too ambitious for a common believer, but without this "conviction" one will forever remain an aspirant and never will become an adept. If you feel that something is out there for you to realize, that means you might have a "call", a need to become an adept, someone who is not satisfied with just going to Church and listening from authorities about their realizations, but wanting to become an authority yourself. That means to have a genuine spiritual experience, so you do not have to ask others anymore "what do you mean by that?" Well, that takes some dedication. Adepts can be found in all religions, and dedication makes the difference between them and wannabes or "believers". In a way, choosing which confession to follow may not be that important, at the beginning at least. First you should just have a clue about personal and impersonal religions, and try to make your first steps in discovering your sensibility.



I mentioned that by the way only. "Demons" are like in another dimension and there is no need to worry, if you are an average decent human being. Just don't do anything foolish, to "open the portal" or something



Then I will go one step further and say that trying different processes may be only a spiritual tourism that will give you nothing but impressions. To start a serious spiritual journey, sometimes it takes to meet someone special. Seek until you find. Not just any guide, there are many teachers that can help you. But in one you may recognize what you appreciate, or what you want to become. Then just by serving him, you will gain the same "convictions" he has, whether he is willing to share them or not.





We are replying to your posts out of our free will. If you are irritating, we are at your service, by our own choice.

 

[saralynn]

Thank you, miodrag,

 

[Windwalker]

Thus far, none of these strategies has worked. I have advanced from minor irritation to loathing. I WANT my gift certificates back!

So, does anyone have any suggestions? Should we, as Mother Teresa used to say, "Give until it hurts"? Is it foolish to act in way which reflects a level of spirituality which you have not yet attained? Or is it better to "Fake it until you make it."?

In actuality, I am not as frustrated with her as I am frustrated with myself. I wanna be enlightened....NOW!

@YmirGF called out my name in this thread for me to look at it. I just got back last night from two weeks away in the mountains, camping, doing photography, and renewing the reservoirs of the Deep my soul draws from to remain present in this world full of love and hope. So to your questions and whatever bit of wisdom I can offer, perhaps drawing from that.

First, you're already Enlightened. It's your basic nature. It's all of our natures. The only thing lacking in our experience of this is us distracting ourselves from it. For whatever reasons we let things becomes obstacles to our Realizing that in ourselves. It's really actually simple, as simple as opening a door that once you step through you realize wasn't really there. We only imagined it was there. We projected it out there ahead of us. We just make this hard because we for some reason want it to fit some expectation we have manufactured to fit what we think we know of ourselves and the world in order for us to try to 'construct' something the way you might try to build a house. While we busy ourselves and our energies towards that building activity, we forget to realize that we are not that house we are trying to build, but that we are the Builder doing the building.

In order to clear the mess our minds put in front of our eyes which can already see that Enlightened nature of everything that exists at all times, there are a few basic tools at our disposal for our minds to 'unlearn' and simply 'find' or relax into and rest in that Condition of our Being that is already us and all things. Meditation, in its many forms it can take is key. I summarize it this way. "Let go". Meditation is an exercise of letting go, and letting go, and letting go..... and allowing. We let go, in order to allow. And when we allow, Life moves through us and we experience this as a fully present connection with that same flowing that moves through everything. This is what Enlightenment is.

We are part of this world, and it us. There is a bringing together of the individual body, mind, soul, and spirit of us into an alignment that we fall out of as we shift the center of our identities into our thoughts about things, our worries, our expectations, our anxieties, our ideals, etc. In other words, our ideas about reality take the place of Reality itself. All our thoughts and ideas are perfectly fine because they are largely practical and useful to us. We need a separate self-sense in order to be an individual in a society in order to function with others. But if we make that fickle 'thing', that separate self, the center of our being, we're in for a rough ride! It gets hurt and disappointed, experiences swings of emotions from happy to sad, to anger to grief, etc. If that is all we know ourselves as, then we are living life in a constant battle of self protection. We figure out ways to cope, not to actually be fully awake and fully alive.

When we are in the midst of all that, and that is all we can see, then we are at the mercy of others and circumstances of the moment. But if we are able to rest in that which is before and beyond all that in us, that That becomes the center of our Identity, then all the struggles and pains with others and with ourselves, becomes a matter of objectively looking at all these things in ourselves, as opposed to subjectively being all those things. When we can see them and recognize them as objects or features, like a knobby knee on our leg or a crooked toe on our foot, then we don't waste our energies or distract ourselves in worries and modes of self-protection. These things still function as they need to, but when those energies are no longer excessively, or rather exclusively spent there, then we become Aware of what is truly Present in each moment of our being.

Enlightenment is being present in the moment. It's knowing what is truly Real. And from that place, from that Condition of our Being, then we live our lives out with all these mundane activities of cleaning up our houses and having guests over. But we are now infinitely more able to be that person we are, in our relations with others and with ourselves. Enlightenment is Freedom. When you align yourself first with that, then you change who you are in your body, and mind, soul, and spirit. Then your relations change, and you change, and they change, and the world itself changes.

It's not hard at all. We just make it incredibly hard for ourselves because we think it's something you can achieve by seeking and grasping. The trick is you already have it. Seek not to seek.

 

[Twilight Hue]

@YmirGF called out my name in this thread for me to look at it. I just got back last night from two weeks away in the mountains, camping, doing photography, and renewing the reservoirs of the Deep my soul draws from to remain present in this world full of love and hope. So to your questions and whatever bit of wisdom I can offer, perhaps drawing from that.

First, you're already Enlightened. It's your basic nature. It's all of our natures. The only thing lacking in our experience of this is us distracting ourselves from it. For whatever reasons we let things becomes obstacles to our Realizing that in ourselves. It's really actually simple, as simple as opening a door that once you step through you realize wasn't really there. We only imagined it was there. We projected it out there ahead of us. We just make this hard because we for some reason want it to fit some expectation we have manufactured to fit what we think we know of ourselves an he world in order for us to try to 'construct' something the way you might try to build a house. While we busy ourselves and our energies towards that building activity, we forget to realize that we are not that house we are trying to build, but that we are the Builder doing the building.

In order to clear the mess our minds put in front of our eyes which can already see that Enlightened nature of everything that exists at all times, there are a few basic tools at our disposal for our minds to 'unlearn' and simply 'find' or relax into and rest in that Condition of our Being that is already us and all things. Meditation, in its many forms it can take is key. I summarize it this way. "Let go". Meditation is an exercise of letting go, and letting go, and letting go..... and allowing. We let go, in order to allow. And when we allow, Life moves through us and we experience this as a fully present connection with that same flowing that moves through everything. This is what Enlightenment is.

We are part of this world, and it us. There is a bringing together of the individual body, mind, soul, and spirit of us into an alignment that we fall out of as we shift the center of our identities into our thoughts about things, our worries, our expectations, our anxieties, our ideals, etc. In other words, our ideas about reality take the place of Reality itself. All our thoughts and ideas are perfectly fine because they are largely practical and useful to us. We need a separate self-sense in order to be an individual in a society in order to function with others. But if we make that fickle 'thing', that separate self, the center of our being, we're in for a rough ride! It gets hurt and disappointed, experiences swings of emotions from happy to sad, to anger to grief, etc. If that is all we know ourselves as, then we are living life in a constant battle of self protection. We figure out ways to cope, not to actually be fully awake and fully alive.

When we are in the midst of all that, and that is all we can see, then we are at the mercy of others and circumstances of the moment. But if we are able to rest in that which is before and beyond all that in us, that That becomes the center of our Identity, then all the struggles and pains with others and with ourselves, becomes a matter of objectively looking at all these things in ourselves, as opposed to subjectively being all those things. When we can see them and recognize them as objects or features, like a knobby knee on our leg or a crooked toe on our foot, then we don't waste our energies or distract ourselves in worries and modes of self-protection. These things still function as they need to, but when those energies are no longer excessively, or rather exclusively spent there, then we become Aware of what is truly Present in each moment of our being.

