Everyday Biphobia

[Thruve]

Well apparently people had sex with monkeys, so that goes to show anything and everything is possible. Just hit up craigslist.

 

[Drolefille]

Well apparently people had sex with monkeys, so that goes to show anything and everything is possible. Just hit up craigslist.

 

[columbus]

Yes, thanks. I can see it's quite a complicated question!

I think all the research money gets used up trying to define bisexuality and then controlling for people getting aroused because someone is paying attention to their state of arousal.

Tom

 

[Revoltingest]

You know what, I think you're actually flirting with @MysticSang'ha and think that this isn't noticeable.

I thought he was flirting with me!

 

[-Peacemaker-]

You know what, I think you're actually flirting with @MysticSang'ha and think that this isn't noticeable.


.

No sense in even trying that. I know I'm way out of her league

 

[-Peacemaker-]

I do have a respectful question for you Shadow: Did you ever seek secular treatment for this "condition"? If so, what did it consist of?

 

[Uberpod]

How can you be sure they aren't? Looks like we just have to take their word for it.

I will remain an agnostic on this issue until more evidence comes in.

 

[Uberpod]

I have been a male bisexual for 12 years, is that long haul enough? Or is there some specific timeline I need to follow to be "truly bisexual"?

Would you be willing to be tested with a plethysmograph?

How long does a person have to "be gay" before they are gay for the long haul? How long does a person have to "be straight", before they are straight for the long haul?

People are who they are all along. But, you should note that I know closet cases who lasted three times that length of time

 

[LuisDantas]

Gotcha. I was slightly concerned you were going down Peacemaker's "mannish face" route.

Everything is possible until evidenced against, I suppose. But I like to think I'm unlikely to go there.

 

[Drolefille]

Everything is possible until evidenced against, I suppose. But I like to think I'm unlikely to go there.

I thought it unlikely of you, and that's why I figured instead of replying like that I'd give you the benefit of the doubt to clarify

I will remain an agnostic on this issue until more evidence comes in.

Please see the link I posted to both a news article AND the referenced study dated in 2011 that had entirely different results.

 

[Uberpod]

By the way that 2005 study that was listed to prove male bisexuality didn't exist... old news.

It's not old news. It is data that still needs to be accounted for.

Essentially they changed how they selected their participants - people who'd had relationships with both men and women and then demonstrated that they were aroused by both.

Yes.

Additionally they showed that men tend to be more aroused by one or the other - although that isn't necessarily a permanent thing, it could switch - whereas even straight or lesbian women tend to be aroused by both sexes.

They did not show this (in bold); they offer this a suggestion.

The key here isn't to say "male bisexuals don't exist" or "all women are bisexual" because neither of these is true. Male bisexuals clearly exist, despite a small sample size, the standard is does this phenomenon occur, which it does. Prevalence will be another matter. Similarly arousal by videos of both men and women doesn't mean all women actually want to have sex with both men and women. So clearly the arousal itself isn't indicative of orientation as we would define it.

What would it mean to you if only one in a hundred of self-proclaimed bisexual males had the arousal pattern? What do you make of the fact that males with an arousal pattern for both genders invariably have one gender where their level of arousal is quite minimal?

From your study:

Even bisexual men’s arousal patterns were not completely undifferentiated, however. Their genital Minimum Arousal averaged approximately half of their arousal to the more arousing sex, suggesting a marked preference for stimuli of one sex

 

[Smart_Guy]

Mystic is so sweet

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I do have a respectful question for you Shadow: Did you ever seek secular treatment for this "condition"? If so, what did it consist of?

I'm in therapy for it now. This being the early parts of it, I'm still have one or two more sessions of my therapist getting background information to make a diagnosis. Next month I'll be starting on facial hair removal, and either that month or the next I may be starting on hormones. The hormones also require regular blood work, as estrogen comes with some heightened risks, one of which is blood clots (testosterone also comes with risks, such as an increased chance of heart disease). The hormones also cause a lose in body hair, fat redistribution, make it harder to loose weight but easier to retain it, bring about secondary sex characteristics, make the skin softer, but also dryer due to the fat redistribution, and also causes you to become more emotional. I don't know yet how much more, but some of what I've read suggests to have a box of tissues in every room because your emotions can become very difficult to control and overwhelming at times.There is also my voice to work on, which is one of the few things in transitioning that does not cost money. I'm planning on being full time by the time I start grad school, but I'm also use to delays. But because I'll be out the Bible Belt, at a university where transsexuals are generally more welcome and accepted, and in Canada where transsexuals have some degree of legal protections (school is also cheaper in Canada, takes less time, and the move is also party politically driven), and because socially I'll be starting with a mostly blank slate, the hesitations and axieties I have about starting full time here may not be as severe.
Add in that having Asperger's means you lack empathy, your emotions are already harder to control, and changing routines is not fun or easy, and social skills and behavior are much harder to learn, which has not only had my therapist remind me a few times it is going to be especially hard for, it has put me on the verge of a mental meltdown over the past couple of months.
But it's also already come with a lot of smiles. Being able to be who you are, and accepted for it, is a very wonderful feeling. Having supportive, and even encouraging friends is also wonderful. One of my friends, she told that even though we are too old for a slumber party, she was going to throw one anyways so that I could at least say I've been to one. It was a lot of fun.

 

[The Hammer]

Would you be willing to be tested with a plethysmograph?

People are who they are all along. But, you should note that I know closet cases who lasted three times that length of time

Yes

Your first line was what I was getting at. People are who they are, I understand the purpose of scientific study, but why not just take people at their word about their sexuality?

