Everyday Biphobia

[Smart_Guy]

So many -sexual prefixes.

Now, bisexuality means interest in two genders, hence the bi prefix. What are those two genders? Are they fixed two specific genders? If not, should the same terminology be used?

 

[Shadow Wolf]

So many -sexual prefixes.

Now, bisexuality means interest in two genders, hence the bi prefix. What are those two genders? Are they fixed two specific genders? If not, should the same terminology be used?

Bisexuals are attracted to both men and women. Some have a preference towards one or the other, some don't. For some it's where the connection lies.
In the strictest meaning of the prefix, it would imply a person who is both heterosexual and homosexual, and because bi- means two, bisexual combines both hetero and homosexual into one word.

 

[gsa]

So many -sexual prefixes.

Now, bisexuality means interest in two genders, hence the bi prefix. What are those two genders? Are they fixed two specific genders? If not, should the same terminology be used?

It means attraction to men and women; I've not seen it used to describe an attraction to any third sex.

 

[Drolefille]

Bisexuals are attracted to both men and women. Some have a preference towards one or the other, some don't. For some it's where the connection lies.
In the strictest meaning of the prefix, it would imply a person who is both heterosexual and homosexual, and because bi- means two, bisexual combines both hetero and homosexual into one word.

With the caveat that hetero means different and homo means same, therefore a bisexual being both is attracted to the same as well as different sexes. Not just to men or women.

It means attraction to men and women; I've not seen it used to describe an attraction to any third sex.

Incorrect. It is rarely used to support a gender binary. If one is attracted to some but not all genders I'd suggest using the term polysexual, just as I use the term monosexual to describe anyone only attracted to one sex/gender.

I prefer pansexual as a label for myself but bisexual is just as inclusive in practice.

 

[gsa]

.


Incorrect. It is rarely used to support a gender binary. If one is attracted to some but not all genders I'd suggest using the term polysexual, just as I use the term monosexual to describe anyone only attracted to one sex/gender.

I prefer pansexual as a label for myself but bisexual is just as inclusive in practice.

Sorry, but bisexuality, as a word, has an etymology that is profoundly binary when it comes to gender. I agree that it doesn't realistically foreclose attraction to other categories, but it also isn't describing that. The same is true with heterosexuality and homosexuality; they can also be attracted to other categories.

Activists insist on the definition you suggest but that's not how the term is usually used, and it is not yet a true term of art; the Bi is referencing sex, understood to be male and female.

 

[illykitty]

Fears are human. And people like stability, certainties. and I do too.
Honestly, the fact that the person you love likes both sexes is not reassuring, because you will always be afraid of losing them.

How is that different from any relationship? Any person of any orientation could be affraid to lose their partner to another too. I don't understand at all.

I'm a bisexual and I'm married to a man. We're monogamous and I never cheated nor thought of doing so. Do I get phases of when I feel more attracted to women? Yes. I deal with it in a way that's respecting our relationship boundaries. I would never cheat on someone, loyalty is one of the most important things to me.

Where did this whole bi = cheater thing come from? I don't get it. Maybe this fear says more about you than about me.

 

[gsa]

Also, I really find the term "monosexual" annoying and borderline offensive when used to suggest it is somehow more liberating to be bisexual because homosexuality and heterosexuality are somehow restricting. Use of that term while insisting bisexuality carries the same meaning as pansexual, and complaining of bisexual erasure, is not doing anyone much good.

 

[Smart_Guy]

If there is "monosexuality", does that mean there is "stereosexuality"?

 

[Rick O'Shez]

"stereosexuality"?

"Bi-fi"?

<sound of hedgehog scampering off to hide in hedgerow>

 

[Estro Felino]

Which is why some people make the distinction between romantic (love) and sexual (lust) feelings. Still does not make one any less Bi.

You may not want to sound judgmental, but you do. And for your information, not everyone is proud of their sexuality, so they hide it. We live in a world of "difference shaming". I hid my bisexuality for years, because I was ashamed of it. Not because it wasn't what I was, I just didn't like it. Wanted to be "normal". Not so much of a problem now, thank goodness.

I'm sorry, it must have been difficult for you. And besides, we all know that the cultural context you live in is very puritan.

In my cultural context, people can't stand that people do things secretly. People must live their sexuality aboveboard. One time two people I barely knew talked behind my back, and I learned of this conversation thanks to a friend of mine.

- It's disgusting that all men are fond of each other, it's a shame.
- You see, I think that the tall dark-haired guy, Ginnie's friend, is a very good person, though. At least he does everything aboveboard.
- He has nothing to do with the people I was talking about. I was talking about pigs, nasty men. That guy was born that way, poor little thing.


I was the guy.

 

[Nyingjé Tso]

Well... A "nice" exemple that happened recently, since I came out of the closet:

My parents when I tell them I go out with a man:

mom: "omagawsh omagawsh what's his name ? Where did you met ? How ? Show me a photo, show me a photo ! Is he gorgeous ? Oh wait, am gonna look for his facebook, maybe there are plenty or pictures.... Oooooh not baaad, so, tell me more about him ! You love him ? Oh it's so adorable, I want to meet your lover !"

