Frank's journal of whatever

[JustGeorge]

Exactly. I don't even want to wake up or get of bed most of the time, but needing to use the bathroom and feed the cat forces it.

Damn bladders...

I don't even know if I had a chance to really adjust to it. I would work two of those shifts and the rest of the week, it would be 10 to 6. So I was switching my sleeping patterns twice a week. What bs. The only time I had a steady schedule is when someone went on vacation and that was only for a week. There were weeks I had to work all three shifts in a week. Honestly, that should be illegal. It was abusive. You're just constantly tired.

I agree. That is just not healthy...

I doubt they're going to call me of their own violation. I'm going to have to force it. I'm pretty positive my former caseworker poisoned the mind of her supervisor against me. They seem to think I don't deserve help, from what she said and how she acted towards me. I may talk to the client's rights officer again. This is unexcusable.

It is. It seems like a lot of people take jobs in those positions that don't have the temperament for it. Its a shame...

I would get the client's rights officer involved if that's an option.

I hope you get your phone call, too!

Thanks!

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Damn bladders...

You're telling me. I'm like an old man with prostate problems. Lol. I need to stop drinking fluids around the clock. I'm always drinking water, too.

I agree. That is just not healthy...

Nope. It was unfair, too. Me and one other person were all over the place on the schedule, and the other two (pricks) didn't want to budge at all. The other coworker who was suffering with me is in her 60s and has had multiple heart attacks. They didn't care. They probably wish she had died.

It is. It seems like a lot of people take jobs in those positions that don't have the temperament for it. Its a shame...

I've noticed that, too. My former caseworker was just some naive college girl who didn't really have much actual experience. That's why more people who have gone through things need to be in those professions.

I would get the client's rights officer involved if that's an option.

Thanks!

Yeah, that's probably my best bet for now. I need to express my feelings about this to someone there. It hurts feeling like the ones who should be helping are the ones who car the least. At least my therapist is through a different organization so I can keep him if I end up leaving.

 

[mangalavara]

Well, much of my day is spent on my couch watching TV, staring at my phone and I also drink beer and smoke...stuff.

Consuming alcoholic beverages and smoking whatever you're smoking might feel good for a little while, but it's not at all conducive to your good health. Its impact on your health in the long run will not be favorable. When the effects hit, you will wish that you did not give in to the bottle and the bundle. Additionally, drinking and smoking reinforces the idea that other things wield power over you. Why subject yourself to what are ultimately useless substances? When you position yourself above those things, you will feel like a master and I guarantee you that.

Couch and TV are the emblems of stagnation. Rather than sitting on the couch and looking at a box, you could learn a useful skill and get good at it. When people ask you what you have been doing, you could proudly tell them that you have been learning the new skill. Them hearing about it could lead to something that will economically benefit you.

It's so hard to motivate myself to leave the apartment because I don't have much to do and no one to spend time with.

One thing that makes you feel like you don't have much to do is your sleeping habit. Even when you are unemployed, doing what you can to improve your situation is best started in the morning. This is because most of the world begins in the morning. Moreover, the evening time makes us feel relaxed and not in the mood for working or improving. Then comes night, the best time for really relaxing and of course sleeping.

I've been watching YouTube videos. Political and social stuff, mostly, which probably doesn't help.

Most of that material doesn't help at all. The political stuff just keeps viewers angry, frustrated, and pessimistic, which somehow keeps them hooked to the sources of that useless content, which keeps the sources successful. Why keep the source of negative thoughts and feelings successful? If you're going to keep the source of content successful, let it be a source of content that makes your life better. There is so much content on YouTube that is inspirational, motivational, and very useful.

 

[mangalavara]

In one of the creation myths of the Vikings, Odin and his brothers had to slay the ice giant Ymir in order to make the cosmic order. That was on the macrocosmic level. On the microcosmic level, the human being, who has been endowed with great faculties from Odin, is able to tackle its own 'giant' and make its own 'cosmic' order. These creation myths do more than tell a people about the nature of the universe and how it came into its present state. They also reflect the ethos of a people and give a foundational framework for one's way of life. As a Norse Heathen, you can shape your life with that sacred story.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

So I was able to donate today. At first, it was a repeat of yesterday with my vitals being a mess. But then I did the retake and the nurse had the good idea to elevate my arm, which you're supposed to. At first my vitals were something like 154/110 and my heart rate was 112 BPM. But with her reading, it was 146/83 and 70 BPM. (She's done that before and it turned out a lower reading, too.)

What a difference having your vitals taken by a smart professional is! See, you're supposed to elevate your arm to heart level to get the most accurate reading. So hold your arm straight out or so. If you have it lower than your heart, it will cause a higher reading and having it higher than your heart will cause a lower reading. Both aren't accurate. Funny how they never think to do that at the doctor's office, either. I'm going to mention this from now on. Because I'm sick of seeing these crazy numbers that probably aren't correct in the first place, which just stresses me out more.

I'm still going to talk to my doctor about my BP medication, though. This was just eye opening.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

In one of the creation myths of the Vikings, Odin and his brothers had to slay the ice giant Ymir in order to make the cosmic order. That was on the macrocosmic level. On the microcosmic level, the human being, who has been endowed with great faculties from Odin, is able to tackle its own 'giant' and make its own 'cosmic' order. These creation myths do more than tell a people about the nature of the universe and how it came into its present state. They also reflect the ethos of a people and give a foundational framework for one's way of life. As a Norse Heathen, you can shape your life with that sacred story.

