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Hindu Anger Management Class
- Thread starter ShivaFan
- Start date
Namaste Vinayaka
I need it immediately.
Today I threw bangles at my daughter for waking me up from a nap while "whining" (to my wife) because I registered her today for advanced algebra summer school, when I shouted from the room to living room to "stop whining" she said, "why not? All you do is yell at the T.V. about disgusting shows", I got so mad I came to the hallway facing the living room, grabbed some bangles on those girl tables, threw it at her but missing and instead a bangle hit the cheek of my wife instead.
I am literally a monster.
Everything is "ok" now, but I need advice.
I need it immediately.
Today I threw bangles at my daughter for waking me up from a nap while "whining" (to my wife) because I registered her today for advanced algebra summer school, when I shouted from the room to living room to "stop whining" she said, "why not? All you do is yell at the T.V. about disgusting shows", I got so mad I came to the hallway facing the living room, grabbed some bangles on those girl tables, threw it at her but missing and instead a bangle hit the cheek of my wife instead.
I am literally a monster.
Everything is "ok" now, but I need advice.
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Kalidas
Well-Known Member
Why should a man throw his weight against women?
I'm not entirely sure how passing judgement is supposed to help. It happened he's feels terrible he asking us for help.
Shivafan I too have had anger issues in the past. I have the issue of allowing my anger to build and explode in one massive eruption.
It is well known among my friends I am a nice guy, but if you ever get me angry may the Gods have mercy on you for I won't. My suggestion is of course to apologise. Also unless this is a common issue with you I wouldn't worry TOO MUCH but remember to check your temper okay
. Remember it is OKAY to be angry, but acting out in anger is not. Honestly allow yourself to be angry sometimes, this will let you see how you are when you are angry and how best you can prepare in the future.
JaiMaaDurga
Member
Namaste,
ShivaFan, feelings of surprise and shame after such an experience are logical
for any one. To dwell on the shame would not be beneficial- and that you are
sharing what happened and actively seeking a solution is good.
An explosion, whether of a steam engine or of anger, cannot take place without
pressure that exceeds the container meant to contain it; in the case of explosions
of anger, the person has often become so accustomed to immediately sealing away
initial feelings of anger, that they do not register consciously a memory of having
felt angry; the feeling is therefore not properly acknowledged or processed inwardly,
and simply adds to a general feeling of unease, dissatisfaction, tension, and pressure.
As the number of times this happens increases, while outwardly and superficially
an appearance of calm is preserved during day-to-day activities, the submerged
and unacknowledged anger begins to color one's external view in subtle ways; the
growing pressure seeks an outlet, and the mind will adjust accordingly to find
or create sensible reasons within the current environment and timeframe for this.
It is my humble suggestion that you seek opportunities to recognize sources
of anger while they are still small and new, recognize the chain of thoughts that
occur during the process of feeling any degree of anger, and observe the process
as it is occurring. What happens in your mind, when events or circumstances beyond
your control frustrate you? After observing yourself, it becomes possible to interrupt
the "sealing-away" process, and understand and feel anger safely; it is not possible
to be an ordinary householder and be serene, happy and contented at all times,
however much it is sought or worked for. Building thicker walls around that which
we do not like to see within ourselves only harms us in the long run, making for more
weight to carry, and a more intense explosion when those walls finally do fail.
ShivaFan, you are not a monster, you have only been blind to part of your self;
a monster is one who harms, and has no remorse. Please forgive my long-windedness,
and presuming to proffer guidance- but I am no stranger to the issue in myself or
others. May Devi guide you on a path of healing and understanding.
JAI MATA DI
ShivaFan, feelings of surprise and shame after such an experience are logical
for any one. To dwell on the shame would not be beneficial- and that you are
sharing what happened and actively seeking a solution is good.
An explosion, whether of a steam engine or of anger, cannot take place without
pressure that exceeds the container meant to contain it; in the case of explosions
of anger, the person has often become so accustomed to immediately sealing away
initial feelings of anger, that they do not register consciously a memory of having
felt angry; the feeling is therefore not properly acknowledged or processed inwardly,
and simply adds to a general feeling of unease, dissatisfaction, tension, and pressure.
As the number of times this happens increases, while outwardly and superficially
an appearance of calm is preserved during day-to-day activities, the submerged
and unacknowledged anger begins to color one's external view in subtle ways; the
growing pressure seeks an outlet, and the mind will adjust accordingly to find
or create sensible reasons within the current environment and timeframe for this.