Some bisexuals are more attracted to one gender over another, does not make them any less bisexual, and it doesn't mean their bisexuality is not real because they don't have equal attraction to both genders.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Yes

Your first line was what I was getting at. People are who they are, I understand the purpose of scientific study, but why not just take people at their word about their sexuality?

Some bisexuals are more attracted to one gender over another, does not make them any less bisexual, and it doesn't mean their bisexuality is not real because they don't have equal attraction to both genders.

FWIW, I hear you. Male bisexuals have it WAY worse that female bisexuals when it comes to bi-erasure and ignoring/falsifying bi-orientation at every turn.

 

[The Hammer]

FWIW, I hear you. Male bisexuals have it WAY worse that female bisexuals when it comes to bi-erasure and ignoring/falsifying bi-orientation at every turn.

Yup, they do. And people wonder why I just stay "closeted" mostly. Blegh. This thread shows the same transphobia and bierasure that is regularly happening in the world. Its irritating. I shouldn't have to "prove my orientation" to anyone but myself and my partner.

 

[Revoltingest]

Yup, they do. And people wonder why I just stay "closeted" mostly. Blegh. This thread shows the same transphobia and bierasure that is regularly happening in the world. Its irritating. I shouldn't have to "prove my orientation" to anyone but myself and my partner.

I must step in, & lecture:
Don't prove.
Just be.

 

[Robert.Evans]

For discussion only, y'all.

This thread is created for the purpose of sharing stories either personal or academic that exemplifies the biphobia, transphobia, and monosexism in our everyday lives. I'm inviting stories of transphobia into this thread as well since I offer the inclusion of gender-pervasiveness (all one or all another) in regards to identity and attraction. If one does not agree with this inclusion, I apologize and offer no ill will. Gender roles, expecting one pair to have a "male" and a "female" in the relationship to help define traditional ideas of attraction and relationships, both perpetuate the nuances that are present in how biphobic our culture is.

I'll start.

Since I decided to start introducing in the typical "homosexuality=bad" threads the fact of bi-erasure, the posts continue to look over bisexuals completely, and focus on a monosexist narrative of either/or. I wind up seeing over and over again that in spite of the decreasing hostility - in numbers at least - against same sex relationships, bisexuals are ignored completely. Within the LGBTQ community itself, bisexuals are continually told we are not really who we say we are. We're Lesbians Until Graduation, fodder for threesomes, or we're just one foot out of the closet completely by feigning bisexuality until we feel good enough to reveal that we're really gay.

I don't know how else to describe my experiences except that I'm attracted to whomever I'm attracted to. Not too long ago, I was out with friends, and the person I was chatting with turned to introduce me to somebody I had seen walking past me earlier. She was walking past, and I merely noticed that she was walking close by and had to edge around the crowd. When I was introduced, we locked eyes, and that SPARK that instantaneously occurs happened. We began talking, and all I wanted was for us to keep talking and getting to know each other. Then she said she needed to get back to her friends, smiled at me, and I longed to find her again.

One of the friends I was with noticed the eyes locking. He mentioned aloud that she and I should have started making out. Another women said, "OMG, that would be so HOT." And I found myself being an object (again) for other people's fantasies. Ironically, they don't know about my orientation.

I left early last night. It stopped being fun at that point.

Rant away, peeps.

Do you want me to answer... haha.

We all answer to God. You do what you do, whether you deem it right or wrong, then you answer. If you wish to think certain things are normal, then I don't. I think it is a sick western world that tries to normalise it.

Having said that, people are what they are.

My answer is that we live in our own area/sector so that no one bothers the next. Then you are free to do, as everyone else would be, whatever you want. (then answer to God). Just sayin.

 

[-Peacemaker-]

I'm in therapy for it now. This being the early parts of it, I'm still have one or two more sessions of my therapist getting background information to make a diagnosis. Next month I'll be starting on facial hair removal, and either that month or the next I may be starting on hormones. The hormones also require regular blood work, as estrogen comes with some heightened risks, one of which is blood clots (testosterone also comes with risks, such as an increased chance of heart disease). The hormones also cause a lose in body hair, fat redistribution, make it harder to loose weight but easier to retain it, bring about secondary sex characteristics, make the skin softer, but also dryer due to the fat redistribution, and also causes you to become more emotional. I don't know yet how much more, but some of what I've read suggests to have a box of tissues in every room because your emotions can become very difficult to control and overwhelming at times.There is also my voice to work on, which is one of the few things in transitioning that does not cost money. I'm planning on being full time by the time I start grad school, but I'm also use to delays. But because I'll be out the Bible Belt, at a university where transsexuals are generally more welcome and accepted, and in Canada where transsexuals have some degree of legal protections (school is also cheaper in Canada, takes less time, and the move is also party politically driven), and because socially I'll be starting with a mostly blank slate, the hesitations and axieties I have about starting full time here may not be as severe.
Add in that having Asperger's means you lack empathy, your emotions are already harder to control, and changing routines is not fun or easy, and social skills and behavior are much harder to learn, which has not only had my therapist remind me a few times it is going to be especially hard for, it has put me on the verge of a mental meltdown over the past couple of months.
But it's also already come with a lot of smiles. Being able to be who you are, and accepted for it, is a very wonderful feeling. Having supportive, and even encouraging friends is also wonderful. One of my friends, she told that even though we are too old for a slumber party, she was going to throw one anyways so that I could at least say I've been to one. It was a lot of fun.

what about therapy to help you accept the body you were born with? Are you telling me secular "medicine" doesn't offer this to people who identify as transsexual?

 

[MysticSang'ha]

No sense in even trying that. I know I'm way out of her league

I'm easy, but I'm not cheap. Just keep that in mind.