Enlightenment is being present in the moment. It's knowing what is truly Real. And from that place, from that Condition of our Being, then we live our lives out with all these mundane activities of cleaning up our houses and having guests over. But we are now infinitely more able to be that person we are, in our relations with others and with ourselves. Enlightenment is Freedom. When you align yourself first with that, then you change who you are in your body, and mind, soul, and spirit. Then your relations change, and you change, and they change, and the world itself changes.

It's not hard at all. We just make it incredibly hard for ourselves because we think it's something you can achieve by seeking and grasping. The trick is you already have it. Seek not to seek.

I really like the way you put it.

People here and there searching for enlightenment, looking for it in all the nooks and crannys, climbing the mountains as it were. Thinking it's this and that.

My favorite poem....

Hakuin's monkey clinging on a branch reaching for the moon's reflection in the water.. ... If the monkey would only let go......

The world would shine with dazzling brilliance.

 

[saralynn]

Thanks you soooo much Windwalker . Between you and miodrag, I feel uplifted.

I think one of my problems may be my prolonged interest in Catholicism and the saints. Most of them are fairly definitive in the steps you must take to become "as perfect as God", which leads to all sorts of emotional contortions in those of us who are not saints.. My irritation with this woman is totally out of proportion to my grievances against her because I begin to despise myself for having "uncharitable" thoughts about her and, with steely resolve, commit myself to "changing" my feelings. As I said, it seems like I have tried every "technique", both Buddhist and Christian, to switch perspectives, but, it doesn't seem to work.

By the way, I don't feel like I have an enlightened nature. I look back at my life and see so much stupidity and self-centeredness and, sometimes, cold-heartedness. Most of my "sins" are of the "they know not what they do" variety, and I have ugly thoughts rather than ugly deeds, but it depresses me that they still persist.

To me it seems like the "survival of the fittest" evolutionary mechanism is what motivates most human behavior. Even little kids display competitive urges when a toddler grabs the candy bar from the hand of another child or tries to seek glory by running faster than everyone else or bullies someone whom they presume to be inferior to themselves.

That is why I began this thread. I begin to doubt one spiritual concept, then I start to doubt everything, and sooner or later I believe nothing other than a mechanistic Universe and we are all stimulus-response robots. This saddens me. So I read read read metaphysical literature and become enthusiastic and begin the cycle over again.

IOW, instead of ascending or descending, I just seem to go around and around the mountain.

Needless to say, I am exhausted!

I am grateful to you for writing such a helpful and inspiring response.

 

[Windwalker]

I think one of my problems may be my prolonged interest in Catholicism and the saints. Most of them are fairly definitive in the steps you must take to become "as perfect as God", which leads to all sorts of emotional contortions in those of us who are not saints..

One way to look at these is that for those who need to be shown exact steps, this approach gets them on the path. But eventually, in order to advance they need to make it their own. That's true of any of us, including the saints. Perhaps you are closer to a saint then you imagine yourself to be. Eventually, you have to break rank and make all this uniquely yours. Why else do you figure there's not just one saint, but many? Think of them like yourself, full of doubt and worries, ticks and habits, and the whole package we all are. Think of them in their stinking underwear, not in these glowing robes.

My irritation with this woman is totally out of proportion to my grievances against her because I begin to despise myself for having "uncharitable" thoughts about her and, with steely resolve, commit myself to "changing" my feelings. As I said, it seems like I have tried every "technique", both Buddhist and Christian, to switch perspectives, but, it doesn't seem to work.

In order to change perspectives, you have to first have a personal shift of perspectives. That's where meditation will truly help. You can't force that. You simple gain that through direct experience which unseats your present assumptions.

By the way, I don't feel like I have an enlightened nature.

Yes, well you do. That you don't experience it is the matter in hand.

I look back at my life and see so much stupidity and self-centeredness and, sometimes, cold-heartedness. Most of my "sins" are of the "they know not what they do" variety, and I have ugly thoughts rather than ugly deeds, but it depresses me that they still persist.

You're on the path.

To me it seems like the "survival of the fittest" evolutionary mechanism is what motivates most human behavior.

I don't think ultimately that's true. As a species we value cooperation over competition, first come first serve. We see this same thing in other species. If it were only a matter of eat or be eaten, we wouldn't have this population explosion. We would only have a few warlords and those who serve them, and those they feed upon if this were true. Our population would be considerably smaller.

Even little kids display competitive urges when a toddler grabs the candy bar from the hand of another child or tries to seek glory by running faster than everyone else or bullies someone whom they presume to be inferior to themselves.

What you are complaining of is that we are immature, as mature people do not do this. That is a real issue of development, but not of our basic natures as mature humans. You need to look at how mature humans act and conduct themselves, and it is not this.

That is why I began this thread. I begin to doubt one spiritual concept, then I start to doubt everything, and sooner or later I believe nothing other than a mechanistic Universe and we are all stimulus-response robots. This saddens me. So I read read read metaphysical literature and become enthusiastic and begin the cycle over again.

Spiritual concepts, are really nothing other than ways to talk about actual experience from those who actually experience it. The mistake is that people see these as propositional truths, empirical facts as it were. In reality, they are metaphoric expressions of something wholly beyond words; the ineffable. Fingers pointing at the moon should not be mistaken as the moon itself. If you look for truth "out there" in theories and concepts, you won't succeed in finding what you look for. You already have the answers, but they aren't held by the mind, but instead by the soul. The task is to know yourself, not find another idea about yourself to believe in. If you do that, indeed you'll just keep chasing your tail, beginning "the cycle over again," as you say.

IOW, instead of ascending or descending, I just seem to go around and around the mountain.

So stop it. From the Diamond Sutra,

Wanting nothing,
with all your heart,
stop the stream.

When the world dissolves,
all becomes clear.

Needless to say, I am exhausted!

Excellent! Exactly where you need to be!
Give up trying to figure this out, and let it be.

I am grateful to you for writing such a helpful and inspiring response.

You're welcome, and I hope it does. I'm just a finger pointing at the moon. You go look, as I do.

 

[saralynn]

thanks again. So much to ponder. My favorite suggestion is imagining the saints in their stinking underwear! And yes, you're right. There certainly were a wide variety of them. When you wrote about evolution and warlords, I cynically began to counter your argument by referring to current political matters, but I certainly do not want to go THERE! Oy Vey! Let's stick to the eternal!

You know what happened to me that is soooo coincidental that it makes me think its grace (the reality of which I don't dwell upon because then my mind will start whizzing around in circles again wondering whether God is personal or impersonal and am I being naive and superstitious, blah blah blah....) is that I was in a thrift shop yesterday and bumped into this book by Ram Dass entitled "Living the Bhagavad Gita". I opened it at random and there was a chapter on Jnana Yoga. I read a few passages and understood immediately that I had no REAL understanding of the term, even though, I, (sigh) assumed I did. I had it all mixed up with accumulating knowledge, which I have been doing my whole life, but, which, in retrospect, was mostly information.

Actually, that's not true. I am being hard on myself. I probably would have been better off if I read one book a thousand times rather than a thousand books one time, but all that material did have an impact on my life for which I am grateful. I am absolutely indifferent to "worldly" things, in the sense of material possessions, status, entertainment, superficial relationships, and so on. All the words of all the philosophers and spiritual teachers i have read seeped into my consciousness. even if I have...let's face it...only a shallow understanding of their works,

The downside is that Nietzsche and Emerson and Saint Francis and Krishnamurti and a horde of other knowledgeable people have been arguing with each other in my brain for decades and the result is doubt and confusion, which is rather depressing because i feel like I am a 60 year old with teenage angst.

