"Feminine" or Emotional Men

[Paranoid Android]

I have heard some women say about there partner that they want to share there emotions with them. Now, personally, I do but not with everyone. So take this as constructive criticism, but people seem to go through there life like they are asleep, especially men.
Now, I don't know if this perception comes because I have Bipolar Disorder, but I really see men ( and women too !) deal with perceived problems either nonchalantly, or I get the feeling they really couldn't give !@#$%^&*()_ . I am surprised by there ability to deal with problems that way.
But touching on men's inability to share there emotions with a female or male partner, do you feel like women are given permission to express there emotion ? Do you believe, as I do, that society wants you to "be a man" and suck it up ? Do you also believe because men do not have either the vocabulary or the "permission" to get emotional ( angry/ sad / whatever), that men do the majority of violent crimes ?
Let me hear your opinion.

 

[Bunyip]

I think we have really messed up notions of what is manly, and what is feminine.
It is manly to be emotional, nurturing, intuitive - women can be strong, determined and powerful.

 

[Curious George]

I have heard some women say about there partner that they want to share there emotions with them. Now, personally, I do but not with everyone. So take this as constructive criticism, but people seem to go through there life like they are asleep, especially men.
Now, I don't know if this perception comes because I have Bipolar Disorder, but I really see men ( and women too !) deal with perceived problems either nonchalantly, or I get the feeling they really couldn't give !@#$%^&*()_ . I am surprised by there ability to deal with problems that way.
But touching on men's inability to share there emotions with a female or male partner, do you feel like women are given permission to express there emotion ? Do you believe, as I do, that society wants you to "be a man" and suck it up ? Do you also believe because men do not have either the vocabulary or the "permission" to get emotional ( angry/ sad / whatever), that men do the majority of violent crimes ?
Let me hear your opinion.

I think people don't want to hear complaints or people to openly share in general.

When it comes to intimate partners this changes a little.

Now pursuing a chicken or egg thought process, I have been told by women that "I do not emote." Sure, I get stressed and cranky every now and again, but I don't get outwardly sad or angry too often (nearly never actually). As a child this was true as well. I laugh a lot, but I can't really say that I am or ever was overjoyed either. I like to think of myself as content, but occasionally feel irritable, snippy, frustrated, guilty, or stressed. However, I most often feel, well, surreal.

Are these muted emotions that have been socialized into me? I am not sure. I was an easy going child with a propensity to argue. Before that, I am told that I was an easy going baby who rarely cried. So, I am not sure whether I have always been as I am with emotions. I can remember, on occasion getting mad (usually my brother was involved) or overwhelmed with sadness. But these experiences are extremely few.

When I break up with a lover, I feel sorry for her if she is upset, but I don't feel sad. When a lover breaks up with me I have always been able to understand her reasoning so I am not too bothered. I acutely feel others emotions when I am around people, but it is in concert with my general surreal feeling so it is not overwhelming or consuming.

I don't feel or think there is anything wrong with crying, or yelling, or even fighting, so I tend to think that any socialization that guys need to man-up is no longer present, but whether such was at one time and changed how I process emotions is possible.

 

[Laika]

Do you believe, as I do, that society wants you to "be a man" and suck it up ? Do you also believe because men do not have either the vocabulary or the "permission" to get emotional ( angry/ sad / whatever), that men do the majority of violent crimes ?

Yes. Absolutely. The "suck it up" mentality is directly responsible for men having a higher proportion of depression and sucicide AND not seeking help for it. I also agree with you that it does make men more prone to violence because of how we store up our emotions. its very unhealthy.

So take this as constructive criticism, but people seem to go through there life like they are asleep, especially men.

I confess I somewhat envy these people. being "awake" (most) of the time and noticing things that you aren't supposed to see is a drag. you end up fighting battles people don't care about and don't notice, all the while growing further apart from the rest of the crowd. the nawing sense of distance from the "norms" of behaviour eats away at you even if you realise its the right thing to do.

But touching on men's inability to share there emotions with a female or male partner, do you feel like women are given permission to express there emotion ?

Yes and no. women can be more emotional, but often the sterotype is it is "shallow" and can therefore be "trivialised" as the femme fatale and as natural victims, whilst the 'manly' men are supposed to see through the emotions and "get stuff done". I don't think either men or women are really allowed to express authentically what they feel. they are both cajoled into gender roles in which being emotional is seen as a weakness and being an A-hole is a strength.

 

[psychoslice]

I personally hate all this crap about men and women, we are all the same, we only are different between the legs, what's the big problem ??.

 

[vaguelyhumanoid]

I'm extremely emotional, and don't hide it at all. I have both masculine and feminine qualities, and wouldn't have it any other way. The notion that a Real Man has to suppress his basic human feelings is extremely harmful. It also seems really screwy to me taken in conjunction with the notion that men are all hypersexual. Isn't sexuality one of the most emotionally intense aspects of life?

I personally hate all this crap about men and women, we are all the same, we only are different between the legs, what's the big problem ??.

"Sex is between your legs, gender is between your ears."

 

[psychoslice]

I'm extremely emotional, and don't hide it at all. I have both masculine and feminine qualities, and wouldn't have it any other way. The notion that a Real Man has to suppress his basic human feelings is extremely harmful. It also seems really screwy to me taken in conjunction with the notion that men are all hypersexual. Isn't sexuality one of the most emotionally intense aspects of life?



"Sex is between your legs, gender is between your ears."

Yes and that is why I agree with you, true emotionality is within us all.

