Friends with ''Benefits''

[mainliner]

with ex bf's...I've remained friends with a few. but we were friends beforehand, so ...
but there were feelings there, it wasn't a FWB thing.

but then there are some ex bf's I never wish to hear from again!

its the heart that's the problem , if you don't bring that it to " serious " play.........then **** away lol

 

[mainliner]

If people can do it at swingers clubs and in the porn industry , then its alllllll gooood lol.

gods a **** , and she loves it




peace'n' pervs

 

[Treks]

I tried this once and it didn't work out well. I was in a fragile mental state and afterwards I felt used. I only saw that friend one more time (while out on the town, and he actually saved me from walking off with a stranger - I was just a wee bit drunk at the time), and haven't seen him since.

 

[LuisDantas]

its easy to.stay friends with someone you have sex with......in fact its easier

It probably depends a bit on the kind of person and on how at ease the couple feels with each other under varied circunstances.

Having sex with people one doesn't like can be very unpleasant, and certainly not a good basis for a relationship of any kind.

 

[dust1n]

This is very interesting, because it's probably common (I've assumed so to a degree) that a FWB type thing would be all about the sex, and here you say it wasn't. Very cool that you remained friends after the FWB thing ended.

To be honest, most of my relationships with women in general have long been a thing in a past. I certainly wish them the best in whatever they might be doing, but I wouldn't say they are friends any longer.

Certainly the best friendships last a lifetime, but many friends we grow with and grow apart from. Sometimes people of our past. That doesn't necessarily delegate them to some area of my mind that I'm not fond of, or that I don't remember and appreciate.

 

[Drolefille]

To the best of my understanding, it is the attitude of entering a relationship with pre-set boundaries about what it is supposed to mean.

Usually some variation of "it is just about fun and sex, not commitment".

Come to think of it, the oddest thing of a FWB situation to me is the contradiction between being happy with someone yet feeling a need to avoid letting other people know. For me at least that is a source of stress.

I think the default assumption is having to hide a FWB situation. But there's no real reason that should be the case. "No we're not dating, we're just friends with benefits, seeing each other casually, hooking up occasionally, just friends" Then again the flip side is - why feel like you have to tell people about your sex life. If they're friends you want to share your sex life with that's one thing, but acquaintances? Family? That should be up to you. But "having" to hide it implies it must be a secret thing?

Its fun to have discussion about this , but most people are way way WAY overthinking it.

its just sex with a friend , nothing complicated about having fun is there.

over thinking ruins fun

i know loads of people who.have been doing it for many years with no problems.... ..... Its gives you a great sense of freedom .

iv done it a few times ....... Its just normal and very mature .

i wonder how many swingers are on this site. ........ I shall go and search.lol

For most people, and this includes swingers, sex isn't just "no big thing." Non-monogamous people often have quite a few rules about their sex lives.

The idea that "overthinking ruins fun" is immature in my opinion. Talk stuff out with your partners - whether friends, lovers, spouse - and afterwards, talk again and be sure that we're all on the same page.

its easy to.stay friends with someone you have sex with......in fact its easier

Most people don't find this to be the case.

 

[LuisDantas]

I think the default assumption is having to hide a FWB situation. But there's no real reason that should be the case.

Well, that is certainly true. But without that element, it at least arguably (and IMO) becomes an actual relationship or something very close to one.

"No we're not dating, we're just friends with benefits, seeing each other casually, hooking up occasionally, just friends" Then again the flip side is - why feel like you have to tell people about your sex life.

Again, that is certainly a personal privilege. I just happen to be the kind of person that regrets living in a society that does not welcome such a subject matter.

If they're friends you want to share your sex life with that's one thing, but acquaintances? Family? That should be up to you. But "having" to hide it implies it must be a secret thing?

My understanding is that the differences between the average FWB situation and an actual commited relationship rests squarely in that one detail of non-acceptance of social expectations.

That means avoiding emotional involvement, as already mentioned - and IMO that will imply avoiding acknowledgement of the involvement to friends and family, lest they develop expectations of their own.