It is my humble suggestion that you seek opportunities to recognize sources
of anger while they are still small and new, recognize the chain of thoughts that
occur during the process of feeling any degree of anger, and observe the process
as it is occurring. What happens in your mind, when events or circumstances beyond
your control frustrate you? After observing yourself, it becomes possible to interrupt
the "sealing-away" process, and understand and feel anger safely; it is not possible
to be an ordinary householder and be serene, happy and contented at all times,
however much it is sought or worked for. Building thicker walls around that which
we do not like to see within ourselves only harms us in the long run, making for more
weight to carry, and a more intense explosion when those walls finally do fail.
ShivaFan, you are not a monster, you have only been blind to part of your self;
a monster is one who harms, and has no remorse. Please forgive my long-windedness,
and presuming to proffer guidance- but I am no stranger to the issue in myself or
others. May Devi guide you on a path of healing and understanding.
JAI MATA DI
Kalidas
Well-Known Member
So I can't frubal you again but that was an awesome post. Good job
Aupmanyav
Be your own guru
I was giving him a lesson in chivalry. Apologise, that is the best one can do. It will also help you to control your anger the next time. It is not OK even to be angry. Try pseudo-anger, where outwardly you seem to be angry/very angry, but inside you are calm, and doing this just to make someone understand the right thing. We do it with our children. Pose to be angry and then give love. Shivafan, Shiva does this.
Just for your information: http://www.religiousforums.com/forum/3791692-post23.html
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I've been there. Maybe worse. It's the instinctive selfish mind operating. One time it really scared me (not to mention the members of my family involved). I went for a long walk, sat down by a tree, and took a personal vow between myself and Ganesha. I have never acted on it again. (at least 20 years) I have been angry, but always found a strategy to not act out. Perhaps Ganesha enabled this.
For example, in the house we moved into, there is a dark storage room in the basement that stays really quiet from where teenagers made noise. Instead of lashing out at them when I was tired from overwork, I'd just sneak down there. So I thank Ganesha for putting that spot in this house.
Mystically, Asuras are attracted to this sort of behaviour. They see it as an opening to jump in and cause some havoc. For this reason, in my sampradaya, it is highly recommended not to wave flames (the main signal to beings of other worlds) for a 31 day period in cases of extreme anger. You may attract the wrong beings, and then have repeat occurrences, of others get affected.
Here are a few strategies I've gleaned from my teachers, being a counselor, etc.
- apologise from the bottom of your heart
- walks in nature
- worship a picture of your daughter, place a flower in front of it three times a day for a month. This helps you remember who She really is: Siva in a different form.
- Vasana Daha Tantra - write it all out, why you were angry, your feelings, what you really think of her, try to go through the emotions again on your own, then burn it and watch it go up in flames... repeat many times if necessary ... eventually you will get to the actual causes, which will of course be in you
- do some positive stuff with her, just you and her, take her to movie, go out for lunch, get to know her all over again.
- Ganga sadhana - find a flowing stream, (for the sound ... this sound is known to soothe) try to put your anger on a leaf, toss it in the river, then follow it with a thank you flower. Repeat many times if necessary.
But please don't be too hard on yourself. That won't help either.
Aum Shanthi
THANKS ALL, everyone has given such wonderful insights! I am taking to heart all.
I am taking a second vacation day from work to get total forgiveness and to incorporate these points. I do feel terrible. I am going to go sit in the backyard and look at the garden Buddha, he seems very calm and doesn't have anger.
I will also do the other meditations, especially involving nature. Wish I were in Vancouver where nature truly is stunning! Suddenly folks even from Australia and Canada were calling, not talking to me but others. Wonder if they knew I threw bangles!
I am taking a second vacation day from work to get total forgiveness and to incorporate these points. I do feel terrible. I am going to go sit in the backyard and look at the garden Buddha, he seems very calm and doesn't have anger.
I will also do the other meditations, especially involving nature. Wish I were in Vancouver where nature truly is stunning! Suddenly folks even from Australia and Canada were calling, not talking to me but others. Wonder if they knew I threw bangles!
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Fireside_Hindu
Jai Lakshmi Maa
SFji, I'd like to speak to you as a daughter and I'd also like to be brutally honest with you, because I respect you and know you mean well.
