Flirting vs. Sexual Harassment

[Koldo]

If you don't know whether the advance would be welcome, you shouldn't make advances toward your co-workers.

This doesn't change if you have trouble telling whether someone would welcome your advances.

Why not ?

You should have no expectation that your workplace will provide you with a pool of potential dates or relationship partners.

I don't have any idea as to why you have mentioned this. I don't think one should have any expectations of this kind either.

 

[Estro Felino]

Is your anecdote about one time that it worked out for you supposed to it's not generally a good idea to hit on your co-workers?

Ok. But I need to understand why it is not a good idea

 

[Koldo]

The problem isn't with dating; the problem is with unwelcome advances.

Why would there be a concern with unwelcome advances ? If one person has already made it clear he doesn't want to have any other sort of relationship with his co-worker, then sure. In that case it becomes troublesome and disruptive to keep insisting. But why would the first advance, per se, be a cause of concern if done respectfully ?

 

[Audie]

If you don't know whether the advance would be welcome, you shouldn't make advances toward your co-workers.

This doesn't change if you have trouble telling whether someone would welcome your advances. You should have no expectation that your workplace will provide you with a pool of potential dates or relationship partners.

I dont get it why guys are talking about
"making an advance"! it is good to be
on pleasant first name terms with the
people you work around.

If someone seems does not seem interested
in talking to you, how hard is that to notice?

If she is, you dont need to "make an advance"!

 

[Audie]

Ok. But I need to understand why it is not a good idea

google! 15 Reasons Why Dating A Co-worker Is A Terrible Idea

 

[Audie]

Why would there be a concern with unwelcome advances ? If one person has already made it clear he doesn't want to have any other sort of relationship with his co-worker, then sure. In that case it becomes troublesome and disruptive to keep insisting. But why would the first advance, per se, be a cause of concern if done respectfully ?

Describe what you mean by "an advance"?

 

[Estro Felino]

Ok...let's see .
Let's say Cindy falls in love with her coworker James. She is hopelssly devoted to him.
Can she ask him out to know him better?

No...
Apparently she is supposed to cry for him night and day...

 

[Audie]

Ok...let's see .
Let's say Cindy falls in love with her coworker James. She is hopelssly devoted to him.
Can she ask him out to know him better?

No...
Apparently she is supposed to cry for him night and day...

She may as well, she is stupid as a brick and wont
have any luck in romance anyway.

 

[Estro Felino]

No comment.

 

[Koldo]

Describe what you mean by "an advance"?

A respectful advance would be something that indicates your intentions without being downright blunt about it:

"Hey Audie, you are a big fan of Fast and Furious' franchise, aren't you ? The next one is about come out next weekend. How about you and me in the movie theater next friday night ? Popcorn is on me."

"Hey Audie, do you fancy playing pool ? I have just bought a new table. Wanna check it out ? There is a pack of beers sitting on my fridge waiting for us."

 

[Audie]

A respectful advance would be something that indicates your intentions without being downright blunt about it:

"Hey Audie, you are a big fan of Fast and Furious' franchise, aren't you ? The next one is about come out next weekend. How about you and me in the movie theater next friday night ? Popcorn is on me."

"Hey Audie, do you fancy playing pool ? I have just bought a new table. Wanna check it out ? There is a pack of beers sitting on my fridge waiting for us."

Neither of those would stand the remotest
chance, far less even the second one.

It has a tinge of the "get you loosened up
with beer, and we are already at my house
ans."

But then I never have very approachable,
and am far less so now.

 

[Koldo]

Neither of those would stand the remotest
chance, far less even the second one.

But that is me.

And... ?
Would either of those count as harassment ?

 

[Audie]

And... ?
Would either of those count as harassment ?

Me? I do not work in an office, so the situation
would never come up there. If you approached
me as say Starbux with that?

I am small and kind of timid,so I would not
make a scene,but I would be made very
uncomfortable, and try to get rid of you as
quick as I could.

 

[Koldo]

Me? I do not work in an office, so the situation
would never come up there. If you approached
me as say Starbux with that?

I am small and kind of timid,so I would not
make a scene,but I would be made very
uncomfortable, and try to get rid of you as
quick as I could.

As in a stranger coming up to you, knowing your name and saying that out of the blue? That would be really creepy.

I was asking in the context of a co-worker saying one of those to you. Would it count as harassment?

 

[Howard Is]

I dont get it why guys are talking about
"making an advance"! it is good to be
on pleasant first name terms with the
people you work around.

If someone seems does not seem interested
in talking to you, how hard is that to notice?

If she is, you dont need to "make an advance"!

I’m with you on this thread.
Notwithstanding workplace dating is treacherous and probably ill-advised, we don’t need a devious plan to generate good chemistry. If there is, there is. Simple.

 

[Koldo]

I’m with you on this thread.
Notwithstanding workplace dating is treacherous and probably ill-advised, we don’t need a devious plan to generate good chemistry. If there is, there is. Simple.

A devious plan ? What are you talking about ?

 

[Howard Is]

A devious plan ? What are you talking about ?

Seinfeld. Jerry and George.

 

[Audie]

I’m with you on this thread.
Notwithstanding workplace dating is treacherous and probably ill-advised, we don’t need a devious plan to generate good chemistry. If there is, there is. Simple.

That is so true.

 

[Nakosis]

It seems that nowadays the lines between flirting and sexual harassment are becoming increasingly blurred. Now, before I say anything more, I believe there is a very important distinction to make between sexual harassment and sexual assault. Sexual assault involves physical contact and is absolutely wrong. A man should never touch a woman without her consent.

However, it seems that today, even complimenting a woman's appearance (especially if she is a stranger or distant acquaintance of the man and not a friend) could lead to being seen as creepy and in some environments (office, for instance) could lead to accusations of sexual harassment.

Here is my controversial, yet very simple assessment of the situation. If a guy approaches a woman and she thinks he's handsome, it's perfectly acceptable flirting. If a guy approaches a woman (and says the same things as guy #1) and she thinks he's ugly, then he's a creep and in some cases even a sexual "harasser." Creepy and confident have the same definition, except that creepy guys are ugly and confident guys are handsome. Thus, unattractive men that approach women in the office will risk losing their jobs, but attractive men will not (ever notice that nearly all the male celebrities fired for sexual harassment are old and unattractive, and none of them look like Brad Pitt?). But, how can a male know if a female finds him attractive unless he approaches her? Perhaps women should start approaching men instead. This would resolve the problems.

Thoughts? Do you have any better way of distinguishing between flirting and harassment? Let's see it.

Harassment = bullying.

 

[Howard Is]

Harassment = bullying.

Probably mostly. Though sometimes it is just insensitivity, or lack of social skills or impulse control.