There is another good thing about being a spiritual know-it-all who recognizes that she knows very little is that I truly am a source of comfort for many people. The reason is because I understand, to some degree, how to respond to their problems from their own philosophical/religious perspective, combined with a lot of "Jeesh....I don't knows" "I don't know why your mother died when you were 12 and you were raped by your Uncle Henry." "I don't know why children are born deformed or people develop schizophrenia or why we sometimes feel inclined to act cruelly." But then I always add, "But despite all those unanswerable questions, I KNOW that life is meaningful on some transcendent level and we are not just the dust and ashes of exploded stars. In some weird way, nothing has meaning and everything has meaning. Then, because most people I know are, to a greater or lesser extent, Christians, I refer to the Crucifixion and Christ's sometimes bewildered and bewildering suffering, but stress the Resurrection, metaphorical or otherwise

The irony is I, myself, am in an emotional quandary. I am reaching that point of life in which one needs to be stalwart. Siblings and friends are dying, Health declines. Brain isn’t quite as sharp. Donald Trump is President (sorry, I HAD to say it!)

So many people I know are in pain and I feel like a fraud because I can’t match my feelings with my beliefs. Words words words. Do I REALLY believe, as I tell so many people, that life has a transcendent meaning? If so, why can’t I FEEL that it does? Sometimes, yes; sometimes no.

Yesterday, my cat came in with a little baby bunny in her mouth. She placed it down on the kitchen floor as if presenting me with a gift, and it was almost, but not quite dead. I gently scooped the bunny up, bewildered as to what to do next. CPR?? A vet? I didn’t know how to do the former and couldn’t afford the latter, so I made the decision to put the bunny outside in a beautiful area of the yard (well, beautiful from human terms. I don’t know a bunny’s perspective on beauty), away from predators, and let her die or recover on her own. By the time, I walked out into the yard, the bunny had died. One second she was THERE, one second she was GONE.

I felt so weepy, seeing her sweet little body lying there in the grass. I didn’t cry because I have a British temperament, but my upper lip did get stiffer and stiffer.

It wasn’t even sure why. Maybe because the meaning of the world seems to be based on carnage and the bunny seemed so vulnerable, as we, who are not enlightened....or, at least, don't FEEL enlightened, also are

Good grief, am i getting maudlin or what? Very unBritish. This might be because I married an Italian and I have absorbed some of his personality. Next thing you know, I will be listening to Opera.

Sorry. It is rather pathetic to pour one’s heart out to an anonymous person, but, I do not have many chums with whom I can talk about these things. Besides that, I am always afraid that I may undermine their faith if I start confessing about how I feel like I am lost in the wilderness. I feel like I need to be strong for them.

Thanks for listening. You sound so "together" and grounded. I suspect I may be asking for help from an idealized version of yourself (0r myself?) but, hey, that's not necessarily bad, is it?

 

[Windwalker]

thanks again. So much to ponder. My favorite suggestion is imagining the saints in their stinking underwear! And yes, you're right.

You having a background in Catholicism, another shift in how you hold the image of these religious figures would be that of Jesus himself. Alan Watt's put it famously that the church "kicked Jesus upstairs". What that means is they make him so superhuman, no human alive can relate his spiritual path to their own. He is made out to be some magical being "from above" who has to "save us" as we are somehow incapable.

What is to me far more meaningful is to view him as one of us, and like us struggled to find the Light in himself and the world. Imagine him as someone who had to come to terms with his own emotional body, his social relations, his questions of ultimate truth, etc. through a great deal of struggle, conflicts, turmoils, and failures. He fell in love with some young woman, learned about himself through those things that plague all of us, and eventually came to find God in his life like any one of us. Now that's a human who anyone of us can relate to, not this angelic creature descending from the clouds with divine truth fully intact in his little infant mind with lotus blossoms opening in his little toddler footsteps. I much prefer a Jesus we as humans could actually relate to. How can any of us be like a supernatural creature if that is the injunction for us to become?

You know what happened to me that is soooo coincidental that it makes me think its grace (the reality of which I don't dwell upon because then my mind will start whizzing around in circles again wondering whether God is personal or impersonal and am I being naive and superstitious, blah blah blah....)

You're trying to use your mind to access the divine using concepts and reason. That's not how this works exactly. You have to set aside your preconceptions of what it should or shouldn't be and simply let it present itself as it will to you, as you need it to in ways you're ready for in the deeper parts of yourself that your mind cannot grasp in its reaching. You let experience simply come, dropping all looking and expectations, and then you can attempt use your mind to consider its meaning after the fact of it, but you'll learn those are at best expressions and not definitions of what that is. God can be both personal, and impersonal. It's both, and it's neither. Let it be what it needs to be for you. God is not separate from you, so you will always be part of how that is understood to you. But direct experience is key. Without that, it's nothing more than mental concepts and the experience of ideas.

I am absolutely indifferent to "worldly" things, in the sense of material possessions, status, entertainment, superficial relationships, and so on.

Part of "worldly things" include our exclusive identification with our ideas of ourselves and the world. Even if someone is free of possessions in the sense of worldly goods, it does not necessarily mean they have freed themselves of their mental grasps on trying to understand Truth. It's ultimately the modes of thinking itself, the modes of how we relate to ourselves and the world that are "worldly". Once you have shifted that, then the meaning of thoughts and ideas, and of worldly possessions are no longer a stumbling block. They are simply held with a different mind. And a different mind, is the goal.

Think of it in the language of the Apostle Paul as he said,

"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."​

It is a matter of as he puts it, putting on the mind of Christ. When we rest in that Ground, when we see the nondual, when we see God in ourselves and in everything that exists, then it provides a Context through which all other understandings are suspended. That is ultimate Truth. It's not just some other idea that is right and all others wrong, but it is the backdrop, the canvas on which all thoughts and ideas and truths are held. If you want to know that Truth, you don't come to it expecting it to be "a truth". It is the Ocean in which all fish swim, not just another fish.

All the words of all the philosophers and spiritual teachers i have read seeped into my consciousness. even if I have...let's face it...only a shallow understanding of their works,

Once you've stepped into that Ocean, you'll understand that the thoughts and ideas expressed by the mystics and philosophers, are just simple stick figures drawn on flat pieces of paper. The reality of them is the difference between a two-dimensional black and white model, and a multi dimensional vibrantly colored reality. You already have that ability to see it. It's just when we hold to our mind's fascination with itself as being the end-all, be-all source of truth and knowledge that we miss it. You simply have to open to that part of yourself we all too often neglect to the point we don't know how to access anymore, like some distant forgotten memory.

It wasn’t even sure why. Maybe because the meaning of the world seems to be based on carnage and the bunny seemed so vulnerable, as we, who are not enlightened....or, at least, don't FEEL enlightened, also are

One of the hardest things for us it seems is to hold life with an opened hand. Life is ephemeral, and to try to hold is as is and not let it simply be, to rise and pass, is to create our own suffering. It is ok to feel sadness over losses, yet at the same time it is a celebration of the cycles of life itself. The more we are able to not cling to things, not cling to our emotional attachments to them, the greater depth of love we are able to experience. Love lets go. And in that letting go, Beauty finds its true nature in us.

It's not that we are indifferent. Not at all! But that we are able to let things pass in their time and not fight against this, when it is inevitable. No one lives forever. But to try to keep things as we want them to be for ourselves, creates suffering and diminishes the true value of them. Grieve loss, but celebrate the fact of Life itself and the unique Beauty of each, transitory form, including our own.

Sorry. It is rather pathetic to pour one’s heart out to an anonymous person, but, I do not have many chums with whom I can talk about these things.

My real name is Keith. Pleased to meet you. There, I'm not anonymous anymore.

Besides that, I am always afraid that I may undermine their faith if I start confessing about how I feel like I am lost in the wilderness. I feel like I need to be strong for them.

Faith is an interesting subject. Don't worry about threatening mine. It's not rooted in belief systems, but in lived reality. The mind at best is a series of finger paintings trying to talk about it. I can color it however, depending.

Thanks for listening. You sound so "together" and grounded. I suspect I may be asking for help from an idealized version of yourself (0r myself?) but, hey, that's not necessarily bad, is it?