I grew up with a father with a horrendous temper. It never became physical, but let me assure you, it is terrifying to have to hide from someone you love. He mellowed with age, but by then he had said so many cruel things to his children that he could never take back. I have forgiven him by now,but it has taken a long time. I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty, but to give you perspective. Most women are keenly aware that they would be physically powerless against an angry man, and when you live with a man prone to temper outbursts that creates an environment of fear.
Here is what I suggest - if you are sincere about changing I do in fact recommend anger management classes or therapy. Apologizing now is essential too, but being sorry won't prevent you from doing it in the future, because anger is sinister and abrupt. You have to deal with the underlying issues.
Also, open an honest dialogue with your family. Sit them down and get to the uncomfortable business of discussing your temper. Let them tell you honestly how it effects them, and you tell them how you feel when the anger starts to boil up. You need to do this or your communication with them, over time, will shut down. They have to know they can talk with you in another way when there is a disagreement that doesn't involve yelling.
In the immediate moment, if your daughter or wife are angering you you need to tell them, "I"m stepping out to cool off. Give me some time" And get out of there before you risk doing something you regret.
If it's an issue that must be resolved now (Your daughter wants to go out with that aweful boy that has bloody skull tattoos and makes necklaces out of kittens) then the answer to that is, you're the father, she lives in your house, she does what you tell her. (I don't have children so I realize this sounds easier than it is). You can return to the issue once both of you have cooled down. She'll be mad at you right now, but she'll get over it.
Whatever you do, don't go another day without addressing it. Anger that gets physical (even if by accident) only escalates. I hope this helps.
:camp:
I grew up with a father with a horrendous temper. It never became physical, but let me assure you, it is terrifying to have to hide from someone you love. He mellowed with age, but by then he had said so many cruel things to his children that he could never take back. I have forgiven him by now,but it has taken a long time. I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty, but to give you perspective. Most women are keenly aware that they would be physically powerless against an angry man, and when you live with a man prone to temper outbursts that creates an environment of fear.
Here is what I suggest - if you are sincere about changing I do in fact recommend anger management classes or therapy. Apologizing now is essential too, but being sorry won't prevent you from doing it in the future, because anger is sinister and abrupt. You have to deal with the underlying issues.
Also, open an honest dialogue with your family. Sit them down and get to the uncomfortable business of discussing your temper. Let them tell you honestly how it effects them, and you tell them how you feel when the anger starts to boil up. You need to do this or your communication with them, over time, will shut down. They have to know they can talk with you in another way when there is a disagreement that doesn't involve yelling.
In the immediate moment, if your daughter or wife are angering you you need to tell them, "I"m stepping out to cool off. Give me some time" And get out of there before you risk doing something you regret.
If it's an issue that must be resolved now (Your daughter wants to go out with that aweful boy that has bloody skull tattoos and makes necklaces out of kittens) then the answer to that is, you're the father, she lives in your house, she does what you tell her. (I don't have children so I realize this sounds easier than it is). You can return to the issue once both of you have cooled down. She'll be mad at you right now, but she'll get over it.
Whatever you do, don't go another day without addressing it. Anger that gets physical (even if by accident) only escalates. I hope this helps.
:camp:
Thanks FH,
Luck for me, no one gave me the earful on the phone and all are acting like it is "just another day" in the house. Don't worry, no way will I pop again so I am staying at home today on my day off (though I am going to drive to the delta because I love water).
All your points are valid and sinking in for me, everyone also!
Luck for me, no one gave me the earful on the phone and all are acting like it is "just another day" in the house. Don't worry, no way will I pop again so I am staying at home today on my day off (though I am going to drive to the delta because I love water).
All your points are valid and sinking in for me, everyone also!
Yes, I've been there and I still go there. It's not a happy place. I too get angry sometimes at the drop of a hat. Other times I have a very long fuse, and you'd have to work very hard to get me to explode.
Sometimes day to day life gets you frustrated, you hold in your feelings because it may not be an appropriate time or place to vent them, so like a volcano that finds a weak spot in the ground, we erupt. I've screamed at my animals and scared them (but never touched them), then cuddled them as I'm crying.