Dad: "......................"


My parents when I tell them I go out with a woman and when they realize I am bi:

Mom: *cold tone* "Oh. So, you're a ***** eater ? Pfff, I always knew you would end up doing disgusting things, you never put make up or anything like a normal feminine woman would do. Anyway, so what, you just eat and lick eat others ***** ? How can you like this, you must be lacking some good old penetration you know, must be extremely unsatisfying eh ?"

me: "Mom, I am in love with her, this is not at all about sex. You're being rude, and since you didn't asked for it, her name is *name*"

Mom: "An arab name ? Oh greaaat, you got a muslim girl ! *ironic* Congratulation ! So when you'll be done eating each others ***** you will get back to the normal things: a penis ! This is just a phase, you just want to attract attention, like always !"

Dad: "....................................."

..... And since then she doesn't talk to me anymore, or only yell insults at me. And I have to pretend to everyone I am straight. And since I assume completely my bisexuality, I don't pretend am straight. And she treats me more and more like ****.

Yay for tolerance guuuuuuys.

 

[Estro Felino]

In any case, it is just cruel and dehumanizing to judge a real, specific person by a general tendency, even taking for granted that it exists in the first place (something I find exceedingly unlikely). People establish friendships and relationships with other people, not with their statistical likelihoods. Nor with their genders alone.

You know...I am really intolerant when people do things secretly. It doesn't bother me at all if people are polyamorous of if they have threesome sex, etc....as long as they say it.
Because it's squalid to let people believe that you are something you are not

 

[LuisDantas]

You know...I am really intolerant when people do things secretly. It doesn't bother me at all if people are polyamorous of if they have threesome sex, etc....as long as they say it.
Because it's squalid to let people believe that you are something you are not

I do sympathise, but more often than not homosexuality and bisexuality are not hidden out of personal preference. There are some very difficult and unfair social and family situations happening out there. Many people really have little in the way of choice here.

 

[Estro Felino]

I do sympathise, but more often than not homosexuality and bisexuality are not hidden out of personal preference. There are some very difficult and unfair social and family situations happening out there. Many people really have little in the way of choice here.

actually they do choose. They prefer to pretend in order not to lose friends or the social respect. This is a choice to me.

 

[LuisDantas]

In the same way as resisting assault or surviving is a choice, is that what you mean?

 

[Estro Felino]

In the same way as resisting assault or surviving is a choice, is that what you mean?

with all due respect, comparing social life and gossiping with crimes, is a bit unfair

 

[LuisDantas]

with all due respect, comparing social life and gossiping with crimes, is a bit unfair

I fear you may be underestimating the true impact of social rejection. It can and has driven people to suicide.

 

[The Hammer]

Also, I really find the term "monosexual" annoying and borderline offensive when used to suggest it is somehow more liberating to be bisexual because homosexuality and heterosexuality are somehow restricting. Use of that term while insisting bisexuality carries the same meaning as pansexual, and complaining of bisexual erasure, is not doing anyone much good.

I have never heard "monosexual" used in a way that is meant to show that bisexuality is better. The only time I see monosexual used is in relation to a view that does not see sexuality as a spectrum, but sees it as this one (hetero) or that one (homo), hence "mono", which completely removes other sexualities from the mix.

 

[The Hammer]

Well... A "nice" exemple that happened recently, since I came out of the closet:

My parents when I tell them I go out with a man:

mom: "omagawsh omagawsh what's his name ? Where did you met ? How ? Show me a photo, show me a photo ! Is he gorgeous ? Oh wait, am gonna look for his facebook, maybe there are plenty or pictures.... Oooooh not baaad, so, tell me more about him ! You love him ? Oh it's so adorable, I want to meet your lover !"

Dad: "......................"


My parents when I tell them I go out with a woman and when they realize I am bi:

Mom: *cold tone* "Oh. So, you're a ***** eater ? Pfff, I always knew you would end up doing disgusting things, you never put make up or anything like a normal feminine woman would do. Anyway, so what, you just eat and lick eat others ***** ? How can you like this, you must be lacking some good old penetration you know, must be extremely unsatisfying eh ?"

me: "Mom, I am in love with her, this is not at all about sex. You're being rude, and since you didn't asked for it, her name is *name*"

Mom: "An arab name ? Oh greaaat, you got a muslim girl ! *ironic* Congratulation ! So when you'll be done eating each others ***** you will get back to the normal things: a penis ! This is just a phase, you just want to attract attention, like always !"

Dad: "....................................."

..... And since then she doesn't talk to me anymore, or only yell insults at me. And I have to pretend to everyone I am straight. And since I assume completely my bisexuality, I don't pretend am straight. And she treats me more and more like ****.

Yay for tolerance guuuuuuys.

I'm so sorry to hear that. That sounds like a really disappointing thing to have to hear from your Mom. Hopefully she comes to terms with it, sooner rather then later.

 

[Rick O'Shez]

Yay for tolerance guuuuuuys.

Sorry to hear about this it must be awful. Any understanding from your wider family?