I love this!

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Now my therapist cancelled on me. Wonderful.

 

[JustGeorge]

Now my therapist cancelled on me. Wonderful.

Sorry to hear that. Bad timing.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Sorry to hear that. Bad timing.

Yeah, it's my one hour when I actually get to talk to another person. I might as well just be my own therapist as I'm constantly talking to myself, anyway.

Then my housing coordinator was supposed to come over today (he invited himself out of the blue) but apparently that's not happening, either.

 

[JustGeorge]

Yeah, it's my one hour when I actually get to talk to another person. I might as well just be my own therapist as I'm constantly talking to myself, anyway.

You can talk to me.

Then my housing coordinator was supposed to come over today (he invited himself out of the blue) but apparently that's not happening, either.

What's a housing coordinator?

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

You can talk to me.

Thanks.

What's a housing coordinator?

They're basically a kind of caseworker, I guess, from my housing organization. My building is owned by a public organization, Community Housing Network. It's public housing. I don't actually know what he can really help me with, though. I don't have housing issues at the moment.

 

[JustGeorge]

Thanks.

They're basically a kind of caseworker, I guess, from my housing organization. My building is owned by a public organization, Community Housing Network. It's public housing. I don't actually know what he can really help me with, though. I don't have housing issues at the moment.

Are they pleasant to talk to at least?

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Are they pleasant to talk to at least?

It depends on who you get. The one I have now is alright, but I didn't enjoy talking to the woman I had before. She would talk over me and kept repeating herself over and over like I have problems hearing or understanding things, which I don't.

 

[JustGeorge]

It depends on who you get. The one I have now is alright, but I didn't enjoy talking to the woman I had before. She would talk over me and kept repeating herself over and over like I have problems hearing or understanding things, which I don't.

That would be annoying. Glad this new guy is better, even if he didn't show up.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Great, now they're cutting the funding to my therapy services! I wish I had succeeded in killing myself in 2021! I regret asking for help and should've let myself bleed to death! I would've been better off!

 

[JustGeorge]

Great, now they're cutting the funding to my therapy services! I wish I had succeeded in killing myself in 2021! I regret asking for help and should've let myself bleed to death! I would've been better off!

Well, I'm glad you didn't succeed.

I had mine cut, too. Perhaps when I needed it most.

Can you identify what it is you got from therapy that was the most beneficial?

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Well, I'm glad you didn't succeed.

I'm honestly not. I don't want to be here anymore. I want to be with my mom, my dog and all the others I've lost. I hate my life and hate this world. I'd never choose this, and I don't recall making the choice to be here. There's no point in continuing to try over and over, when things constantly come crashing down on me. I am not in control of my life, despite whatever efforts I make. Others are calling the shots and they don't care what I think about it and don't even ask me before they make their callous decisions.

I had mine cut, too. Perhaps when I needed it most.

Sorry about that. We're all living in that Joker movie now.

Can you identify what it is you got from therapy that was the most beneficial?

Just having a good therapist who I can relate to and feel comfortable talking with? I mean, everything.

 

[JustGeorge]

I'm honestly not. I don't want to be here anymore. There's no point in continuing to try over and over, when things constantly come crashing down on me. I am not in control of my life, despite whatever efforts I make. Others are calling the shots and they don't care what I think about it and don't even ask me before they make their callous decisions.

No, we're really not in control, imo. Its just a series of events, blows. The only this we really get to pick is how we act... and even then only so much. We're programmed by genetics, too.

Sorry about that. We're all living in that Joker movie now.

I haven't seen it, but you're probably right.

Just having a good therapist who I can relate to and feel comfortable talking with? I mean, everything.

Yeah... sucks when you lose that...

I'm sorry.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

No, we're really not in control, imo. Its just a series of events, blows. The only this we really get to pick is how we act... and even then only so much. We're programmed by genetics, too.

Exactly. I definitely lost the genetic lottery, too. Both sides of my family are intensely abusive (physically, sexually, psychologically) hateful dysfunctional messes. Severe mental illness and addiction on both sides, along with other health problems. Then you add poverty and my dad running off when I was really young, I really didn't have much of a chance from the beginning. Even being born was a trial as I was a high risk pregnancy, was premature and had to be on a ventilator after I was born.

I haven't seen it, but you're probably right.

If you've seen Taxi Driver, it's very similar but even more focused on how society treats the mentally ill and abused.

Yeah... sucks when you lose that...

I'm sorry.

Oh, well.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Well...it seems I'm going back to hell (aka Kroger). Lol. I gave in and applied to them again - for 3 different positions, even! - yesterday and I just got an interview offer. Hahaha. I knew that dump was really hurting for people as every time I go in there recently, it's like a ghost town when it comes to employees. They must've just gone through a wave of people quitting/being fired. The job listings had been up for over 3 months and I was the first to apply, apparently. Lol.

Whatever. It's just a means to an end. I know how to do the job, and who is friendly and who is definitely an enemy. I even was honest about my felony and all, which they ask about and they do background checks. But I know Kroger is actually lax, sometimes to a shady extent, about that when they want to be.