It's easy to say we should meditate, and sometimes that does help. Even if it's just a few minutes of "deep cleansing breaths". Sometimes I take a deep breath, close my eyes and try to step out of the moment for a moment to compose myself. I found that it is counterproductive to respond in kind. That is, when someone is whining (like my spouse does) it's often better to just tune it out. Yes it takes practice, but it's worth it. Unfortunately we often get caught with our guard down and blow up. I'm starting to experience a short fuse more because of situations at home, at work, and with my physical condition (5 cervical and 1 lumbar disc herniations with the attendant pain and numbness).
So, those are tricks I learned in therapy; it's probably common knowledge I am bipolar hypomanic/depressive, for which I take a couple of meds. Even if it's not common knowledge, it is now. If you are experiencing more frequent outbursts of anger, bordering on rage, you might want to talk to your doctor about a short course of an anti-depressant and anxiolytic. They are not "masks" or "crutches" for the feelings, they simply re-establish proper brain chemistry when something throws it off.
Keep us posted.
Sometimes day to day life gets you frustrated, you hold in your feelings because it may not be an appropriate time or place to vent them, so like a volcano that finds a weak spot in the ground, we erupt. I've screamed at my animals and scared them (but never touched them), then cuddled them as I'm crying.
It's easy to say we should meditate, and sometimes that does help. Even if it's just a few minutes of "deep cleansing breaths". Sometimes I take a deep breath, close my eyes and try to step out of the moment for a moment to compose myself. I found that it is counterproductive to respond in kind. That is, when someone is whining (like my spouse does
) it's often better to just tune it out. Yes it takes practice, but it's worth it. Unfortunately we often get caught with our guard down and blow up. I'm starting to experience a short fuse more because of situations at home, at work, and with my physical condition (5 cervical and 1 lumbar disc herniations with the attendant pain and numbness). So, those are tricks I learned in therapy; it's probably common knowledge I am bipolar hypomanic/depressive, for which I take a couple of meds. Even if it's not common knowledge, it is now.
If you are experiencing more frequent outbursts of anger, bordering on rage, you might want to talk to your doctor about a short course of an anti-depressant and anxiolytic. They are not "masks" or "crutches" for the feelings, they simply re-establish proper brain chemistry when something throws it off.Keep us posted.
Maya3
Well-Known Member
I have anger issues myself. Just this morning I was late for work and the chain came of my bike as I backed it out of the basement. You should have heard me curse in Swedish on the street.
Something that helps me a lot, is to run. It gets a lot of aggressions and stress out of your system and it's easier to deal with frustrations at home. I began to run after my mom died. My grief made me even angrier than usual and it was really hard.
Something else that you can do is to sit for a minute after your puja or meditation. Sit with your eyes closed and tell yourself that you are going to be calm and relaxed. Do this each time you do Sadhana.
And like other people have said, talk to your family, apologize and tell them that you want to try to work on it.
It IS ok to be angry. It is a normal human emotion. But sometimes it's good to channel it to somewhere where it is less painful for yourself and for others.
Maya
Something that helps me a lot, is to run. It gets a lot of aggressions and stress out of your system and it's easier to deal with frustrations at home. I began to run after my mom died. My grief made me even angrier than usual and it was really hard.
Something else that you can do is to sit for a minute after your puja or meditation. Sit with your eyes closed and tell yourself that you are going to be calm and relaxed. Do this each time you do Sadhana.
And like other people have said, talk to your family, apologize and tell them that you want to try to work on it.
It IS ok to be angry. It is a normal human emotion. But sometimes it's good to channel it to somewhere where it is less painful for yourself and for others.
Maya
Sb1995
Om Sai Ram
STRAIGHT OFF OF FACEBOOK
------------------
‪#‎Moral‬ Story : Stay in control of your ‪#‎anger‬ ! Don’t let your anger control you
Once there was a boy who had a bad temper. One day, his father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence while chanting (repeating) God’s Name.
The boy carefully followed his father’s instructions and on the very first day, had driven 37 nails into the fence ! Over the next many weeks, every time he got angry he started chanting and went to hammer a nail into the fence, even though his anger made it difficult to drive the nail in steadily. After some time, the boy discovered that chanting made it easier for him to control his anger and hammer those nails into the fence properly.
Soon, he realised that he was chanting even when he was not angry. As his chanting increased, his anger started to reduce and so did the number of nails hammered into the fence. Finally, the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper unnecessarily and could chant peacefully for many hours a day, even while doing other activities.