 

[The Sum of Awe]

Wondering what you think of this concept?

I posted something last year to this effect on an atheist site, and the reactions were mixed. But, everyone there is an atheist, and I thought it would be interesting to ask the question here, seeing many here come from different spiritual views and backgrounds.

As for me, I don't consider myself the 'marrying kind.' I have a variety of trust issues when it comes to love and commitment, stemming from childhood, that while I'm working on, I still can't see myself giving my heart away forever to one man. When I was a Christian, I still didn't like the idea of marriage, but at least then, I viewed it as a sacred covenant of sorts. Now, I just see marriage as unnecessary and with the divorce rate as it is, it doesn't seem like a good idea to me.

But...friends with benefits...to have great chemistry and sex with someone whom you trust and call a friend, seems so ideal to me. No commitment, and no strings.

But, then...someone could catch feelings and once that happens, it probably doesn't work. ^_^ lol

What are your thoughts to it? Is it doable? Is it realistic? Do you think that it's immoral?

Nothing wrong with it. Not to mention it' the best relationship ever!

 

[Bunyip]

I think we worry too much about the future, commitment, marriage etc. In pre-Christian Europe many pagan cultures married for a year and a day, never more. To make a commitment forever was somewhat of an offence to the gods. This year and next year are within our domain, but forever is in the hands of the gods.

So if you love someone, don't fear commitment or the future, just run with it. Worry about today and leave forever to the gods.

 

[LuisDantas]

I think we worry too much about the future, commitment, marriage etc. In pre-Christian Europe many pagan cultures married for a year and a day, never more.

The more things change...

To make a commitment forever was somewhat of an offence to the gods. This year and next year are within our domain, but forever is in the hands of the gods.

So if you love someone, don't fear commitment or the future, just run with it. Worry about today and leave forever to the gods.

On the other hand, doesn't it sound weird to have more of a commitment to an ellected representative or to a graduation school than to a spouse?

 

[Bunyip]

The more things change...




On the other hand, doesn't it sound weird to have more of a commitment to an ellected representative or to a graduation school than to a spouse?

Not to me. I think the idea had merit. If the fear of the future prevents us from experiencing love today - I'll take the love. Funnily enough most marriages back then lasted a lifetime - whilst the divorce rate in modern societies is far higher. People would re-marry their lover every year.

As to elected official, kick the buggers out after a year.
As to graduate school, I dropped out the first time I tried it. So do quite a high proportion of students.

 

[LuisDantas]

I guess making a point of renewing the vows does give a bit more of a punch to it

 

[Deidre]

If marriage licenses had expiration dates, like a drivers license...and every few years you had to decide if you wanted to 'renew,' then I might consider it.

 

[Bunyip]

I guess making a point of renewing the vows does give a bit more of a punch to it

Yeah. Wouldn't it be lovely? Every year, you get your friends and family together and marry. Gorgeous.

 

[Servant_of_the_One1]

This(friendship benefits) is sign of immorality.
Sex should happen through marriage.
Thats my personal belief tho.

 

[Bunyip]

If marriage licenses had expiration dates, like a drivers license...and every few years you had to decide if you wanted to 'renew,' then I might consider it.

It does make it all seem a little less daunting doesn't it?

 

[Deidre]

It does make it all seem a little less daunting doesn't it?

Yes, and it's more realistic. There'd be less divorces. If you want to opt out, you can....no need to go through a messy divorce battle.

 

[sun rise]

If marriage licenses had expiration dates, like a drivers license...and every few years you had to decide if you wanted to 'renew,' then I might consider it.

Shi'a Islam has such a concept: Temporary Marriage in Islam Part 1 | A Shi'ite Encyclopedia | Books on Islam and Muslims | Al-Islam.org

 

[Mequa]

Maybe temporary marriages should be recognised by Western law.

It's one thing to let gays marry too, but quite a bit more to allow the flexibility of renewable temporary marriages (for both hetero and gay, in modern terms).

 

[LuisDantas]

Do you have a problem with Same Sex marriages?