George's Spiritual Journal

[JustGeorge]

Something I've learned in the last few months:

I am missing a lot of feelings that is in the normal 'spectrum' of feelings and experiences that others have.

I have a lot of feelings outside the 'spectrum' of feelings and experiences that many others don't seem to have.

I figured out in my 20s that what I do feel is often considered inappropriate For example, I just saw that my arm is completely smeared with dirt from the hardships of the last few days, and there's no hope for a bath until very late this evening... It caused a slight 'joy' response for the delight of carrying a bit of Maa Earth around. I think the appropriate response is to be upset at the condition. (Because of this, I keep most 'feeling' responses in.)

I may be grasping to try to figure out where I belong in the grand scheme of things.

 

[sun rise]

It caused a slight 'joy' response for the delight of carrying a bit of Maa Earth around. I think the appropriate response is to be upset at the condition. (Because of this, I keep most 'feeling' responses in.)

Sorry but from my reading that is very minor. I am of course not advocating how they live, but it informs my perspective. How this quote from Meher Baba concerning masts (pronounced musts), the God-mad and God-intoxicated souls in India. So from my perspective you felt a small taste of masti :

One mast, Dhondi Bua, always remained naked and used to roll in the dirt. He used to say: “I cannot bear comfort!”​

(and)

To live in dirty surroundings, such as in or near a latrine or a urinal, is one way of utterly forgetting one's bodily existence. And the beauty of it is that when the body is utterly neglected or forgotten - because the consciousness is aware only of love for the divine beloved - it does not deteriorate, but takes care of itself automatically.​

​

In my first trip to India, I had a mast curse me. His attendant refused to translate and I've always wondered what he said. But I also know that unprovoked jalali (fiery) utterances are a blessing.

I may be grasping to try to figure out where I belong in the grand scheme of things.

How about: you fit quite well in the GRAND scheme of things but are seriously not in sync with 1950's stereotypical American women. Your feelings fit perfectly well in the spectrum of humanity whether or not you choose to share them (and some won't understand it you do).

 

[JustGeorge]

Sorry but from my reading that is very minor. I am of course not advocating how they live, but it informs my perspective. How this quote from Meher Baba concerning masts (pronounced musts), the God-mad and God-intoxicated souls in India. So from my perspective you felt a small taste of masti :

Yes, it is a minor example, I agree. Its just a trend I've noticed.

One mast, Dhondi Bua, always remained naked and used to roll in the dirt. He used to say: “I cannot bear comfort!”​

(and)

To live in dirty surroundings, such as in or near a latrine or a urinal, is one way of utterly forgetting one's bodily existence. And the beauty of it is that when the body is utterly neglected or forgotten - because the consciousness is aware only of love for the divine beloved - it does not deteriorate, but takes care of itself automatically.​

​

The breaking away of taboos and attachments.

Of course, one can become attached to being unattached...

In my first trip to India, I had a mast curse me. His attendant refused to translate and I've always wondered what he said. But I also know that unprovoked jalali (fiery) utterances are a blessing.

Wow! What in the world did you do to him?

Did you notice any differences after?

How about: you fit quite well in the GRAND scheme of things but are seriously not in sync with 1950's stereotypical American women. Your feelings fit perfectly well in the spectrum of humanity whether or not you choose to share them (and some won't understand it you do).

That's well put. The grand scheme.... yes, there's a place for all of us. Perhaps its just a misplacement((Krishna has a sense of humor, you know).

I'm not sure if I fit the 2024 stereotypical woman, either... But that's okay.

I think its at the front of my mind, because of the death of a relative... the funeral processes utterly confuse me. I don't understand the clinging to the body. I don't desire to see her body(I won't get to, my son will prevent me from taking part of this, maybe that's a positive?). She isn't in it. Why be somber? She was suffering. A lot.

Sometimes I become uncomfortable with the fact I process this all differently. I do care.

 

[sun rise]

Wow! What in the world did you do to him?

Nothing that I know of for sure.

Did you notice any differences after?