He told his father about this and the father suggested that the boy should now pull out one nail from the fence for each day that he did not get angry. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
The father then took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, “You have done well, my son. Now look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. Many times, we do things with an incorrect attitude, like being angry, impatient, etc., without realising the result of our actions. We often hurt other people, physically or verbally, but do not realise that the wounds we cause are like the holes in the fence. They don’t go away by just saying ‘sorry’. So, always depend on chanting. It will help you remove any defects, just as it helped overcome your anger. That is the power of God’s Name.”
Moral : Defects of personality like anger, greed, jealousy, etc. cause harm not only to others, but also to oneself. Regular spiritual practice of chanting helps overcome such defects greatly and gives the experience of happiness and peace.
The boy who learned to control his anger - Short Moral stories
‪#‎Hinduism‬ ‪#‎Spirituality‬ ‪#‎Sanatan‬ ‪#‎Dharma‬ ‪#‎Chanting‬
------------------
‪#‎Moral‬ Story : Stay in control of your ‪#‎anger‬ ! Don’t let your anger control you
Once there was a boy who had a bad temper. One day, his father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence while chanting (repeating) God’s Name.
The boy carefully followed his father’s instructions and on the very first day, had driven 37 nails into the fence ! Over the next many weeks, every time he got angry he started chanting and went to hammer a nail into the fence, even though his anger made it difficult to drive the nail in steadily. After some time, the boy discovered that chanting made it easier for him to control his anger and hammer those nails into the fence properly.
Soon, he realised that he was chanting even when he was not angry. As his chanting increased, his anger started to reduce and so did the number of nails hammered into the fence. Finally, the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper unnecessarily and could chant peacefully for many hours a day, even while doing other activities.
He told his father about this and the father suggested that the boy should now pull out one nail from the fence for each day that he did not get angry. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
The father then took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, “You have done well, my son. Now look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. Many times, we do things with an incorrect attitude, like being angry, impatient, etc., without realising the result of our actions. We often hurt other people, physically or verbally, but do not realise that the wounds we cause are like the holes in the fence. They don’t go away by just saying ‘sorry’. So, always depend on chanting. It will help you remove any defects, just as it helped overcome your anger. That is the power of God’s Name.”
Moral : Defects of personality like anger, greed, jealousy, etc. cause harm not only to others, but also to oneself. Regular spiritual practice of chanting helps overcome such defects greatly and gives the experience of happiness and peace.
The boy who learned to control his anger - Short Moral stories
‪#‎Hinduism‬ ‪#‎Spirituality‬ ‪#‎Sanatan‬ ‪#‎Dharma‬ ‪#‎Chanting‬
Maya3
Well-Known Member
Don't feel bad... a "chain throw" could make a dead person lose their temper.
Fitting since I had morning coffee in my favorite mug that says: "Dead mans reach, so strong it wakes the dead"
Maya
Asha
Member
Dear ShivaFan
Firstly I must say you are not a monster, monsters do not even understand that they are wrong they just feel justified to do anything without giving a second thought.
You have realised your mistake, this is the first hurdle.
I am not a father but I can guess it is not allways easy, You have to do your duty and decide what is best for your children and their education,and of course teenagers being teenagers think 'BORING' and it causes family strife, and poor mother gets caught in the middle.
And children do whine it is there way of trying to get some one to take sides, poor mother, so you shout ''stop whining'' she says something stupid yust to get you off her back, and of course it is all your fault because you also shout at the telivision .
This is throwing the blame and you get frustrated and throw bangles
But it dosent need to happen and you dont need to feel bad, please use this situation to sit down with the family and sort out these tiny problems that all families have.
You want the Hindu answer, then it is your responcibility as father to make descisions and I am sure you discuss this with your wife because your daughter is your joint responcibility.
Once you make any descision you will of course tell your daughter why you have made this descision, if there are any real objections it can be discussed as a family. I am sure no one is unreasonable.
But once that discussion has been had there is no whining, no gentle getting at you for being un cool and boring, no winding you up or trying to get the support of mother, this is just putting mother in an uncomfortable position too.