That's a certain insight on your part. God is the image of ourselves we project in order to come to knowledge of ourselves.

 

[saralynn]

ou having a background in Catholicism, another shift in how you hold the image of these religious figures would be that of Jesus himself. Alan Watt's put it famously that the church "kicked Jesus upstairs". What that means is they make him so superhuman, no human alive can relate his spiritual path to their own. He is made out to be some magical being "from above" who has to "save us" as we are somehow incapable.

What is to me far more meaningful is to view him as one of us, and like us struggled to find the Light in himself and the world. Imagine him as someone who had to come to terms with his own emotional body, his social relations, his questions of ultimate truth, etc. through a great deal of struggle, conflicts, turmoils, and failures. He fell in love with some young woman, learned about himself through those things that plague all of us, and eventually came to find God in his life like any one of us. Now that's a human who anyone of us can relate to, not this angelic creature descending from the clouds with divine truth fully intact in his little infant mind with lotus blossoms opening in his little toddler footsteps. I much prefer a Jesus we as humans could actually relate to. How can any of us be like a supernatural creature if that is the injunction for us to become?

Again. how generous of you to respond to me in such detail. Yesterday my thoughts were tumbling around in my brain like clothes in a washing machine and many revolved...or perhaps, more aptly, "rotated" ...around several comments you made.

First, I must clarify one point. My background is not Catholic, at least in terms of my childhood. Heavens no. As a matter of fact, my parents were anti-Catholic and called the Pope the "Poop" When JFK's funeral was televised, they made jokes about the priest drinking wine. This awful prejudice was not unusual in the 1950's, at least among the working classes. Catholicism vs. Protestantism was often debated in those days for many reasons having to do with doctrine "To whom will a Catholic be more loyal...the President or the Pope?" kinda thing, but, in all truth, I think the bigotry was more racist. My parents were wary of swarthy people. Black people were irrelevant.

This sounds like an awful environment for a child to grow up in, but, new norms and the gift of 1950's television series. which were basically 1/2 hr morality plays, protected me from absorbing their hostility.

The other good thing about being raised by Nazis is that I learned tolerance and how to love the unlovable. I was devoted to my mother, despite her character flaws, and knew her worldview was based on inculcation and ignorance.

As for Jesus, OMG, if you haven't done so already, ya gotta see the movie or read the book "The Last Temptation of Christ", which is a powerful exploration of his humanity rather than divinity. Wonderful wonderful wonderful.

I stopped believing that Jesus was the literal Son of God when I became an adolescent, and now I am of the same opinion, unless you interpret "Son" in the broadest terms.

I became a Catholic in my twenties as a result of reading "The Teachings of Don Juan" by Carlos Castaneda which was required reading for drug-addled flower children. Don Juan was a Yaqui Indian living in Mexico who was a "Man of Knowledge" and a mystic, thanks initially to psilocsybin. (if you are interested, which I doubt, I can relate a harrowing tale about my mistaken conclusion that one wouldn't throw up if one drank tequila because it was made from mushrooms. To save time, I shall tell you that the story concludes with vomit on my chin) So, anyway, that led to a fascination with mysticism, which led to Meister Eckhart , which led to all the beautifully crazy saints like Francis and St Teresa of Lisieux. Then a Catholic Reading Group, in which we read a long tedious biography of Thomas Aquinas, which bored me to tears until, it concluded with Tom having a religious experience and never writing again because all his writing seemed to him to be like seemed "straw" compared to his encounter with "The Living God"

I left the book group and chatted with a Priest about joining the Church, but he told me, in jocular fashion, that I would be excommunicated.

So, I kept on reading Catholic literature until I noticed in myself a desire to whip myself and abstain from eating for forty days and forty nights IOW, I became a psychological cutter.

Okay, now that have indulged myself and told you about my fascinating adventures in Catholicism, which, if anything, reflect my self-absorption, which may explain my failure to "enlight", I must tell you that I SOOO value your observations and looked forward to reading your responses. I don't want it to be a chore for you, though, and be assured that I understand if you do not wish to continue. I mean that sincerely.

The fact is that, despite my seeming buoyancy, I am going through a dark time and have desire to chat with someone who can help me arise out of my guilt-ridden sense of failure (Catholic influence) plus my fear that I am going to fall into a deeper level of despair. I LOVE your writing and trust your insights. Most of the people I know are atheists, fundamentalists, new-agey (OMG, I am so tired of Quantum Optimism) or indifferent because they claim there are no answers. I have been obsessed with metaphysical questions since I was 8 and woke up in the middle of the night consumed with horror because I UNDERSTOOD, at a gut level, that I was going to die.

But back to you. I am very good at abandoning myself to the Universe and letting events evolve as they will. I will not take it personally if you find me tedious because, truth is, I find myself tedious, which may mean I have reached Enlightenment.

PS. This is why the traditional Christian belief in Heaven does not appeal to me. I have no desire to drag my arse into the next world because I am deeply tired of my identity. Deep down, I think I may want to be Meryl Streep.

PPS. My assumption that you may find me tedious indicates, in addition to guilt, I am burdened by a certain degree of self-loathing. (Okay.. "loathing" is a bit obsessive. Change it to "self-doubt"

PPPS I am not ignoring your comments that followed your first few paragraphs. I just got so caught up in blah-blah-blahing about Catholicism that I have run out of time.

Whatever. Enjoy the weekend, Keith. You aren't by any chance Keith Richards, are you?

 

[arthra]

I am very interested in mysticism, which is why I describe myself as a Catholic-Buddhist-Sufi-Jewish-Hindu Quaker.

I've had somewhat similar contacts with the religions you've listed... of course it was in my earlier life from my teens up until my mid twenties... I became a Baha'i and acknowledge the past Manifestations of Moses, Krishna, Buddha, Christ and Muhammad. One of the classic mystical texts of the Baha'i dispensation is the Seven Valleys and the Four Valleys...

The Seven Valleys and the Four Valleys | Bahá’í Reference Library

An excerpt:

Whoso knoweth this secret will assuredly hide it, and were he to reveal but its faintest trace they would nail him to the cross.

 

[Windwalker]

Okay, now that have indulged myself and told you about my fascinating adventures in Catholicism, which, if anything, reflect my self-absorption, which may explain my failure to "enlight", I must tell you that I SOOO value your observations and looked forward to reading your responses. I don't want it to be a chore for you, though, and be assured that I understand if you do not wish to continue. I mean that sincerely.

No, I very much enjoy talking about this with those who have a sincere interest as you do. I've been occupied lately and haven't gotten back to this. So, here I am.

The fact is that, despite my seeming buoyancy, I am going through a dark time and have desire to chat with someone who can help me arise out of my guilt-ridden sense of failure (Catholic influence) plus my fear that I am going to fall into a deeper level of despair. I LOVE your writing and trust your insights.

Thank you. I should ask, in case I haven't or simply forgot, did you say you have or haven't directly had any mystical experiences yourself? You mentioned interest in Eckhart and the like, but I didn't catch you have drunk from that well yourself? Sunstone here on the RF site describes himself this way in his blog he shared here on the site. Mysticism is a Whore: Allow Me to Introduce You You may find that an interesting read if that's the case.

But back to you. I am very good at abandoning myself to the Universe and letting events evolve as they will. I will not take it personally if you find me tedious because, truth is, I find myself tedious, which may mean I have reached Enlightenment.

When you say 'abandoning yourself to the Universe', can you describe what you are doing when you do this? Is this something you practice in meditation? Is it something you're learning to do as anxious thoughts arise where you let them go somehow, etc? Do you have a meditation practice of any sort? Forgive me if you mentioned this before and I'm simply forgetting.

PS. This is why the traditional Christian belief in Heaven does not appeal to me. I have no desire to drag my arse into the next world because I am deeply tired of my identity. Deep down, I think I may want to be Meryl Streep.