 

[MARCELLO]

That's me,been never into sports ( sports rather than working out in gym to shape body seems fighting and brutal to me) .
I can cook better than housevives( it's their comment)
My house is as clean as a science lab.

I wear gucci even in a contruction site.
I love opera and bale.
I find it rude to shout at people.
And i am a man

 

[jonathan180iq]

I deal with issues on my own, mostly because of how my younger life played out and how much I value independence in myself and in others - but that's not a sexist thing. I simply feel that all people should be able to deal with problems without getting irrational or conflating the issues - this applies to both men and women. Being calm and rational isn't a sexist thing; it's a human thing.

Irrational people are irrational - not because they are men or because they are women, but because that's how they are.
Emotional people are emotional - not because they are men or because they are women, but just because that's how they are.
Apply this to any trait and it should follow the same pattern.

Anyone can be a dick, regardless of sex, you know what I'm saying?

 

[Bunyip]

I raised a baby in my own, he is 17 now and an absolutely awesome kid. He got heaps of cuddles and lovin', I worked in the timber industry at the time. So what is my masculine self? The guy with the chainsaw, or the baby daddy with the nappy bag?

 

[notsoplainJane]

I see a lot of it in my husband. He was raised with to "suck it up" and "men don't cry". It's taken over ten years of marriage for me to break through this barrier but I know now that he was taught to repressed all emotions for fear of being ostracized by everyone, especially his dad. I've heard other men say stupid things like don't like a boy child cry so he doesn't grow up to be a wussy man.
To me, a real man is just that; one that can be real with his feelings and emotions and not hide everything.

There is definitely this push for men to "man up". It's changing and slowly going away, but it's still there.

 

[notsoplainJane]

And good for you Bunyip for showing both sides; that's the true man. The one that shows ALL sides of his character.

 

[Bunyip]

I see a lot of it in my husband. He was raised with to "suck it up" and "men don't cry". It's taken over ten years of marriage for me to break through this barrier but I know now that he was taught to repressed all emotions for fear of being ostracized by everyone, especially his dad. I've heard other men say stupid things like don't like a boy child cry so he doesn't grow up to be a wussy man.
To me, a real man is just that; one that can be real with his feelings and emotions and not hide everything.

There is definitely this push for men to "man up". It's changing and slowly going away, but it's still there.

The inference is that women are weak, and that crying is thus anathema.
When I moved states about ten years ago, one of my buddies who looked a lot like a strategically shaven bear was balling his eyes out. I remember that as a truly powerful moment, not something to ever mock him for - what more sincere tribute could there be?

 

[MARCELLO]

By the way ,I frequently see people talking about a real man or a real woman . Does that mean people who are not real woman/man are hybrids or robots?

 

[Bunyip]

By the way ,I frequently see people talking about a real man or a real woman . Does that mean people who are not real woman/man are hybrids or robots?

LOL. Yes.

It means they are sort of like margarine, not butter.

 

[Bunyip]

Thinking about this further,, the transvestites who lead the stonewall riots and the gay activism movement are about the bravest, toughest, most fearless men I ever met.

Would you have the guts to walk down your main street in a dress?

 

[notsoplainJane]

Thinking about this further,, the transvestites who lead the stonewall riots and the gay activism movement are about the bravest, toughest, most fearless men I ever met.

Would you have the guts to walk down your main street in a dress?

Yes

But seriously, no. I don't know that I , or any males in my life, would have this kind of courage and conviction.

 

[Bunyip]

Yes

But seriously, no. I don't know that I , or any males in my life, would have this kind of courage and conviction.

Nor would I.

 

[notsoplainJane]

What about the so called "masculine" women. In some cases, I almost think it's a double edged sword for us. If we hide our
Emotions like men, then we are labeled as b!t@hes, but if we let them out we are weak and need a big, strong man to protect us.

 

[Paranoid Android]

I have heard some women say about there partner that they want to share there emotions with them. Now, personally, I do but not with everyone. So take this as constructive criticism, but people seem to go through there life like they are asleep, especially men.
Now, I don't know if this perception comes because I have Bipolar Disorder, but I really see men ( and women too !) deal with perceived problems either nonchalantly, or I get the feeling they really couldn't give !@#$%^&*()_ . I am surprised by there ability to deal with problems that way.
But touching on men's inability to share there emotions with a female or male partner, do you feel like women are given permission to express there emotion ? Do you believe, as I do, that society wants you to "be a man" and suck it up ? Do you also believe because men do not have either the vocabulary or the "permission" to get emotional ( angry/ sad / whatever), that men do the majority of violent crimes ?
Let me hear your opinion.

I think males have to be given a place to express there emotions. It is, IMO, irrational to assume that males don't feel emotions. By not teaching or giving young boys the vocabulary to express what they are feeling, they impose an artificial disability on them. Emotions don't go away; they grow more powerful in the silence until the young boy or man feels he has no option but to express it physically in crime or violence.
That was my problem. As a youth, I would fight anyone, anywhere. I didn't care if you were in class, out of class-I didn't care. To deal with the anger, rage and hatred I felt for others I would attack you. The seething sea of negativity would grow until I couldn't control myself and I would attack the person I felt so much anger, hatred and contempt for.
We need to start teaching boys to express themselves. We need to give the vocabulary to express the exact emotion. With a limited vocabulary, you can't put your finger on the exact emotion your feeling. For instance, young boys need to be able to tell the difference between anger and rage. Anger, yeah, you're ticked off but you won't do anything. Rage, however, means more than likely you will do something .