So the Hindu answer is what is the Dharma of the father ? to make right descisions for the wellbeing of the family, What is the Dharma of the mother ? to support the father once those descisions have been agreed. And the Dharma of the Daughter is to respect the descisions of the elders (unless these descisions are totaly unreasonable, which this is not). so once everyone knows their Dharma there is no argument, no subtle manipulation. And you do not have to become frustrated or angry all you have to say is descision is made there is no arguement but of course you must discuss this with your wife she must be able to support you in descisions.
Because this has now happened it is time to sit down together as a family and discuss Dharma , and discuss that no one should put unfair presure on the other family members.
And I will pray for you to be strong firm and fair and never suffer frustration again
Sorrry my post is so long but I hope it will find you feeling better about everything
Jai Shree Krishna
Asha
Firstly I must say you are not a monster, monsters do not even understand that they are wrong they just feel justified to do anything without giving a second thought.
You have realised your mistake, this is the first hurdle.
I am not a father but I can guess it is not allways easy, You have to do your duty and decide what is best for your children and their education,and of course teenagers being teenagers think 'BORING' and it causes family strife, and poor mother gets caught in the middle.
And children do whine it is there way of trying to get some one to take sides, poor mother, so you shout ''stop whining'' she says something stupid yust to get you off her back, and of course it is all your fault because you also shout at the telivision .
This is throwing the blame and you get frustrated and throw bangles
But it dosent need to happen and you dont need to feel bad, please use this situation to sit down with the family and sort out these tiny problems that all families have.
You want the Hindu answer, then it is your responcibility as father to make descisions and I am sure you discuss this with your wife because your daughter is your joint responcibility.
Once you make any descision you will of course tell your daughter why you have made this descision, if there are any real objections it can be discussed as a family. I am sure no one is unreasonable.
But once that discussion has been had there is no whining, no gentle getting at you for being un cool and boring, no winding you up or trying to get the support of mother, this is just putting mother in an uncomfortable position too.
So the Hindu answer is what is the Dharma of the father ? to make right descisions for the wellbeing of the family, What is the Dharma of the mother ? to support the father once those descisions have been agreed. And the Dharma of the Daughter is to respect the descisions of the elders (unless these descisions are totaly unreasonable, which this is not). so once everyone knows their Dharma there is no argument, no subtle manipulation. And you do not have to become frustrated or angry all you have to say is descision is made there is no arguement
but of course you must discuss this with your wife she must be able to support you in descisions.Because this has now happened it is time to sit down together as a family and discuss Dharma , and discuss that no one should put unfair presure on the other family members.
And I will pray for you to be strong firm and fair and never suffer frustration again
Sorrry my post is so long but I hope it will find you feeling better about everything
Jai Shree Krishna
Asha
ShivaFan: After sadhana this AM, I have a few further thoughts. It's odd how my daily reading often fits discussions on here. Firstly, for the serious bhaktar, serious devotee, anger is totally unacceptable. The very fact you showed the degree of remorse you did indicates you know this already. However, this idea of it being unacceptable is contrary to the pop psychology of the west. They often say 'it's okay to get mad' but for us, since we want to be higher than that, it isn't. For the Hindu, one who is seriously seeking progression on the path, they look in the mirror, and say 'this is unacceptable ... PERIOD. It's no different than quitting smoking, quitting alcohol, etc. Any serious practitioner ever hoping to sustain successful inner states of mind has to also quit anger.
Anger is in the second chakra below the muladhara. It's an instinctive emotional response and any hope of kundalini rising up and above the muladhara is futile if we don't harness our anger.
For people who are under the guidance of a Satguru, and if they confess to the Satguru, he would most likely assign a penance of some sort. It might be kavadi for serious stuff like physically injuring another human, or it might be something as simple as skipping a meal. But the main idea with atonement penance is to impress the mind with the fact that 'This is unacceptable!" in no uncertain terms. Penances will do that for a person. But without the advice or benefit of a Satguru you can call up, an individual can give themselves a penance.
Another thing people do is have a 'curse jar' and each time they curse, or get mad, they put a dollar in the jar, later to be donated to a charity. (I once saw this in a pool hall. The jar was generally full.)
Now ... just who is this unacceptable to? Mainly just the angry individual. That's who it is that caused the anger. people who say ... "My spouse made me angry." etc, are putting the blame somewhere else, and in a sense, excusing their own behaviour. That is a false way of looking at it. It is you who got angry. Your emotions, your heart rate, your clenching of fist, your volume raised. Nobody else did that. So the responsibility is yours and yours alone. Of course wise people also don't go around pushing buttons just to make someone else angry. (But then teenagers aren't necessarily the wisest either.) Karma of the negative kind would occur if we did that.