A tip for you here. What I see as an important thing that has to happen on the path to Enlightenment, is that rather than disliking or despising, or being annoyed by ourselves, rather we learn to love ourselves and accepting everything that we are with the very embrace of Love as God would us. To know unconditional Love for ourselves, becomes the source of that Love we consequently embrace everyone else with, as well as the very Whole of Creation itself.

If we hate ourselves, or reject, impune, slight, or disown parts of ourselves, we will, and are at the same time doing that to others. There is a verse in scripture which says that everything that is hidden will be brought out into the Light. Call that "Judgement Day", if you will. Metaphorically speaking, that is exactly what happens as your eyes become opened and you see, or "know even as we are known". You don't cower or hide these things we don't want to see in ourselves we have pushed out into the corners. Rather you face them without fear, and own, and embrace, and Love ourselves.

A common thing that happens for me in my meditation practice is a certain short phrase will come into my mind that captures a certain awareness, or perception of truth that arises at that moment. One that came to me that captures what I'm explaining here goes, "When we accept the acceptance of God, we accept ourselves to God." There is a lot there to reflect on that I see as key.

It's us who self-contract from the Divine, or Ultimate Reality. We fear its Light, because we fear ourselves. We fear seeing who we truly are, because we have built this edifice of self-identity we invest ourselves in, carefully picking and choosing what we can be moderately comfortable with. But when you encounter Truth in this way, we know that all we be Known, and we don't really want that because that means all of who you think you are as your base identity is at risk of exposure of the reality of it we intuitively know to be untrue.

You mentioned, "I was 8 and woke up in the middle of the night consumed with horror because I UNDERSTOOD, at a gut level, that I was going to die." That touches directly on this. We as humans face two deaths. The first is the death of our bodies. The second, and vastly more troublesome to us is the death of our 'self'. "I will be no more," and that "I" is that person we self identify with. When we die, hopefully, we don't clutch and grasp and claw to keep from letting go of all our clinging to preserve that "I", but rather to simply relax that and let it go without grasping, passing from this world into 'death'. What happens at that moment when we do is Release. Freedom.

Now what I'm saying is if we hate, or dislike, or don't forgive and embrace ourselves, we are still clinging. We have one hand holding something back from Release. I say that a good meditation practice, one which you practice this constant, release, release, release, is a type of death-rehearsal. We a practicing the act of dying. That's something you don't hear a lot of people explain, but in practice it is that. "Let go, let go, let go,".

You could say that Enlightenment is what we enjoy after we have died. We just chose to do that here, now, while the body is still functioning and we live out our lives in that Freedom, as opposed to at the moment of death when our bodies perish. In other words, something else I say that there is no 'afterlife', there is only Life, and we can live in that eternity in every moment, or separate from it imagining it begins at some mark on the timeline of our lifespan, such starting at some point after the body dies. This is the afterlife, now. That '2nd' death, the death of the self we imagine ourselves as, is what we need to face, either while we are alive now, or wait until our lungs have breathed their last.

The funny thing is, once you've passed through that black door of that death, you find no more terror, no more fear, no more anxiety, no more concerns and distractions and disruptions. What you find is utter, pure, living Love, Light, and Life. And all of that becomes known in us and all the world. "For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." That Realization is not reserved from when our bodies die. It's reserved for when we release ourselves as in death. Another way I put this, "Live your life as in death, fully Released."

PPS. My assumption that you may find me tedious indicates, in addition to guilt, I am burdened by a certain degree of self-loathing. (Okay.. "loathing" is a bit obsessive. Change it to "self-doubt"

Insecurities come when we judge ourselves by how we imagine others are probably doing. This is the source of great self-confusion, yet we all do it. I heard this when I was very young. "We are not who we think we are. We are not even who others think we are. But we are who we think others think we are." Some good food for thought.

You aren't by any chance Keith Richards, are you?

No, I'm much better looking.

 

[YmirGF]

Thanks you soooo much Windwalker . Between you and miodrag, I feel uplifted.

It warms my tired old frozen heart that you are hitting it off with @Windwalker I told ya he is good stuff!

I think one of my problems may be my prolonged interest in Catholicism and the saints. Most of them are fairly definitive in the steps you must take to become "as perfect as God", which leads to all sorts of emotional contortions in those of us who are not saints.. My irritation with this woman is totally out of proportion to my grievances against her because I begin to despise myself for having "uncharitable" thoughts about her and, with steely resolve, commit myself to "changing" my feelings. As I said, it seems like I have tried every "technique", both Buddhist and Christian, to switch perspectives, but, it doesn't seem to work.

Personally, I'd ****can the whole "as perfect as god" shtick as that is little more than a psychological setup that will inevitably result in feelings of guilt as you continue to fail to measure up to such lofty standards. Keep it simple. You have your thoughts and feelings for very valid reasons. If they are continuing to come to the forefront of consciousness then you really need to start understanding why.

By the way, I don't feel like I have an enlightened nature. I look back at my life and see so much stupidity and self-centeredness and, sometimes, cold-heartedness. Most of my "sins" are of the "they know not what they do" variety, and I have ugly thoughts rather than ugly deeds, but it depresses me that they still persist.

That it bothers you is a good sign. Again, though it may be uncomfortable, try to drill down into why you feel the way you do. That sounds simple enough but might actually take a great deal of effort to wend your way through the various layers involved.

To me it seems like the "survival of the fittest" evolutionary mechanism is what motivates most human behavior. Even little kids display competitive urges when a toddler grabs the candy bar from the hand of another child or tries to seek glory by running faster than everyone else or bullies someone whom they presume to be inferior to themselves

and what of individuality simply asserting itself? Aggression in and of itself is not a negative thing. It's how one channels the aggression.

That is why I began this thread. I begin to doubt one spiritual concept, then I start to doubt everything, and sooner or later I believe nothing other than a mechanistic Universe and we are all stimulus-response robots. This saddens me. So I read read read metaphysical literature and become enthusiastic and begin the cycle over again.

Doubt is healthy. Certainty is what leads to ossification and the dank pit of dogmatic thinking. What you may not realize is that your are forging your own ideas in the process of shredding the others. This is not a bad thing, though it can be a bit irksome when a cherished belief goes to the guillotine of experience.

IOW, instead of ascending or descending, I just seem to go around and around the mountain.

Needless to say, I am exhausted!

I am grateful to you for writing such a helpful and inspiring response.

That's actually pretty normal, as one often feels they are chasing their own tail. The path of inner discovery isn't a neat and tidy trail complete with rest stops and vending machines. It's a series of hills and valleys strewn with the wreckage of discarded ideas... most of that journey is the process of unlearning, of letting go, of what one thought they knew so very well. Windy? @Windwalker

 

[Geoff-Allen]

One of the problems in explaining enlightenment is that we have to use words. Words are only symbols and don’t give the real understanding. The letters of a word are merely a code that the mind translates into meaning. Words only have meaning if you already have an experiential knowledge of what the words mean. If you were blind could you understand color through just words? Can you describe music to someone using only words? Can you describe the emotion of love only using the symbols of words? Words are only effective at communicating experience if the experience is already known. You know color, music, and emotion because you have perceived them directly. Enlightenment is not an experience that one already has a reference for and so a word description is not likely to be meaningful enough to convey an understanding.

Click here for the full article -

Enlightenment | What is enlightenment | How to become enlightened | Compassion | Laughter | Divine Comedy

All the best!

 

[Geoff-Allen]

Just received this in my emails ...

Enlightenment is real; and each of us, whoever we are, can in the right circumstances and with the right training realize the nature of mind and so know in us what is deathless and eternally pure. This is the promise of all the great mystical traditions of the world, and it has been fulfilled and is being fulfilled in countless thousands of human lives.

The wonder of this promise is that it is something not exotic, not fantastic, not for an elite, but for all of humanity; and when we realize it, the masters tell us, it is unexpectedly ordinary.