Nothing stands out but maybe something subtly changed that did not seem linked? I really don't know. But this is a *really* tricky area since people can claim to be saints and that their sadism is a blessing. https://avatarmeherbabatrust.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/Twenty-Years-with-Meher-Baba-1.pdf

“When a saint is in the most perfect and peaceful​

internal state, or that some internal working of his is​

nearing completion and success, there sometimes occurs​

automatically an overflow of the internal state​

externally. The external outburst by a saint is the​

shadow of the internal perfect state, and is radically​

contradictory of the Bliss within and consequently in its​

outer manifestation it takes the form of abusive​

language, beatings, etc. But whoever receives these​

ego-shattering blessings from a Master in the form of​

abuses and physical chastisement, is very lucky indeed​

and undoubtedly a good deal of benefit accrues to him​

especially in external affairs.​

I think its at the front of my mind, because of the death of a relative... the funeral processes utterly confuse me. I don't understand the clinging to the body. I don't desire to see her body(I won't get to, my son will prevent me from taking part of this, maybe that's a positive?). She isn't in it. Why be somber? She was suffering. A lot.

I agree. But I also understand that people get attached to a form and that attachment of course causes a feeling of loss and sometimes a feeling of intense loss. My preferred reference frame is to say that the person "completed the work of this lifetime" when they "dropped their physical body" because that is my belief which is helpful in case I start losing it.

It's also my understanding that grief especially great grief tends to tie the person to the body and environment they left instead of freeing them to move on. It's much better to celebrate the person's life.

Of course people have different perspectives and I'd never tell someone what I believe but it is my understanding.

Sometimes I become uncomfortable with the fact I process this all differently. I do care.

Well, I process it differently as well for whatever that's worth.

 

[JustGeorge]

Nothing that I know of for sure.

Nothing stands out but maybe something subtly changed that did not seem linked? I really don't know. But this is a *really* tricky area since people can claim to be saints and that their sadism is a blessing. https://avatarmeherbabatrust.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/Twenty-Years-with-Meher-Baba-1.pdf

“When a saint is in the most perfect and peaceful​

internal state, or that some internal working of his is​

nearing completion and success, there sometimes occurs​

automatically an overflow of the internal state​

externally. The external outburst by a saint is the​

shadow of the internal perfect state, and is radically​

contradictory of the Bliss within and consequently in its​

outer manifestation it takes the form of abusive​

language, beatings, etc. But whoever receives these​

ego-shattering blessings from a Master in the form of​

abuses and physical chastisement, is very lucky indeed​

and undoubtedly a good deal of benefit accrues to him​

especially in external affairs.​

Very interesting!

I agree. But I also understand that people get attached to a form and that attachment of course causes a feeling of loss and sometimes a feeling of intense loss. My preferred reference frame is to say that the person "completed the work of this lifetime" when they "dropped their physical body" because that is my belief which is helpful in case I start losing it.

I suppose when my beloved cats died, I tended to bury them before the body was yet cold... The body didn't look like my cat.

I know people cling to it, and it does make sense. I think sometimes I prefer to stay distant during these processes, so I can do it in my own way(which sometimes is taken as a slight).

It's also my understanding that grief especially great grief tends to tie the person to the body and environment they left instead of freeing them to move on. It's much better to celebrate the person's life.

I've heard that, too.

Of course people have different perspectives and I'd never tell someone what I believe but it is my understanding.



Well, I process it differently as well for whatever that's worth.

Thanks for sharing, it is worth something. I like to hear about how others think/feel on these things.

 

[JustGeorge]

I found the Holy Grail.

 

[sun rise]

View attachment 97817
I found the Holy Grail.

Of course you drank from it and since you are still alive, yes you have the Grail.

 

[JustGeorge]

Of course you drank from it and since you are still alive, yes you have the Grail.

I haven't drank from it yet.

Its a chalice made of rose quartz.

I had a chalice that I bought years ago, when it was just LeeAnder and I. It was really a nice piece of work; detailed patterns in a thick glass.

One night, it tipped over and broke. It was the damnedest thing; it was sturdy, and that shouldn't have happened. That was when life really went to ****.

I figured this one won't break.