Best wishes in the next few days.
Anger is in the second chakra below the muladhara. It's an instinctive emotional response and any hope of kundalini rising up and above the muladhara is futile if we don't harness our anger.
For people who are under the guidance of a Satguru, and if they confess to the Satguru, he would most likely assign a penance of some sort. It might be kavadi for serious stuff like physically injuring another human, or it might be something as simple as skipping a meal. But the main idea with atonement penance is to impress the mind with the fact that 'This is unacceptable!" in no uncertain terms. Penances will do that for a person. But without the advice or benefit of a Satguru you can call up, an individual can give themselves a penance.
Another thing people do is have a 'curse jar' and each time they curse, or get mad, they put a dollar in the jar, later to be donated to a charity. (I once saw this in a pool hall. The jar was generally full.)
Now ... just who is this unacceptable to? Mainly just the angry individual. That's who it is that caused the anger. people who say ... "My spouse made me angry." etc, are putting the blame somewhere else, and in a sense, excusing their own behaviour. That is a false way of looking at it. It is you who got angry. Your emotions, your heart rate, your clenching of fist, your volume raised. Nobody else did that. So the responsibility is yours and yours alone. Of course wise people also don't go around pushing buttons just to make someone else angry. (But then teenagers aren't necessarily the wisest either.) Karma of the negative kind would occur if we did that.
Best wishes in the next few days.
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Wow! Even more great advice!
I have a silver serving dish with a lid (looks early 1900s) I keep on top of the refrigerator I throw money in such a 5 dollars here and there for when I go to a temple or emergency run for grocery or water (the water here in California bay area is polluted in my area and undrinkable). But now that is my curse bowl.
Well, I went off to drive to the Delta to look at water, after dropping my forgiving daughter to school and my wife who is a sub teacher went on a field trip for school kids... but this drive was actually selfish if you think about it, and the Devatas would have none of it. I don't even get there when a "crisis" (totally unrelated to the incident or anything like that) happens such that I have to turn the car around and straight back home!
Don't want to go into details, nothing to do with wife or daughter, but obviously the Devatas are mad at me. So I think I will do penance. Firstly, I didn't send my monthly donation to the temple so I will double it this month (only).
I will take a purification bath, but first I will clean off the entire back patio because I have become too lazy. I will then paint or tile the patio and wash the chairs etc..
Then I will buy my wife and daughter flowers. You know what? Before my wife left for the field trip she said "my cheek is hurting, is it swelled up?". My God. Actually I am a monster. One bangle hit her cheek as I said. It wasn't metal, though.
Now I am home and will start right now. I think I see the true root of my anger. It is I am lazy, and Kumbakarna. I don't want to do chores or help others. I just want to nap and drink yogurt. This changes now.
Om Namah Sivaya
I have a silver serving dish with a lid (looks early 1900s) I keep on top of the refrigerator I throw money in such a 5 dollars here and there for when I go to a temple or emergency run for grocery or water (the water here in California bay area is polluted in my area and undrinkable). But now that is my curse bowl.
Well, I went off to drive to the Delta to look at water, after dropping my forgiving daughter to school and my wife who is a sub teacher went on a field trip for school kids... but this drive was actually selfish if you think about it, and the Devatas would have none of it. I don't even get there when a "crisis" (totally unrelated to the incident or anything like that) happens such that I have to turn the car around and straight back home!
Don't want to go into details, nothing to do with wife or daughter, but obviously the Devatas are mad at me. So I think I will do penance. Firstly, I didn't send my monthly donation to the temple so I will double it this month (only).
I will take a purification bath, but first I will clean off the entire back patio because I have become too lazy. I will then paint or tile the patio and wash the chairs etc..
Then I will buy my wife and daughter flowers. You know what? Before my wife left for the field trip she said "my cheek is hurting, is it swelled up?". My God. Actually I am a monster. One bangle hit her cheek as I said. It wasn't metal, though.
Now I am home and will start right now. I think I see the true root of my anger. It is I am lazy, and Kumbakarna. I don't want to do chores or help others. I just want to nap and drink yogurt. This changes now.
Om Namah Sivaya