Spiritual truth is not something elaborate and esoteric, it is in fact profound common sense. When you realize the nature of mind, layers of confusion peel away. You don’t actually “become” a buddha, you simply cease, slowly, to be deluded. And being a buddha is not being some omnipotent spiritual superman, but becoming at last a true human being.

 

[zahra67]

I am very interested in mysticism, which is why I describe myself as a Catholic-Buddhist-Sufi-Jewish-Hindu Quaker. The core of the mystical experience in many different religions involves peace and joy etc. I mean, someone who has a revelation of "God", in whatever form it takes. never concludes that God is Strife, Hatred, Cruelty and Deceit.

I have always longed for a mystical encounter with that Holy "Something" that others have encountered but it seems not to be my fate, so I have stumbled along in my quest for Enlightenment, hoping (yep, and praying) that my quest is not a hope, a dream and an illusion.

My religious experiences have always been ambiguous. Moments of grace, which might be coincidence, and fleeting feelings of "oneness"

I am beginning to think the key to mysticism is the commitment to Free Will, even if it is only called grit and determination. However, despite my efforts, I am still hounded by my baser impulses, even though I don't act on them. Sometimes I wonder if Enlightenment really exists.

hello.
if you are very interested in mysticism, please read these book and God bless you!

As-Sahifa Al-Kamilah Al-Sajjadiyya

The 15 Whispered Prayers of As-Sahifa al-Kamila as-Sajjadiyyah

i send you one of the supplications in my other comments.

The 15 Whispered Prayers of As-Sahifa al-Kamila as-Sajjadiyyah

 

[zahra67]

I am very interested in mysticism, which is why I describe myself as a Catholic-Buddhist-Sufi-Jewish-Hindu Quaker. The core of the mystical experience in many different religions involves peace and joy etc. I mean, someone who has a revelation of "God", in whatever form it takes. never concludes that God is Strife, Hatred, Cruelty and Deceit.

I have always longed for a mystical encounter with that Holy "Something" that others have encountered but it seems not to be my fate, so I have stumbled along in my quest for Enlightenment, hoping (yep, and praying) that my quest is not a hope, a dream and an illusion.

My religious experiences have always been ambiguous. Moments of grace, which might be coincidence, and fleeting feelings of "oneness"

I am beginning to think the key to mysticism is the commitment to Free Will, even if it is only called grit and determination. However, despite my efforts, I am still hounded by my baser impulses, even though I don't act on them. Sometimes I wonder if Enlightenment really exists.

The Whispered Prayer of the Hopeful
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of ALLAH, the All-compassionate
the All-merciful,
BIS-MIL-LAAHIR-RAH'-MAANIR-RAH'EEM
اللّهُمّ صَلّ عَلَى مُحَمّدٍ وَآلِ مُحَمّد
O Allah, send blessings on Muhammad and on the family of Muhammad, ALLAHUMMA S'ALE A'LAA MUHAMMAD WA AALE MUHAMMAD
يا مَنْ إذا سَأَلَهُ عَبْدٌ أَعْطَاهُ،
O! He who gives to a servant ,whenever asks from him
YAA MAN ID'A SAALAHOO A'B-DUN AA'-T'AAHOO
إوَإذا أَمَّلَ ما عِنْدَهُ بَلَّغَهُ مُناهُ،
And he who gives from what is with Him, whatever his servant wishes for, ,
WA ID'AAA AM-MALA MAA I'NDAHOO BAL-LAGHAHOO MUNAAHOO
وَإذا أَقْبَلَ عَلَيْهِ قَرَّبَهُ وَأَدْناهُ،
And he who brings his servant near to him, when he approaches Him,
WA ID'AAA AQ-BALA A'LAY-HEE QAR-RABAHOO WA AD-NAAH
وَإذا جاهَرَهُ بِالْعِصْيانِ سَتَرَ عَلَى ذَنْبِهِ وَغَطَّاهُ،
And he who covers over the sins and disobedience, which is openly committed by his servant,
WA ID'A JAAHARAHOO BIL-I'S'-YAANI SATARA A'LAA D'AMBIHEE WA GHAT'-T'AAHOO
وَإذا تَوَكَّلَ عَلَيْهِ أَحْسَبَهُ وَكَفَاهُ.
and he who is sufficient for a servant, who has confidence and trusts him!
WA ID'A TAWAK-KALA A'LAY-HEEE AH'-SABAHOO WA KAFAAH
إلهِي مَنِ الَّذِي نَزَلَ بِكَ مُلْتَمِساً قِراكَ فَما قَرَيْتَهُ؟
My God, is there anyone who has come before you, seeking your hospitability, and yet has not been received kindly?
ILAAHEE MANIL-LAD'EE NAZALA BIKA MUL-TAMISAN QIRAAKA FAMAA QARAY-TAH
وَمَنِ الَّذِي أَناخَ بِبابِكَ مُرْتَجِياً نَداكَ فَما أَوْلَيْتَهُ؟
And is there anyone who has dismounted at your door hoping to receive your magnanimity, and to whom you have not shown it?
WA MANIL-LAD'EEE ANAKHA BIBAABIKA MUR-TAJEEAN-NADAAKA FAMAAA AW-LAY-TAH
أَيَحْسُنُ أَنْ أَرْجِعَ عَنْ بابِكَ بِالْخَيْبَةِ مَصْرُوفاً، وَلَسْتُ أَعْرِفُ سِواكَ مَوْلىً بِالإِحْسانِ مَوْصُوفاً؟
Is it good that I am rejected at your door and turned away in disappointment, while I know of no other master so kind but you?
AYAH'-SUNU AN AR-JIA' A'M-BAABIKA BIL-KHAY-BATI MAS'-ROOFAW-WA LAS-TU AA'-RIFU SIWAAKA MAW-LAN BIL-IH'-SAANI MAW-S'OOFAN
كَيْفَ أَرْجُو غَيْرَكَ وَالْخَيْرُ كُلُّهُ بِيَدِكَ؟!
So how can I have hope in other than you, when everything that is good is in your hand?
KAYFA AR-JOO GHAY-RAKA WAL-KHAY-RU KUL-LUHOO BEEADIK
وَكَيْفَ أُؤَمِّلُ سِوَاكَ وَالْخَلْقُ وَالأَمْرُ لَكَ؟!
And how can I expect from others, when I know that all creation and commandment is with you?
WA KAY-FA OO-AM-MILU SIWAAKA WAL-KHAL-QU WAL-AM-RU LAK
أَأَقْطَعُ رَجآئِي مِنْكَ وَقَدْ أَوْلَيْتَنِي ما لَمْ أَسْأَلْهُ مِنْ فَضْلِكَ؟!
Should I cut off my hope for you, when you have blessed me without me even asking?
AAQ-T'AU' RAJAAA-EE MINKA WA QAD AW-LAY-TANEE MAA LAM AS-AL-HOO MIN FAZLIK
أَمْ تُفْقِرُنِي إلى مِثْلِي وَأَنَا أَعْتَصِمُ بِحَبْلِكَ؟!
Would you make me go to another creation who is just like me, While I hold on fast to you?!
AM TUF-QIRUNY ILAA MITH-LEE WA ANA AA'-TAS'IMU BIH'AB-LIKA
يا مَنْ سَعِدَ بِرَحْمَتِهِ الْقاصِدُونَ،
O He through whose mercy the strivers attempt to reach the ultimate success
YAA MAN SAI'DA BIRAH'-MATIHIL-QAAS'IDOONA
وَلَمْ يَشْقَ بِنِقْمَتِهِ الْمُسْتَغْفِرُونَ،
and through whose vengeance the seekers of forgiveness are not made miserable
WA LAM YASH-QA BINAQIMATIHIL-MUS-TAGH-FIROON
كَيْفَ أَنْسَاكَ وَلَمْ تَزَلْ ذاكِرِي؟!
How can I forget you, while you always remember me?
KAY-FA ANSAAKA WALAM TAZAL D'AAKIREE
وَكَيْفَ أَلْهُو عَنْكَ وَأَنْتَ مُراقِبِي؟!
How should I be diverted from you while you are constantly watching over me?
WA KAY-FA AL-HOO A'NKA WA ANTA MURAAQIBEE
إلهِي بِذَيْلِ كَرَمِكَ أَعْلَقتُ يَدِي،
My God, I have fastened my hand to the skirt of your generosity,
ILAAHEE BID'AY-LI KARAMIKA A'-LAQ-TU YADEE
وَلِنَيْلِ عَطاياكَ بَسَطْتُ أَمَلِي،
I have stretched forth my expectation toward reaching for your gifts,
WA LINAY-LI A'T'AAYAAKA BASAT'-TU AMALEE
فَأَخْلِصْنِي بِخالِصَةِ تَوْحِيدِكَ،
so purify me through the purest way of your Unity,
FAAKH-LIS'-NEE BIKHAALIS'ATI TAW-H'EEDIKA
وَاجْعَلْنِي مِنْ صَفْوَةِ عَبِيدِك،
and appoint me as one of your best servants!
WAJ-A'L-NEE MIN S'AF-WATI A'BEEDIK
يا مَنْ كُلُّ هارِب إلَيْهِ يَلْتَجِئُ،
O He who is the shelter of everyone who flees (from trouble)
YAA MAN KUL-LU HAARIBIN ILAY-HEE YALTAJI-U
وَكُلُّ طالِب إيَّاهُ يَرْتَجِي،
the goal of everyone who is seeking!
WA KUL-LU T'AALIBIN EE-YAAHOO YAR-TAJEE
يا خَيْرَ مَرْجُوٍّ،
O the Best of the hopes!
YAA KHAY-RA MAR-JOO
وَيا أَكْرَمَ مَدْعُوٍّ،
O the Most Generous one to pray to
WA YAAA AK-RAMA MAD-U'W
وَيا مَنْ لا يُرَدُّ سآئِلُهُ،
O He, who never rejects the one who asks
WA YAA MAL-LAA YURAD-DU SAAA-ILUH
وَلا يُخَيَّبُ آمِلُهُ،
O he, who never disappoints the one who comes with expectations!
WA LAA YUKHAY-YABU AAAMILUH
يا مَنْ بابُهُ مَفْتُوحٌ لِدَاعِيهِ،
O He whose door is always open to those who ask from him
YAA MAM-BAABUHOO MAF-TOOH'UL-LIDAAE'EH
وَحِجابُهُ مَرْفُوعٌ لِراجِيهِ،
and whose veil is lifted for those who have hope in Him!
WA H'IJAABUHOO MAR-FOOU'L-LIRAAJEEHEE
أَسْأَلُكَ بِكَرَمِكَ أَنْ تَمُنَّ عَلَيَّ
I ask you through your generosity to show kindness toward me
AS-ALUKA BIKARAMIKA AN TAMUN-NA A'LAY-YA
مِنْ عَطآئِكَ بِما تَقَرُّ بِهِ عَيْنِي،
Grant me that which will bring joy to my eyes,
MIN AT'AA-IKA BIMA TAQAR-RU BIHEE AYNEE
وَمِنْ رَجآئِكَ بِما تَطْمَئِنُّ بِهِ نَفْسِي،
And through hope in you, with that which will give serenity to my soul,
WA MIR-RAJAAA-IKA BIMA TAT'-MA-IN-NU BIHEE NAF-SEE
وَمِنَ الْيَقِينِ بِما تُهَوِّنُ بِهِ عَلَيَّ مُصِيباتِ الدُّنْيا، وَتَجْلُو بِهِ عَنْ بَصِيرَتِي غَشَواتِ الْعَمى
through certainty with that which will make easy for me the afflictions of this world and lift from me the veils of blindness!
WA MINAL-YAQEENI BIMA TUHAW-WINU BIHEE A'LAY-YA MUS'EEBAATID-DUNYAA WA TAJ-LOO BIHEE A'N BAS'EERATEE GHASHAWAATIL-A'MAA
بِرَحْمَتِكَ يا أَرْحَمَ الرَّاحِمِينَ.
By your mercy, O Most Merciful of the merciful!
BIRAH'-MATIKA YAAA AR-H'AMAR-RAAH'IMEEN

 

[zahra67]

I am very interested in mysticism, which is why I describe myself as a Catholic-Buddhist-Sufi-Jewish-Hindu Quaker. The core of the mystical experience in many different religions involves peace and joy etc. I mean, someone who has a revelation of "God", in whatever form it takes. never concludes that God is Strife, Hatred, Cruelty and Deceit.

I have always longed for a mystical encounter with that Holy "Something" that others have encountered but it seems not to be my fate, so I have stumbled along in my quest for Enlightenment, hoping (yep, and praying) that my quest is not a hope, a dream and an illusion.

My religious experiences have always been ambiguous. Moments of grace, which might be coincidence, and fleeting feelings of "oneness"

I am beginning to think the key to mysticism is the commitment to Free Will, even if it is only called grit and determination. However, despite my efforts, I am still hounded by my baser impulses, even though I don't act on them. Sometimes I wonder if Enlightenment really exists.

as the supplications are very beautiful and spritual, i decided to send another my favorite one for you!

The Whispered Prayer of the Beseechers
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
In the Name of ALLAH, the All-compassionate
the All-merciful,
BIS-MIL-LAAHIR-RAH'-MAANIR-RAH'EEM
اللّهُمّ صَلّ عَلَى مُحَمّدٍ وَآلِ مُحَمّد
O Allah, send blessings on Muhammad and on the family of Muhammad, ALLAHUMMA S'ALE A'LAA MUHAMMAD WA AALE MUHAMMAD
إلهِي إنْ كانَ قَلَّ زادِي فِي الْمَسِيرِ إلَيْكَ، فَلَقَدْ حَسُنَ ظَنِّي بِالتَّوَكُّلِ عَلَيْكَ،
O! My God, even though my provisions to come close to you are few, my absolute trust in you has given me great expectations about you
ILAAHEEE IN KAANA QAL-LA ZAADEE FIL-MASEERI ILAY-KA FALAQAD H'ASUNA Z'AN-NEE BIT-TAWAK-KULI A'LAY-KA
وَإنْ كَانَ جُرْمِي قَدْ أَخافَنِي مِنْ عُقُوبَتِكَ، فَإنَّ رَجآئِي قَدْ أَشْعَرَنِي بِالأَمْنِ مِنْ نِقْمَتِكَ،
And If I am frightened by your punishment for the sins I have committed, my hope in you has given me that deep feeling of security
WA IN KAANA JUR-MEE QAD AKHAAFANEE MIN U'QOOBATIKA FA IN-NA RAJAAA-EE QAD ASH-A'RANEE BIL-AM-NI MIN-NAQIMATIKA
وَإنْ كانَ ذَنْبِي قَدْ عَرَّضَنِي لِعِقابِكَ، فَقَدْ آذَنَنِي حُسْنُ ثِقَتِي بِثَوابِكَ،
And if my sins have exposed me to your penalties, my compete trust in you has reminded me of your rewards.
WA IN KAANA D'AMBEE QAD A'R-RAZ''ANEE LII'QAABIKA FAQAD AAAD'ANANEE H'US-NU THIQATEE BITHAWAABIK
وَإنْ أَنامَتْنِي الْغَفْلَةُ عَنِ الاسْتِعْدادِ لِلِقآئِكَ، فَقَدْ نَبَّهَتْنِي الْمَعْرِفَةُ بِكَرَمِكَ وَآلائِكَ،
And if negligence has put me to sleep and unaware of the day of meeting, my awareness of your generosity and blessings has alerted me
WA IN ANAMAT-NEEL-GHAF-LATU A'NILIS-TIA'-DAADI LILIQAAA-IKA FAQAD NAB-BAHAT-NEEL-MAA'-RIFATU BIKARAMIKA WA AAALAAA-IKA
وَإنْ أَوْحَشَ ما بَيْنِي وَبَيْنَكَ فَرْطُ الْعِصْيانِ وَالطُّغْيانِ، فَقَدْ آنَسَنِي بُشْرَى الْغُفْرانِ وَالرِّضْوانِ،
And if my excessive disobedience and rebellion have distanced me from you, the glad tidings of forgiveness have made me to feel the intimate closeness to you.
WA IN AW-H'ASHA MAA BAY-NEE WA BAY-NAKA FAR-T'UL-I'S'-YAANI WAT'-T'UGH-YAANI FAQAD AAANASANEE BUSH-RAAL-GHUF-RAANI WAR-RIZ''-WAAN
أَسْأَلُكَ بِسُبُحاتِ وَجْهِكَ وَبِأَنْوارِ قُدْسِكَ،
So I ask you by the pure light of your face and the light of your holiness,
AS-ALUKA BISUBUH'AATI WAJ-HIKA WA BI ANWARI QUD-SIK
وَأَبْتَهِلُ إلَيْكَ بِعَوَاطِفِ رَحمَتِكَ وَلَطائِفِ بِرِّكَ، أَنْ تُحَقِّقَ ظَنِّي بِما أُؤمِّلُهُ مِنْ جَزِيلِ إكْرامِكَ،
And I beg you by the tenderness of your mercy and the gentleness of your goodness, to realize my hope in your great generosity
WA AB-TAHILU ILAY-KA BIA'WAAT'IFI RAH'-MATIKA WA LAT'AAA-IFI BIR-RIKA AN TUH'AQ-QIQA Z'AN-NEE BIMAAA OO-AM-MILUHOO MIN JAZEELI IK-RAAMIKA
وَجَمِيلِ إنْعامِكَ فِي الْقُرْبى مِنْكَ، وَالزُّلْفى لَدَيْكَ، وَالتَّمَتُّعِ بِالنَّظَرِ إلَيْكَ،
And your wonderful favors, through nearness to you, and to experience the sweetness of gazing at you!
WA JAMEELI IN-A'AMIKAFIL-QUR-BAA MINKA WAZ-ZUL-FAA LADAY-KA WAT-TAMAT-TUI' BIN-NAZ'ARI ILAY-K
وَها أَنَا مُتَعَرِّضٌ لِنَفَحاتِ رَوْحِكَ وَعَطْفِكَ،
So Here I am, exposing myself to the breezes of your mercy and grace
WA HAAA ANAMUTAA'R-RIZ''UL-LINAFAH'AATI RAW-H'IKA WA A'T'-FIKA
وَمُنْتَجِعٌ غَيْثَ جُودِكَ وَلُطْفِكَ،
Having the opportunity to feel the raindrops of your generosity and gentleness,
WA MUNTAJIU'N GHAYTHA JOODIKA WALUT-FIKA
فَارٌّ مِنْ سَخَطِكَ إلى رِضاكَ،
fleeing from your anger straight to your pleasure
FAR-RU MIN SAKHAT'IKA ILAA RIZ''AAK
هارِبٌ مِنْكَ إلَيْكَ،
And fleeing from you (anger) to you, (forgiveness)
HAARIBUM-MINKA ILAY-K
راج أَحْسَنَ ما لَدَيْكَ
Hoping to receive for the best in your treasures
RAAJIN AH'-SANA MAA LADAY-K
مُعَوِّلٌ عَلى مَواهِبِكَ،
Relying upon your loving gifts
MUA'W-WILUN A'LAA MAWAHIBIKA
مُفْتَقِرٌ إلى رِعايَتِكَ.
Utterly reliant toward your guardianship
MUF-TAQIRUN ILAA RIA'AYATIK
ما بَدَأْتَ بِهِ مِنْ فَضْلِكَ فَتَمِّمْهُ إلهِي
My God, complete The favors and blessings on me that you have started
ILAAHEE MAA BADAA-TA BIHEE MIN FAZ''-LIKA FATAM-MIM-HOO
وَما وَهَبْتَ لِي مِنْ كَرَمِكَ فَلا تَسْلُبْهُ،
And do not take away the generous gifts that you have granted
WA MAA WAHAB-TA LEE MIN KARAMIKA FALAA TAS-LUB-H
وَما سَتَرْتَهُ عَلَيَّ بِحِلْمِكَ فَلا تَهْتِكْهُ،
Tear not away what you have covered over me through your clemency!
WA MAA SATAR-TAHOO A'LAY-YA BIH'IL-MIKA FALA TAH-TIK-H
وَما عَلِمْتَهُ مِنْ قَبِيحِ فِعْلِي فَاغْفِرْهُ.
And forgive my bad actions, which you very well know of
WA MAA A'LIM-TAHOO MIN QABEEHEE FIA'-LEE FAGH-FIR-H
إلهِي اسْتَشْفَعْتُ بِكَ إلَيْكَ
My God, I ask you to be my intercessor
ILAAHEE IS-TASH-FAA'-TU BIKA ILAY-K
وَاسْتَجَرْتُ بِكَ مِنْكَ
and I ask you to give me shelter
WAS-TAJAR-TU BIKA MINKA
أَتَيْتُك طامِعَاً فِي إحْسانِكَ،َ
I have come to you craving for your beneficence
ATAY-TUK T'AAMIA'NA FEEE IH'-SAANIK
راغِباً فِي امْتِنانِكَ،
desiring for your kindness,
RAGHIBAN FIM-TINANIK
مُسْتَسْقِياً وابِلَ طَوْلِكَ
seeking water of generosity from the overflow of your graciousness,
MUS-TAS-QEEAW-WAABILA T'AW-LIK
مُسْتَمْطِراً غَمامَ فَضْلِكَ،
Begging for rain from the clouds of your bounty,
MUS-TAM-T'IRANA GHAMAAMA FAZ''-LIK
طالِباً مَرْضاتِكَ،
requesting for your pleasure,
T'AALIBAM-MAR-Z''AATAK
قاصِدَاً جَنابَكَ،
going straight to your side,
QAAS'IDANA JANAABAK
وارِداً شَرِيعَةَ رِفْدِكَ،
arriving at the watering-place of your support,
WAARIDANA SHAREEA'TA RIF-DIK
مُلْتَمِساً سَنِيَّ الْخَيْراتِ مِنْ عِنْدِكَ،
seeking glorious good things from your quarter,
MULTAMISANA SANEE-YAL-KHAYRATI MIN INDIK
وافِدَاً إلى حَضْرَةِ جَمالِكَ،
reaching for the presence of your beauty,
WAAFIDAN ILA H'AZ''-RATI JAMAALIK
مُرِيداً وَجْهَكَ،
Desiring to see your face,
MUREEDAW-WAJ-HAK
طارِقاً بابَكَ،
knocking at your door,
T'AARIQAM-BAABAK
مُسْتَكِيناً لِعَظَمَتِكَ وَجَلالِكَ،
abasing myself before your might and majesty!
MUS-TAKEENAL-LIA'Z'AMATIKA WA JALAALIKA
فَافْعَلْ بِي ما أَنْتَ أَهْلُهُ مِنَ الْمَغْفِرَةِ وَالرَّحْمَةِ،
So act toward me with the forgiveness and mercy of which you are worthy!
FAF-A'L BEE MAAA ANTA AH-LUHOO MINAL-MAGH-FIRATI WAR-RAH'-MATI
وَلا تَفْعَلْ بِي ما أَنَا أَهْلُهُ مِنَ الْعَذابِ وَالنِّقْمَةِ
And act not toward me with the punishment and vengeance of which I am worthy!
WA LAA TAF-A'L BEE MAAA ANA AH-LUHOO MINAL-A'D'AABI WAN-NIQ-MATI
بِرَحْمَتِكَ يا أَرْحَمَ الرَّاحِمِينَ.
By Thy mercy, O Most Merciful of the merciful!
BIRAH'-MATIKA YAAA AR-H'AMAR-RAAH'IMEEN